There is loud chattering at the cafeteria where Yoona has decided to sit while waiting for her boyfriend to show his presence. One group of males have been giving her creepy, flirting stare ever since she took her seat, and now Yoona is struggling hard to ignore their existence, pretending she doesn’t notice anything. It is hard to be her usual, forward self when she is not at her own university, where unfortunately, her boyfriend doesn’t attend.

Yoona already finds it suffocating there when she finally sees her boyfriend. Taecyeon walks confidently towards her; his height and built figure quickly draws attention of the people around and Yoona can feel a jolt of pleasant proud as she watches him, lips curved up into a happy smile. It is not until some times does she realize that Taecyeon is not alone. Yoona stares, with a sting of jealousy, at the pretty girl walking at his side. Her, Tiffany; Yoona’s best friend.

“You are together?” she asks when they arrived and Taecyeon took a seat beside her, while Tiffany, across. Both of them look startled at the question, but Taecyeon is fast to compose himself. He takes his ice tea, the one Yoona had already ordered for him, and sips it slowly.

“We happened to meet in front of the building.” he explains. Yoona simply nods at the predictable answer. What was she hoping anyway?

“You should have told me if you were coming!” Tiffany nags, but her charming eye-smile gives her away. She is not one who would get mad easily, and Yoona is an even more special case. Yoona can’t remember whether Tiffany ever felt mad at her. She always smiles. When Yoona told Tiffany that she lost the novel she brought from her, Tiffany would only roll her eyes jokingly and then smile. Even when Yoona told her that she finally had a boyfriend, which just happened to be Taecyeon, the person Tiffany once had a crush for, Tiffany only congratulated her and smiled; that sincere smile again.

Sometimes Yoona wonders if Tiffany’s kindness to her has spoilt her completely. Having a person like Taecyeon as a boyfriend is not helping either since he always acts defeatist and brotherly towards her.

Yes, almost as if Yoona was his sister.

“I don’t know you have a class today.” Yoona shrugs.

Lies. She knows exactly that Tiffany has a class that day, but she chose to not invite her anyway. Why would she? When all she does every time Tiffany and Taecyeon together around her is being on her edge. She glances at Taecyeon; the boyfriend she dears so much; and then to Tiffany, the best friend she really values.

She really loves them, honestly. She enjoys being around them.

But having them together at the same time and same place is a totally different case, and Yoona hates it with all her heart how she would feel uneasy even though Taecyeon is her boyfriend; already hers.

And she ponders until when she would keep feeling like that if she couldn’t handle throwing any of them away from her life.

¨°o.O O.o°¨

Yoona has never forgotten Tiffany’s letter, the one Tiffany entrusted to her to give to Taecyeon on his graduation. As she didn’t get any response, Tiffany had believed that she was, indeed, rejected, and chose to move on.

But Yoona knows the best that moving on doesn’t mean that Tiffany has erased all her feelings. She still loves Taecyeon; probably even deeper by now. Yoona had chosen to pretend that she didn’t realize, because she believes that ignorance works better for them all; that everything would be fine as long as everyone pretends that it really was.

Yoona never realized how naïve she was.

Because in the end, no matter how hard she tries to pretend, deep down she still knows, and the anxiety remains. And when Tiffany went to the same university with Taecyeon while she was alone in the different university, Yoona couldn’t help to be anxious. She was afraid that Tiffany and Taecyeon would create a whole new world together with her as not a part of it. She was sure she would be left behind.

Yoona stares at Taecyeon’s bright face as he chats with Tiffany about their ridiculously grumpy professor, and she can just hope she could disappear into a hole.

And she wonders how much of that torture her heart would be able to handle.

¨°o.O O.o°¨

The car seems to move really slowly as Yoona continues being deep in her thought. Taecyeon just dropped Tiffany at her house, and now moving towards Yoona’s.

The journey home is quiet, and Yoona wonders whether Taecyeon realizes the tense atmosphere or not. It is never easy to guess what is in Taecyeon’s mind. Even after Taecyeon accepted her as his girlfriend, Yoona has never upgraded her ability to see what Taecyeon really feels. No, she actually can.

But the judgment has always been clouded by her own thought; her hopeful thinking.

Yoona knows, but she continues doing it anyway. Because being truth to the fact is apparently harder than lying to herself.

 So Yoona chooses to pretend. Continuing the foolish lie which she realizes, would not be able to last forever.

¨°o.O O.o°¨

Yoona, could you please give this letter to Taecyeon?

Yoona remembers Tiffany’s eyes were sparkled with love and hope as she handed the letter to Yoona; a simple pink envelope with Taecyeon’s name on it. Yoona had nodded; a grim smile on her face. She couldn’t quite understand why Tiffany couldn’t give the letter straightly to him. His feeling was obvious anyway.

Tiffany was waiting anxiously for her news as Yoona walked towards him; the envelope was in her hand. She remembers how her steps became weaker in each steps and the hand which clutching the letter wet with sweat. She still can picture the smile on Taecyeon’s face as he saw her coming; an affectionate smile he always reserved for her.

And as Yoona walked closer, she couldn’t chase away the pictures of Taecyeon’s expression every time Tiffany was around. That intense, yet warm gaze Tiffany always got; and which Yoona had never seen before from him. Her heart began to ached, and without her even realizing, her hand had moved; as if it had the mind on its own, and shoved the letter into her pocket.

Yoona stood, eye to eye with the guy she secretly loved. Her mind was blank, and she uttered the words without even thinking.

Would you go out with me?

¨°o.O O.o°¨

Of course, the answer didn’t come right away. Yoona knew what Taecyeon felt for her, and she predicted it. But that doesn’t mean that she gives up right away. And it was paid off.

Okay, let’s try to make it work, then.

It was Taecyeon’s word when he agreed to be her boyfriend. Nothing affectionate. No sign of love at all.

“Do you love me?” Yoona asks without her realizing. She can see that Taecyeon stiffened up at the question beside her before manages to collect himself again and smiles casually.

“What question is that?” he laughs. Yoona doesn’t laugh along. It has always been like that. No answers; he never gives her a straight answer. But what was Yoona hoping? Taecyeon never showed any hint of love at all. He just wanted to try. He still does until now.

And Yoona wonders how long more Taecyeon must take to stop trying as her boyfriend, and begin to really love her instead.

“Tiffany loves you, you know?” Yoona says with a flat tone, casting her gaze into the shade of scenery outside the car’s window. She doesn’t see his reaction, nor does she wish to see it at all. It is not until some times does Taecyeon finally answer; and Yoona can’t help to frown as she hears the tenseness in his voice.

“Don’t joke around.” he says. It is quiet again as Yoona clamps , trying to stop herself to say anything, to not get lead on her temporary emotion. But she does anyway.

“She wanted to give you a love letter when you graduated.” she tells him. The silence which follows the news is intense; almost painful. Yoona glances to see his expression for the first time. It is calm; the deep ocean of thought Yoona would never able to dive into.

“What are you talking about?” he asks again, this time with no laugh at all. Yoona bits her lips. She knows the consequences. She knows that Taecyeon might hate her if he knew the truth. All this time, even before Tiffany came into their life, she knows exactly that Taecyeon had always loved her. Maybe not the kind of love that she wants, but a love anyway.

And a sentence of truth might turn it all into pieces.

Yoona’s throat is clogged when she answers; each word she utters hurt so much.

“That silly girl,” she begins, stuttering. “Asked me to give the letter to you.” a drop of warm tears trickles down her cheeks, and Yoona realizes, eerily, that her lips begin to tremble really hard. She shoves her face onto her palms, trying to collect herself, wanting to chase the tears of guilt away.

Taecyeon keeps silent. And Yoona watches, with blurry eyes covered with tears, that his grip on the steering wheel has tighten, betraying his attention to appear uninfluenced. She wipes the tears from her face, and then speak; this time with a more stable voice.

“You liked each other.” she concludes, facing the blurry road with much more bravery, keeping her trembling hands close to her laps. “And I ruined it all.” another drop trickles on her cheek and suddenly the lump is back in . Yoona rubs her teary eyes in frustration, giving up on delivering the truth any further with a little bit more dignity. She throws her gaze outside the car window again and mumbles, as strong as she can.

“I’m really sorry.” her voice is weak; almost inaudible, and it feels like being swallowed into the silence which follows. Taecyeon is still not looking her way when the car already jolted into a stop. They arrive at her house.

But Yoona is sitting still; her hands are still in her laps, and she keeps her gaze down, like a kid waiting to be scolded.

Contrary with what Yoona expects him to react; Taecyeon put a soft smile and caresses her long silky hair. He bents down, and Yoona automatically shut her eyes, afraid that he might hit her out of fury. But as she opens her eyes, Taecyeon has already back on his seat; while her seatbelt is unbuckled.

Yoona knows she is supposed to be grateful. To be contented that all the people that close to her spoil her so much. But Yoona finds her face make a bitter smile indeed. Of course. What was she thinking? Never; not even once Taecyeon has mad at her. She always can get away with anything when it comes to Taecyeon or Tiffany.

Aren’t you angry to me? was her innocent question when Tiffany simply congratulated her for becoming a couple with Taecyeon. She expected a cold gaze; maybe some crude words that she believed she really deserved. But Tiffany had gazed at her with her usual warm smile and said, with no less sincerity than she has ever been before.

Why should I? You deserve your happiness.

¨°o.O O.o°¨

“Aren’t you angry to me?” Yoona finds herself repeating the question again, still not moving from her seat. Taecyeon is still with his warm gaze when he answers.

“Why should I? It’s all in the past.” he has assured her.

Yoona shuts her eyes in pain. She steals two years of time from two of the most important people in her life. If she had given him the letter; if she hadn’t lie, it wouldn’t be her sitting on the passenger seat next to Taecyeon. It would be Tiffany; pretty as ever, and Taecyeon wouldn’t need to feign a smile just to not hurt her heart. He would smile sincerely, grateful to only be by the side of his loved one.

But it’s not Tiffany on his side. It’s Yoona. And in the end they will always need to pretend, and all of that just because of Yoona’s foolish lie, two years ago, when she started to build the sand castle of love and lie inside her heart.

“You like her, don’t you?” Yoona says. She originally wanted her voice to sound as if it was nothing, but in the end her tone states otherwise. How nice would it be if it wasn’t Tiffany? That way Yoona wouldn’t have to feel so much guilt. She would be able to bear it all until Taecyeon gives his heart to her.

“It’s all in the past.” Taecyeon repeats again, this time with a faint smile. Yoona nods, can’t find a word to oppose his obvious lie at all. There is another silence until Yoona breaks it with a fake cheerful tone.

“Wait here for a bit, okay?” she pleads, and then heads out of the car without waiting for his answer. Taecyeon is still waiting outside, as she wishes, when Yoona comes out from her house. She approaches him, each steps feel lighter than the one before.

If she did the thing she was about to do, would the uneasiness in her heart gone? Would she no longer feel the pain in her chest?

Yoona has no idea.

But she will do it anyway. To do the thing she already delays for two years. To make things right again. To be a person who is rightful of love from those two most unselfish people in the world.

Yoona hands the letter to Taecyeon, the pink envelope she has kept all this time. Taecyeon’s name is still on it, along with Tiffany’s love and sincerity. And Yoona doesn’t wait. She stares straight into Taecyeon’s deep eyes which are now widened in surprise, and states bravely.

“Let’s break up.”

She built their relationship, her sand castle, based on lies and guilt. She kept building it inside her heart, believing that her one-sided love and pretence would be enough to keep it standing, to keep her love sailing. But in the end it is just waiting to be destroyed anyway; crashes down, slowly and painfully, as if paying off for what Yoona had done to keep it standing. All the lies and the guilt. And the painful heart of two people she stole the love from.

But it is all over. Finally, it has ended.

The pain and the relief in her chest which follow the plea are overwhelming, but Yoona doesn’t regret anything.

She finally does one thing right.

¨°o..o   THE END   o..o°¨

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I'm sorry for Taecyoon shippers (I'm one too), but hope you enjoyed reading anyway. ^^

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-hyo_jinki-