This is my December…

This is my time of the year…

This is my December…

This is all so clear…

In a cold snowy night of December, a man named Hye sung was standing in front of a café looking at delightful scene in front of him while murmuring the song slowly. Watching the fall of snow drops made him feel a little better and the exquisite feeling could curl his lips a little…just a little upward!

He took a deep breath, raising the palm of his hand to catch some snow from the sky and then continued the song with a voice full of despondency

This is my December…

This is my snow covered home….

This is my December…

This is me alone

And I…..

Suddenly a familiar sound behind him started to sing the rap part at the right moment

 

Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed..

 

Hye sung smiled bitterly and repeated again…

 

And I…

 

The man behind him came forward a step and continued…

 

Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that…

 

And I….

 

Just wish that I didn’t  feel like there was something I missed...

 

And I…..

Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that…

 

The man behind him ended the last sentence while wrapping his arms around Hye sung and putting his chin on his shoulder waiting for hearing  the rest of the song with the voice of his angel,

 

And I give it all away

Just to have somewhere to go to

Give it all away

To have someone to come home to

This is my December

These are my snow covered dreams

This is me pretending

This is all I need

 

Hye sung stopped singing and closed his eyes with a face full of pain…the pain of being held by him full of passion…full of love….

 

"Love….ah….this cursed love….I wish it did not exist at all! The love which had nothing….nothing but…but pain!"

Hye sung was drown in the ocean of his own thoughts.

The man tightened the hug and gave him a peck on his neck caused him come back to him self

- Hye sung a!.what’s wrong with you tonight? You look so weird! Tell me if something has happened to you….

Hye sung opened his eyes reluctantly. The vision in front of him was blurred…he was in the middle of a hard struggle with his tear drops…trying hard not to let them fall!

- Don’t worry Eric a….I’m ok!

He bit his lower lip in frustration…his trembling voice showed clearly that he was lying!

- It is so obvious that you are not telling the truth! When we were in the café with other members you even did not utter a single word! You were lost in your own thoughts….and now….you are standing under the snow singing this old and sad song…

-There is nothing Eric a... just remembered the song and wanted to sing it here under the snowy sky of December.

Eric looked at the side view of his friend’s face.

"So gloomy!"

- Hye sung a…

- Eric a….it might be late…you don’t want to go there? Hye sung tried to change the subject

- Where?

- Airport…

- Ah…I totally had forgotten about it…first let me bring you home…and then I’ll go and catch her.

- I can go home alone. Don’t worry about me…

- But it’s too late and besides….you have no car! Did you forget that you came here with my car?

- I know…but I can go with a taxi.

- I won’t let you do that. You know me well, right? Eric gave him a nice smile, then held his hand and pulled him toward his car!

Hye sung didn’t say anything else. They went toward Eric’s car, hand in hand. Eric opened the car’s door for him and he sat on the passenger seat.

Two men were seated in the car; they were on the way back home.

Hye sung opened the glove compartment and picked up one of his own CDs, then inserted it into the CD player.

Separate

Sifting through the wreckage

I can't concentrate

Searching for a message

In the fear and pain

Broken down and waiting

For the chance to feel alive

 

Now in my remains...

Are promises that never came...

Set the silence free...

To wash away the worst of me...

 

Eric took a glance at the man beside him. he had been closed his eyes and repeating the lyric of the song mutely with a sad expression!

 

Come apart

Falling in the cracks

Of every broken heart

Digging through the wreckage

Of your disregard

Sinking down and waiting

For the chance to feel alive

 

 

- Do you mind if I change the CD? Eric poked Hye sung with his finger

- Ah...Why?

- I want to listen to a happier song you know!

- Oh…ok ok….do whatever you want!

Hye sung turned his face toward the window in order to avoid the other man’s looks. Eric could see the reflection of his friend’s face on the glass.

"So desperate…"

 

 

You'll never be far, I'm keeping you near

Inside of my heart, you're here

Go on, it's gotta be time

You're starting to shine

 

'Cause what you got is

Gold, I know, you're gold

Gold, I know, I know

I don't need the stars in the night, I found my treasure

All I need is you by my side, so shine forever

Gold, I know, you're gold

Gold, I know, you're gold

 

- Do you like the song?

- No I don’t!

- Oh…then….you can change it if you want! Eric pouted.
 

- I like this song of this album more. Hye sung changed the song.

 

So if you're gonna go and leave me in a lonely grave

I won't let it show until you've finally flown away

 

You gotta know that you tear me up when you say

You wanna take it all away, take it all away

You tear me up when you say

You wanna take it all away, take it all away

 

You were the one and it was enough

To be the one you were dreaming of

You were the one and we called it love

And now you take it all away, take it all away

 

 

- Ah…again these kinds of songs... you will kill me tonight!

Hye sung glared at Eric angrily.Eric did not want to have a discussion with him, so he tried not to tell anything else and paid attention to driving.

Actually He was blaming himself for creating these kinds of depressing feelings in the man who he claimed he loved the most…he had to do something… he had to make it clear for hye sung that no one was going to make a gap between them…no one could make him fall in love twice…no one…no one….

- What are you saying?

Eric had been unconsciously told the last words loudly.

- Ah…

Eric turned his head and  looked at him.

- Hye sung a….I guess I know what’s wrong with y-...

Hye sung interrupted him with a cough

- Hye sung a….are you ok?

Hye sung continued to cough….Eric rubbed his back.

- Hye sung….are you ok???

- Yes….yes….E-Eric a…..I want to get out of the car…I… I…need to go somewhere…can you stop the car right now?

- W…what? You need to go? At this time? But it’s too dangerous for being out there in the midnight.

Hye sung (hardly trying not to cry) shouted at him:

- I’m not a child…stop the car!

- I know you are not a child…but you are the one I love the most in this world and I ….

- Don’t tell me that you love me the most…I think it’s better for both of us to end such an absurd relationship!

- Absurd? Absurd????? yah…Shin Hye sung! What the hell are you talking about? You are jealous of that girl who is waiting for me at the airport? Am I right? Huh?

Hye sung burst in to tears and said

- Eric a…stop the car…chebal….

- Ok ok….fool! Go where you want to go!

Eric slammed on the brake angrily and stopped the car.Hye sung jumped out of the car and shut the door closed.

"Let him go…let him go…".Eric said to himself madly!

- Aish…..i can’t….

Eric could not control himself. he came out of the car and rushed after Hye sung and seized him by the arm.

- Hye sung a….you are wrong…there is nothing serious between us! She is just my mom’s friend daughter who has come here to stay with me for a while…until she can find a job and-....

- And marry with you!( Hye sung shouted)I know why your mother has done such a thing…you don’t need to hide the truth from me!

Eric put his palm on Hye sung's shoulder and stopped him.

- I don’t know what’s going on inside my mom’s head…but I know one thing! That…that I lo-...

- Ya…Eric a…..

- Don’t interrupt me Hye sung a….you have to know that I love-...

Hye sung put his hand on Eric’s mouth

- Don’t say it again….please…let me forget how we used to tell that sentence to each other someday…I knew that one day I should let you go .you were never mine and me neither…a bitter truth that we denied for six years. But now this is the time to face the reality… whether it is tolerable or not…we both should experience this phase of life sooner or later…now… unfortunately it has happened to you to face it sooner than me and I…I have no complain about it…so…take advantage of this opportunity and try to build up a normal life for yourself… as the other men do…and….don’t worry about me dear….I’m stronger than you think…I will find my way…I will overcome this mental break down! I promise.

Hye sung tears were falling nonstop.he removed his hand and started to run as fast as possible and left his friend there…motionless….speechless…..with a lot of words to say!

He disappeared in the heart of darkness quick as a flash!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

The IPod was playing…

Hye sung ears were filled with the song…

The tear drops were falling…

 

I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake

Yeah, I was in the dark

I was falling hard

With an open heart

I'm wide awake

How did I read the stars so wrong?

 

It had been a long time since he was leaving Eric behind him and started roaming in the streets.The cold weather…the snowy sky…..his frozen body….none of them could stop hye sung from wandering in the streets aimlessly.

 

I wish I knew then

What I know now

Wouldn't dive in

Wouldn't bow down

Gravity hurts

You made it so sweet

'Til I woke up on

On the concrete

 

Falling from cloud nine

Crashing from the high

I'm letting go tonight

Yeah, I'm falling from cloud nine

 

The snow and the darkness had got thicker. He was shivering all over, but he could not stop himself.He stepped forward in the darkness…time to time he turned his head, looking back to find the shadow of him casting on the walls…to find him chasing him….but there was no one behind him.

"He does not come…..because….he shouldn’t come…and I don’t want him to come"

Surely he was deceiving himself! He needed him badly! he couldn’t continue without him….there was no meaning left in his life if he was supposed to erase all those sweet memories of being with him from his mind!

- impossible impossible….

he shook his head.There was no untried refuge left for a moment’s shelter from the terrible truth..

- Why? why? why should I have such a sorrowful fate?

He cried out loud

- Why….why….

The voice echoed in all over the empty street.

He kneeled down on the snow covered pavement and started to sob miserably…

After a while he raised his head and cleaned his teardrops with the back of his hands.The cry had relieved him from the first maddening pressure of the truth.

He stood up and took a glance around himself…

The snow was falling more and more heavily….but it could not cause him not notice where he was…

His heart had been brought him there

Eric had been confessed his love in that street…under that lamp post…and they had their first kiss. Hye sung sighed and looked at the lamp post hopelessly.

He saw Someone leaning against the lamp post covering its face with two hands…as if it was crying…!

Hye sung’s heart beat grew faster and faster.

He went nearer.

His heart was about to explode when he assured himself that the man was Eric.

He was repeating hyesung’s name over and over while crying hard loudly,the hands were still covering the face.

Hye sung went nearer in disbelief and stood in front of the man who was unaware of his presence.

"What the hell is he doing here?what about that poor girl at the airport?"

- Paboya…(he said in a low tone of wonderment while catching Eric’s hands)…What are you doing here?

He removed Eric’s hands from his face .

Eric stared at him with wet eyes and said with a voice shaken by agitation:

- I knew…..I knew you will come…I knew…

And rushed to hug Hye sung.

The man did not resist. He needed the flow of warmth coming from his friend…not to warm the frozen body…..but to melt his frozen soul’s ice.

The hug was becoming tighter and tighter…their hearts swelled with joy…

- Sorry Hye sung a… I should have not let you go….I should have convinced you about my feelings

Eric murmured in Hye sung ears.Hye sung rubbed his back

- I know all about your feelings…you don’t need to convince me…

For a long time they both stayed in the state of holding each other.Finally they decided to separate

- It’s time to go home

Said eric while giving hye sung a sweet gentle kiss on the lips

- But you didn’t tell me what happened to that girl…don’t tell me that you left her alone at the airport.

Hye sung glared at him

- Ah…I’m not cruel that much!!

Eric chuckled.

- I told him that it is not right for her to stay in the house of a man who has already a sweetheart. Misunderstanding may happen to the one I love! she accepted my excuse and let me bring her to the hotel…and I promised to find a proper job and a good place for her...  as soon as possible... and that was all…

Eric paused to take a breath,then continued

- The problem was solved easily. my poor mom! I think she failed.she should try harder next time.I won’t give up easily…you know!

He grinned and caressed his friend’s cheek.

- I’m not made for women!

Eric dropped a soft kiss on the head of the one he loved

- Don’t give up Hye sungie…never ever! keep holding on….forever...

- Sorry for being a weak person…I try to be stronger…I won’t give in…yeah…I won’t give in…

- Promise…

- I promise…

- Now let’s go… oh..look! the sun is rising...hurry up…ah…I’m dying to sleep in our warm bed….in your warm embrace…

Hye sung smiled

- Me too…I thought I would never sleep beside you once again!

- Fool!

Eric laughed out loud and took Hye sung hand and led him home.

- Wanna listen to a music?

Eric said while bringing out his IPod from his packet..

- Yeah…why not!

They both listened to the music through the pair of headphones

 

It's a wonderful feeling

When your heart starts believing

That you can't go back, can't go back

Can't back down now

Turn up your dreams a little louder

See the sun shining brighter

Don't you ever hold back

Never hold back from who you are now

You're gonna make it somehow

Come on and tear these walls down

You can find your way in these streets of gold

I hope you're on where you're almost there

So let's do it now

Go where we wanna go

We will find our way in the city lights (the city lights)

We can make it right

Shine in the afterglow

Here in the kaleidoscope, of the city lights

Our souls are on fire

in this land called desire

See we can't go back, can't go back

Can't go back now

We'll get through this somehow

Come on and tear these walls down

We'll find our way in these streets of gold

So let's do it now

Go where we wanna go

We'll find our way in the city lights (the city lights)

We can make it right

Shine in the afterglow

Here in the kaleidoscope, of the city lights...

THE END