death sets sail
death sets sail
» The Prologue «
Baekhyun remembered when he first met Luhan.
It was trivial, silly even, now that he looked back to the occasion. There was no reason for him to have been as flustered and upset as he was at the time. Okay, maybe public humiliation would kind of be a reason to be angry at the time, but nonetheless, it wasn't the elder's fault. Baekhyun and Luhan alike were just both in the wrong place at the wrong time.
The Korean was in a restaurant, he recalled, dressed in a fancy suit and waiting for his girlfriend to come and eat with him. They were drifting away from each other and he was trying to salvage their sinking relationship. Luhan was at the table right beside him, also dressed quite formally all the while mumbling to himself and fidgeting. He remembered thinking how 'strange the man sitting at the table beside him' was, but really didn't think much else of it. Until Luhan scooted over and nudged Baekhyun.
"Hey," he whispered in broken Korean, as if it wasn't his native language.
Baekhyun looked over at the foreigner cautiously, with a guarded expression. "What is it?" he asked, unsure of what the man wanted.
his lips, the beige-haired guy muttered to himself- in Chinese? Was he Chinese? "I need a little help," the man confessed, loosening the tie around his neck.
Help? What kind of help? Baekhyun voiced his opinion aloud, and the elder cleared his throat, as if he was self-conscious.
"I want to give my friend this ring," he murmured, pulling a velvet box out of the pocket of his slacks and fiddling with it.
As the at-the-time 18-year-old connected the words together, his eyes widened. "Wow, congratulations. You mean to your girlfriend?"
The Chinese man shook his head. "No, to my friend. We're not even dating."
"Then why-?"
"I love her, but she's dating another man. Someone who doesn't even care for her," the young man replied bitterly, his baby-like face expressing a look of displeasure and pain.
"Ah..." Baekhyun nodded. He couldn't think of proposing to his girlfriend while they were this young, but whatever floated this stranger's boat. "Wait, what did you need my help for?"
The young man hesitated. "I... I don't know how to say the words. To tell her."
"To... propose to her?" The stranger nodded.
Pursing his lips, Baekhyun said, "You say, 'will you marry me?' Those are the words in Korean."
"In Korean?" the man, looking slightly afraid as if he'd mess up, repeated after Baekhyun shakily. "'Will... you marry me?' Like that?"
Baekhyun nodded. "Exactly like that."
"Just kneel down and say, 'Will you marry me?'" he asked, as if he couldn't believe it was that simple.
"Yes, Mr...?"
The man stretched out a hand. "I'm Luhan. And you don't need 'Mr.'; I'm only 20 right now."
The younger nodded, shaking his hand. "Nice to meet you, Luhan hyung. I'm Byun Baekhyun, 18 years old."
Luhan gave Baekhyun a smile, and they conversed for a few minutes more, mainly so on what the older should do when his friend arrived, and Baekhyun ran Luhan through the steps just to ease Luhan's nerves. After they went through the steps, Luhan fidgeted even more.
"What's wrong?" Baekhyun asked his newfound friend.
"It's just... I'm so nervous," Luhan confessed, opening and closing the velvet box absentmindedly. "Here, I need to run through the steps again, but this time with actions."
Puzzled, Baekhyun was confused momentarily as Luhan got up from his chair. "What do you mean by 'this time with actions'...?" His question faded into astonished silence as Luhan kneeled down on one leg in front of him and opened the velvet case to display the engagement ring.
"Will... you marry me?" he asked, as sincerely as though Baekhyun was the one he was supposed to propose to.
With wide eyes, Baekhyun realized the restaurant went dead silent, and with a deep sinking feeling, he slowly looked around to see everyone's eyes on the two of them.
Silently, he swallowed, his mind in the middle of processing the blocks of information that was painfully traversing through his mind. "...wow." With a sigh, he cleared his throat, trying to calm himself as well as everyone else down as milling whispers started. "People, we're not really- he's not actually proposing to me- I- " he stammered.
And why wasn't Luhan standing up already? Why was he still kneeling? He wasn't serious, was he?
That's when he decided to look at the entrance to the restaurant, only to see his girlfriend standing there with agape. Eyes wide, Baekhyun stumbled towards her to explain away everything, and she just numbly shook her head and ran off.
Baekhyun remembered this night as the night he became single. Luhan remembered this night as the night he got a plate of japchae in the face before seeing Baekhyun storm out of the establishment.
--
The second time Baekhyun saw the Chinese fellow, it was just outside of the grocery store near his apartment on a Monday.
He was purchasing ramyun packs and more kimchi (what with now being girlfriend-less, no one can cook for him) as he wasn't exactly skilled in the art of cooking. The cashier rung up the total, the 18-year-old paid for it, and he walked right out of the store with his groceries and turned the corner to walk back to his home...
... only to bump right into a familiar-looking man dressed casually and listening to his music.
"Ah! I'm so sorry," Baekhyun bowed hastily before looking up and freezing. "It's fine... ah? Baekhyun?" Luhan took the earbuds out of his ears while a small smile appeared. "It's been a while!" he greeted, as if they were long-lost friends and he didn't have food thrown straight in his face the last time they saw each other. "It's been, what? Two weeks since you helped me?"
"Helped you?" Baekhyun gritted his teeth. "Thanks to you, my ex-girlfriend now thinks I'm a homoual that cheated behind her back and I was publicly embarrassed. I can't even set foot anywhere near that restaurant without someone recognizing me as 'that guy that was proposed to but ran off.' Help, my ." He tried edging past Luhan, but the older man blocked his path.
"No, wait..." Luhan sighed. "I'm sorry... I honestly didn't mean to do that to you."
Baekhyun gave a false smile. "Right." Before he could take another step, Luhan placed a hand on his forearm.
"Listen to me before you go!" A frustrated huff. "I'm not gay, I didn't mean for that to happen to you, and it cost me the girl I liked as well. Did you even think about how I might be affected by all this? Selfish Korean..."
The aforementioned young man made a face. "'Selfish Korean'? Yah, who decided to- "
"Let me walk you home." That one sentence made Baekhyun stop abruptly in the middle of speaking.
"Why? So you can stalk me?" he taunted.
Luhan gave a tiny, oh-so-tiny-and-barely-noticeable pout. "I'm not a stalker. And I'm not gay. I just feel bad about what happened and you're not even taking advantage of my selfless and kind offer?"
Baekhyun harrumphed. "For all I know, you could be an escaped convict. You could be in cahoots with some guy that hated me and wanted to get back at me for something I did. You could be... you could be..."
"I could be a very handsome med student trying to become an oncologist and at the moment living in a very snazzy apartment of my own. I could be a well-meaning citizen trying to help society in general and haven't ever gotten into something illegal. I could belong to one of the wealthiest families in China and could sue you for what you did to me in the restaurant before, but since I'm a good person, I've instead decided to help you out," Luhan rebutted smoothly.
There was a moment of silence. "You know all those fancy words and you don't know how to say the words 'will you marry me,'" Baekhyun mumbled before pulling his arm out of Luhan's grasp and walking past him. Luhan, knowing he won the argument, brightened up and quickly walked into place right next to the younger. Of course, they bickered for a bit as they walked back, and when Baekhyun got back to his apartment, he reluctantly said his thanks and goodbyes to Luhan before childishly making a face at the older and shutting the door in his face.
Luhan shook his head before walking straight across the hall to the adjoining apartment, fishing a key out of his pocket to unlock the door and muttering, "Strange guy," as he entered, completely forgetting why he went to the grocery store nearby in the first place.
That Wednesday morning, a shrill, horrified scream woke up the entire building as Baekhyun realized who else was staying on the same grounds as he was when Luhan cheerfully greeted him in the morning on his way to his job training.
--
By now, they've gotten used to seeing each other. They followed a routine, however weird it was to be called a routine. In the mornings, Luhan would say hello as he went to his on-the-job training as an intern just as Baekhyun exited his own place to go to school. At 5, the younger would return to the complex, and give or take two hours later, so would his hyung. On the weekends, Baekhyun, though cautiously, would either walk across the halls to see what Luhan was up to and join him or call up his childhood friend Oh Sehun to hang out with him. They've formed what would be a precarious alliance, friends, if you wanted to push it that far. Baekhyun didn't exactly trust the man after the humiliation he suffered, but that same man was who he unconsciously and automatically searched for in the building now, whether for help or just to talk. If Luhan wasn't there, he knew that his apartment life would definitely be different. Everyday was something new.
They talked about a lot of things. Since Luhan was becoming an oncologist, then what about Baekhyun? The latter was going to be a diagnostician and studying hard for an internship. Family? Luhan had a distant family, Baekhyun was loved by his parents and older brother of seven years. What about girlfriends? They both settled into an awkward silence at that and hastily agreed that there were some things that should be left unsaid. After learning of the important things, it dwindled down to trivial matters. Bibimbap or gimbap? Red or blue? Girls' Generation or A-Pink? It was definitely decided that EXO was their favorite band of all, and the Japanese comedic drama 'Samurai High School' was a personal favorite of both. Phone numbers and contact information was long-since exchanged, and Luhan offered to help Baekhyun with his studies more than once.
Of course, Baekhyun's pride didn't let the elder help him with anything.
Most of the time.
Time passed, and the 18-year-old turned 20, whilst his now-close friend was 22. They became brothers, in a sense, and the difficult-to-manage Byun-sshi opened up to his hyung. Getting an internship at Jaseng-Princeton Medical Teaching Institute in Seoul was easy despite his young age due to his diligence in his studies. The internship was quite hard to earn and he felt gratitude that he, out of the rest of the students in his class, received the placement at the renown hospital. Though he somewhat felt like wanting a hole in the ground to magically appear and swallow him up when, on the first day on the job, he saw a peppy Luhan waving at him energetically (Baekhyun then proceeded to turn and walk in the other direction, in hopes of finding a map that would help him navigate another path to Room A36, level 4). It's not that he didn't like his friend. It's just that he already saw him every day, seven days a week, and now he had an internship where Luhan would be one of the senior interns that got to boss the newer ones around.
And a Luhan in charge was somewhat a scary sight to behold.
Nevertheless, the dongsaeng got used to it. The two got closer than ever, even though Baekhyun tried to resist his hyung. Most of the time, if you ever tried to find one of them, you'd find both of them instead, Luhan possibly joking around good-naturedly and Baekhyun trying, in vain, to hide the smile that would tug at his lips.
It seemed as if everything was smooth sailing for the two of them, friends with many differences yet many similarities, and what with both being the brightest of all the interns there, it didn't look like it'd be long before one of them actually got a real job at the highly-established institute.
And then everything came spiraling down and crashed six months after Baekhyun turned 20.
» Part 1 «
It was declared an act of self medication to the court when the institute had to deem Baekhyun ready to work again or not. Though Baekhyun tried to tell the doctors off that day, being hospitalized in the same place where he worked, not one soul listened. Not one person cared for what he had to say other than Luhan, and the elder was worried sick for him.
He remembered standing in front of his bathroom mirror, eyes dulled, head throbbing, blood pounding. He remembered seeing red and flashes around him, flashes that caused him to stumble backwards into the walls surrounding him. It wasn't his fault, no, it definitely wasn't. It wasn't his fault for the pain in his leg. But it was just too... too much.
Groping blindly around for something, anything, that might dull his pain, he found an unopened prescription bottle of Lortab inside his medicine cabinet. Since when did he use Lortab? When did he ever make a prescription for the narcotic? The thought escaped him as he fumbled with the never-before-opened cap with clammy hands, opening it successfully after a matter of tries. The dull throb in his head picked up again as he forced down a few of the chalky-white tablets dry. Gripping the bottle, the pain in his left leg more manageable, his thoughts became clearer for just a bit, and in a bliss-like state due to the lack of what felt like World War III in his leg just moments before, one thought rang out.
Luhan.
He needed to tell Luhan to call the paramedics.
No, Luhan was a doctor, wasn't he? Couldn't he- ?
The world war in his leg returned with full force, along with the massive headache from earlier, and all sensible thoughts fleeted. All Baekhyun wanted was for the pain to stop. Cold dread settling into his stomach in contrast to the fire in his limb, he tilted the bottle back and swallowed a few more tablets. More couldn't hurt, right? Edging towards the apartment door, the world spinning before his eyes and his legs feeling like uncoordinated anvils, he shuffled painstakingly slowly to the exit.
No, wait, don't use the left leg. It hurts.
Cringing from the incredible ache that made his head pound even harder, Baekhyun forced himself to the door with a limp. With his free hand, he reached out shakily as he took small steps forward. Left. Right. Left. Right. A hand on the doorknob, and it slipped off. Was he sweating this badly before? Wiping his slick hand on his now-soaked t-shirt, he tried again to lift his heavy limb to the doorknob, place it on top of the knob, turn it, and open the door.
Opening the door with much difficulty, all there was left was to edge to Luhan's apartment just across the hallway. Left. Right. Left. Right. Along with the red lacing his vision, his eyesight was now becoming hazy. More tablets. Try to lessen the pain. Pain is bad.
Baekhyun didn't remember when he finally arrived at Luhan's door in what felt like an eternity sludging through hell, but he does remember Luhan's panicking face appearing in his vision, frantically mouthing something, a phone held to his ear and roughly shaking his shoulder. Every sense his body owned was dulled; even hearing, it seemed, was impaired. Other than the muffled voice of Luhan, he heard a ringing in his ears beginning to develop.
"...apartment room 419, and please hurry!" Luhan shouted into the phone, snapping it shut as soon as the operator told him that the medics were on their way. He desperately shook his friend's shoulders in an attempt to keep him conscious, noting the sweat-soaked shirt that clung to his body and his hands were-
Wait. What was that in his hand?
With shaky movements, Luhan pried Baekhyun's hand off of the object and stared in horror as he lifted up the empty prescription bottle of Lortab that was supposed to contain 30 tablets.
--
When he woke up in the hospital, an IV flowing from the hanging bag to his outstretched arm, Baekhyun didn't register where he was at first. The hell that was raging in his mind and leg was gone, but his throat was dry with unuse and his lips painfully chapped. Swallowing with much difficulty, he blinked several times before someone launched themselves at him with a screech of, "HE'S AWAKE!"
That yell resonated throughout his ears, possibly his skull in the process, and he grimaced as his tender head took a light beating, closing his eyes to try and annul the pain.
When he opened them again, he looked over at the person who released him with a beam, also the one that was causing such a ruckus. And then he froze.
It was his friend, Oh Sehun. Luhan was right behind him, worry knitting his eyebrows together, but every emotion Baekhyun felt at that moment rode on Sehun.
He remembered now. Sehun. Sehun was the cause of all his pain, of his suffering.
It started when Baekhyun introduced Sehun to Luhan. After all, he was a friend of both, so it'd be natural for the two of them to finally meet each other in person.
Sehun, of course, shied away from Luhan's easy-going self at first, but when they became friends, he naturally clung onto the elder of five years. In essence, the three of them became good friends, something that shouldn't be attainable with the concept of jealousy that should be evident in such a case as this. But it was done, and they were close.
Though it wasn't the possibility of hate that made Baekhyun tense aggressively. He knew they'd get along just fine, since it was in both of his friends' natures to be so open. No, it was the fact that Sehun and Luhan seemed to get closer and closer, even closer than Baekhyun with either one of them separately. Soon afterwards, he knew they were shutting him out. He caught Sehun texting Luhan once (since when did they even exchange numbers?), and when he asked his Chinese friend if he wanted to eat out, Luhan declined, saying he promised to go somewhere with Sehun. If Baekhyun didn't know any better, it'd seem that they were showing romantic interest in the other.
But he did know better, and he pushed that thought to the back of his mind, because the thought of Luhan being closer to anyone else other than Baekhyun made him growl. Was he supposed to be feeling this way? It didn't matter, anyway; he was just worried for a friend, right?
But then... what would he be worried about? Luhan wasn't gay, neither was Sehun, and Baekhyun was sure that he himself only liked girls and nothing else... so why was he so furious about the idea of Luhan and Sehun spending more time together?
"... and if Luhan hyung wasn't there, who knows what would've happened, hyung? I'm just so glad you're all right," Sehun softly commented, his words accentuated with an identifiable lisp and jolting Baekhyun out of his thoughts. He tugged Luhan right next to the hospital bed triumphantly, looking at the man and smiling. Luhan, with a concerned disposition, fussed over Baekhyun for a bit. But the 20-year-old man saw that faint glimmer of a smile that Luhan used to reserve for only him. Even when it came to the other interns at the institute, when it came to other people, Luhan didn't show them his smile.
But he showed Sehun that smile. Or, at least, smiled at Sehun's praise.
And that pissed Baekhyun off.
He vowed not to speak to the 'lovebirds' for the rest of the time he had to spend in that damn hospital bed.
--
It turned out that Baekhyun had an infarction in his left quadriceps muscle, one that was brought on by built-up stress (oh boy, he could guess where that stress came from). The doctors pumped out the excess amounts of Lortab he took, thankfully finding out that he hadn't become addicted in that short duration of time and the fact that the side effects didn't linger.
"So what do I have specifically?" Baekhyun once questioned the doctor overseeing his stay. "Thromboembolism?" he asked sarcastically. "Cholesterol embolism?"
The doctor gave him a look. "Arterial embolism, and if we hadn't received note of it earlier, it could've advanced and muscle death would've occurred. Be lucky you received treatment."
Luck. Was that all to it? It was luck that Luhan called 119 just in time. It was luck that he could still use his leg, could still walk.
A few days later, luck abandoned him as the doctors were forced to perform a risky surgery on his left leg due to the infarction advancing.
He never walked on his sole leg again without a cane.
And the pain, the pain that always accompanied it. It was enough to drive a man insane. But Baekhyun went through as much physical therapy as possible in the weeks to come afterwards, spending a much longer time in the hospital than expected, and he had a long talk with the dean of the institute about his excused absence. It was decided that Baekhyun would continue his studies, to his gratitude. By rule he should've been jobless by now, and had he not been so smart and well-liked, he would've been.
The pain made him a bit wittier, if you'd call it. He was still that happy-go-lucky and intelligent young man everyone knew him by, still that sass that Luhan knew him as when they first met, but at the same time... he wasn't. He'd changed from the entire ordeal, whether he wanted to or not.
--
Luhan was sorely worried for his friend. Baekhyun, still parading around with that cane and doing his intern duties, had been more melancholy than usual. Then again, since when was Byun Baekhyun ever melancholic?
That worried him a lot.
When he last spoke to Baekhyun, in the break room on a rainy day, he saw his friend peer out the window looking at the downpour and the sodden clouds that matched his mood, his cane resting against his thigh as he sat on the window's inner ledge with his right knee up to perch his chin onto, left leg dangling against the wall. It was their mini-intersession before getting back to work, an hour or two after lunch break ended, and Luhan was rambling on about a recent study he researched concerning the psychological effects of death. Hey, it was a bad topic to talk about, but anything to grace Baekhyun's features with a rare smile.
Baekhyun was pale, even more so then before, and this wasn't a natural paleness, either. It was a sickly shade of yellow and gray, if that was possible, and the now-21-year-old was laughing less and less. Oh, he wasn't snide, nor a bore or a pessimist like some would revert to in his situation. He was the same as always, just less spring in his step.
"And so, the research conducted showed just exactly how death affected the people when shown to be fear-inducing," Luhan had tittered, trying to evoke something, anything out of the quiet shell of his friend. "Most people feared death due to- "
"Death's not interesting."
That one sentence had made Luhan falter, a smile plastered onto his face. "Eh?"
Baekhyun had looked from the seemingly-interesting rain to his hyung, and Luhan was shocked at his face. His eyes, once holding fire in them, were now dull and almost lifeless. His cheeks were slightly sunken, not too much so that it'd be noticeable but enough for one to see if they looked closely. Was the pain that bad? He thought rehab was working for the younger.
"Death's not interesting," Baekhyun had repeated, and Luhan had detected the weariness evident in his voice. It now seemed as though the everyday Baekhyun everyone saw was just a façade, just a wall to hide behind while the true Baekhyun was showing himself right that moment, stoic, pained, possibly angry at the world. Who wouldn't be in his situation? "When you think about it," he had started, snapping Luhan out of his musings, "it doesn't make sense to be scared of death or to be scared if no one's by you when you're on your deathbed." The dark brown-haired young man had paused, turning to look out the window again. "Everybody dies alone."
And now, here he was, overhearing a heated conversation between Baekhyun and Sehun, hiding just behind the corner in a hallway of the institute like the coward he depicted himself as, other employees barely glancing at either one of them as they passed. Shameless, he scolded himself, but he was already engrossed in what his two friends were talking about.
"You're not yourself anymore, hyung," Sehun was pointing out with a small frown. "You're different."
Baekhyun gave a low, dry chuckle. "Was it that obvious?" he uttered in a quiet, yet sharp tone. "Funny, I couldn't tell." He held up his brown wooden cane to gesture past Sehun. "I have to get back to work now, Sehun-ah."
Sehun hesitated, then shook his head. "Hyung, maybe you need to take a break from your job."
"Sehun-ah, do you know what you're implying?" Baekhyun remarked. "To take a leave means to say goodbye to my internship forever. That cannot happen. The dean already gave me one more chance to keep this after..." After the accident. "I can't take any breaks from now on. Not until I finish my internship. I'm fine; just go home."
"But hyung- "
"Sehun, I'm fine! Just go home!" Baekhyun snapped.
Luhan's eyes widened. Never before had Baekhyun actually yelled at someone, nor had he ever been angry towards anyone. Not even that night when Luhan mock-proposed to Baekhyun had the younger been that angry.
Sehun apparently had the same thoughts, as he choked back the words he was going to say and stared at the elder with wide eyes. His Adam's apple bobbed, and he looked to the side, his eyes still enlarged. "Baekhyun hyung... what happened to you?"
The intern sighed, rubbing his eyes with his free hand, a smidgen of guilt showing on his face. "Life happened."
"Well..." the younger his lips. "You can do something about life. You can take control over it."
Baekhyun looked at the 18-year-old with sorrow, as if Sehun was still too innocent and young to fully comprehend or experience the difficulties of the world. "Life just happens. And that scared the hell out of me."
And with that, he hobbled off down the hall, brushing past his former friend as if nothing had happened.
--
A few weeks later, it seemed as though Luhan was trying to do something about Baekhyun's changed character, as he invited Baekhyun over to his place to have dinner.
How long has it been since dinner together? Baekhyun thought. A few months already? Nonetheless, right after work ended for the both of them, he went back to his apartment to shower, change into something nice, and then walk, or rather limp, straight over to his friend's. He rapped sharply on the door once, twice, then succumbed to a silence as he waited for the 23-year-old to get to the door.
Footsteps inside alerted Baekhyun, and he waited until a muffled voice behind the door rang out, "Password?"
Baekhyun sighed. "Hyung, just cut it out."
A pause, and then the golden-haired Chinese man unlocked the door and opened it, pouting at his junior. "You're no fun anymore. Come on in."
Dinner was strained. Conversation that used to flow so pleasantly and easily over cooked dishes of Chinese cuisines or ramyun were now tense and awkward. Luhan cleared his throat more than once to fill in the uneasy void of sound, glancing over at Baekhyun more than once while forking noodles into his mouth. It didn't fare any better after eating, when Luhan moved the dishes to the sink and Baekhyun, who once helped him do dishes, darkened at the fact that he was too dependent on his cane to help with anything anymore.
After the dishes were done, with Baekhyun still emotionless and sitting in his chair, Luhan pulled a chair up next to him and sat.
"So... what did you think of work today? The dean was really pushing us with those cases, huh?" Luhan tried weakly.
"Yeah."
"Did you... did you have any troubles with the patients in the clinic?"
"No."
"Oh. Was there any case that interested you specifically?"
"No."
The conversation went on like this for a few more minutes, the older getting increasingly frustrated with his friend's short one-word responses, until the lights above them popped and fizzled out, leaving them stranded in darkness.
"Damn it!" Baekhyun heard Luhan curse and get up, possibly to open the curtains for a light source. Yep; there he was, the moon now illuminating the room and his silhouette. And he was then going to complain to the tenant about the blackout right about... "Yeah, hello? This is Room 419. I don't know if anyone else has complained of a blackout, but I'm standing in the dark right now... really? Okay. Yeah, okay. Got it."
As Luhan was on the phone, Baekhyun inwardly smirked at knowing his friend so well, knowing for a fact that Sehun probably didn't know Luhan as well as he did, and got up silently, edging towards the door.
"Oh, and where are you going?" Luhan's annoyed voice bit through the dim room, the loud clack of the corded receiver heard as it was forcefully set back into its holder.
"Back," Baekhyun monotoned, already groping around for the door handle. "Nothing else to talk about here."
"No, no, no. There's plenty of things." The younger heard his hyung walking towards him, and he looked for the handle with more urgency. How hard was it to find the freaking door handle in the dark? A hand rested on his shoulder, and he was spun around to look Luhan face-to-face, the only light casting shadows on his features.
Baekhyun swallowed. "Like what?"
"Like why you've changed. Like why you're not the same Baekhyun that I knew before." Luhan's voice took on an anguished tone, and Baekhyun felt slightly guilty for making his friend worry this much for him.
Slightly.
He looked to the side, unable to look at the older in the face. "I'm in pain. And it changed me."
"Look at me Baekhyun." He didn't. "Baekhyun, look at me," Luhan enunciated, and that's when he did, albeit unwillingly. "You're not the only one out there who had something bad happen to them. But with help, with someone that you can lean on, the pain doesn't have to be so severe."
That cut into Baekhyun. Who did he have to help him? His family, though loving, was out of the question for something such as this, and Luhan... Luhan had Sehun to lean onto, and vice versa. Who was Luhan to tell him what to do with whom? Was he ever alone in the world? Was he in Baekhyun's situation at that moment?
Fuming, Baekhyun narrowed his eyes, finally stating everything he felt. "You think you can cure pain...? Life is pain!" he shouted, and Luhan flinched, taking his hand off of Baekhyun's shoulder. "I wake up every morning and I'm in pain! I go to work and I'm in pain!" the younger hissed, taking a step towards Luhan with every step the latter took backwards in surprise. "You know how many times I just wanted to give up?! How many times I thought of ending it?!"
It felt refreshing to actually rant about how he felt, to just tell someone that could listen to him. And it was obvious Luhan definitely had no idea about how his junior felt until now, as he was blinking rapidly to try and digest Baekhyun's outburst.
"Just because you feel alone in life, it doesn't mean you are," Luhan murmured.
"What would you know?" Baekhyun remarked, only to bite back his tongue at the last second. Stupid, stupid! It's not like he could just oh-so-casually make references to Sehun and what's happening between the two. Luhan would just dismiss it with any of his smooth words or preplanned excuses. He always did.
Luhan sighed. "I know that you have two friends that are right by you with every step you take, but you're refusing their help." Baekhyun rolled his eyes. Bull. "I know that, ever since the accident, you've had some sort of freakish nightmare that keeps on recurring, possibly about the accident," Luhan continued, and that made the former's eyes widen ever so slightly.
He never told anyone about his nightmares.
"I know that, because of the nightmares, you've been distancing yourself from us. You're basically refusing yourself solace and happiness, because you're scared that, if you're at peace, something else is going to come and it all up," Luhan faltered, then continued onto his final sentence. "You're afraid to be happy."
With that sentence, Baekhyun snapped his head towards Luhan. He knew there was an unidentifiable glint in his eyes, whether it be malice or softening up to his friend's dialogue, and it made the other person in the apartment extremely nervous. Luhan backed up slowly while the other advanced, right until he hit the wall with his back. And there was no way out unless he tried outrunning Baekhyun with his cane, in which the younger might whack him senseless with the blunt object in the end, if he tried.
Baekhyun continued walking until he was inches away from Luhan, able to see his own reflection in the other's dilating pupils. "Why do you care if I'm happy?" he whispered hoarsely, and suddenly, he was 18 years old again and not yet ready to take on the world, just a kid barely on the cusp of manhood that was already tired and defeated.
He continued to look straight at his reflection and, when he got no response, turned to leave for his own apartment. But his face was grabbed with two hands to turn and face Luhan and suddenly-
Whoa. What was happening? Baekhyun felt soft, warm lips on his, and it felt like his heart was going to explode with how fast it was racing, even more so than when he got the internship at the institute, even more so than seeing his family in what was a long time. The feeling was giddy and sugary and fireworks and wow. Everything was in a haze-like heavenly state of honey-glazed wonder, and he didn't even know why, since a normal person should be disgusted and break apart at this point in time, but he couldn't make himself do it. Luhan's eyes were already shut, which left Baekhyun with his wide-eyed expression looking at his hyung.
And there it was. That sense of relief, that feeling that everything was going to be all right no matter what happened. The last time he felt like this was before the accident happened, when he could walk properly.
But it ended too soon. Luhan's eyes fluttered open and, when he realized what he was doing, pushed Baekhyun away from him hastily. "I-I'm so sorry," the older stammered, wiping at his lips. "I-it- "
Baekhyun harshly grabbed the back of the other's head and pulled him to him, somewhat greedily. He allowed his eyes to close as he initiated the second kiss, the hand at the back of Luhan's head moving down to his neck to bring him closer, if possible. Almost no hesitation existed when Luhan kissed him back, their lips moving against the other's as Luhan wrapped his arms around Baekhyun's slim waist.
It wasn't supposed to feel right, doing this. Hell, there was a reason why society condemned guys loving guys in the first place. But it felt right. And at that moment in time, it didn't matter what was right or wrong to the world. What mattered was them.
When they finally broke the kiss, both lightly panting, Baekhyun let out a low chuckle, tracing Luhan's lips with his thumb. "So, you're not gay?"
--
It'd be lying to say they weren't close after that, Luhan supposed, and it was becoming impossibly hard to ignore the growing suspicions of Sehun and his colleagues at work. Every single time they passed one another, Baekhyun would give some sort of subtle message with his eyes that left the elder more or less blushing furiously. And how the man with a cane all of a sudden started smiling all over the place wasn't as concealed as he thought it was.
And the kiss. Luhan didn't know what made him start it. It was like every single wish he made on a shooting star ever since he met Baekhyun came true that night, and oh god he was an amazing kisser.
Which led back to the predicament at hand. If anyone found out about Luhan and Baekhyun, they'd both be kicked out of the hospital with no hesitation. And this was both of their dream jobs. Luhan overheard the dean saying about how if the two of them played their cards right, he could be the head of the department of oncology while Baekhyun could be the head of the department of diagnostic medicine. Along with the fact that social judgment would be definite if they got together, and that Baekhyun wouldn't have any money to afford an internship and Luhan would be officially disowned and therefore unable to pay for his and Baekhyun's internships, it was simply best that they ignore their insatiable and impending feelings for each other.
And that's what he told his junior when they met up in the break room alone.
"Excuse me?" Baekhyun's earlier smile was frozen on his face, a genuine smile that hadn't been seen by many for quite a while. Luhan felt guilty taking that away, but better an unsmiling Baekhyun with a job rather than a smiling Baekhyun on the streets, right?
"I-I said..." Luhan faltered, clearing his throat while staring directly into the mini whirlpool occurring in his coffee cup. "I just want us to be friends."
There was a pregnant pause, and it was so quiet for so long that Luhan looked up from his peculiar study of his coffee cup to glance over at Baekhyun.
The younger's jaw was set, his eyes steely. He looked over at Luhan. "That's the last thing I want us to be." With a bitter laugh, he cocked his head, slowly walking over, his cane making thuds as it hit the carpet forcefully. "Was I just a mistake you made that night? Something that you just wanted to try out? Maybe you were bi-curious?"
"What?" Luhan was baffled as to where his friend came up with that. "That's not- "
"Sure, let's just toy with the disabled person's feelings! No harm in that, right?" Baekhyun laughed, a strangled noise that tore Luhan's heart in half. "But it's okay. Byun-ah will forgive anyone and everyone, because no one gives a if he does anything otherwise."
Luhan felt tears come to his eyes. Was this how Baekhyun felt everyone was treating him? "Baek- "
"No, no, it's all right. It's totally fine that you weren't serious," Baekhyun choked out. "We all make mistakes." He leaned closer to Luhan threateningly. "Have fun with Sehun, I guess. You two look good together. Guess I was just the side-product of all this- "
Luhan pulled Baekhyun into another kiss on impulse, one that, judging from Baekhyun's tense posture that started to relax, made him forget why he was ranting in the first place. It was just as magical as the first two, and his senses were again overwhelmed with multiple sensations and oh god his lips were so ing soft. He wrapped his arms around Baekhyun's waist again, and Baekhyun's free hand got entangled into his hair, mussing it up, but he didn't care right then.
When they broke apart, his face was warm, and Baekhyun's face was flushed and his eyes shining, as if it gave him that same sugar high as it did to Luhan. They stared at each other, not caring if anyone saw them at that point, and Luhan uttered a single phrase that changed his life forever: "I love you."
Well, there goes the idea of just being friends.
--
Memories were flashing through Baekhyun's mind in the weeks to come. Whether they were good or bad, regardless they came. Flashes of instances just in the most unpredictable of times, as if he was slowly unraveling and something bad was going to occur and he couldn't do anything about them.
For example, there was that one time when Baekhyun was in the middle of diagnosing a patient, and something just triggered a memory of a hushed conversation he heard between Luhan and Huang Zitao, a colleague of Luhan's.
"...you know he has a problem," Tao was whispering urgently. "He needs to get some time off."
Luhan exhaled, placing his hands on his hips and looking at the floor. "You know that's not possible."
"Well, he has to fix his problem then. Or maybe you can."
What was this problem? Who were they talking about? Baekhyun strained to hear more, but Luhan uttered a final sentence.
"I can't fix his problem," he mustered. "I am his problem."
And then a couple nights after that incident, when Baekhyun created a wall around him again, and Luhan urged him to tell his feelings aloud. Pleading, persuading, until the younger snapped at him.
"You want to know how I feel?" Baekhyun gritted out, pushing Luhan against the wall harshly in the older's apartment. The older gasped out in pain quietly, hitting his lower back on the sharp edge of a painting jutting out. Immediately, guilt flooded throughout the brunet as he saw his friend wince and look up at him with his large eyes. His naturally large eyes that he'd grown to love. And they were watering up just a bit from the pain caused.
"I'm sorry," Luhan grounded out. "I'm sorry for ever asking."
Baekhyun closed his eyes tiredly, leaning against the slim body of the older lightly, as if to try and make up for the sudden pain. "No, no, no. Don't... feel hurt. Please don't."
His chin was lifted up and Luhan lightly pecked his lips, a silent message that, yes, he forgave him for the sudden pain. Baekhyun wrapped his free arm around the other's neck, kissing him again and initiating what would be a second, third, fourth, and fifth kiss standing against the wall.
Luhan cut off Baekhyun's next few attempts by placing soft kisses lining from his defined jaw to his neck, softly brushing the sensitive skin with his lips and bringing him into a hug. "I need you right by me," he whispered.
"I trust you," Baekhyun murmured back, hand clutching the back of the turtleneck Luhan wore that day, and Luhan knew how much weight was put on trust by Baekhyun; trust wasn't something to joke around with the diagnostics intern. Baekhyun could feel a smile come across Luhan's features as he continued to plant soft kisses along his neck, and he sighed, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry for being the most screwed-up person in this world."
» Part 2 «
Baekhyun thought everything bad was over. They officially got together that night, of course, not telling anyone per Luhan's requests, but it was the happiest moment in Baekhyun's life, it seemed. It was as though things would look up, and that his life wouldn't be a pile of anymore.
That didn't seem to be the case.
"You're an ," Luhan scoffed to a Baekhyun that was laughing hard after Luhan called him over for dinner, and then right over the dinner table proceeded to tell him of one of his most recent cases, one in which an elderly woman hit on him. An elderly woman that so happened to be one of Baekhyun's cases earlier that he 'accidentally' routed to Luhan after hearing of the elderly's for young, handsome foreign boys.
Of course, after much laughter, he asked his lover what else he had on his mind, as he knew by the uneasiness Luhan showed that there was something bothering him.
Luhan's face was overshadowed with something unknown, and it hit Baekhyun on how time was flying by just by seeing the older's maturing facial features. He was now 22 years of age, and Luhan 24. They were close to finishing up their internships and, if they were lucky, taking on real jobs at the institute.
"Baekyun... I-I..." The words falteringly coming out of Luhan's mouth snapped Baekhyun back to the present, and he answered with a dazed, "hmm?"
Luhan took a deep breath. "... I won't be here soon."
"... eh?" Baekhyun curiously remarked. What did Luhan mean by that? Was he joking around? "Luhan, what are you talking about?"
"Baekhyun... don't storm off when you hear me out, okay?" Luhan cleared his throat, straightening out his fork on the napkin it was resting on. "...Ihvcncr."
The younger smiled uncertainly and said, "I'm sorry, could you repeat that again?" Because although Luhan was talking speedily, Baekhyun heard one word that sent chills down his body.
The Chinese man his lips hesitantly. "I have cancer, Baekhyun," he confessed in a louder tone.
No words were exchanged as the words rang in the other's head, slowly but surely being digested. Cancer. Luhan had cancer. All of a sudden, he had cancer, when they were at their happiest ever since the first miserable event to occur in their lives.
"...w-what stage?" Baekhyun asked, his voice cracking at the end, and that was when tears threatened to leak out of his eyes. He took in a deep breath to try and control his emotions to no avail as he waited for his friend's answer.
"Stage two thymoma," Luhan quietly affirmed. "There are cures, but it might not entirely work."
A chuckle escaped Baekhyun's lips, and he wasn't sure if it was just him breaking down or what. "Isn't that ironic?" he questioned, his chuckles turning into laughs. "The intern trying to become an oncologist... has... has cancer!" he managed between laughs. "Isn't that funny?! The oncologist to-be has-has...!"
Yeah, he was breaking down, and the both of them knew it.
"It... it's just so funny!" the younger gasped out. "Oncology and cancer... isn't it ironic? It-it..." Tears were streaming down his cheeks now without him realizing it. And before he could wipe away the tears, he felt warmth press against him as Luhan sat next to him and held him, trying his best to comfort the younger in his arms. This is funny, too. The person with cancer is comforting his boyfriend, when it should be the other way around, Baekhyun thought. He clung onto Luhan's shirt, babbling nonsense as his tears soaked the material. And he stayed like that for a long time, crying into Luhan, away from judgmental eyes, shedding himself of his tough exterior for just that night.
--
It's been so long, Baekhyun thought mechanically. How long has it been?
When Luhan decided on treatment, it seemed as though some things were going to be all right. After all, thymoma had only a mortality rate of less than 10% with the cures. The chemotherapy sessions at first were harsh, but they were worth it compared to death, right? And it seemed the sessions would work after all; there were only a few rare cases where treatment didn't work.
Then Baekhyun found out that even if Luhan went through with treatment successfully, he could live at, with the most extensive cancer treatments available, one to three years.
Only one to three years added to Luhan's lifespan. He would inevitably die in the end.
Apparently Luhan realized this as well, because he told Baekhyun his choice to refuse treatment. And his lover more or less... didn't accept that.
"Luhan," Baekhyun grounded out. "You'll die if you don't get treatment for your cancer!"
"Baekhyun, I have no intention of spending the rest of my life in and out of hospitals," Luhan cooly replied while eating complimentary gelatin inside the institute on his bed.
The younger set his jaw before speaking again. "I won't let you just die. 'Cause I don't know what I'd do without you- " He had meant to say that last sentence softly, but Luhan looked up from his Jell-O and pointed a finger at him accusedly.
"No, no," Luhan interrupted him sharply. "Do not even discuss that when I'm around." The two had argued hotly over the older's decision to not get further treatment, drawing attention from neighboring patients, but the lovers could care less.
"Why do you need to negate everything?" Luhan bit out slowly and furiously, tears filling his eyes. That one sentence made Baekhyun angrily leave in a fit of rage, rage at that his best friend couldn't even see the benefits of treatment and therefore claimed he didn't need it. Didn't he understand? Without chemotherapy, Luhan would die.
And then, after Luhan was discharged and disappeared off to who-knows-where (he certainly wasn't at his job, missing all those days), Baekhyun found him huddling under a pile of blankets on the couch in the living room of his own apartment. The rain was pattering lightly against the curtain-drawn windows and all the lights were off, perfectly fitting the image of what Luhan felt at that moment: depressed and miserable.
"Luhan. You need to go back to the hospital." It wasn't a question, wasn't a statement. It was an order, and the Chinese man snuggled further into his blankets at the command.
"I don't want to go back, Baekhyun," Luhan feebly muttered. It was weak, but it resonanced throughout Baekhyun's body at how set Luhan didn't want aid.
The younger walked around the couch and ripped the first few layers of blankets off his friend, enough for Luhan's pale face to show underneath. "You know, you can't hide from it. You can't hide from hospitalization, you can't hide from misery, you have to go back. You owe me."
That last comment made Luhan look up at Baekhyun sharply, and even in the depressing light of the moment Baekhyun thought his love was adorable, even with sickly looking skin that didn't see the sun for a while other than through windows. "I don't owe you anything," his senior enunciated every word with much more fervor than the last time he spoke.
And suddenly, visions flew through Baekhyun's mind. Of Luhan paying for his lunches once the power of aegyo was used, of Luhan putting up with his behavior before and after the accident occured, of Luhan being his conscience and never getting angry, not once, when Baekhyun ate all of his brown bag lunches for a week. And then, Luhan calling the ambulance for him when he collapsed, though he was barely conscious at the time, Luhan sticking right by his hospital bed long after Sehun stopped his visits (he claimed it was because of school), Luhan still being his friend when no one else dared to befriend the supposed misanthrope with disabilities at work, Luhan sneaking kisses to him when he knew the other was feeling down.
Just what did Baekhyun do in return all these years?
Obviously Luhan didn't expect an answer, as he turned to face the couch and his back to Baekhyun. With an odd lump in his throat and his heart, the latter left stoically.
He didn't visit for a week after that.
And now, Baekhyun realized, ebbing out of his memories, that he really didn't do much back then for Luhan. He could've done better. He could've always done better.
To escape the harsh reality of his now-dark world, he slipped back into his memories again. To a month after Luhan got out of the hospital, when his honey-doe eyes were rimmed with dark bags and face haggard-looking, cancer now taking its toll on the young man's looks.
Baekhyun sat in Luhan's car with him, sitting in the driver's seat without a word, knuckles white against the wheel. Luhan was shivering in the seat next to him, blanket wrapped taut around his body. He had called his friend to drive him somewhere, saying that as soon as they got in the car he'd tell Baekhyun. And now they were sitting in the car for more than five minutes, and it was the middle of winter and snowfall was just piling up against the small Accord.
"... what are we doing here, Luhan?" the younger asked, not even bothering to get angry anymore. Anger never did anything good for him.
Silence met his question.
Baekhyun sighed and tried again. "You don't just have to accept this."
The air in the small car turned from uncomfortable to suffocating. "Yes, I do have to accept this," Luhan speedily spat out, eyes flashing with loneliness and frustration. "I have five months to live, and you are making me go through this alone!"
No, don't remember that, Baekhyun's mind told him, and he was violently brought out of that one memory. He robotically walked into his bathroom to wash his face free of all the tears that had accumulated on his face like salt deposits over the past few days, faintly noting that he had no mirror.
Then he remembered why.
Sehun had called him one night, pathetically begging for him to change Luhan's mind. "At least he can die with some sort of dignity, perhaps, once he spends the rest... doing what he wants to do," he finished feebly.
At Sehun's pleading request, Baekhyun just rolled his eyes. "He'll live with dignity. He can't die with it. And he said no."
"Hyung... Luhan may be your friend, but he's my friend, too. He means a lot to me, more than you'll ever know." That last part was barely spoken above a whisper. "Please, just try to convince him. I know after your accident, you've been clinging to him more than usual..." Oh right, no one else knew of their relationship yet. "...but he can't really replace your leg and the pain, you know."
Clenching his fists, he willed the anger away from him with much effort as he the padding of his cane. "Are you insinuating something?"
"I'm just saying... if you're not going to value all of him for who he is..." the younger hesitantly whispered, his words lisp-infected. "He cares for you a lot, and if you wanted him twisted around your finger he could be."
It took some thought to think about what he wanted to say to Sehun without sounding too harsh. "Luhan's not a consolation prize," he finally decided, glaring at the bathroom wall as if it was at fault. He hung up abruptly, letting his hand flop to his side while grasping the phone, staring at himself in the mirror. Then, he turned and he tossed the cell phone carelessly on his bed, before turning back to his reflection and ripping it off the walls, tearing through what he believed in and what he felt all with one swift movement. Baekhyun, with the bathroom mirror in his hands, threw it as hard as he could on the floor with a yell, though he didn't know whether it was a yell of anguish or something else. The glass fractured against the cold tiled floors, glittering in the dim fluorescent lights via lightbulbs, and he sunk to his knees, a metaphorical hand trying to squeeze his heart until it seized to beat.
As Baekhyun drifted out of the flashback, scrubbing his face raw with the tap water, he sighed. That mirror took him a while to clean, and the police had visited him because one of the neighboring apartments heard the shattering.
Then, like all the other days, he recalled the last time he saw Luhan in grief.
And immediately, Baekhyun was transported to a neighborhood with pelting rain, stray dogs whimpering hungrily in the alleys, and him clutching Luhan's cold rain-slicken hands after he dragged the both of them into some unknown house that was for sale, the keys hidden in the mail box. Hey, anywhere was better than the rain.
Luhan looked even worse for wear, as this was half a month after the confrontation in the car. His beige hair clung to his forehead, chapped lips were painfully evident, and goosebumps rose on his skin where rain made contact. In this case, everywhere.
"Damn it, Luhan, who goes walking around in this weather?!" Baekhyun shouted, water dripping down his face and clothing.
"I just... I just needed to go, Baekhyun."
"Go where?!"
"Somewhere!"
Pulling his hyung's hands closer to him, Baekhyun asked, in a low and pained voice, "So what will make you stay with me?"
"I need a friend," Luhan coughed out. "I need to know that you're there by me. Right by me. Remember... from earlier?" he cracked a weak smile, as if everything was just like when they first met.
Baekhyun felt his eyes prick again, that wetness mingling with the rest of the liquid on his face. "Yeah. I remember." It was that night when he declared his trust that he invested into his friend.
"I need you to tell me my life was worthwhile," Luhan hoarsely said. "I need you to tell me you love me."
"Luhan..." The younger had to choke back a sob at how pitiful his friend looked at the moment. "I have to call an ambulance. This has gone too far- "
Luhan panicked, wriggling around, tears already staining his face. "No! Stop!" he shouted as Baekhyun reached for his cell phone. "I'd rather die here. Not in the ambulance." His voice cracked pitifully as he shook his head, his eyes scrunched up in sorrow. "Promise me. Don't make me- you won't do that for me- "
Baekhyun hushed him by leaning forward until their foreheads touched. "No, no, I..." A thick swallow. "I won't."
Luhan looked up at him with wide eyes. "You... you won't?" A shake of the head. "Why not?"
The sound of rain clattering against the windows, a sound familar to the both, was heard as Baekhyun formulated his response. "Cause if you die, I'm alone," he answered, his lower lip trembling. "And I want to make the most of the time we have together."
They sat in comforting silence, Baekhyun rocking his hyung back and forth as he tried to comfort him like the time that Luhan did it. The older clung to his soaked shirt and shifted closer, as if to try and escape the world.
And just for that night, they did.
Baekhyun looked at the sink in the bathroom again as he left the hypermnesia, eyes open as he made his way to his bed, one that didn't seem very inviting with all the sodden memories on hand.
He closed his eyes as he thought to what Luhan and he did before his friend's death. They traveled the country in Luhan's convertible he had bought to celebrate the last few months of his life, both of them already quitting their jobs, the wind blowing through their hair and ears as hard as it could. He had asked Luhan what they would do when the cancer got bad, but Luhan just waved away his worries with a hand and said, "We'll get through this together."
No. They did get through it together, all the way until the end.
...
I can't sleep, Baekhyun decided, getting up and changing out of his pajamas into what would be suitable to go outside with.
Byun Baekhyun, jobless but getting along fine with the rent and bills due to Luhan's family somehow graciously pitching in last minute after hearing of their son's condition. Aged 24, pale but handsome, single. He got up at what was 4:00 in the morning and it was currently September, fall season.
Grabbing his phone, wallet, cane, and keys, he stepped out of the apartment with a stony expression on his face, locking it and careful to avoid looking at Luhan's now-vacant apartment. Entering the elevators to go to the lobby, he pressed the 'L' button and waited patiently to descend before exiting the elevators and the building. Striding to his car, he unlocked it with a chirp and opened the door, sliding behind the wheel and sticking the cane between his seat and the pedals. Closing the door, he started the engine and navigated his way out of the parking lot and onto the road, one place in mind.
Well, two, he realized as he made a short detour to a 24-hour grocery store, buying a bundle of colchicum wrapped in green-tinted plastic. Yeah, wouldn't be considered appropriate with where he was going with them, but they were in stock and pretty. Getting back into his car, he drove to his destination, parking and going the rest of the way by foot.
Entering a near-barren field, he walked amongst the rows filled with stones until he saw the one stone he had in mind.
He sat down cross-legged on the bricked pathway in front of the freshly cleaned tombstone, setting the fresh flowers down. He'd just visited this spot last week and had cleaned the tombstone free of the grime it accumulated, but something urged him to go again that day.
Clearing his throat, he tried his best to smile at the grave. "Hey, hyung. It's been a week, but I missed you so much I came back." No response. "Yeah, I know it's unhealthy to visit you so much, stop nagging. Your dad paid me a visit yesterday, you know. I already told you both our families were okay that we were with each other, but I just wanted to assure that fact. He said I could... I could call him... father-in-law... because that's what you might've liked before..." Baekhyun paused, recollecting his thoughts, before contnuing. "I thought about what happened when I caught you in the rain. I always do. And I wonder, if I'd been different, you might be here now.
"I haven't gone back to the institute since you left. I can't. For one, they'd kick me out just for skipping out on all those days..." He let out a short laugh as he continued to speak to the gravestone, unaware of anything else around him. He continued talking, like he always did, until the sun was up, getting up to his feet with the cane in hand and shuffling out of the cemetary.
Baekhyun didn't expect some sort of wind to be Luhan's voice to him from heaven, or a whisper of some sorts in his ear before he left, but a few images popped up into his head before he left, making a small smile appear on his face.
Their first kiss. Luhan's declaration to him. How they met. Working together. The looks, the gestures, the touches.
Looking up at the cloudless sky, Baekhyun strode back to his car with purpose, cane supporting his gait.
♦ author's corner"
omg what is this i am so so so so sorry.
i wanted to update on the 21st, then i got busy, so i pushed it to christmas, then new year's eve, and then yeah.
this is a sad excuse for a story, but in all retrospect, i wanted to finish this story as soon as possible.
i had no idea where i was going with this, and the plot strayed from what i originally intended for it.
my thoughts were so frizzled so that's why it skips sections and rewinds and confusing inception .
adding on the fact that i was really busy over the break and getting sick, yeah. i'm sorry.
i'm sorry for the fail ending. and for the kisses.
should i make an alt. ending? probably not, yes? whatever. thank you to the seven subs. i love you guise.
update: finished recoding everything to make it readable.
there are now more than seven of you and i just have to ask - why. this wasn't even good quality.
man i love all of you guys.
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