Deny
Until I Die
"What do you exactly like about me Tiff?"
"Everything."
"Were you gay?"
"I wasn't."
"Until you met me?"
"That's about right."
".... I don't know what to say."
"I love you more than anything else in this world Jessi."
"Unnie, Mom and Dad will be here in about an hour, I reserved a table for us at the restaurant upstairs. Do you have anything to buy here?"
I flip a page from the book I'm reading, me and Krystal at a bookstore in a big mall where she dragged me to visit.
"No, do you?" I asked before closing the book and place to the rack where I took it from.
"Nope, I saw a boutique near elevator there, probably new. Let's go unnie."
"Jessica-ssi..."
I stop walking in front of the building where I work and turn my head following the voice that calling my name. A guy running towards me with his smile showing his perfect set of teeth.
"Owh hi, Taecyeon-ssi." I greeted him with a smile trying to be polite.
"I see you leave early today, where are you going?" He asked while catching his breath.
"Yeah, I promised going home early today." I said honestly.
"To whom? Your family?" I understand he means family as in my parents since I've never told anyone I have my own family anyway.
"Um, yeah..." I didn't lie. My wife is part of my family too.
"Do you always prefer walking like this everyday?"
"I live just a few blocks away from here, it doesn't take too long walking. I will take bus sometimes."
"Allow me to drive you home then, my car's over there. C'mon..."
He runs to his car without listening my rejection.
"Jessica-ssi, if you don't mind me asking, is that a wedding ring?" he asked without looking at me trying to sound casual though a few times i caught him stealing glances from rearview mirror. His curiosity is killing him.
I thought of how to give an answer if someone might ask me about it. Should i tell them? Should i not? The fact that this country is too much of conservatives makes me doubt they will easily accept it, that's why i always take off my wedding ring when i'm in my office. Today is just my sometimes where I forget things. I was glad they didn't notice the ring before.
But i don't lie either.
"It is." I admitted finally, in a serious tone.
"Are you serious?" There was a pause a few seconds before he asked.
"Do I look like I'm kidding?" I smiled.
"I... I didn't know you're already married. I hadn't seen the ring before." I could hear how he tries not to sound too disappointed. "How long have you been married by the way?"
"A year and a half."
"I see, you joined our team just ten months ago, that's why we didn't know. You never let us know either." He said as the matter of fact. "He's a lucky guy, you should let us meet him sometimes, i don't want to be the only one here you know, all the guys in the office should be disappointed just like i am right now."
"Which is why I prefer to not talk, unless someone ask me about it."
It wasn't a joke, but he laughs as it really was.
"That's so kind of you Jessica-ssi, but they should know. You're the most beautiful girl i've ever seen, no one could ever deny that. We just wanted to get to know you better."
"But still Taecyeon-ssi, i would greatly appreciate if you say nothing about this to others."
"I don't mean to intrude your privacy but... mind telling me why..."
"There's my house, you can just pull over here." I cut suddenly while pointing at the house with yellow gate, silently wishing the conversation doesn't go further, or i will have to tell him the truth.
"Thanks for the ride Taecyeon-ssi." I smiled before getting out of the car.
"No problem Jessica-ssi, i'll see you tomorrow... And happy birthday."
"How.. how did you know?"
"You forgot a lot of things today. I'm your manager Jessica-ssi, of course I know. You're so happy that you even forgot to hide your ring too."
"Th.. thanks." I bowed, dugging my head down to hide my embarrassment.
"Just go ahead, your husband must be waiting for you? And don't worry, your secret is safe with me."
"Thanks again Taecyeon-ssi, bye." I smiled before waving my hand. Maybe I was worried too much.
I turn around unlocking my gate after his car is out of sight, stepping to front yard and look into the garage, it is something i always do when i get back from outside.
Tiffany's car isn't here. Am I too early?
She asked if i could possibly get home earlier today and told that she had a surprise waiting for me since it was my birthday. It's my second time sharing birthday together with her. I promised myself to treat her like a sister or a bestfriend if i couldn't love her like the way she does, and i'm glad everything went well after a year and a half living together. Never once we argued on anything. She never refused me.
She made me feel like a spoilt princess sometimes. Countless of times where i always depend on her if i couldn't make decision. Countless of times where i wait for her coming back home at nights before i sleep. Countless of times where I would miss her in my business trips. Countless of times where i would stare at her killer eye smile without me even realizing it. Countless of times where i found myself standing at her door just wanted to see a glimpse of her....
I wonder...
When did I start being like this?
I insert the key to open the door, and change my heels to slippers before i get in to the living room. I'm about to turn the lights on but suddenly something has caught my eyes. A cake with candles on the table and Tiffany stood right behind it singing a birthday song to me...
Close your eyes babe
Listen to the melody
Anything you want my sweet
Just ask me
It's the day for us to share
So leave your problems outta' here
It's right here in me
And make this day history...
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday Jessica
Happy birthday to you..
I live with her a year and a half long but it's my first time to know this side of her, she sings so well. I didn't know a low and husky voice can bring a tune beautifully without music, with a dark room only candle lights and a few of ivory tinted from afternoon sun peeking through the windows filtered by semi transparent curtains as well as the quiet environment, they fit the atmosphere perfectly.
"Happy birthday Jessica." She greeted me still with a breathtaking eye smile.
She makes me feel this special but I couldn't let her see this overwhelming feelings inside. It's a way to protect myself from the person who once broke me down. I told myself she was obsessed, i've never believed her love. It was not love.
"Thank you.. Tiff."
She carries the cake with both of her hands, it doesn't look perfect, obviously someone who is not a pro made it but i can see her sweat and blood went into this cake.
"You made this?"
"I did, make a wish before blowing the candles Jessi."
And I did as she told with a smile.
"You spent your birthday with tears last year, I'm so glad to see your smile today Jessica."
I don't know if I'm imagining things, but the look in her eyes is not as happy as her smile.
"Can I hug you?"
I was stunned at her sudden request, it's a shame she has to ask for a hug with her own wife. I didn't say anything instead I just look at her deep brown eyes.
"It's okay if I can't.. I... I just... I'm going to cut this cake in kitchen, you just wait here, i'll be back in a minute." She walks away quickly without looking at me. Countless of times she did this, it's the way she tries to hide her tears.
What have I done?
It was not love, I didn't want to believe her love even after everything she did for me but I still try to deny it.
Again my stubborn self gets the better of me hurting both of us even more.
Countless of times where I have to remind myself that i shouldn't like her. Countless of times my heart's shattered seeing the hurtful look on her face everytime I turn her down.
TBC
A/N : Hi to all my readers, I was surprised seeing lots of subscibers to this fic and I can't thank you enough. My apologies for the late update, I was preparing my exam and hope for a better grade. I'm just a 17 years old student and i'll be glad if you can understand. Also if you don't mind there probably was grammatical error in my fic since english isn't my first language or the story isn't as good as you thought but i'll try to do my best.
And don't forget to leave a comment! I love reading all your comments.
See you in the next update!!
PS : I mixed part of Destiny's Child's song and Happy Birthday, it's lame I know, but I always imagine Tiffany's voice singing this for me... Lol.
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