I reached my hand to the top of the cupboard and took the album. It was dusty and old. It’s been years. Around ten I thought. I never forgot him.  I opened the album slowly and saw the first picture. It was me and him on our cousin’s wedding. He was wearing a cute black tuxedo and I wore a little white dress. We both smiled, gay and free.

I missed him. His voice, his laugh, his silly jokes, his music… he is gone. I’m alone now. He used to say he would always be there whenever I need him. He didn’t keep his promise of course. He was just a 10 year-old boy who knew nothing. Just like me-I believed in him instead. I loved him. That’s why.

I paced to the grand window. Looking down the garden outside. Roses’ scents sneaked into my nostrils as no other perfume could ever smell this sweet. I put the album on my chest. Close to my beating heart. If I could ask him now, “heard that? It’s yours.” I’m forever attached to you.

I read your diary last night. You wrote about me a lot. I never thought that you were so in love with me. Now I knew why you want me to take care of the garden you made. Because I love roses. You made that garden when you were 12. I was 10. Months before my birthday, you asked your mama to buy rose seeds, fertilizers, plant hormones…. You were so smart. You took good care of that garden carefully. I was so touched. And during spring, it was my birthday. That was the most beautiful present I’ve ever had in my life.

Thank you, for giving me the sweetest childhood memories. You were my best friend. You were my unforgettable love. If time can be reversed, I swear that day wouldn’t come. I’d save you. I loved you.

I was sorry. And I’m so much sorry now to go through these solitary few more years ahead. I’m tired. Of crying and memorizing old days. I’m living dead. Breathing but suffocating.

Sometimes, I smiled too. As I could hear your voice echoing in the living room, in the kitchen, in the garden. It’s painful….. Only to hear. Can you hear me? Are you watching me from above?

Aaron, if you can hear my beating heart now, believe me I’ve been taken care of it with love. I’m sorry if you can feel my pain. I couldn’t help it. But can you feel how much I’ve been missing you? I miss you.

Aaron, in love with you now and forever.