A little bit about my past, a little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with Manic-Depressive Bipolar Disorder while I was in the Hospital after surviving a suicide attempt. Before I went to the hospital my family noticed that I was changing but didn’t know how to help or what was even causing the changes. I had stopped talking to my family and friends. I had stopped writing and drawing. I had even stopped playing and listening to music. I was a completely different person then the happy, bubbly person I was in High School

After I was released from the Behavior Health Ward in the Hospital, I felt empty, so I tried to find things to fill my life. I was no longer in college, because of the 10 days I spent in the hospital, I didn’t have a job, and the friends I did have were still in school or worked day jobs, so my life was pretty empty. For about three months, I sat at home watching television, reading, and sleeping. I was never alone, mostly because I wasn’t really allowed to be but still, I was lonely and bored.

After browsing through a blog site I really love, I found a song that made me happy. I couldn’t understand the lyrics but the melody just raised my spirits. I wanted to hear more songs like the one I had found so I looked up the band and found out that what I had been listening to was called KPOP. I nosed dived into the world of Korean Pop. I spent the next 6 months listening, watching, and learning.

It started with one group, Super Junior. I downloaded all their songs onto my phone and listened all the time. I watched their MVs and variety shows anytime I was on the internet. It took about a 2 ½ months to recognize everyone no matter what they were wearing or the hairstyle they had. After learning all I could and getting all the songs I could, I moved on to learning about group after group. I spent any free time I had to learning about new and old groups, watching MVs, and memorizing names and faces.

Some would probably think that I was obsessed and I was. Most wouldn’t consider obsessions a good thing but in this case, I would say that it was. Watching these Idols on the internet, I no longer felt lonely or bored. If I was ever sad, I just had to watch an upbeat MV or listen to a fast paced song and I was revived. My family even noticed and mentioned that I was smiling more and that my smiles seemed brighter. They were excited that I was talking to them, even if it was about something they didn’t really care about, and they were especially happy that I got into music again. I even started singing and playing the bass and piano again.

I became a Human once again. I was broken and music helped put me back together. Some people might find this whole thing ridiculous but to me KPOP is one of the saviors in my life. If I hadn’t found something to fill my empty life, I probably wouldn’t have a life. Being a Fan girl is fun and silly but it is what makes me happy and that is all that matters.