Daehyun P.O.V

 

He looks like a doll, no expression. He never smile again since that accident. Yongguk, he lost his right leg and blame himchan because of it.. he blame his boyfriend that he supposed to protect. He blame himchan because he can’t help him, and faint in the car instead.

What a stupid, himchan can’t choose to be faint or helping him in that condition. Now they’re already break up. And himchan never smile again.

 

---

 

“it’s not your fault..”

“it’s my fault... he lost his leg because i’m too weak and fainted that time”

 

Oh God, can you please tell him that accident wasn’t his fault?! Yongguk is the one who’s drive! Not him..

 

“chan, yongguk is the driver, and he lost his control—”

“he said that was mine, my fault..”

 

He still caged in that words.. that words that yongguk said while crying hard.. that ..

 

WHERE’S MY LEG?!! HIMCHAN!! WHERE’S MY LEG?!! OH GOD!!! GOD!! IT’S YOUR FAULT!!! WHY YOU JUST FAINTED THERE WHEN I TRYING TO ESCAPE?!!! WHY YOU JUST FAINTED?! WHY YOU NOT JUST DEATH THAT TIME HUH?!! GOD!!!...

 

“just go to sleep, it’s late... you didn’t sleep well this whole week. You’ll sick..”

“he want’s me to die..” he mumbling..

“HIMCHAN! STOP! AND JUST GO TO SLEEP!” i pull the blanket to his chest and cares his head, making sure he’s sleeping before i back to my room.

 

Yongguk, he don’t know how much himchan love him... well actually i know he’s a jerk, he have other boy named junhong. He smoke behind himchan, because himchan dont like smoke.

That jerk didn’t know how hard i leave himchan to be with him.. i had him first and the one who get his love is that jerk... and now, i’ll make himchan look at me and make that jerk see, how lucky he was to have himchan.

 

---

 

-The next morning-

 

i wake up because of the stupid alarm, and everything that i hope in the morning is to see himchan standing at the kitchen cooking breakfast for me. just like before he met yongguk.

I walked out from my room, and walk to the kitchen, and find the breakfast is ready and himchan sleeping, his head rested on the table and i guess his hand hung beside him.. i smiled and take a seat infront of him.

 

“chan? Hey, you make the breakfast?”

 

No answer, aish this boy...

 

“chan...” i poke his head.. no answer... i sigh, and see a little note beside the plate..

 

Thank You for everything Daehyunie,
and i’m sorry, so sorry.. :)
                                                            - Himchan

 

I was confused, until i feel something wet, sticky, and warm meet my bare feet, i look down to see what’s that..

 

BLOOD?!

 

“ HIMCHAN?!”

 

I jumped to his side, he cut himself, i almost can’t feel he’s breathing, but he’s still breathing..

 

“HIMCHAN?! OH .. WHAT’S THE NUMBER OF 911?!! OH .. WHAT’S THE NUMBER?!! OH ! YEAH 911 IS THE NUMBER....................... HELLO?!! AMBULANCE!! I NEED AMBULANCE!!”

 

---

 

“he’ll be fine, but he lost a lot of blood... and just pray for him, he’s fightng for his life there..”

“oh my God..”

“and you’re his?”

“i’m his—”

 

But before i can answer the doctor’s question...

 

“daehyun?”

“hey..”

 

Bang Yongguk the jerk popped out from nowhere..

 

“mr.daehyun? what’s the patient’s relation with you, so i can make his data.” The doctor asked again.

“i’m his... fiancee..” i lied, i want to have himchan as mine infront of this bastard..

“o-oh, okay, he’ll be fine...” the doctor smiled. And left.

 

“sooooo.. your fiancee—”

“he’s himchan.” I said.. I lied..

 

I look at yongguk, his expression.. he’s shocked...

 

“what?”

“i said my fiancee is himchan..”

“you’re kidding me right?”

“no.. want to see him? He’s sleeping in his room.”

 

I walk to himchan’s room, and yongguk following me with his wheelchair. He’s like this because of you... he’s almost die because of you... i almost lost him for the 2nd time because of you... you take my most precious thing in life, his smile... and i’ll get it back..

 

“see, it’s himchan..”

 

I can see his shock face and hurt expression, well looks like our yongguk feel guilty..

 

“he’s your fiancee now??”

“yes.. my fiancee who cut himself because of a jerk” i lean on the wall

“wh-what, who?” yongguk move his wheelchair until he’s beside himchan’s bed.

“you.. because of you... luckily i found him still dying, and not die yet....”

“because of me?!” he turn his wheel chair and look at me..

“why you just fainted, why you not just death that time?... remember?”

 

His eyes widened.. he remember..

 

“let’s just get to the point okay, yongguk hyung... you and him, is done.. he’s with me now.. he lost his everything when you told him to get off from your life... he lost his smile, he lost his reason to life, he lost his eyes light, he really become a porcelain doll, not more than a porclain doll..”

 

He lowered his eyes..

 

“I know you have junhong beside you... or he alrady leaving you because now you’re....... you know what i mean... you throw away himchan who love you whatever your condition is... and i almost lost him for the 2nd time... the accident, don’t you think it was your fault??  You lose control, and the car almost fall to the river, your car is already half in the water.. you’re lucky that you’re stuck, on the dry side, while himchan? He’s fainted under the water, the sinking side... you know how hard he fight for his life there?” i continued.

 

He still stay silent..

 

“And you said that you lost your leg because of him... Because he’s too weak and fragile,  and just faint there, without can do anything??, wow you are the best boyfriend in the world!!.. and now, because of your words he’s lying here fighting for his life aga—”

 

pppppiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppppp........

 

What’s that?... HIMCHAN?!

 

“CHANNIE?!!!”

“CHANNIEE?!!!”

“WHAT HAPPEN?” yongguk asked in panic when he see himchan’s heart beats is just a line in the monitor.

“DOCTOR!! NURSEE?!!”

 

I dont know what to do.. WHAT TO DO?! WHAT SHOULD I DO? The nurses and doctor running in the coridor and rush in to check him, that what i expected.. but what? they just standing there, and sighed... the doctor turn his body to see me.. he look at me with his sorry face..

 

“your fiancee decide to stop.. he decided to go..”

“wh-what are you talking about.?? He’s going nowhere.. he’s here with me..”

 

I dont get it, what is happening...what is he talking about? Himchan decide to stop? He decide to go? Where?

 

“he’s—”

“WHAT THE ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” i shouted.. i dont know why but i’m crying.. yongguk is crying too..

“he’s gone forever..” the doctor lowered his head.

“n-no.. he’s not..”

 

What the is he talking about? Himchan is gone? He’s death? No, it can’t be..

 

“sorry mr.jung..”

“YOU SAID THAT HE’LL BE FINE?!! YOU’RE A DOCTOR RIGHT??!! YOU CAN HEAL HIM!! PLEASE... please...” i’m on my knee, crying hard and begging him for something i know that he cant do... make himchan back..

“i am a doctor.. but not a God..” the doctor shook his head..

“doctor... please..”

 

What i know next is... black out..

 

And when i awake, i’m standing here, at his funeral.. wearing my black tux, that he bought me for my 19th birthday... yongguk’s not here.. yes he’s not supposed to be here even he’s here anyway.

After his funeral, I walked back to my shared apartment with him.. today is raining hard, himchan hate rain, he hate thunder...

I stepped in the apartment and walk to his room... his room is always neat... there’s many picture of us.. lauging, smiling, playing. And i take one pict that taken when christmast 2 years ago.. in that one he’s the one who smiling and i’m the one who have a sulky face, he hugged me from back.. i remember that day, when he’s 20, and i’m 18. He forget my christmast present, and i was sulking all the time that day. And suddenly, a tear rolled down when i read something on the photo, it was his hand writing..

 

Smile smile dae x)
smile................... please? :)

 

I’m crying hard, hugging the picture, i still cant believe himchan’s gone.. he’ll never nag to me whenever i call him babe, i’ll never hear his laugh again, will never see his smile again, will never able to with cheesy jokes... i miss you... i miss you...

How can you tell me to smile when I lost my reason to smile?? How can i smile when I have no reason to smile?? You’re the reason i’m smiling, your smile is the reason i’m smiling..

Once again i read..

 

Smile smile dae x)
smile................... please? :)

 

Then I laugh like a crazy with tears still rolling down my cheeks...

 

I’m smiling himchan? See.. i’m lauging... so please, you need to smile there, wherever you’re.. please smile for me too there..

 

Smile, for me..................... please?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A/N : okay... sorry for wasting your time reading this fail sad romance fic.. i was just dont know what to do then i feel to write this, and sorry if the story line is weird, and if you dont understand the story you can ask me, or maybe nagging about my stupid english.. har har... .___.

But, thanks for reading anyway :)

Ppyong ~ :3

ZeacoIsMine