Dear diary,

Every day I see him sitting in the front of the class, without talking to him, every day seems to pass. He’s always laughing with his friends and fools around and whenever I see him smile my heart starts to pound. I can’t help but feel envious towards the females surrounding him. They look like beautiful angels, bodies sculpted like the Greek goddesses, so slim. Skin white as snow, hair as elegant and silky as satin ribbons on mistletoe. And look at me, disgustingly average looking. Nothing radiates or stands out from my physical appearance. I have nothing to show off, no special trait. I’m nobody. Petite and a bit overweight, my hair straight, bland and boring. I’m not good enough for him, or anyone for that matter. Every time I look in the mirror, it cracks, snaps and shatters.

Walking into the class and passing by him and his friends, and the girls discussing the latest trends. The all too familiar feeling of butterflies in my stomach comes back to me like every other day. I’ve always wanted to talk to him, but what would I say? What could I say? So I just shy away, just like every other day.

I lean on the desk at the back of the class and stare at the back of his head, thinking about all the words that were unsaid. How can I find courage to say those three words, and if I do, will his answer feel like swords through my heart? Would he take it and just rip it apart? No, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. This thought goes through my head every day, but nothing amounts to it.

The class has started and the teacher calls on me for attendance check. I raise my hand and say “Here”, but inside I just want to disappear. Disappear from this classroom, from this world. If I disappear, would he even care? In that beautiful mind of his, is my existence even there? I couldn’t even compare with those girls with their beautiful hair and makeup; wherever they walk, the boys stop and stare.

Listening to the teacher gets harder every day. All that is on my mind is that angel three desks away. If only he knew my feelings, my heart would be at ease. But I feel so foul and gross, am I prone to displease? What words would I be able to form, if I had the chance to say; all the feelings I hold, to this very day?

Then a thought struck through my mind, it came up to me from behind. What if he came and swept me off my feet despite all my irreparable feats? Could I steal his heart? Or will we be forever apart? These questions keep racing through my head, not even paying attention to what the teacher had said. I hear the bell finally ringing, and it sounds like the angels above are singing. I tear my eyes away from the handsome man, feeling honestly afraid my depression would get out of hand. Leaving my seat, to go out and eat, I wait for him to exit first, not wanting him to see me at my worst.

The halls are packed, but I don’t care, I can only focus on that one thing that I could never bear. I try to forget but it’s no use, the weight of my heart continues to abuse my soul. What sinful feeling I am feeling right now, the world keeps on turning; I wish to stop it, but how? Is my will not strong enough? How can love be this tough? My heart cannot withstand this undying temptation, I long for him, yet there is no supressing my admiration.

I enter the cafeteria, scanning the area. There are so many students, yet none of them stand out as much as that one boy, he is like a light shining in the darkness, a white rose in a bouquet of red. I know my chances are as thin as thread, I know that he would want a prettier girl instead. Instead of me, a girl whose hope is faint and suffering; a girl who is aching and flustering… A girl who is just average.

I may be lower than average, I may be at rock bottom. I think I am, I know I am; what am I doing for this world, why has God made me this way? To be suffocated by depression every day, to pray for the time when it would go away. There must be a reason to why I’m living on this planet, but how could I find out? I have no interests; he is the only thing I can't live without.

How many years has it been, since I first fell in love with him; Five years? Six years? The constant thought of this one-sided love leave tears streaming down my face. Trying to compete with the other girls in the chase, a competition I surely could not win. My will so thick yet my chances are so thin.

Should I just give up? Should I attempt to brush off these butterflies in my stomach? How can I? How can I ignore him? I feel like I'm in a sea of sadness and I cannot swim. It has begun to engulf me, in this cruel world; no one can see me for me... Only a plain, bland, boring, everyday girl who is just... Average.

I have no place in this world, there’s no reason for me to be here. I have no friends to cheer me on, to tell me to continue this ongoing affection. I have no chance with him, so why do I even try? I guess in my eyes, he’s not just another guy. He’s someone special, a keeper of the keys to my heart. A painting so beautiful, it is left in the dark.

 My passion is strong, but I know he doesn’t feel the same; I’m the only one playing in this two-player game. I am invisible, no one can see me. When passing by, no one will notice, I guarantee. Thank you dear diary, for letting me release, all this pain and suffering onto your fragile pages. I still feel upset but now the feeling is more bittersweet. All the pain I had felt from my head to my feet, had slowly, but surely gone away as I admit defeat. It’s plain to see, that he has a girlfriend... And that girlfriend is not me...

Wooo~ my first rhyming chapter COMPLETE!!

Special thanks to LonDon323 for helping me with this :D If you can please check out her stories, they are AMAZING!!

Kay please comment feedback and subscribe if you liked what you read XD

Look forward to a new entry!!!!!

~ Aryliah