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No Pot Of Gold At The End Of the Rainbow

{백조} e v a l u a t i o n ❣❣ Open

• No Pot Of Gold At The End Of The Rainbow

By amusingmurdermachine

Reviewed by --placingfifth

 

• Title: 2/5

It's wordy and it's capitalized wrong. Not only that, but it doesn't really draw in my attention. I thought these were key factors of  title, including it being able to connect to the story. I gave you a point for at least making it have a connection to the story.

 

• Description: 14/15

Spelling and grammar was fine. Also, it didn't reveal a lot of the story, so that is a pro. But it is also a con, which is why I took off a point. You didn't give off enough information to make me be drawn in. The way how you wrote it made it seem like any other story. I wanted something in there that would just PULL ME IN. I rememebr reading this one description. Slightly boring and didn't catch my attention, mainly because it sounded slightly cliche. But then, at the very end, they wrote, 'But then he saw something that he wish he hadn't.' That pulled me in big time!

 

• Plot: 30/30

Surprised? I'm giving you high points for two things: A good plot and a good plot being executed properly. I liked how it was pretty much just about her trying to get over Chanyeol. Well, in that OVA, I guess. I have never seen a fanfic that has made an OVA as well, which is why I'm also giving you points for originality.

 

• Flow: 10/10

This isn't really a fair judgement, as it was only one scene, but then again, you could've made the OVA longer, so I'm applauding you on the inside. You tried to subtly add in the bits of the other story so that the readers could understand, and guess what? It worked.

 

• Characterization: 8/15

I didn't understand their character personality a lot. I could get a good idea of it, but it was weird. I was especially confused with Soojung. She's supposed to be moody, but she's trying hard to be happy here. Other than that, that's okay.

 

• Grammar and Spelling: 18/20

The punctuation in the dialogue was wrong at times.

"Fine, I admit it." She sighed... [ Wrong punctuation ]

"Fine, I admit it," she sighed... [ Right ]

This is when you can use a full stop at the end of a sentence:

"Fine, I admit it." Soojung was currently being carried by Chanyeol, when she suddenly said this. [ Right ]

A full stop indicates the end of a sentence.

 

• Writing Style: 10/10

There's nothing distinguishable about the writing style, but it is nonetheless, a good writing style. It's the most simplest form of writing styles and it works like a charm everytime. You don't really get bored of it. You vary sentences and you use paragraphs. There are no weird symbols for dialogue and you don't use a layout. To be honest, layouts aren't the best to use for AFF. Keep that in mind.

 

• Overall Total: 91/100

• Extra:

This is by far, the shortest story to ever be featured. So congratulations. Also, I had to search up what OVA meant, so maybe a good idea is to add the definition in there.

Otherwise...

Congratulations! You are being featured! So dance around like a dancing queen! But if you are a guy, then maybe breakdance?

 

 

 

[ FOREVER ALONE ] REVIEW SHOP! 

Reviewer: boy1a4

 

No Pot Of Gold At The End Of the Rainbow — by: amusingmurdermachine
Reviewed by boy1a4
 
Title [3/5]: 
 
It's a funny and unique title, in my opinion. I have a feeling that it connects very well to the story but is just too vague. A point off because it doesn't explain anything about its topic and sequence to the forward. Because, really what's the point of having a forward if you don't write a quick summary that at least gives hint and point of the title though it may seem mysterious. But it's very eye-catching.
 
 
Foreword, Description [15/20]:
 
The foreword didn't really catch my attention. It needs a slight bit of improvement. I'm not taking off marks just because you didn't specify the characters (more emphasizing the fact that its a one-shot). That one and only chapter practically does that certain job. One grammatical error because you should have not cut the first and second sentence in the foreword. Or, you should have not started with 'And' (only taking one mark off because authors can practically do whatever they like, but it's still incorrect).
 

Appearance/Poster, Background, etc [/10]:

 

Plot and Originality [13.5/15]
 
It's actually pretty creative. Though it may be the same type of the typical, realistic, wake-up to reality stories. The plot starts how awkward Soojung was that Chanyeol was carrying her on his back. In here, Chanyeol was just being a naive fool. She liked him. And he obviously only saw her as a child. In Soojung's Point Of View, she feels quite unfair that Chanyeol would fall for someone just as much (maybe even more childish) than she already was. And that, it also had something to do with their 2 years age difference. She convinces herself that whatever Chanyeol was doing was for the sake of her "girlfriend's shoe". Obviously denying any hope for her that he would love her back. At the end, 'no pot of gold' was achieved. - Now I know where the title came from.
 
Grammar, Spelling, Vocabulary, etc. [19/20]:
 
Error: The one she would always like to see when she wakes up and the one wants to see at the end of the day.
Correction: The one she would always like to see when she wakes up and through the end of the day. (Or) The one she would always like to see when she wakes up and the one she wants to see at the end of the day. Note: You just missed the second 'she'.
 
Error: The one that comes for her to part the rainy clouds and makes all things better, brighter...
Correction: The one that comes for her to part the rainy clouds and makes all thing better — brighter... Note: a pause needs to be intended and so to do that, either use — or ... (triple dots).
 
 
You have one mistake and one punctuation mistake :333 A used of more vocabulary words would have enlighten me a bit. Ps; i can't correct wordings (words of characters) because they might be purposely written that way.
 
Characters [8.5/10]:
 
The characters were described very well, especially Soojung. Regarding to her personality: childish, insecure, a tad bit shy; she holds herself back a little and how she mainly has a fragile heart that the feeling of rejection would catch her into tears. I liked Chanyeol's character however, it would have helped if you described a little bit of his Point Of View. And don't worry about Tifanny's character. I won't take a point off since she was practically an extra and it didn't really matter that much because the story was more focused on Soojung and Chanyeol.
 
 
Flow [9/10]:
 
The whole flow of the story was really good. No extra and weird information. No unnecessary stopping. Sentences and paragraphs were started and ended in a very good manner. The one and only scene was described very nicely. From the sudden confession, to an expected rejection. Except for that information about Tifanny at the bottom.
 
 
Writing Style [13/15]:
 
I really like your writing style. Simple but very readable. Again, used of higher vocabularies is appreciated. It's nice how you don't clamped words and sentences together to make longer paragraphs. Though the longer it is, the clearer the scene is to the readers. Lastly, putting the background information at the bottom of your author's note didn't look nice. Maybe if you could have somehow added it through the story, it would have been better.
 
Score:  81 out of 90 = 90%
 

 

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Kkpeace5 #1
Chapter 1: I still stopped a moment when I read "it stopped raining a few hours ago" and the feels washing all over me like a flood just like that. While drunk is really sweet how Chanyeol try to understand Soojung, these hurts me more how Soojung tried to being considerate for Chanyeol.
sooju_ #2
Chapter 1: to fall in love with someone who love you, but no the kind of love you gave to him. muat be really hurtful, i just don't think i can't be that tough. i love tjis story, its beautiful yet sad :(
Chanseutal #3
Chapter 2: It's beautiful but sad, I imagine if i were soojung it must be hurtful but she pretend like it's not and tough. How can you do that chanyeol-ssi! Damn i fullfil with emotion... Thank u.for make something beautiful like this as chanstal :)
oddlyiu #4
it's beautiful u.u
love the chanstal pairing <3
mountaine #5
Chapter 1: this is...just so amazing.
angst chanstal is beautiful. ;w;
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