“H-Hand them over! The wallets! Give them to me now!”

The man’s eyes were bloodshot, puffy, and wild. I slowly reached for my wallet and held it out to him. His gun shook violently in his trembling hands, slightly brushing up against my head. I swallowed and looked at Key, shaking like a leaf. I knew he was scared, but if we just gave him what he wanted…

“Y-You too, p-pretty boy,” our attacker’s voice cracked as he hid my wallet in his jacket, keeping his gun pointed at me.

Key took his wallet out as well, his hands shaking as he held it out to him. The man snatched it up quickly and shoved it in his pocket. Snow began to fall lightly, covering the sidewalk we stood on.

“I-I’m sorry. I n-need to feed m-my kids. I lost my j-job and I-I can’t…” he began to sob as he slowly backed away from us. Key and I stayed still as possible, we didn’t dare move or make a sound. Suddenly, police sirens fill the air, screaming down the street. My eyes widened. Who called the c-

The man stiffened in fear at the sound. His gun clicked and his face became twisted; desperation and angry filling his features.

“Y-you! How dare you!” he shrieked.

“It wasn’t us!” Key cried out, still never leaving his spot, “We didn’t call them! Plea-”

“No!” his wet eyes grew wide with fear and desperation.

“Get your hands up!” Another man’s voice filled the air. My head whipped around just in time to see a couple of officers behind their cars. I heard a shriek. A gun shot. Then… crying. My head hurt. The ground was cold. When did I get here? So much red…

It hurts.

And Key. His face. I hate seeing him cry. A beautiful soul shouldn’t cry in pain. He should never be in pain… I promised him.

I promised.

“Don’t leave me! Jinki! I-” This beautiful angel choked on his sobs and tears fell, wetting my cheeks. He’s clinging to my sweatshirt, begging me not to leave him alone. I can’t feel his touch…

Numbness.

No… I feel myself fading. I can’t leave yet. I have to stay. For him. For this angel. I love him. I need to let him know.

But my body isn’t responding. I can’t make it move.

What are you saying? I can’t hear you, Kibum… I can’t hear…

My vision is failing… I’m sorry. Please know that I love you.

Please… Never forget it.

I love you.

November 29th, 2011.

That was the night I died.

I left Earth and woke up in a bright place. Saw some people I knew, and people I have never met. I was welcomed “home.”

I felt happy, content.

At peace.

But I left Kibum alone. I left my family alone.

Jonghyun. Taemin. Minho. Kibum.

Their faces flashed through my head, I worried how they would take my absence.

So I’ve been watching them since that day. It has almost been a year now.

I miss them.

I miss Kibum.

I miss his laugh. His cheerful smile. His beautiful feline eyes. His soft touch.

The way he said my name.

It has been hard to watch them struggle. They struggle because of me.

But they have comforted each other. They have helped each other.

And for that, I am thankful.

But I catch myself smiling down at Jonghyun the most nowadays.

Jonghyun has been Kibum’s rock. Always there to catch his tears. To hold him when he thinks he can’t go on. To make him laugh when things look impossible.

Jonghyun loves him. And his love is returned.

Jonghyun has slowly brought Kibum back on his feet. He has another reason to live again.

And for that, I am grateful.

Kibum still visits my body’s resting place with the others. They all visit often.

They tell me about their day. How they feel. Ask for advice.

Kibum used to visit four days a week at times. It saddened me to see him hurting.

It still does.

But with time he’s healing. With Jonghyun, he’s healing.

There will always be a scar on Key’s heart that will never fully heal though.

That unheard goodbye.

My only regret.

He still suffers. I know he does.

Death took me from him, causing his heart to hurt.

So Jonghyun, please, take away his hurt, his anguish.

I think about how I pain him at times and I can’t even imagine how it feels.

How terrible it must feel to love something death can touch…

… and not even be able to say, “Goodbye.”

I was not prepared to go that way.

I’m sorry.

I wanted to tell you.

Tell him you love him, Jonghyun. Tell him every day.

Let him know that he’s loved.

For he IS loved.

Even if I could not let him know, don’t let him forget it.

And if you can remember, without a heavy heart,

don’t forget me…