Kyungsoo’s POV

    All that I could see was the passing light. The fast passing light above me. And all I could hear was sobs and yelling. And all that I could feel was someone pushing myself on something. I can’t think of anything or where I am on. I can’t because my head hurts. I felt some sustained sticky liquid around my neck. I want to call out someone. Anyone. To know where I am. Who I am with. Why am I here? But I can’t. Because I can’t hear anything coming out from my mouth. I forced myself to call out or said anything but none. None came out. Tears jerked out of my eyes. I can feel it running down my cheeks. The movements halt to a stop there’s that one person that I saw before I closed my eyes. Suho – our leader.

    Silence.

   No sounds were heard when I opened my eyes for the first time. Then comes the whispering voices around me. I recognize them to be Suho and our manager. I listened carefully to what their conversation is.

    “We just deal with the fans that kidnapped him. The police said they’ve assaults a person’s life and will be kept in prison for 10 years.” I heard our manager explaining the case. It seems like it’s about my problem from yesterday. I remembered I was on my way to the car with Sehun when he had to go back again because he left his jacket in the dance room. I’d simply nodded and was left alone when the back of my head was hit by something hard. I fainted afterwards. And I remembered the pain. The painful pain of 2 guys gashing out knives to me. I can’t even think of what to do. And the thing is, I was supposed to protect my voice. My voice is important. More than my life. My voice is my life. But it all came to an end when one of the guy took hold of both of my hands and the other, used the knives to slashed my neck. Where the vocal chords are. And I fainted.

    “What happen exactly?”

    “Apparently, the 2 guys are anti-fans of you guys. They want to cause harm to any of you. Kyungsoo was apparently an easy target since he’s all alone. It was 3 am at that time damn it! If I have known how dangerous it is at our building, I should have asked all of you guys to go by pairs.” I want to cry. I have caused everyone to be worried about me. I don’t want them to worry.

    But I can’t even say anything…

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    ‘EXO! EXO! EXO!’

    The lights are blinding me. The cheers are blocking me. The words are killing me. All of this isn’t supposed to be hated by me. I love my fandom. I love my fans. I love myself. I love my friends. But…all of this seems like just a dream to me. A dream where I want to wake up on this moment. I don’t want this to happen. I don’t want to hate my fandom. I don’t want to hate my fans and their cheers. I don’t want to hate myself. I don’t want to hate my friends. But… what is this? What is happening to me? Am I this weak? Am I supposed to be this weak?

    Where did the cute-smiley D.O go?

    Where is he?

    Why can’t I find him?

    My heart hurts. It hurts so badly. Why can’t I do this? Why can’t I cheer up? Why can’t I just go with the flow? Why can’t I let the happy feelings of my friends influence me like it usually does to me. I can’t be like this. I’m the ‘umma’ of EXO. I can’t just put them away from me.

    I can’t…

    But I have to…

    I’m supposed to let go.

    Because my voice are gone.

    My voices are gone.

    My voices are gone.

    Forever.

    How shameful I am. Why can’t I protect the most precious things a singer should do. Their voices. And my career is done. My career is going to an end. An end… I want to believe that my career is not going to end here. I’m going to recover from my loss. I’m going to recover from my voice. I’m going to recover… No. I’m not going to recover from my loss. I can’t recover from it. I don’t have to. I’m not that important anyway. EXO can go on without me. SM can recruit a new member to replace me.

    Replace me… Can I even deal with this? Can I even deal with seeing myself gone from the television I used to watch everyday at the dorm just so I could evaluate myself? Can I do it? Can I get used in watching the other members smiling not because of me? Not because of my jokes? My laughter? My cuteness? Can I?

    I…can’t.

    And now, standing in front of the crowds, in the mean time, the agency told me to use lip-sync to sing and dance like I used to. I want to smile like I usually do so that I could deceive my fans that I’m alright but I can’t. I don’t want to deceive them with a fake smile. I don’t want to fake a smile on my face. It’s not me. It’s not D.O. It’s not Kyungsoo. That’s only a fake lie.

    I don’t want that.

    I saw Suho smiling at me when he has the time to look at me during the dance and singing. I know Suho cause no harm. He wants to make me smile. Genuinely. I know he wants me to do that. I can only smile at him for a few seconds but went back to my devastated state.

    I can’t Suho hyung…

    I’m sorry…

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Jongin’s POV

    That night, I didn’t go to my bed to sleep. Instead, I went to sleep with Kyungsoo on his bed. I don’t care but I immediately hugged him to sleep. I don’t care if he suffocates. I just don’t want him to be alone. I don’t want him to experience all of this alone. I want him to know that I’m here. That everyone is here with him. That everyone still loves him. I want him to know that.

    “Hyung. I love you. We love you. I’m here now. Let it all out.”

    And Kyungsoo did. He cried in my arm all night long and went out of bed with red puffy eyes. I want him to cry like this all the time with me. And not alone. Not by himself. Because I know Kyungsoo can’t deal with all of this alone. I know of that. I know he can’t because I can’t. I know he can’t because no one can. Those who can are a liar. A liar in life because they’re living with fake smiles and glittery all the time. I don’t want Kyungsoo to be that. No.

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    ‘EXO-K’s Do Kyungsoo mainly known as D.O was found dead in their building’s recording room. His death was caused by the overdose of pills. No further notice had been told but EXO-K’s other members is holding a meeting with the reporters to mainly state the details of his death.’

    “And it seems like our D.O have decided to fly on his own. And he has decided to leave us with his memories behind. And his voices. Spread your wings and sang out loud of your voices. I love you D.O. We love you. Goodbye.”

    And Suho ends his words with a glide of his tears. Because Kyungsoo had told him that he wants to fly. That he wants to voice out his feelings by flying. And Suho was not stupid. He knew that at that time, he can’t do anything. He can’t do anything as a leader to him. As a hyung. As a friend. And all that is left is his unspoken voices.

    They can’t see him anymore.

    This is goodbye.

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Author's Note : A heart breaking story I must say since I'm so depressed writing it but I want to thank kyungsooaddict for the story plot.

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