Monday; sunny. A typical man braved a mission that would have touched the world to tears with the sincerity and care that had went into a preparation of a surprise romantic date for his girl. It was still dark when he had woken up - as early as even before the roosters performed their morning call - and he was already tinkering in the kitchen, trying - very much so - to make "the perfect brunch" for a certain, specific, particularly  lucky girl. "The perfect brunch" was made with a loving heart and should be consumed with a matching loving heart too; the outcome was at most quoted a daring attempt, suited to be admired for its heart behind it rather than the taste of it.

 

Stereotypically, the boyfriend would spring a surprise on the girlfriend. Of course it would be so in the case of this couple.

 

"Junnie, c'mon out now!"

 

"I thought you were busy? What are you doing here?!"

 

"Junnie Junnie I miss you."

 

"If you do you wouldn't say keeping our dates takes a toll on you!"

 

"Baby, you would never never - never! - take a toll on me."

 

"You say different things on different days!"

 

"Baby, I love you. Don't get upset.. ok? I'll make it up to you. Just come out of your house now."

 

"No no no! I hate you!"

 

"I know you love me. I'm already here at your doorstep ;)"

 

The thing about lovers' tiffs is, they never last.

 

In just a few words, you'll always be won over by the texts or verbal assurances that your partner would offer. On hindsight, those very words would seem corny, cheesy or simply silly. Meaningless terms strung together to forge sweetness that appease pissed off partners; everyone has an inborn trait that directs them in this affair. No matter the level of language acquisition and depth of vocabulary knowledge, everyone would have possessed this very useful skill to craft sweet nothings.

 

 

***

 

 

It was on a rainy day that she saw him on a programme. She watched it - for a total of 60 seconds - and it was enough to remind her why she avoided Myungsoo's appearances on variety shows altogether. It was on that programme where she saw him partnering another idol for a race. It was for that race that she saw him carrying another girl on his back. It was this very race that they won that got the emcee suggesting a couple kiss. He had to kiss someone else. 

 

Junhyeon knew that being in the entertainment industry would mean that there would definitely be moments like these; Myungsoo didn't have much of a choice in these scripted couple interaction.

 

Times like these would be trying moments in their relationship; this was a test of their feelings for each other. If he was a hotblooded male who allowed himself to be wavered by the all-too-easily acquired skinships with other women, he would have been a cheater long ago. If she was a normal, appropriately possessive girl who disliked her boyfriend having such skinships with other women, she would have been a crazily jealous girlfriend who makes a huge scene each time such a moment arises.

 

They were a perfect pair.

 

Myungsoo would smile abashedly on screen and reject any requests for meals or exchange of numbers off screen. Junhyeon would change the channel when skinship was requested of Myungsoo and keep her silence, avoiding the subject of whether she had monitored him on variety shows when they meet up. It was a muted, mutual understanding that got them going on.

 

Sometimes, though, being understanding and acting understanding ruin things. And they ruin things royally, too.

 

***

 

 

"Did you see L on TV? He was so sweet to Hyeri!"

 

"Yes! I know right! Hyeri's lucky to have him."

 

"Yeah but I think L's not that into her."

 

"No way! Did you see the way he looks at her? Have you seen his worried look when Hyeri fell on the track?"

 

"What? Hyeri fell? What did L do then?"

 

"Oh gosh, how could you not have seen that!?"

 

"Shush! Just tell me already!"

 

"L was the perfect guy. He rushed over from the supporting team and carried her bridal style to the medics. Aww~"

 

"Ahhh~ Seriously!? O.M.G. He must be interested in her enough to show such concern on TV!"

 

"Mhmm. I guess so. Oh did you hear? After that, Hyeri was admitted to the hospital and L went to visit her after his schedule's ended!"

 

"Omo! Really-"

 

"Wait! And it doesn't end there. He stayed at the hospital for a whole 1 hour and 10 minutes, okay!"

 

"No way! That long? Wow."

 

"Yeah. Just wow. I think they're the budding celeb couple."

 

"Let's wait for the news then. Aww but my L oppa..."

 

 

***

 

 

Avoiding images of Myungsoo with other women didn't work as well as I thought it would. I could still hear his fans talking about him around me. It really to be the underground girlfriend. We rarely even meet and when I listen to rumours of him and so-and-so being lovey-dovey on screen or that he supposedly visited or went out with a certain girl group member, I wanted to just call him and hear him say he loves me and only me and nobody should matter.

 

The fact that no one knew about us made me so alone. To safeguard the secrecy of our relationship, none of my friends knew about him. Even my parents didn't know of him; they have always thought that Myungsoo was a good ex-schoolmate and friend of mine. Only s knew and that wasn't comforting at all since they were all to abide to the same code of secrecy.

 

I was alone in this.

 

We are alone.

 

The sense of isolation that surrounded our relationship made it seem unreal. When everyone talked about how Myungsoo matched very well with some girl, I would feel abandoned; I was the one who wasn't recognized as someone worthy to be talked about with him.

 

 

***

 

 

"I.. need to be in a mini series."

 

"Really!? That's awesome! When are you starting?"

 

"You're happy."

 

"Of course I am. Well... don't you want this chance to act?"

 

"Yeah... I do. But..."

 

"..."

 

"Hey..."

 

"Yup, am here. Why? What's it that's making you hesitate?"

 

"Junnie, there's this love line... you know... so-"

 

"There are always love lines in dramas. It'll be fine-"

 

"No, you don't get it. There are kissing scenes!"

 

"Oh."

 

"So... what should I do?"

 

"It's your career, oppa. I shouldn't be the one to tell you what you should do."

 

"Are you upset?"

 

"No."

 

"You sounded like you're upset."

 

"No, I'm not upset and you should go for it. You've always wanted to act. If they're giving you a role with a love line, then your part must be pretty big, isn't it?"

 

"I'm just one of the supporting characters. It's no biggie if I drop this-"

 

"You shouldn't throw your dream away..."

 

"..."

 

"Oppa?"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"So? Will you-"

 

"Why aren't you worried at all?"

 

"... what?"

 

"Why aren't you ever worried that I'll act with another woman and might one day fall for someone else because of some onscreen kiss? Why?"

 

"..."

 

"Why don't you even pretend that you're jealous of those other girls and whine to me about how you hate my job?"

 

"Oppa, I-"

 

"Do you not care? Do you not boil with anger when you see me cuddling with some girl because of a show? Do you not worry if I'd cheat on you with another idol?"

 

"No, oppa, listen-"

 

"Are you that bored of me?"

 

"..."

 

"Why don't I ever get the chance to appease you and have to use aegyo to gain your forgiveness? Why are you so calm."

 

"..."

 

"Forget it. Okay, I'll take it. I'll go and kiss her a hundred times on camera and we'll see how you like that!"

 

I am jealous. Oppa, I only want you to myself. But you want to be a singer-actor. How can I hinder you from reaching for your dream? I only wanted to be understanding. I didn't want to be a nuisance, whining at every contact you have with another girl. Did you think I wasn't dying inside, knowing that you're openly affectionate and touchy with other women? How could you imagine that I didn't care? How did you conclude that I'm bored of you? How could you-

 

Oppa, I miss you. I miss us.

 

 

***

 

 

Sometimes, men don't need understanding women. The whining, unreasonable squabbles gave them reason to do all they can to appease their women. Sweet nothings that mean nothing at all are actually very important to any relationship. They are everything to keeping a couple interested and warmed by each other. Little jealousies - pretended or real - are well settled by sweet nothings; sweet nothings in this case could well stand for a promise of fidelity, or a declaration and reaffirmation of the boyfriend's love for his girlfriend. If anything, sweet nothings give reassurance to a couple; they bother about each other's feelings and insecurities.

 

 

*** Author's Corner ***

Dear lovelies,

Enjoy your sweet nothings when your partner still bothers saying them to you. When the sweet nothings die out... the sweetness of the relationship dies out too. Reality will set in some time; love can't be eaten to fill our stomachs, but it is supposed to fill our hearts. And to truly Live, our hearts need its nutrients. So indulge in your sweet nothings while you have them. Cheers!

Love, nostalgic Kaylove.