Would Sehun have known I crushed on him? Did he know that I always tried to take extra care of him instead of the others? Did he know he meant a lot more to me than just another dongsaeng? I didn’t know… But it had been like that for a while. Sehun was something different. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were loud, not the annoying kind of loud, but they were always rather present, to the point where I didn’t really have a grip on them anymore. Kyungsoo was a lot more quiet, though he had his moments when he was all laughs and annoyingness, especially when teamed up with one of above mentioned members. Jongin was… to me, a kind of hard case. Saying Baekhyun was the most different on- and off-stage, was something that didn’t really work for me. Jongin was this quiet, reserved, shy kid who needed someone to take care of him and most of the time, that was Kyungsoo. But Sehunnie… Sehunnie had some kind of grip on me. His completely blank face was common and I knew a lot of people thought he was indifferent or even bored, but I knew better, since he talked to me a lot in our room. He just thought a lot, something others didn’t think him capable of.

So yeah. Seeing him with Luhan-hyung kind of pissed me off. Can you imagine, me, being pissed off? Probably not. But it happened and I knew perfectly well how to cover it up. Just smile. Constantly. Until your cheeks hurt, just keep smiling and nobody will suspect you having a hard time! I laughed at myself a lot when I thought about it, not sure why I told myself to keep it up. Alright, I did know why. I was EXO-K’s leader, of course I should keep it up. Of course I had to make people believe I was a strong, indestructible, smiling, sweet leader who could handle anything and still present the world a shining image. I snorted again, I was becoming such a weirdo for this…

I had gotten out of the shower, deliberately waited until the others were done because I didn’t want to take away any of my dongsaeng’s sleep and offered to go last each time. I had just finished wrapping my hips in a towel and was drying my hair, when that familiar voice called out to me.

“Joonmyun-hyung, are you still there?” he asked, his lisp making me gulp. Usually, he had it under control a little better, but whenever he was tired or nervous, it always got a little worse. I stumbled around a little, startled that I was called in the first place and mostly because of what he was asking, where else could I have gone? And what was more, why did he even want to know? Was there something going on? Did something happen to one of the members, or maybe himself?!

“Ah… Yes, I’m here, why, what’s wrong?” I said while unlocking the door and rushing out, completely forgetting that I was practically out of shock that something might have happened just now. His rounded eyes averted to the ground immediately and I remembered just then.

“Oh… no, it’s nothing it’s just… you took so long and I thought… well… maybe… you know… you had snuck out of the window or … something.” The cuteness of his expression in combination with his words and worry for me made me blush, something that was quite out of character for me. “But- but you’re fine, so I might as well go back and… and study! Oh… maybe… maybe you want to help me?” he added while slightly looking up from the ground giving me the idea that that was his reason for coming to find me in the first place and hey. How could I resist our maknae when he was being like this, while he usually tried to act like a tough guy? Not that I was able to resist him when he was like that or something…

“I uh, I’ll be right there then. Wait a second, okay? I mean, I can’t come with you like this…” I was rambling and I mentally face-palmed. I wasn’t like this. I never was, except for when it came to Sehunnie. I guess I just had this little soft spot for him or something. When he nodded and turned around, I quickly hid myself in the bathroom again, noticing how my heart was beating too fast and too hard against my rib-case, but couldn’t get it to calm down, so I decided to just let it beat as it wanted to. I managed to get my pajamas on without falling over random things or breaking out into a fit of girly giggling because Sehun had just asked for my help. As if that was something to get all weird about… Well yes, to me, it was.

I rushed back into our shared room to find Sehunnie sitting there, in front of his desk, fiddling with his fingers and glancing around nervously. I wondered what was wrong with him… maybe something had happened and he had just wanted to get me out of the bathroom to talk about it? I didn’t really know.

“Sehun-ah, is something wrong?” I asked cautiously as I closed the door behind me, sitting down on my bed which was next to the desk he sat at. His eyes flickered up and he looked at me for a brief moment before giving me a small smile. I furrowed my eyebrows, he wasn’t being himself.

“I uh… There’s something I don’t understand hyung… it’s not my homework though.” Giving me an extremely guilty look, my eyes widened, since he didn’t have to feel guilty about lying at all. “It’s just… hyung… is it just me?” I raised my brows.

“Is what you?” he shuffled a little bit in his chair before getting up and sitting down next to me, doing that wonderful thing to my heartbeat again.

“Does it make sense to you that when I say… I think I like you… I’m not really sure if you could accept that?” I had to think about what he said, about three times. Does it make sense that Sehunnie is not really sure if I could accept if he told me he thinks he likes me?

“Sehun-ah… What are you even saying… Do you like me?” I half choked on the words because I was pretty sure that couldn’t be the case and I had just deeply offended him at that moment. A short, simple nod cut through my insecurities. Oh god. He likes me. Sehunnie actually likes me… “But what about Luhan-hyung?” I asked, referring to the good amount of time they spent together doing things they both liked.

“Luhan-hyung?” I tilted my head at his surprise and disbelief that I even brought the name up. “I… I don’t like Luhan-hyung.” The same amount of surprise lacing his voice until he continued. “Well I spend a lot of time with him but I never really talk to him… you know, Lu-hyung doesn’t really listen to me… I can tell him something for three times and the next time I mention it, he still doesn’t know that I have told him before.” I raised my brows. “What I told you, hyung, are things only you know because… because you always listen to me… And you’re always there for me and you never leave me… or so I hope.” He was back to playing with his fingers, eyes cast to his lap where his hands were busying themselves. I couldn’t suppress the smile, the beauty of what he had just told me outshone everything else I had ever heard. The things he told me, he had told only me, I was the only one who knew why he was insecure, I was the only one who knew what he thought about and why he got upset when things didn’t go the way he wanted them to. I threw my arms around him and hugged him to me tightly.

“It’s not just you, Sehun-ah. It’s me too. I like you, I really like you a lot.” He gave me the big-eyed expression again, though this time, his face was way closer to my own so he made me blush again. He stared for what seemed like ages until his expression softened into a shy grin, his fingers now playing with the hem of my pajama shirt.

“You do?”

“Do I ever lie to you?” A smile crossed my lips as he shook his head. “Right.” I did something I had wanted to do for ages and buried my face in the crook of his neck as I hugged him again, pushing him down on the mattress which seemed to slightly startle both of us as I pulled away with one of my own shy smiles. But as soon as I looked back down to where his face was, all flush and handsome and irresistible, I leaned down to give his lips a short peck. After I painted both our faces in a more obvious red color, I was pulled down into a warm and sweet hug.

“Sehunnie doesn’t want to let you go, hyung.” He used his aegyo voice and that was yet another thing I couldn’t resist.

“I won’t let you, okay?” His soft humming sound assured me he was okay with it and not long after, I let myself drift off to sleep, the idea of being in Sehunnie’s arms at the moment was having a bigger impact on me than I had imagined so it didn’t take long before I actually slept, peacefully and happily.