Not all love stories in our life will end with happy ending. Some of it… will end with sad or painful memory. Including myself. I always expect my life would be perfect with so-called-prince come in my life and save me but… that’s all only a dream.

This is my story as a typical girl whom always dream to be so-called-princess in someone life. Always expect everything will follow thru what she has planned.

I have this one friend. He always flirts with other girl but still be with me no matter what. Sometimes, I wonder why he would stick with me even though he knows that all his girlfriends dislike me. He always brought me together for his date. Day by day… year by year… it’s really getting annoying because one by one of his girlfriends will come to me and ask me to stay away from him. Yes! I do stay away from him but… he keeps on coming to me.

He said, “Until you have your own boyfriend, you won’t be able to stay away from me.”

But the way he act, how I will get my own boyfriend then? I have to stick with him 24/7 unless at home or with my family. Otherwise, I have to report everything to him. My other friends always said that I’m stupid because let him do whatever he want to me until I got no life or in other meaning I got no time for myself. If I want to go out with my girl friends, he will stick with me too. That’s why my friends will think twice to invite me join them for hang out. They will think that he would come along.

“Why would he come along for our girl’s day?” Suzy whisper at me.

“Hurm? Don’t know.” I continue eat my ice cream and ignore him beside me. I chat with my friends like him was invisible and surprisingly he never give up or walked away but still stay with me. I wonder whether he would feel boring with what we discuss because all of it about girls things. He still plays with his Ipad while waiting for me.

One day in my classroom…

“May I ask you something?” I stop writing and look at Sunye. It sounds serious when she wants to talk but ask for permission from me.

“Hurmmm…”

“You and… Doojoon…” She stops and looks at me. I just smile and…

“Before you ask this question… me and him… only friends. Nothing more and nothing less.” I explain to her.

“Are you sure? Are you really sure that you guys only friends? In that way both of you react. I doubt that both of you never had any feeling towards each other. Have you asks him or asks yourself about this?” I blinked my eyes and speechless.

“I think you should think about this again. Trust me. Both woman and man, cannot be friends forever unless they are gay and lesbian.” Me, lesbian? He, gay? My mind still cannot process what she said.

“But… me and him… can be friends forever and he already have a lot of girlfriends.” I confidently said it back to Sunye.

“And you? Do you have boyfriends?”

“No… but…”

“When was the last time you have boyfriends?”

“I… never had boyfriends since I know him…” Suddenly I feel what she said was right.

“Since when do you know him?”

“Kindergarden?” Oh Sheep! Do I look stupid in front of Sunye?

“SEE!!! Wake up you! You have to know you own feelings. You have to get your own time with yourself and your own friends. Not always be with him. I’m afraid that one day, you will be hurt from this when he got his own life.” Sunye give me an advice.

“But… he said… he would let me stay away from him until I got my own boyfriends.” I blankly explain to Sunye.

“That’s the real problem. I’m not saying that you have to stay away from him but… get some limit and the way he reacts… how will you get your own boyfriends? you. I’m saying this not because I’m jealous or what but… think about it ok? If you need anything… I’m here for you.”  Sunye smile and walked away for break time.

I walked thru the balcony and keeps on thinking what Sunye said to me.

“you! you! you!” He ran to me and pulls me to look at him.

“Hurm?” I blankly look at him and think what Sunye said. ‘I can’t be friends with him anymore… I must know what my feelings are.’

“Are you ok? I’ve been calling you but… you keep on walking. What’s on your mind?” He looked really worried.

“Do you… hurmmm…” I try to gain my confidence to say it.

“Hurm? What? Do you really ok? Why you look sick?” He put his hand on my forehead.

“Do you… hurmmm… like… me? I mean… do you… lo… lo… ve… me?” I stuttering while look at the floor.

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“I said… do you love me?” And he was laughing at me. I look at him and he was laughing hard.

“Where do you get the ideas?” He still not stops laughing. I feel really embarrassing.

“So… why you never let me having my own time? I mean… you always bring me for your date even though I don’t want to be there. And… you always come along with me for my girl’s day until none of my friend will invite me to join them anymore. You said I have to be with you until I have my own boyfriends but… how will I have my own boyfriends if we have to stick together 24/7? I wonder that you have feeling towards me… I mean real feelings not like friends.” I burst out whatever I want to say. I never was like this in front of him.

“you... How about you? Do you love me? More than friends?” He asks me back. I wonder how I should respond to his question.

“If it so… we can never be friends anymore….” He looked down and I was speechless with his responds.

“Doojoon… I…”

“you... I’m sorry for whole this time. I thought you were ok and never consider what you feel. Now I know… I’m sorry. Really sorry. I just thought that… I cannot lose you to other people. That’s why I always am with you. I never… hurmmm… I thought you were different. I think it’s true that… woman and man cannot be best friends. It’s true… I love you but…” I look at him to finish his word.

“… but… only as friends. Yes! I’m afraid for losing you but… I never thought to spend my life with you forever. I admit it that I only can let you go if you have your own boyfriends but… I never thought about your side. I’m sorry…”

He never thought to spend his life with me forever? So…

Seriously… I’m so speechless with his confession. I never thought about all this. I thought he… waits! Do I… seriously NO… or yes? Oh! I feel so dizzy! What all this? Is it my mistake for not taking any actions? Why before this I never had any effort to get boyfriends? Do I really let him control my life before this? Suddenly all this thought running into my mind.

“you...? Are you ok? you?” I still blankly looked at him. I do not know how… I should tell him.

“I guess… you are right… we can never be friends anymore if one of us having this feeling towards each other…” I looked at him and smiled. I know… I’m lying to myself now. But the truth is… I’m afraid for losing him. Now I realize that… for whole this time… I let him doing whatever to my life not because we were friends but… because I love him more than… friends.

“Doojoon… I think… everything was clear right? We still friend but… please… give me my own space for myself. I feel better when you said that.” I try to smile for him. He looks at me with unbelievable expression. I still can smile in this situation.

“Thanks you... thanks for being my friends again. I know you were different from others. We will be friends forever. Ok you?” He hugged me and yes… I’m different from others. I’ll be your friends forever but in the same time… I will keep this feeling forever and you will never know it. Let others say whatever they want but… this is my life… wait no! You are my life. I choose to be hurt with you than… hurt without you.

-The End-