I just stood here in a poorly lit room that was completely silent and void of anything living other than myself. I held my hand against the cold window as I observed the blood red sunset. It reminded me of the tickling feeling along my arm as my own blood dripped down. Vita (life), my tattoo read, Dolce (sweet) was obscured by the red liquid. That's right, I just wanted my life now. Running, hiding, I didn't care if it wasn't going to be sweet, but I had to live. I felt my hopes sink to the ground as I recognised a figure closing in over the horizon. It was not just any figure either, it was his. He looked small from this distance, small like when I first met him, but I knew better now. My feet were already backing away while my mind was still trying to take in what exactly was going on, what would be a good escaping plan. As reason failed me I had to follow my instincts and let my legs take me wherever. I scambled through the building, horrified when I heard a door opening and falling shut. He was in here somewhere. In one of the many rooms. Maybe far away or maybe it was actually his warm breath I felt in my neck. I spun around and was relieved to find it was just a part of the old machinery that still blew steam. This place had been abandoned for so many years, I wondered how anything could still be functioning. If certain things still worked, maybe I could use it to my advantage. Yet..I didn't want to hurt him. No matter how scared I was, no matter if the whole world changed, I still would never be able to hurt him even if he hurt me. Perhaps that would deem me the unevitable loser in this hunt.

I walked slowly now, careful to make the least sound possible. He was not as quiet. I heard more doors slamming and occasionally something would break under his brute force, resulting in the sounds of clashing and shattering echoing around me. He kept looking for me, the thought crossed my mind that maybe he already knew I was in this particular building. He would've moved on to another place if he hadn't at least suspected it. . I entered what was the darkest space I had seen so far. Everywhere, dangling from the ceiling and covering all surface, were thick black robes, cables and/or tubes. Needless to say I ended up tripping as I tried to make my way through. I quickly slapped my hand over my mouth at the sound of surprise escaping me. I stayed entirely motionless for a while, down on my knees with one hand still covering my mouth. In my head I begged over and over again, to anyone out there who would listen, please let him not have heard me.

'Hyung!' I heard from behind me. No. Nonononono. He had heard. I turned my head to see for myself. The hand I held on my mouth fell to my heart. He was approaching through the doorway. He was so close to me. I was running again before I was even properly up straight, arms and legs sweeping at the cords which became less and less present until I had finally passed them all. Or not. Somewhere five doors and six halls further strayed some more, which I didn't realise until my body was outstreched on the floor. It hurt, bad. I pushed myself up on my bruised arms, noticing the cut from before had once again started bleeding. Freaking knife.

'Hyung..' I heard behind me once more. He spoke softer now, with a hint of surprise, probably not expecting me on the floor like this. It could have been a hint of concern too, if he had had such an emotion. I managed to turn myself over, leaning back on my elbows for much needed support. I couldn't move any more after that. I was sure I was done for. Icy and mysterious, purplish blue eyes were peering at me. Those eyes, I remember so clearly the time when they were my favourite trait in the world. Yet now I could only feel fear, even though he didn't seem to hold any anger or hate towards me. He walked closer, looking like a giant from this angle. I felt so intimidated. He knelt beside me and there was nothing I could do about it but follow his movement with quivering eyes.

'Hyung..' he said it again in that misplaced soft tone. He reached out and brushed the dirt off my shoulder.

'DON'T TOUCH ME!' I snapped before I realised, surprised at the sudden strength in my voice. My body though, didn't move more than an inch. His hand hovered midair between us now, clear shock evident on his face. The lines on his cheeks that I previously took for some monstrous markings, looked much more like carved-in tearstreaks now. That didn't make sense though, the linings spread all over his face, and possibly places I couldn't see too. My moment of compassion for the boy was soon gone. 'Look what you did to me.' my words cut through the air, bitter and stinging with intent. He shifted his weight back and forth, but then got his mind set.

'That was an accident. Hyung, don't freak out so much.' he said, trying to use his teasing voice as if nothing ever happened between us, but failed clearly.

'I'm not freaking out! You're the one who's freaked out!' I accused him. I had never listened to his reason before storming off, but whatever his excuses were there was no way his actions had been rightful.

'Jiyong-hyung!' he screamed at me, upset by my words. He was angry at first but like snow under the sun his frown melted away and water streemed down his face. Tears. All of the sudden he had started crying. 'Why do you blame me, hyung? I honestly didn't mean to hurt you. I-I love you.'

'You don't. Your heart became colder than ice years ago.' I said, insensitive to his sobbing. If anything, it made me angrier. I couldn't believe he felt such things anymore, he had to be lying. At my last sentence his sobs intensified, but it still couldn't shake me.

'I'm not a monster, hyung, I'm not.' he cried, 'I have feelings just like everyone else, just like you.' he paused again, 'I'm just selfish and I made a mistake. I wanted to be with you every possible second. I do love you, I truly do.' he forced his eyes open to look at me and I finally felt able to sit up. His orbs seemed to shine white light. I no longer saw the strange linings on his face. Slowly and shakingly, he spread his arms as if asking for a hug, 'I need you so much.' it was barely audiable, but that's definitely what he said. Something in his voice had changed too, it sounded much more humane and heartfelt than before, as if that hadn't ripped my soul apart yet. He remained in the same position even when I didn't answer him for minutes.

'Seungri.' I had to speak his name, it felt like just that could get every message across. I studied him intensely, my heart and my head arguing over who I had in front of me. My beloved maknae or the crazy train that locked me in for days. 'Seungri.' I repeated, 'If I'm the ocean, you're the moon. You pull me in and let me go and drive me crazy, but I can't leave you.' I explained, now on the verge of tears myself, 'But this is not right anymore. You're messed up.'

'If I am, then so are you.' he said through clenched jaws. His fists balled but he continued to hold his arms out. I wiped a hand over my head in desperation, pure desperation, and upon seeing the red and black smears that got on my fingers, I realised he must be right. I cannot be unaffected after all of this. I was the same as him. We were both monsters. We were both only human. I pulled him by the wrist and finally embraced him. I finally understood. I was never really scared of Seungri. I was running away from the world that Seungri connected me to. Like a chronic disease, maybe, but that was my life. I was just sick. Then again, everyone is sick in their own ways. We just have to live with it and fight on.