A twist inside my stomach was the thing I felt while seeing the flawless being in front of me. I remember everyone told me it was the representation of imperfection but for me… it was unblemished.

The way his eyes were watching at the nothingness or maybe at some far away scenery, I still don’t know and I don’t even want to know, because that gaze it's not only printed in my mind but heart, my whole being. His nose, so perfect and his plump lips, my body trembled that time and even now when I seeing him and then my heart sank, because he will never be mine.

One time while I was watching him, I felt how he turned to me, same expression but magnificent for me and my heart fluttered, but then he avert his eyes from me, moving into the distance again, seeing nothing.

For him, I was… nothing.

For me, he was… everything.

And I chuckled that time like I’m doing right now, in silence but bitterly.

I lifted my eyes to watched him again, the same expression telling me how far away he is from me, but still, even if he makes a swing in my heart making it ache, I can never tell him how much he means to me, to my life, to my love.

Because I’m in love, but when I step away of him, I crumbled feeling the real distance that is between him, between me, between us.

Today I’m walking again to that place, to see him, my hands sweating cold, my knees feeling weak at every step I set, and then I realized that my body and soul are one, the two are feeble when it’s about him. I stopped before the big building and before even could breath deep to hold myself in order to see him, I just walk like if he is calling me; I’m walking to him.

And any breath leaves me, because again I find him there, flawless watching at the emptiness, and I try to figure out for first time what could he be seeing, but when I turned to where his gaze is settled I feel like a fool, because there is nothing, and I want to cry, to shout, to laugh, to get a hold of myself and leave but just another sight at him and everything is forgotten but him.

Weeks and months passed and every-day I went to see him, to at least have a slight sight of him and how he watches away of me, and I feel lost, and my throat feels close and it’s hard to breath, to talk, to even smile now.

I feel like a lost kid, but there is no one to hold my hand and somehow, I feel numb and empty, somehow now I feel nothing, and at the same time I feel like breaking-down and crying, but I know this is impossible, me and him can never be together, so there is no real reason to even try or feel how I’m feeling right now.   

Today, someone stood next to me, and at first I didn’t spared him a glare, but the person started to talk, and I wanted to say to him; ‘go away!’, ‘leave me alone!’, even so, I kept quiet, listening without really paid attention because my whole being was not here but with him.

“You know” started the voice, and for some reason, even when I neglect myself to listen him, my brain was snooping what he was saying “his name is Eunhyuk”

And for the first time I turned to see him, and I watched him or at least tried, but he was covered with a hood and black clothes, so I just shrugged my curiosity away as he kept talking.

“I had notice you come every day to see him”

I simply nodded not knowing what to do since it was true, the person next to me chuckled and it was harmonic.

“You’re straightforward”

And my mind traveled away again, playing inside over and over again the same name; “Eunhyuk”

When I turned to see if the person was still there, he wasn’t and I walked away like always, with a broken heart.

And the next day, like a sacred routine, I was before him, watching him and tears formed at the corner of my eyes and fell without my blessing, and I fell in darkness, somehow everything seemed surreal, silly and I started to laughed like a broken being. I was wrecked and I just noticed that today and I drowned myself into my own world.

And I brought my hands to my face and while laughing I yelled his name but no words came out of my mouth and no real tears were falling and I feel in despair watching him, and I got near him for the first time, and I lift my hand to touch him and then I realize my mistake, my reality and my fantasy, because he wasn’t warm, he wasn’t soft, he wasn’t how I imagined him. No. He was cold, he was gritty and he never had a smiled on his face, no, he wasn’t the one I fell in love, because he is paint in oil over a canvas. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Fin.

Yeah, sorry for making this like... so nonsense and confusing? even so, thank's for reading ;)