Choi Junhong was a loss in high school. A total loss.

He was thrown into a foreign environment, without his one and only best friend beside him. He had to face the new people and the new environment on his own.

And to think he had been excited to start high school.

He thought he would be fine, he thought he would be able to adapt it well just like how he did for middle school. But he forgot to account for the fact that his best friend won’t be with him this time, and that he was a painfully awkward person and there might not be a second person like Youngjae who could accept him the way he was.

He blamed all the dramas for making high school look more exciting than it actually is.

Slowly, he sat a seat away from a brown-haired boy with small, slanted eyes that seemed the most harmless among all the freshmen present in the auditorium.

“Hi.” The boy greeted with a bright smile. “Come on, sit closer! What’s your name?”

“Junhong.” He forced a smile and awkwardly stood up to sit right beside the boy. “And you?”

He hadn’t even wanted to add the last part, but he thought it would only be polite of him to do so. All he wanted to do was to curl up at one corner alone and be away from everyone’s prying eyes when he had been so determined to open up and make new friends just on his way to the school.

“Jongup. What school are you from?”

There it goes. The obligatory small talk and background check on the first day of school.

It turned out that Jongup came from a pretty well-known school while Junhong came from just another middle school. The fact made Junhong want to curl up more.

What if he looks down on me?

“What kind of club did you participate in?” Jongup continued the questioning despite the awkward atmosphere lingering between the two of them and Junhong was amazed how he managed to when Junhong himself was dying from the awkwardness.

“D-Dance club.” Junhong really wanted to bang his head on the wall. How the hell did he manage to stumble on his words for such a simple reply?!

“Oh! Cool!” Jongup’s eyes brightened and for a moment, Junhong was relieved. Only for a moment. “I was from the dance club too! I was the president and it was so much fun!”

Junhong felt his heart clench and his stomach churn.

“Did you participate in any competitions? I went for one just last year and it was great! We even managed to get the first prize!”

The churning magnified. How was Junhong supposed to reply? That he never joined any competitions and merely stuck around with Youngjae in the background?

What was he supposed to talk of his boring life?

“I-I didn’t…” But he guessed it would be better for him to be honest. He didn’t like to lie anyway. “I am not that good…”

“It’s okay.” Jongup smiled sympathetically. “You should though.”

And from there, the conversation died, Jongup choosing to talk to the guy on the other side of him whose name Junhong overheard to be Daehyun.

For the rest of the orientation, Junhong stuck by Jongup, but to be honest, Junhong felt alone. Painfully lonely despite the company of Jongup and Daehyun.

He ate lunch with them as they chatted, wanting to join in the conversation but having nothing to contribute because he was closed from the outside world in the safety of his home. They asked him questions, wanting to engage him but all Junhong was capable of was short replies that obviously bored them.

Junhong tried to smile as much as possible though, to at least look friendly. It didn't seem to help much.

When Daehyun and Jongup started talking in a volume which Junhong couldn’t hear he started to worry if they were talking bad about him because he knew there are people out there who are capable of being really nice in front of you but about you behind your back.

When his classmates looked at him with cold eyes he knew they were judging him for his fashion sense and hairstyle. Junhong had been satisfied with his blonde hair, finding that it suits him and made him stand out just a little more. But now he hated it.

As the day goes by the sickening feeling in his stomach grew, and by the end of the day all he wanted to do was to go home, curl up in his bed and cry. To stay in his little bubble where he doesn’t need to feel so inferior and useless and try so hard.

They most probably think that I am a boring loner.

When the day finally ended and Junhong finally got back to the place where he belong, the heavy feeling in his heart immediately vanished and he went back to being the cheerful Junhong he really was.

But when he skipped the next day of school to meet Youngjae, the weight on his heart came back, heavier than before.

“My class is full of awesome people! All of them are so friendly and nice and they are absolutely humorous! It’s amazing how much we bonded within a day!”

If only my class was like that…

“That’s so cool!” Junhong forced down the bitter feelings and smiled, because Youngjae did no wrong and doesn’t deserve to deal with a jealous Junhong. Besides, Junhong should feel happy when his friend made lots of new friends and had a good time. “I am glad that you are in a good class!”

Junhong could deal with his problem on his own.

And for that, he was determined to open up and stop being the emotionless and quiet boy he wasn’t the next day he goes back to school.

But his determination failed once again when he got back to school and his heart felt like it was locked behind a solid door. He was locked inside, and he couldn’t open it no matter how hard he tried.

Talking became such a chore. Socializing even for a minute would drain all his energy away when all he did was to listen.

He was useless against the lock.

He could only wish for someone with the key to open it. Or maybe someone who has the patience to break the lock down little by little.

But no one did.

Several had tried, but all of them gave up, some sooner and some later. But eventually, they all did, even Jongup.

It wasn’t long before Junhong gave up too.

And therefore Junhong’s heart remained locked.

Sometimes, we build up walls to see if anyone would care enough to break them down.

Sometimes, the walls were built because we were scared.

We were so scared, that we locked ourselves up really well, so well that even we ourselves can't escape.

 From tumblr.

A/N:

Forcing my life on Zelo ftw!
It's not really the same thing but somehow this gif and my mood swing got me to write this.
I hope you enjoyed reading. :)