"... Donghae, wake up. Donghae? DONGHAE!" 

 

 Donghae lifted his head with much difficulty and tried to find the person who woke him up. Yawning and rubbing his eyes he saw Leeteuk with a 

worried expression on his face.

"Again? Do you kids sleep at night anymore? Seriously, you look like a zombie, Donghae," the leader lifted him up from the comfy chair Donghae was sleeping on. 

 

"Hyyuung~ I just didn't get much of a sleep last night because Kyuhyun was snoring so loud," he complained while resting his head on top of  Leeteuk's shoulder. 

"And since when Kyuhyun started snoring? He's like the most quiet of all of us!" Donghae's head was pushed off and the leader walked out leaving the half awaken boy in the green room. 

 

Donghae looked how the door closed and he could feel how his eyelids started once again droop. His head fell down against the cold leather, arms and legs twiching to relax themselves. Just about when the sandman was going to do his job, he was stepped on by an evil maknae. 

 

"Hyung, you seriously say that I'm snoring? I'll take that as an insult," Kyuhyun yelled throwing his towel to Donghae's face. 

 

The sleeping boy got up again, shaking his head. 

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I'm just tired and talking nonsense," Donghae rubbed his eyes to wake himself up just a bit more. Kyuhyun rolled his eyes and made his way to the door.

"You need to get up, we're leaving for a up-coming tour-consultation in a few secs. Everyone's waiting for you," Kyuhyun turned around opening the door. Donghae was still in the progress of rubbing his face and ruffling his hair. 

 

"Donghae-hyung, NOW!"  Kyuhyun's yelling made Donghae snap out of his trance and jump straight up. He was jogging out of the room leaving Kyuhyun to shake his head. 

 

The car was full of conversations when Donghae found an empty spot between Eunhyuk and Kangin.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," he apologized, keeping his head hung low. You could hear Leeteuk's scold from the front seat making Donghae blush in embarrassment. 

 

Kangin shook his head for the two of them, poking Donghae's side. 

"Didn't sleep last night?" He asked and grabbed Eunhyuk's attention too. 

 

Donghae just shook his head, yawning at the same time. 

"It's just... Well, it has been a rough week and I just think that it's all because of stress," Donghae laid his head to the headrest looking at the ceiling. 

 

This made Eunhyuk frown. 

"No, Donghae, I know that it's not just from the stress-," he started to rant but was quickly interrupted by the sleepy one. 

"Yes, Eunhyuk, it's the stress," Donghae said with a serious tone looking Eunhyuk in the eyes. 

"So just let it be. I'll be alright when the schedules become easier." Eunhyuk was mentally punching Donghae in the face but ended up just angrily turning his face towards the window. 

"Suit youself then." 

 

Donghae rolled his eyes and murmured to Kangin that it's alright, nothing 

to worry about. 

 

 

**

 

"And Donghae! If I see you sleeping in the green room again, I'll use a pan to knock you out for the next three days!" Leeteuk shouted before entering his room. A light 'yes, hyung' could be heard from the livingroom where Donghae and Kyuhyun were watching TV. 

 

Right after they got to the dorms all the members divided to do their own  things. Some of them went straigt to bed and the others to do something 'brainless' you could say. Like watching TV. 

 

"Hyung, if my sleeping disturbs you so much, you could just tell Leeteuk-hyung to switch rooms. I'm sure he would do that," Kyuhyun stated while scanning through the channels. 

"Nah, I don't want to bother hyung like that. I'll just sleep on the couch or something," Donghae blocked Kyuhyun's idea straight away.

 

Kyuhyun threw the remote on to the couch sighing at Donghae. 

"Hyung, but you really need sleep. This week isn't even near ending and if you keep this up-,"

"I'm going to survive, Kyuhyun, just go to sleep or something," Donghae said in annoyance. 

"Well suit youself then hyung," Kyuhyun snapped and rushed to their shared bedroom slamming the door loudly. 

 

That's the second time Donghae heard those words today. 

 

It's not like  he's doing this on purpose. Sleeping was the one thing Donghae loved to do when he had the chance. He never had any troubles sleeping before, even when he was a little baby, he would fall a sleep instantly when his mother laid him down in the grip. Sleeping was his way to sort things out. Either he was angry or sad, after a good sleep, everything seemed better.

 

So why now? Why can't he sleep? 

 

Wiping a tear away from his cheek he puffed out loud. 

" this," he cursed and turned the TV off. These things would just screw up his already ed up brain.

 

Everything was cramped up inside. All the frustration, the sadness, the anger. Just one huge awful mess inside of him. And Donghae didn't find a way release them. Sometimes the mess would transform itself into a monster which would tear up Donghae's insides. 

 

The boy curled up to a ball on the couch, pressing his chest. It was getting harder and harder to breath, when the monster was digging it's claws into his lungs, suffocating them. Then the ribs, pushing them one at a time, making sure that each one was pressed hard against his lungs and heart. Tears rolling down on his face Donghae tried to gasp for air.  His hands were grabbing and squeezing everything near him. 

 

These seizures were coming more often than a week ago. First there was a little headache and a bad feeling in your guts. Then it started to evolve in to much, much bigger. Sleepless nights, migraines, nausea. And the killing feeling in your chest. First ones he was able to 

control and not losing it. 

 

But day by day, they became harder. It just happened one night when he was getting ready for sleep and just out of nowhere he had spasm that he couldn't control. Fingers scraping the sheets, toes curling, neck cracking for the sudden jerk from side to side... 

 

And all this was out of control. 

 

Still trying to catch his breath, Donghae felt someone shaking him violently. And all of a sudden, everything was gone. No monster inside of him, his muscles relaxed and finally some air was flowing in his lungs. 

 

Donghae opened his eyes to see who wake him up from the real life nightmare. 

"Are you awake?" The dark figure turned to be Shindong's. 

"Did you have a nightmare? You sure looked like it," Shindong chewed on  a bread looking his fellow member with worry in his eyes. 

 

Donghae managed to form a little smile on his tired face. 

"Ne, it was just... just a nightmare," he let out a sigh getting on the sitting position. 

"Thanks hyung, you can go to sleep now." Shindong frowned.

 

"You should go to sleep too, you look like ," he stated and chomped the rest of his bread down. Getting a last look of Donghae, Shindong returned to his room. 

 

Donghae sniffed in the air. "I wish I could, hyung, I really do," he mumbled to the ears that would never hear him. 

 

"I can't sleep, the monster inside keeps me awake all the time. When I try, everything just falls apart," his silent voice started to crack little by little. 

"I... I just don't know what to do anymore. What's wrong with me? Why is this happening? Why can't I ask for help?" Donghae's voice started to fill up with hiccups. Tears once again running down to his face, anxiety growing. 

 

He lifted his hands to cover his face up from everything. Hiding seemed like the best idea. He could hide from s, but not from himself. 

 

"I just want to sleep."

 

He opened up his mouth for a scream but nothing came out. Legs lifted up to his chest, hands around them he tried to rock himself to sleep.

 

Again Donghae filled his lungs for a scream, opened his mouth, squinting his watery eyes and screamed. 

 

Silence. 

 

Chest started to hurt again. Voices filled up his head. So many toughts at one time, just a huge mess inside his head and body. Donghae opened his eyes just to see blurred room and his own tears. 

 

"Why can't you hear me screaming?" 

 

 

 

"You're wrong." 

 

Quickly Donghae turned his head to see who the intruder was. 

"Oh, you aren't asleep Hyukjae?" He wiped his wet face trying to hide again into his shell. 

 

"Don't do that," Eunhyuk gritted his teeth and went to stand right infront of Donghae. Donghae sniffed and faked a smile. 

"Do what?" 

 

Eunhyuk closed his eyes lifting his index finger as a warning. He was mad.

"You know what I mean, don't hide from me!" He opened his eyes watching how Donghae still tried to cover up. 

"I'm not hiding-"

 

"SHUT IT!" Eunhyuk hissed making Donghae flinch. 

"I know everything, I heard everything you said when Shindong-hyung left, I ing SAW everything before he was even waking you up! So don't even try to cover that up anymore!" Eunhyuk ranted as quiet as he possibly could. 

 

Donghae shut up. He kept his gaze down, looking Eunhyuk's bare feets. From all the people in the world, Eunhyuk should have been the last person to find out his problems like this. He just couldn't bear to see the worry and sadness in the other's eyes. But how did he think that this would go unnoticed by him? Eunhyuk was his better half after all. He knew everything. 

 

Just thinking these things, all at once spinning around his head, Donghae started shaking and rocking back and forth again. He opened his mouth to say something but all Eunhyuk could see was Donghae swallowing his own tears opening his mouth like a fish. 

 

Angrily Donghae hit himself in the chest and started screaming. 

 

Screaming to the ears that would never hear, like before. 

 

Little did he know that there was somebody with extremely good hearing. 

 

Eunhyuk kneeled down to the couch wrapping his arms around the other. 

"I can hear you, Donghae," Eunhyuk whispered, rubbing his nose on Donghae's hair. 

"I can hear you screaming." 

 

After those words Donghae's insides exploded. The explode moved from his chest to his throat breaking the concrete wall which was blocking his cry for help all this time. For the first time in many, many nights, he was able to do that. 

 

Scream. 

 

Scream that woke up everyone in the dorm. Little did Donghae care. 

 

He screamed again, voice cracking. His body curled up into a little ball which was holding together only by Eunhyuk's hands. Or so it felt. 

 

His painful screams were turning into a loud hysteric crying. 

 

First one to see what the hell was going on, was Kangin. Mumbling something with sleepy voice he saw two crying figures on the couch. Other clutching to the louder one like his life would depend on it and the louder one squirming around with his eyes closed. 

 

Eunhyuk noticed Kangin making an eyecontact with him. This situation didn't need anymore people. Suprisingly enough Kangin got the message and was now shooing away the other members who had witnessed Donghae's breakdown. In the end he had to carry Leeteuk back to his room. 

 

All this happening around Donghae's situation wasn't looking like it would end itself.

"Donghae-," 

 

"P-please, Hyukjae, don't let go. Please. Get it out from m-me! I... I can'tlive with it anymore," Donghae stuttered letting another scream fill Super Junior's dorm. And Eunhyuk could feel how his heart gained another cut. 

 

Why didn't he notice earlier? 

 

"I'm sorry, I am so s-sorry. I should have... Donghae, why didn't you tell me?" Eunhyuk was trying to keep his head cool. With bad results. 

 

Donghae didn't say a thing but just shook his head. Like he wouldn't think that himself? Thinking all the possible answers to that question. Nothing seemed to be good enough. 

 

After a few minutes Donghae's breakdown eased to the point that he was only shedding tears and shaking. 

 

And after a few more moments he was just leaning to Eunhyuk. No more crying or yelling or shaking. 

 

It was so quiet. 

 

"Take it out from me," Donghae broke the silence, burying his head to Eunhyuk's chest. 

 

"What?" 

 

"The monster." 

 

"How do I take it away?" 

 

Donghae lifted his head to look Eunhyuk to the eyes. 

 

"... take it away," with those words Donghae landed his lips to Eunhyuk's own. 

 

Eunhyuk didn't flinch or pull away. No, but instead he pulled Donghae closer to him. 

 

Lips didn't move. They just touched and that was enough for the both of them. 

 

After a while Donghae moved away catching Eunhyuk's brown eyes. Saying nothing he laid down and pulled Eunhyuk with him. Instinctively Eunhyuk wrapped Donghae into his arms again. 

 

They were both pretty tired. Mentally and physically. 

 

"Did I take the monster away?" Eunhyuk asked although he knew the answer already. 

 

Donghae pressed his chest with his fist and sighed. 

 

"No." 

 

And with that conclusion the boys didn't had to say anything. Maybe this was a beginning, who knows.

 

But now, there was only Donghae whishing that just for this night...

 

This one night, 

the monster would sleep too.