I make a longer version for this fic. I don't know, maybe because of the emo I felt lately, I couldn't go out from my angst mode. Hopefully everyone will like this version as much as the original. 

 

 

“Yoboseyo?”

“…”

“Ryeowook-ah”

“…”

“gwaenchana?”

“… *sobbing*“

 

 

 

Why Did You Call?

But you won’t say anything

Why Did You Call?

But your tears started to flow first

Why won’t you say anything?

It was all my fault then

I am sorry

 

==========

A month before

==========

 

 

“Ryeowook-ah, uh di yah (where are you)?”

“Japan, hyung…”

“ Went will you back to Korea?”

“ After this concert, I will go to Singapore and Bangkok for SMTown Concert. Then I’ll be back to Korea” Ryeowook explained to his 4-month’s boyfriend, Eric Mun.

 

Yes, Eric is Ryeowook’s lover. Eric Mun, the leader of Shinhwa. When did it happen? The story began from the post-recording between Shinhwa and Super Junior for Shinhwa Broadcasting.   After the recording, both of the group started to hang out together again; while reminiscing how closed they were when they were still young, happy and naïve.  With the meeting between them, Ryeowook learned new things from his sunbaenim; yes, he hadn’t joined SM when Shinhwa was still in SM. He only knew them by the story from his manager or older member like Leeteuk hyung, sungmin hyung, eunhyuk hyung, or heechul hyung. They said that the sunbae were so playful and free-spirited, no one could bind their freedom, not even SM. Now he witnessed their mischievous behavior; which were crazier than they showed on the show. They were surely rascals, even on thirties. He wondered, even imagined, how crazy they were when they were teenagers, no wonder he heard some news that some of the managers relieved when Shinhwa decided to walk out of the company; must be hard to face their crazy acted. But it was a story that everyone already knew. The important thing happened during their bonding was he finally found his first love, Eric Mun.

 

When he met with others Shinhwa members, he always feels that Eric is special. Just like a dongsaeng who admire his sunbae, it was what he felt towards Eric. He learnt how humble Eric is, still sometime overshadow with his 4D character; but he knew it and looked up for him. Eric seemed realized it, because he looked after Ryeowook more day by day. The meeting that started with all members from both of the group shifted into the meeting between only the two of them. He didn’t realize since when; he started to meet up just with Eric. Sometime Eric would call him suddenly after his recording at Sukira and insisted to fetch him from KBS. Saying that he wanted to bond with his cute dongsaeng and wanted to treat him with good foods; to make sure that his little cute dongsaeng’s body fuelled with healthy meat. Ryeowook happily obeyed his requested, moreover his current manager used to be Shinhwa’s manager, so it wasn’t so hard to ask permission from him.

 

Ryeowook was so happy with Eric hyung’s nurtured; it was so rare, for him, that a sunbaenim chose him over others members. He is clumsy; moreover he’s not so good coping with a relationship, especially with sunbaenim. He neither has charm like Kyuhyun to make the sunbaenim loved him, nor charisma like Eunhyuk to make the sunbaenim proud of him. However Eric’s oncoming to him, only to him; made him on some way felt special.

 

On some other time Eric would take him to his apartment, introduced him with gomdori, the cute brownie puppy. While in that apartment, sometime he met with other Shinhwa member, a.ka Eric’s neighbor, Hyesung hyung. Hyesung comes and go uninvited, he just went when he wanted to and then went back to his apartment when he bored. Somehow their relation amused the dongsaeng, how they bickering endlessly on any trivial things; nevertheless they knew that they could count each other; have their back for every problem ahead. Ryeowook, deep down in his heart, was so jealous with their relation, hoped someday he would meet someone who could be his best best friend, just like them.

 

The progress between Eric and him were slowly, but it was a good process; from acquaintance to dongsaeng-sunbaenim to brothers. At that time Ryeowook was so happy, like the happiest man on earth. Then he started to feel lonely whenever Eric so busied that they didn’t have a chance to meet. Knowing Eric as a CEO on Shinhwa Company but also has another schedules as a member of shinhwa; plus he was tending a girl group idol. He was so busy, so much busier than him that Ryeowook felt sorry; he worried with his hyung health. He wanted to be a good little brother for Eric that he decided to make a surprise visit while bring ransoms, which he made especially for him. He wanted to cheer him up, so his hyung would have so much energy for the next schedule he must attended. So on one hot summer night, he came to Eric’s apartment; one thing leads to another thing; on the next morning, he woke up on Eric’s hyung bed, . And since then he officially dated his hyung. No one knows about this relation. Both of them choose to make it secret as long as possible.

 

“They still treated all of you like an animal, didn’t they?” Eric accusing voices penetrate to Ryeowook’s mind; wake him up from his old beautiful memories.

 

“Hyung~” Ryeowook whined. This topic is always to be the source of their never-ending argument. He was so ing tired with three days concert on Yokohama; then he must go back to Seoul before take a night flight on the same day to Singapore. Moreover his wisdom tooth was so hurt that he could barely eat. He really hoped his long distance call with his lover would lessen his tiredness; but it turns out that he must listen his lover anger, especially towards his company where he works on.

He knew that Eric wanted a better bargaining position with the company. He wanted Super Junior, especially him, to be treated better than now.

 

“Ryeowook-ah, baby… My precious baby, I am so worried-” Eric’s talked softly onto Ryeowook’s hear; but the voice sounds too old for his true aged. Ryeowook felt guilty, Eric must be devastated, weariness from his hectic job.

 

He was his personal pacifier; one day Eric told him on one of their secretly meeting. He said that he needs him constantly; and to make it sure Ryeowook is within his reached, he even told super junior manager about their relationship; told them that out of his concerned with Ryeowook’s health, he wanted Ryeowook’s schedule would be lessen than others members. No exaggerate promotion on random variety show, just stick to singing area and Sukira. The hot arguing then happened between Eric and the manager. Eric who was so good in negotiation finally won; in the end the manager must have to re-schedule. But even with Eric’s protection, Ryeowook’s schedule was still to demanding above his liking; just like what happened today. When he worn out after the thick schedules for his newest drama, he found out that Ryeowook aren’t on Korea. His patience finally runs out.

 

Feeling the anger from other line, Ryeowook tried to persuade his lover “Yeobo… please don’t me mad. I will sleep as many as possible. You don’t have to worry anymore~ I am more than capable to take care of myself.” Ryeowook talked as softly as possible, trying to assure his over protective lover that he is okay. Eric’s nagging was much more worst than his mother. He fells loved with it, he is. When Eric meddled with his schedule, intimated his manager to make a reasonable schedule for him; he felt that no one would loved him as much as Eric did.  He also takes care of him like a good boyfriend; buying him expensive cloths, bags, accessories, etc. Ryeowook remembered that he started to use branded product daily since an excessive amount of gifts Eric gave for him. He was fortunate with all the attention and loved he got from Eric; but after all he is a man, and a man should stand up on his own feet, though he has a so damn rich lover.

 

“You must quit from SM!” Suddenly, just like a thunder on the sunny day, Eric stated a statement that Ryeowook sure it cannot be objected.

 

“Why?” Ryeowook asked; he thought that maybe he can be negotiated with him.

 

“So you don’t have to do this kind of !” A roar voice audible from other line, startled the eternal maknae of Super Junior. He was so shocked with sudden shout from his yeobo; aware that Eric was more than pissed out.

 

“B-but…”

 

“No but babe… just, just follow my instruction.” Eric sighed tiredly “It’s for the best.” The statement, which don’t let any room for argument

 

“I can’t do that hyung… I am, belong to the group; to super junior.” Ryeowook bites his lips; prevent him from sobbing. “I don’t want this group to disband. Just like yours. I want to be like shinhwa who can establish the group until 14 years”. Ryeowook pleaded. His eyes hot with tears but he struggled so hard to not let them dropped, even for one. He wanted to look strong enough so his lover understands with his current position. 

 

“Just ing get out from that management. With or without your member!” Eric snapped for the last time before hung out the phone; left the shocking Ryeowook behind. Too surprised with Eric’s yelling to even realize that the other line was shut off, until he felt someone poked his shoulder. “Ryeowook-ah, what’s wrong?” His hyung, Yesung, asked him; eyed Ryeowook pale face with concern.

 

Ryeowook smiled weakly; he shook his head and replied. “Aniya hyung… gwaenchana”

 

---

 

The incident that happened on the last day of the concert in Yokohama left Ryeowook in a misery. He couldn’t enjoy the after-concert party; constantly he heard Eric’s voice in his head over and over again, and it made him headache. He wanted to obey his lover but he didn’t want to be a trouble for others members. Eric was the first one he loved since he knew he was gay. He loved Eric so much that it was hurt to hear Eric’s anger voice towards him.

 

“Ryeowook ah, gwaenchana?” He heard his manager called him. The worried voice that he instantly knew that the manager knew there was something happened between him and Eric.

 

“I am okay hyung…” Ryeowook replied softly. Still attempted to hold his tears. This situation started to troll onto him but he must showed that he was strong enough to face this situation.

 

The manager looked to Ryeowook’s pale face, watched him for sometime before said “Hey, I will bring you to him the first time we landed on Seoul tomorrow. Don’t worry” His manager patted his back, assured him that everything gonna be okay.

 

“Thank you hyung…” Ryeowook smiled thankfully with his understanding manager.

 

--

 

On the next morning, Ryeowook took the first flight to Seoul. Based on the schedule his manager gave to him, he would leave Seoul again at midnight to Singapore; he will have some free time to visit his lover before out of the country for the next SM Town Tour. With a brave smile plastered on his face, he walked into Eric’s apartment building, the first destination he did after reached Seoul. He pressed the button bell to Eric’s apartment and waited patiently. He knew Eric was sleeping; he is an easy sleeper, but he is an easy wake up even to a very small noise. So he was sure his boyfriend would be come out soon. He hoped that the argument would be end soon, because he really missed his boyfriend so damn much. He wants to spend his short free time on his lover arms and doing some effective activity such as kissing, hugging, cuddling; or maybe if he is lucky enough they will end up in the bed, making love.

 

The sound of the door broke his imagination, the door finally opened; echoed in the quiet hallway. It was only 6 a.m. in the morning on the winter season. Most of the tenants must be still sleeping. He then prepared to face his lover with his best smile where it turned out he met with a very beautiful lady, whom dressed with Eric’s favorite white shirt that covered half of her white small thigh; but it didn’t cover up the facts that she didn’t wear anything, unless her underwear, under that shirt. Suddenly realized the painful situation he faced, he run out from the scene, before the beautiful lady said anything; left immediately, leaving a confusion woman behind.

 

--

 

The journey to Singapore and the concert were just like a black hole blast for Ryeowook. After the incident, he lived like a ghost who lost his soul. His body was numb, too hurt to feel anything. A wise man said that a heart broken is better than have a toothache; but it’s a lie, so ing lie. His hearts were so hurt, so hurt that he couldn’t feel anything, even from his wisdom teeth anymore. He couldn’t sleep; couldn’t eat. He wants to bury his self; wants to escape from the world he living in. He wants to go to the deserted island and cried out loud for mourning his tragic life. He even wants to kill him self, if it means he won’t feel any hurt anymore.

 

He wants to be left alone so he can tend his broken heart; but he couldn’t get that privilege; not now, when he has two concerts onward. He surrounds by the fans anywhere he goes; the airport, the hotels, the lobby, anywhere. He, who is usually nice with the fans, chooses to be ignorance for todays, put his headphone and set its volume up to the highest level.

 

The after party was never been so bored before. He was so ed up with his loved life that he didn’t care to mend with others; celebrating for another succeeds concerts. He buried himself with alcohols on the corner of the hall, where the party’s being held; put his self on the darkest place of the hall. He intended to be unrecognized, with colleague, staff or dancers. One by one the empty bottle spread around him. He didn’t count how many bottle of beer he already drank. And for every glass of beer he drank, he blamed himself for his foolishness to believe that Eric hyung loved him unconditionally. He was so high with his delusional; his perfect-loved that he forgot the reality, that Eric was a playboy before. It apparently never changed. He sighed. Maybe Eric hyung was in his playful mode when they met. Maybe he just wanted to try out a man as his lover, experimented with that kind of relationship. Then now he was bored, because Ryeowook isn’t an obedient lover, so he returned to he used to be, playing with girls.

 

“Ryeowook-ah, are you okay?” He saw blurry to one of TVXQ’s dancers who sat next to him. He didn’t realize when he was coming to him. That man shook his body softly, asking him with so much concern on his eyes.

 

And his concerned, overwhelmed him. “I… I…” Ryeowook’s voice cracked. The tears he was holding for two days finally out of his eyes. “I-I break up hyung-” Ryeowook answered, hiccup. His face flooded by tears.

 

“Hush….” The dancer hugged his tired body. Caressed his back lovingly.

 

“Hyung… I am so ed up-” Ryeowook said between his sobbing. The hugging from the hyung he didn’t recognized at the moment but wrapped warmly onto his cold body. For once, he felt assure

 

“Ryeowook-ah, do you know when one love failed you, you must find another love. It’s the best medicine for a broken heart” The hyung persuaded the crying man.

 

“…”

 

“Just find another love Ryeowook-ah… just find another love…”

 

--

 

Ryeowook woke up with a throbbing pain on his head; like someone knocks his head with hammers. His was the first thing out from his mouth that reek of alcohol. He buried his head deeply to the soft pillow that the hotel provides for a luxury room SM rented for him and s, with hope that maybe the pain will be gone as soon as possible.

 

“Hurts….” Ryeowook whined to no one. It has been too damn long for him since his last hangover. He recalled the headache, but there were some recognized pain on his body, the pain that correspond to his ex but couldn’t remember the cause.

 

“Bam… Bam… Bam….” Suddenly he heard someone pounded the door. He blinked consciously, tried to recollect his mind. His attempted to wake up and open the door soon were dismissed; someone else already opened the door. Is there anyone else in here with him?  He asked to him self. The last thing he remembered was he was drinking at the after party; after that the memory blurred, lost within the amount alcohol he drank.

 

Wide steps approached him; the long heavy step. Then he felt a hunch of bad feeling overwhelming. He sensed something was so wrong that he jerked up from his bed. He ignored the spinning feeling in his head and tried to seat on his bed; the pain on his spine wake him out from his blurry mind. Jesus, what he has done? He scolded him self; the pain was so usual to him, that it was like after the match he had done with Eric.

 

“…” Ryeowook cursed, hide his eyes with his palms. There must be something happened last night, but with whom he did it? He was on Singapore, 4000 km away from Eric. He was sure he would do this kind of activity with s, so with whom? He shuddered of fear, didn’t want to open his eyes to see the truth.

 

But he felt someone standing in front of him, standing so closely that his toe touched his shoes. The dark aura was sorely from the standing stranger. He raised his face curiously and met eyes to eyes with his lover, or he should say his ex lover, Eric Mun.

 

“How dare you to do this to me Ryeowook-ah!!!” Eric’s voice was reverb on that big suite room. His face is red, as tomato. His pulse on his forehead was seen clearly. His anger was unstoppable. He showed his scary tantrum with beaten up the dancer, who was opening the door for him, who slept with his lover, until unconscious; then smashed the glass on the bar and kicked furniture in that room. As he did that, Ryeowook curled on the bed, his body trembled. Afraid, sad, guilty mingled on his mind. He didn’t know who is the one cheated, he or Eric.

 

---------------------------

 

Two days after he came back from Bangkok, Ryeowook converged with Hyesung hyung. “Ryeowook-ah…. That girl, who slept on his apartment is his cousin” Hyesung smiled weakly.

 

Ryeowook stay still, didn’t say any world. Hyesung hyung felt sorry with the misunderstanding and then left him alone.

 

 

Never in a day have I forgotten you

Never for a moment would I left you

 

---------------------------

 

A week after that, he was sitting in the van when out of the blue, his manager whispered, “Ryeowook-ah, Eric hyung… he came to Singapore because he didn’t want any misunderstanding.”.

 

Still, no word comes from Ryeowook’s mouth. The manager sighed, frustrated with the lack of respond from other.

 

 

I still love you so much

I still miss you so much

How we ended parting?

 

---------------------------

 

A month after the incident, Heechul hyung came to his room,  Ryeowook was sitting on his bed, watched the silent night from his bedroom window. Heechul sat beside the broken boy who he loved so much, then said softly, “Ryeowook-ah, he loves you so much… He’s still waiting for you” He patted Ryeowook’s back, gave him courage for making a move. Afterward he left the boy alone to make a decission. This time Ryeowook stirred, he took out his cellphone from under his pillow and pressed number one button.

 

“Yoboseyo?”

“…”

“Ryeowook-ah”

“…”

“gwaenchana?”

“… *sobbing*… hyung, mianne“

 

 

So both of us cried for a long time

Holding onto the phone

‘Til the tears had stop falling

Now I know how much I love you

I’m sorry I love you

We’ll have to love again

 

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