• [One-Shot] The Kiss

By AppleJaJing

Reviewed by --placingfifth

• Title: 3/5

Marked you off because there were about four other stories with the exact same title. Otherwise, it was slightly pulling on my interest strings and also, it did match the story and it was capitalized correctly.

However, it had '[One-Shot]' before it, so that kind of put me off. There is a button when you're editing the foreword that you can click. It marks the story as a oneshot. 

• Description: 6/10

It's choppy and I don't even know where the mistake is. If I had to rewrite it, I would put it like this:

Even after dating for seven months, Myungsoo and Jiyoung hadn't even had their first kiss. That all changed when Myungsoo and his friends decided to have a bet...

Or something along those lines.

• Plot: 28/30

I've never read a plot like yours before. I mean, I've seen similar plots, but not with kissing and especially aftre seven months, in a proper relationship. 

However, I marked you down for how inconsiderate the situation is. They've been dating for seven months and it's pretty obvious that they love each other (basing this off the way how you explained how they kissed), so when I read that they were going to bet on the kiss, I got a shock and felt slightly unnerved. I mean, wouldn't you want your first kiss with your girlfriend of seven months to be special? But you're motivated by a tiny little bet?

• Flow: 7/10

It gets a bit fast paced once the drama started happening. I mean, Myungsoo and Jiyoung attemped to kiss and it didn't work. Usually, because they haven't kissed before, most couple would approach this kind of situation carefully and rather nervously and shyly. So when they were going all out on it, I got a bit of a surprise. They're a sweet loving couple, but they're so heated for each other that it just doesn't work.

• Characterization: 14/15

Infinite are idiots and Jiyoung and Myungsoo are too nice. I'm not referring to Infinite as the band (because I love them to death). That's about as simple as it gets.

• Grammar and Spelling: 18/20

Punctuation mistakes and sometimes you went out of tense. 

Makes [ Wrong tense ]

Made [ Right ] This is referring to the beginning of the chapter.

And a few others I cannot remember. 

But the main problem is with dialogue. This is how you punctuate dialogue, using the comma and full stop:

"[Insert dialogue][,]" [he/she/[name]] [said it like this]. <--- This is how you punctuate with commas. It's a lot to take in, but bear with me. You use commas in dialogue only when you are going to explain who is saying it and/or how they are saying it and/or with what they are doing as they are saying it. For example:

"Hello Myungsoo," she said with a chuckle as she waved at him.

This is how you punctuate using a fullstop.

"[Insert dialogue][.]" [He/She/[name]] [did this or that]. <------ This is how you punctuate using full stops. For example:

"Hello Myungsoo." He turned towards the handsome man and waved. 

As you can see, the 'He' has a capital. Take note. If you use a comma, the 'he/she' that comes after it must be in lower case. If you use a full stop, the 'He/She' that comes after it must be in upper case.

• Hooking Techniques: 10/10

Humor with Infinite? Worked like a charm.

• Overall Total: 86/100

Credits to  {백조} e v a l u a t i o n ❣❣