Still Here




 

Hey Bae... How are you? Yeah, I'm back. It took a long time but I'm back! The days went so slowly because I couldn’t come to you. You know, I was so busy. Work, work, work and when I got home I fell, without some food, so asleep. It does me good actually, all that work. It leaves me thinking and I can misrepresent. I can laugh with guys and genuine. I can’t just be myself and it's good so. You know, the guys wanted to come too, but Seung Hyun and Dae Sung had to go to a movie premier. And yeah, maknae… He has a new girlfriend. He is happy. They’re happy. Me too, Bae.

You're not mad at me, right? No, don’t be baby! I know you think it so terrible that I couldn’t come but I can’t every day, you understand right? I’m sure you do. You know, I had so bizarre dream last night. We walked together hand in hand at the beach and you my hair. The sun was setting, and together we watched to see how the sun gleams disappeared and the sky turned pink. You kissed me and we were so happy. I closed my eyes and did it again open, but suddenly you weren’t beside me. The whole beach was empty and I yelled your name. Suddenly, it was like someone squeeze my chest. There was a lump in my throat and then I saw you. You were in the water and looked at me. I ran to you but before I could hug you were gone. I tried the come after you, but suddenly the water was much deeper and I didn’t know how to swim. Then… I woke up .. I think I should forget it as soon as, I don’t like bad dreams. That’s painful!

Fortunately, you were lying next to me and I was fine. I cuddled on you. Your warmth .. it does me so good. Your strength arms around me, who gave me the sense of security. The possessive feeling, I love it. Just like yours my dear. You know that. Yeah you know it. Haha. I'd read a book ‘under the tree’. I couldn’t put it down because I am completely under their spell. I saw the landscape, the tree itself, the people. I saw it just for me. as if I was there and everything went through! It was the kind of love, the finest and strongest love. A bit like Romeo and Juliet, maybe even better. Eventually they let go, simply because they could not. But, I didn’t like the end. I got a nasty taste to.

Are you cold? I hope you don’t! I do not want you feel cold because when you are cold then I'm cold too. Today he was back at YG. You know, he, who wanted to be with me so bad, and how often I made it clear that you're the only one, he didn’t give up. Eventually you showed up and gave him a hard punch that he since then didn’t say a word. But today he was back. He even smiled at me! What a nerve! Don’t be upset, baby, you're the only one, you know ...

The sky just turned white. I looked up and saw just the last sign of lightning. The thunder that followed made the earth tremble. Suddenly there was a splash in my eye. I rubbed it away and it started to rain. It rained so hard. As if the clouds that all the time held everything on, released it now. I didn’t care much. My hot tears that mingled with the rain. Quietly, my hand the earth and squeezed it.

Baby .. Bae! It's raining! Wake up, Sunshine! It's raining!

I grabbed the earth with my hands. I cried. I cried so hard but I didn’t care because I knew I was alone. For a long time. I looked up and saw the stone where your name was on it. I don’t know why I always come. Why do I still tell things to you. I told you that you lay beside me, you weren’t. But I could feel. I felt it.

Baby, my Young Bae, I miss you. I miss you. And it’s hurts. So much. I'm dying in pain. And I want that no one saves me. I wouldn’t be saved. My Bae, I love you. Damn, I LOVE YOU.

The word ‘lonely’ wasn’t in my dictionary. I had never been lonely because you were always there. Already when I was little, to whom I am today. But you're gone. Suddenly loneliness has me in his power.

Bae, I die. I die here. I can’t. I can’t pretend you are alive but then I can’t pretend you're dead. Do you understand me? I can’t go but I can’t even stay here. I die, Bae. Take me. I don’t want to stay anymore. I want to be with you. I want to lie again next to you, to smell you. I want to laugh with you, cry and I want you to kiss me. I miss your strong body that could comfort me so well. I want to feel your hand on my hand and I want to sing, dance with you… I want to watch the sunset, as we so often did. I want to die because then I can be with you…

Young Bae. I die, Kwon Ji Yong is dying. Save me. Because I can’t die. Because, here in me is a heart that loves you... Loves you so much… but what can I do with that if you're not here?

Without you here, G-Dragon isn’t the same. Kwon Ji Yong even died long ago.

Baby, what should I do? I have no strength. I can’t, anymore.