If I was dead, why did it sound so busy? I heard many footsteps and strangers talking. I was scared out of my wits when I heard how loud a voice was over what I assumed was a speaker. I could almost hear sobbing in the background and then my ears focused on a steady beeping. I didn't need sight to know that I was in a hospital. 

"Crying and apologizing now isn't going to save him. You should just stop." Daesung sighed. 

I sensed the hostility in his voice. I knew he must've been angry that he wasn't able to stop me. 

"Do you even care that he's gone?" the voice I recognized as YB's sobbed. 

"Why aren't you crying?"

"Because you three are at fault! Every single one of you!" he yelled. 

Ouch. 

"How could you even blame me for this?" Seungri choked out, "I loved Jiyong with all of my heart!" his voice cracked and he couldn't continue.

"Not all of it," Daesung stated matter of factly. 

I'd never heard Daesung be so mean and brutal. I never expected him to be this harsh towards the guys. At least, I didn't think he'd be this mean so shortly after my death. Maybe saying my attempt at death would be more appropriate since I was obviously still alive. I suppose after watching them drive me to this the past few months, he'd had enough. 

"And what do you have to say about all this, tubby?" he spat at what could've only been TOP. "Are you ready to own up to your part in this?"

There was no response from him and Daesung cried out desperately.

"Do any of you even care that you drove him to this? You all kept pushing him further to the point of no return until my words finally had no effect on him anymore,"

There was crash and I felt the tension in the room increase. I wanted to open my eyes and see what was happening, but my body wouldn't cooperate. 

"You," he hissed, "if you had just loved Jiyong with your whole heart like you did with someone who hadn't deserved it, maybe that would've been enough to keep him here."

"But," Seungri pitifully attempted to respond to Daesung. 

"Shut up!" I wanted to stop him but I was immobile, "if you hadn't been so caught up on things in the past, then maybe you could've had a future with him!"

I heard helpless whimpering and I suddenly felt bad. Those were things I'd wanted to say. Hearing them from Daesung's mouth made them sound cruel and heartless. 

"And did you know Jiyong had it set in his mind that you hated him?" I knew he had moved on to Young Bae. "He told me that every time you looked at him, he died a little inside because he just knew that you hated him so much. I think he really did this to please you; He always wanted to make you happy. Are you happy now?"

"Of course I'm not happy," YB wailed. "I didn't mean it! Never when I thought or said that I hated him and wanted him dead did I really mean it!" I had seen YB at his worst, but never had he sounded so broken and defeated. 

Daesung scoffed and I heard a pair of feet moving across the room. 

"Jiyong looked up to you." the room was silent when he said that except for the other two trying to control their weeping. "Even though he was the leader and he wrote all the hits, he looked up to you. You inspired him."

"I didn't know," TOP stated quietly with a steady voice. 

"Whenever he asked you questions about what you did in music, it wasn't to criticize you. It was so that he could analyze and try to become more like you! He wanted you to be as interested in him as he was in you but you only pushed him away and insulted him time and time again."

"I didn't know," he repeated, a little louder this time. 

"There were times when he thought he wasn't even good enough to be in the same group as you. You never reassured him. You just put him down because you were jealous!" Daesung hollered. "Are you still jealous now?" he maliciously asked. 

"I said I didn't know!" TOP desperately yelled and I heard fist connecting with face. 

For a long time, no one spoke. No one moved. I don't even think they were breathing. The room was silent and motionless and the tension really freaked me out. There was a shuffling sound and then quiet chuckling. The quiet chuckling soon turned into hysterical weeping. 

"He loved every single one of you and he never hesitated to show it," Daesung squeaked. "He would still be here if you all weren't such hateful bastards," he managed to choke out before he went to bawling. 

The chorus of I didn't know and other apologies rang through the room and echoed in my mind. I hadn't meant to cause so much grief. I felt my eyes flutter open, but my vision was still dark. Gasps sounded in every direction and I turned my head towards each one of them. 

"He's awake," someone called out. 

I felt many sets of hands on my body and touched each one of them. Tears fell on my face and hands as I tried to become accustomed to my body being mobile again. Light shown around the edges of my vision and then my sight came back completely. The rest of BIGBANG stood over me, watching anxiously. A small smile appeared on my face as I watched them. 

"Jiyong," TOP whispered. 

"T.O.P hyung," I whispered back, mocking him. 

He roughly pulled my body to him in a tight hug. 

"You bastard! Don't ever scare me like that again!" He yelled as he held me. 

His body was trembling. The others joined in the hug. Tears began to stream from my eyes; they were tears of joy. I'd never felt so close to them. Daesung pulled away and just watched us with a bruised eye. Seungri was kissing my face all over and Taeyang held my hand tightly. TOP had never let go. All I heard were apologies coming from everywhere. 

I wanted to tell them that it was okay; I forgave them. However, I couldn't find my voice anymore. My eyelids felt heavy and I closed them. I think I deserved the rest. The beeping of the monitor stopped and I couldn't hear the screaming I knew was bound to follow. I felt bad for leaving without a goodbye. 

"It's okay guys," Daesung spoke softly, "He forgave you. I'm sure of it."

Thanks, Dae.