My name is Kim Jongin... You have probably heard of me, no surprise there.

I'm typing this to my fans, who will never read this.

This letter will be saved onto my laptop, then I'll probably throw it in the trash and delete it forever.

Well, here it goes.

Dear EXOtic,

               Hi, how are you? I hope you are feeling better than I am. It's been almost a year since EXO has debuted and I still can't believe it. I am very thankful that you have given me the chance to fulfill my dreams. But, I can't help but feel... Like you still can't see me. Not in a literal sense. I was is most of the teasers for our promotion so I'm not talking about that. Sasaengs don't even know me (Not that I care for them much, they're kind of scary).

I know how you see me sometimes, I know what you think of me. I hear you say it all the time, whispering it to others. "Why is he the face of the group?" "He's such a for showing his skin." "He has too much screen time!" I get it! You don't like me! But It wasn't my choice to be the face of the group! It wasn't my choice to be in 13 of our 23 teasers! I was freaking injured during the first third of our promotions! AGH! I don't know how much longer I live with this! I work hard, and people hate me even more! I'm on the verge of crying again, but I promised myself I wouldn't show it.

And I can't change the color of my skin. I'm dark! That's it! I know I'm not milky white like everyone else, but why does everyone have to hate me for it? "The face of the group should have milky skin! He should be attractive." I know! All I am is a target for nasty comments and jokes. How does my skin color make me less pure than anyone else? Why do people violate me when we're traveling? And when that happens how come no one say or does anything?

...All I can do is dance and smile for everyone. I'll keep doing that, for you. I know there is a small part of you (EXOtic) that cares. Even if you never think about it, I am always thankful for you. Just... please stop. I don't like feeling pain, I don't like being ignored. I love you! Can't you see how hard I work for you?

Sometimes my own hyungs ignore me... I guess it's because though onstage I can put up an act, I'm actually scared. I'm shy. I'm quite. Is that why you don't like me? I don't know what to think anymore. Even though Kyungsoo hyung is like a mother to me, Luhan listens and plays with me sometimes, and Sehun pays attention to me, but... I'm really lonely. I'm not the maknae, so your attention isn't really on me. But that's okay. I don't mind.

When you do notice me, I smile and feel so happy! But when you hate me, or ignore me, or say things about me that aren't true, I really do feel like a piece of trash. Can you see my torment? Your hateful words torture me! Why can't you see that? Why don't you hear my crying at night? Why is it that my whole life I've worked so hard to achieve this, but I feel alone and abhored?

I'm waiting for you! Trying to get your attention! But you have blinded yourself from me, you are deaf to my cries! Why? I love you so much! I want you to hear me! To see me! To know who I actually am! Why have you covered my true character with a facade that I am a player? That I am confident in myself? Becuase I'm really scared! Please! Help me! I don't want to live like this forever! I don't want to be alone!

I know I'm not funny like my hyungs, I know I'm awkward, I know I was in too many teasers, I know my skin is not white, I know I can't be the perfect person you want me to be. But... Why can't you just love m- Never mind. Just... remember who I am, okay? Sorry for taking up your time... I won't do it again. Actually, I'm going to trash and delete this right now. I shouldn't have writen this.

Yours Forever, Kim Jongin

P.S. I  Love You.

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