Final

Bom’s POV

Flashing lights, vivid memories…everything so fresh was imprinted in my Brain, over and over again those exact same scenes will play in my head as if it’s on repeat. His low chuckle which never fails to send chills down my spine, as I sat there knowing what was about to come. They warn me that it’s bad for me; they tell me the same sentences every single time it’s becoming a normal routine for me to shut them off and escape into my own world.

‘Move on,’ those two words would spill out of their mouths almost as if they were programmed to nag me with that every single time, it was getting tedious. Faking smiles, letting out shallow laughter out of my mouth was painful, but they all knew…they all knew how broken I was inside.

“Bom…please attend the appointment,” my mother had urged, bending down to kneel on the ground with both legs as she clasped both my hands in hers.

Looking down at my mother with emptiness, I nodded my head meekly, the sunken eyes she showed me doing damage straight to my poor little broken heart.

“Just because I love you,” I croaked, breaking off the grasp of my mother as I went ahead and grabbed my purse.

“Promise me you won’t back out of this,” my mother begged, hearing the desperation with each word that rolled off her tongue.

Grabbing the beanie that rested on the desk, I fastened the knot of my jacket around my waist as I picked up the keys that hung beside the door.

“I promise, now go home and get some rest,” I reassured her, patting my mother’s back lightly as we both walked towards the entrance of my – our – apartment.

“Okay…just be safe when you drive,” my mother said with worried eyes as I watched her silhouette fade down the hallway.

Slinging my Chanel bag over my shoulder, I stayed beneath the door frame as I slipped the beanie on…the scent of the accessory fading slowly with the memories it had.

my dry lips, I looked around the empty apartment, the calmness of the within the walls aching to my heart as I flicked the lights off, preparing myself for my first session with the so-called famous therapist.

“Are you going out Bom?” the doorman had asked surprised, not daring to open the door just yet for me.

I gave him a small smile, “yes I am, I have an appointment,” I informed him, tilting my head to signal for him to open the door as his job required him to do.

“I’m afraid I can’t…” the doorman, Pierre – he’s French – replied.

“Don’t worry I’ll be back in no time,” I said reassuringly, fiddling with the car keys in my fingers.

Pierre stared at me with sad eyes…longing even, “I promised to him I would look after you if ever anything happens you-“

“I know…I know you did Pierre…just let me visit the therapist and I’ll be back before you even know it,” I answered him before he could even finish his own sentence.

“Alright…be safe mademoiselle,” Pierre said reluctantly, pulling the glass door open as he finally let me out of the building.

This is my life now; the people around me treated me as if I was a thin sheet of glass, ready to crumble any time soon as they showered me with only bright stories ensuring to avoid anything particular which connected to him. Even to the extent of considering his name a taboo, erasing all evidences of him when I come around.

Like a small child in a kid-proofed house, all edges and corners secured with safety measures to certify my well-being, only thing different was they sealed the sharp ends with nothing but dull tales to tell, sugar coating it times a hundred, as if I could not mentally endure any terrible news.

Driving even…I was actually banned from getting behind the wheel until I had finally outburst on my parents with such treatment as I found it outrageous. So here I am, my right foot pressing against the gas pedal while both my hands stayed glued to the steering wheel.

Whizzing pass familiar structures, skyscrapers even as I made my way deeper into the city with the instructions given to me specifically by my mother. Honestly I found the idea of spilling my guts out to a complete stranger appalling, but if this is what takes for my mother to have some peace at mind, I’ll do it.

“Welcome, may I please help you?” the receptionist questioned with an overly eager smile, which I’ll bashfully say I find horrid.

“Yes, I have an appointment…” I answered with an uneasy smile, tapping my nails on the counter.

The receptionist nodded her head, “your name please?” she asked, looking up at me from her computer screen.

“Park-I mean Kwon Bom,” I replied with a shaky voice, my eyes shooting down to the wedding ring I had resting on my ring finger.

“Well, Miss Chaerin has been waiting for you, please follow me,” she answered, standing up from her seat as she walked out from behind the counter in her white and black number.

I could immediately tell this place oozed with money, the furniture the paintings that decorated the whole place screamed thousands of dollars which just approved her status of being a top therapist in the country.

“This is your first time isn’t it?” the receptionist said, walking ahead of me as she led me towards the office of her boss, “I can tell by your nervousness,” she beamed.

“It is…” I replied, feeling the tension build up on me even more with each step I took.

“Don’t worry about it, she’s the best and she’s really easy to talk to,” she guaranteed me, turning around abruptly as we stopped beside the door, which I assume leads to the said therapist.

“I’m just eager to get this over with, I’m here with my mother’s orders,” I laughed sheepishly, pulling down the beanie on my head further.

“Oh, don’t fret, that’s usual,” she responded, “most of our clients have caring relatives and friends, who just want the best for them…and I’m guessing the same for you as well,” she explained, lightly patting my shoulder.

“Yeah…I’ve been quite a burden for them these past few months,” I nodded.

“If it’s not a problem may I ask why they sent you here?” the receptionist asked, at least glad she fully knew she was sticking her nose up in my comfort zone.

“I…uh…” I said uncomfortable, unsure on how to reject politely.

As if angels were watching me from up there…or should I say my angel specifically, both our attention were taken away from our conversation as the door swung open.

“I’m afraid I’m the one who’s supposed to be asking her that, not you Dara,” the person announced, connecting the dots as she was obviously Chaerin, as the receptionist bowed her head with shame.

“Sorry Miss Bom,” the receptionist, Dara now as I heard from Chaerin apologized, bowing her head continuously.

“Just try to refrain from asking them questions next time Dara…you might just end up scaring them away,” Chaerin said with a soft tone, gently tugging on my arm as she led me into her spacious office.

“I will…sorry again Bom,” Dara repeated, with Chaerin closing the door behind us as we were left in the confines of her modern office.

I can tell Chaerin was definitely a friendly person, never failing to drop the smile on her face as she led me towards the sofa where we both sat.

“Nice to meet you Bom, my name is Lee Chaerin,” she introduced herself, offering her hand for a handshake as she let her notepad rest on her laps.

As I am a person with manners, I accepted her gesture as I shook her hand in return, “nice to meet you too,” I replied.

“I see you like customized accessories?” Chaerin started off with a light topic, pointing to the object I treasured on my head.

“I’m sorry?” I asked back with confusion, not quite understanding.

Chaerin pointed to the beanie on my head again, “It reads Giyongchy, I’m guessing you personally got that customized,” she explained.

“Oh…” I said with a small voice, “a-actually I’m not the one who got it…it’s Jiyong’s…my husband’s,” I mumbled, feeling myself immediately choke up with the slight mention of his name, now understanding why my close ones treated his name as a taboo.

“Jiyong? May I ask who this person is? He seems special to you,” Chaerin started, already sensing she was getting into the session, as she darted her eyes from the notepad she held and back to my face.

“He’s my husband…just like I said,” I answered, not feeling the need to elaborate on that even more.

“Kwon Jiyong right? If my guesses aren’t wrong,” Chaerin said, “since your name is Kwon Bom, I’m guessing you got the name from him,” she explained her mindset.

I nodded, just answering her questions, nothing more nothing less, “Now I know this is a sensitive topic for you…but what happened that night?” Chaerin asked, closing my eyes shut as each word sunk…of course she knew…it was breaking news for our country.

“I would rather not go into that,” I excused, feeling my throat slowly close up as I squeezed my eyes shut even more.

“I know this is hard for you Bom…but I can help,” Chaerin stated, “by retelling that accident it can provide you closure…” Chaerin continued.

I knew her words made a hundred percent sense, causing a distinct flash of light to reappear in my mind with my hands immediately flying up to my ears as I shook my head profusely.

“No!!!” I screeched as if in my own world, my eyes flying open as I panted for air.

Chaerin looked at me with a sad expression, finding her closer to me as she hugged my lightly, “its okay Bom…I’m here with you,” Chaerin calmed me down.

“I-I can’t…it hurts too much for me to relive it,” I whimpered, my hand creeping up as it pulled my beanie off allowing me to hug the accessory.

“I understand it does…but it can be good for you,” Chaerin pushed.

Looking at her reluctantly, I looked at her with painful eyes, “a-alright” I agreed, fluttering my eyes shut.

“Just go slowly…don’t push yourself too hard,” Chaerin warned me, already knowing those were just useless words to say as once I think of all the events that happened that night my emotions go into haywire.

It’s just like unleashing a hyper active dog from its cage, once it’s out it’s hard to retain again…this is what happens to my emotions when I think of him…my love Kwon Jiyong….

 

<<<<< One Unlucky Night <<<<<

“Yah Bom Noona!” Seungri yelled, sprinting towards me at full speed.

“What Seungri?” I mocked in an eager tone, imitating him with a foolish grin.

Seungri pouted, “Why do you always treat me like this?” he complains.

“It cause you act like that yourself to me,” I informed him.

“Aish! It’s just that I miss playing with you…” Seungri said in a seemingly shy way.

I laughed at his actions, “what do you mean? And we don’t play with each other, teasing each other isn’t technically playing,” I pointed out.

“Well I for one consider that playing, and besides Jiyong hyung is so selfish keeping you all to himself,” Seungri whined.

“What are you going on about Seungri? Of course he does, they’re married how else would you expect him to be with his wife?” Seunghyun laughed at his ridiculousness.

“Still, Noona used to always play with me more until Jiyong hyung basically forced that ring onto your finger,” Seungri said again.

“I didn’t force that ring down onto her finger! It slipped right on because it’s made for her,” Jiyong said proudly, sneaking up from behind as he s his hand around my waist.

“Oh gosh! Your mushy-ness is making me cringe over here!” Seunghyun laughed, “He might just beat your cheesy pick-up lines Seungri,” Seunghyun teased, as everyone erupted in light laughter.

What day is it today? Well just like any other Wednesday night it was ‘the Boys Night’ when these five dorky boys meet up at Seunghyun’s pad and enjoy a night filled with their idiotic games and sometimes even a splash of booze, but ever since Jiyong and I tied the knot it was safe to say Wednesday nights were renamed to ‘the Boys Night plus Bom’ as they grew accustomed to having me along with them.

Just one of the perks of Jiyong, he did not feel the need to separate his life with his best friends and his wife; instead both parties readily accepted the new arrangement. The boys welcomed me with open arms while the boys entered our apartment as if it was their own.

Like how Jiyong warned me, ‘are you sure you want to marry me? Marrying me is like marrying my friends and I,’ it was one of his ways of proving his loyalty to his buddies and I respected that wholly.

“Now if you would excuse us, I would like to steal her away for awhile,” Jiyong smirked, slipping his fingers right into mine.

“Jiyong…” Seunghyun gave a threatening glare as Jiyong pulled me away from them.

Jiyong chuckled as if caught red handed, “I’m just taking her outside onto the balcony,” Jiyong announced, as the others gave us mocking smiles.

Jiyong intertwined his fingers into mine tighter, as he squeezed my hand gently, “seems like Seungri really does approve of you,” he laughed, bringing our hands up to his lips as he planted a soft peck on my wrist.

“He’s actually a nice person beneath that erted appearance,” I commented, letting Jiyong lead me as he continued to bring me towards the open balcony of Seunghyun’s apartment.

This moment was unconsciously the most memorable memory I have of Jiyong, how the pitch black night was lit with the few stars up in the sky. The night lights of the city was right beneath us, as the wind blew against our skins…it was utterly and undeniably romantic.

“Bom…” Jiyong called out, as we stopped at the edge of the terrace.

I hummed lightly as a response, having felt Jiyong take the lead yet again as he shifted me to face him, with both his arms wrapped around my waist with my head now resting on his chest. Another thing I loved about Jiyong was that though he was a few years younger than me, the maturity he had was incredible.

This just made accepting our relationship a lot easier for me with my parents still doubtful on whether this younger man who also devoted his life to music could actually look after their precious daughter. Kwon Jiyong was a well known producer not only in Seoul but the whole nation knew of this man with his magic touch on songs, moreover he was a man which could swoon any girl easily and that was the only reason my parents had wavered on whether he was the right man for me.

Though they hadn’t given Jiyong their great answer immediately, they eventually did give their blessing wanting their daughter to be happy. While on the other hand, Jiyong’s side had no problem with giving their blessings, even to the extent of basically giving their son away as they were relieved that their son had found someone he wanted to settle down with.

“You know what…I think it’s time,” Jiyong announced.

I smiled against the material of his shirt, “time for what?” I questioned, my fingers playing with his clothing.

“Your mother has always been joking that she wants grandchildren, and I think I’m ready to actually take on more responsibility,” Jiyong explained.

“What? Children?” I blushed on the thought, trying my best to contain the excitement in my voice as I heard him speak.

Truthfully being a lady at an age close to her thirties, I had thoughts of building a family and with his confession I couldn’t help but feel even more elated. Not in the way that we were both deprived of our wants but in the case that I had some good news to tell him and I did not need to worry about his reaction.

“Yeah…unless you don’t want children,” Jiyong nervously changed his thoughts as I could sense him smiling sheepishly.

“No…I do,” I informed him, now wrapping both my arms around him as we held each other in our arms.

“I do…” Jiyong laughed, repeating the words I said, “It feels like it was only yesterday when we exchanged our vows,” he said.

I nodded in agreement, “and Seungri gave his legendary speech,” I recalled with a light laugh.

We remained silent for a few seconds, letting the feeling of content settle in within us as we stared out into the city lights. The heat radiating off each other’s body making up for the cold winter air of Seoul.

“Thank you Bom…” Jiyong blurted out of the blue, causing me to look up at him.

“There’s no need to thank me Jiyong,” I smiled.

“No I have to, if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be where I am today,” Jiyong stated, “you always bare with me though I’m always stuck in my studio,” he continued.

“I bear with you because you’re the man for me Ji…” I informed him, causing me to look away with my flushing cheeks.

“The same as you are for me…” Jiyong agreed, “The fact that you even wait up for me while I work, seeing you knocked out on the couch behind me never fails to make me feel guilty,” he said.

“Don’t worry about that, you know I respect your career,” I reasoned with him.

Jiyong chuckled, “have I ever told you that I love you?” Jiyong said with his signature smile.

“Yes! You never fail to tell me that!” I giggled.

“Well I do….and I just want to remind you in case you forgot,” Jiyong said bashfully.

I smacked his left cheek lightly, “what do you think of me? An old woman who forgets easily?” I mocked, the slap turning into a pinch as I squeezed his cheek with all my might.

“Ah!” Jiyong whined, leaning away as he avoided my wrath.

Leaving him no choice but to bring his hands into the picture, he removed his right hand from my waist and brought it up and flicked my hand away from his poor precious cheeks.

“Why? Does it hurt?” I teased, looking up to find Jiyong pouting.

I giggled, watching him pretend to fume with anger, “I love you too Kwon Jingyo,” I cooed, glancing up at him innocently.

“Now you say it,” Jiyong smirked; grabbing my chin he raised my head towards his face.

I grinned knowing what was to come, fluttering my eyes shut as I felt the warmth of his face slowly inch closer to mine.

*cough cough*

“Ahem…” someone cleared their throat, obvious it was to be one of the four boys whom decided to barge in right at this moment.

“What do you want now?” Jiyong said frustrated, as we whipped our head to the side to find all four of them.

“Please leave if you’re just going to be lovey-dovey with your wife,” Seunghyun stated.

Seungri grinned, agreeing with his hyung while Youngbae and Daesung just smiled behind the two, probably foreseeing what Jiyong and I would be up to.

“I was going to ask you to dance with me but I guess we’re getting kicked out early today,” Jiyong whispered into my ear, while I spotted Seunghyun cross his arms in front of his chest looking exactly like a bouncer.

“Then should we just let them kick us out?” I suggested, as Jiyong and I unraveled our arms around each other to face the others.

“I think we have no choice,” Jiyong answered, slinging his arm around my shoulder as we walked closer to them.

“We’ll be on our way then,” Jiyong announced with a salute of his hand.

Seungri’s eyes widened, wanting to pop out of the sockets, “Hyung! You said they would fight back and stay longer!” Seungri complained, punching his hyung on the arm.

Seunghyun glared at the younger latter, “they usually would…but it seems like Jiyong probably did something to make Bom want to go home early,” Seunghyun excused, wiping off imaginary dust off his shirt wanting to regain his power.

I blushed madly hearing what Seunghyun said, it wasn’t for the fact that he was indeed correct Jiyong had told me something, but the thought of the actual activity having to fulfill what Jiyong had confessed to me earlier.

“Thanks a lot hyung! Now I have to lose money AND now I can’t even play with Noona!” Seungri continued to rant, his eyes well showing his fury.

“I warned you that they would want to go home…they’re married now, they probably have some other ‘stuff’ they want to do,” Youngbae explained, reaching his hand out in front of the two Seunghyuns as if waiting for something to be placed on his palm.

“Now pay up, we won the bet losers~” Daesung exclaimed with his crescent eye smile.

Both of them groaned, digging for some cash in their pockets as they placed some notes onto Youngbae’s palm.

“So I’m guessing you guys made a bet if we would argue and stay back longer or leave early after you guys would barge in on us?” I asked with a disapproving look, watching Youngbae distribute the money within the both of them.

“Exactly,” Daesung answered, his eyes sparkling with the bet money.

“You guys are such dorks,” I joked, nudging Daesung’s head with my knuckles while Jiyong just chortled looking at both the Seunghyuns facial expressions.

“We’ll go on then, got to take Ma Lady home~” Jiyong announced, walking back into the apartment.

“You actually fell for a person who says that Noona?” Seungri mocked, handing me my bag like the well behaved man he thinks he is.

“Yeah…I’ll tell you why I like it…” I whispered, but loud enough for everyone to hear.

Seungri, who loved the attention on him, wiggled his eyebrows intrigued, inching closer to me as he faced his ear towards my face. I laughed to myself mentally, cupping my hand around his ear as I leaned in a tiny bit closer, but not too close for comfort.

“Because he only treats me like that,” I said innocently, Jiyong beamed at me hearing my compliment, while the others visibly shivered at my sentence.

“Is this what marriage does to people? Strips them of their pride and changes them into a helpless romantic?” Seungri asked with a hint of playfulness in his voice.

I shook my head as my response, “if that is so then what are you? Cause from what I know…you’re a helpless romantic as well Seungri,” I pointed out with a victorious look.

Seungri sighed with relief, “Now you guys can leave me with my heart at peace knowing that Noona still has her teasing talents,” Seungri said with a goofy smile while the others had their what-the-hell face on.

“You’re seriously freaky,” Jiyong commented, erupting laughter as the rest of them showed us out of the apartment with our belongings in hand.

“Bye little ones!” I bid farewell with a smile.

The four of them could only wave back at me with sheepish smiles, knowing fighting back to a Noona was out of the proper manner booklet, Seungri being the only one who had the guts to play along with me as he usually does.

Jiyong waved back at his friends, taking my hand in his as he led me towards his car in the parking lot. Like I mentioned before with the cold winter air of Seoul, with each step we took further into the streets our footprints were imprinted into the snow.

Mine being a small portion of the sole of the shoe along with a deep hole left behind me with each step thanks to the designer shoes I had bought for myself. It was like this night was made special, we left a trail of our footsteps all the way to the car, before we finally got in and Jiyong roared the engine to life, flicking the heater on while I buckled my seatbelt up for the ride back to our own apartment.

This was it…we were left alone and this might just be the perfect time for me to tell him…

“Ji…what you said about having children…is it really true?” I questioned, staring at his side profile.

He chuckled in response, “of course it is, I’ve always wanted a mini Bom calling me her daddy,” Jiyong answered, taking a glance at me.

“Why? Are you doubtful that I won’t be a good father?” Jiyong asked with his eyes glued to the dark road while the wipers continued to flick off the snowflakes on the glass.

“No…it’s just that I really want to know if you’re up to it,” I responded.

“I am! I’m in it with you the whole way! You should know that by now Bom,” Jiyong chanted with eagerness in his voice.

I felt the confidence in myself build up, while Jiyong continued to speed down the streets of Seoul with my eyes gazing out of the window in deep thought…how should I break it to him? Just say it straight out?

Making up different scenarios in my mind, I pictured shouting out the news and Jiyong reacting by losing control of the car and us ending up in God knows where. It was a ridiculous thought, shameful even as Jiyong did persuade me that he really did want to have a family, what’s the worst that can happen?

“Bom?” Jiyong called out with a loud voice.

As if breaking from a trance I looked around me dazed, looking from left to right before my eyes finally settled down on Jiyong’s face.

“Yeah?” I replied a few seconds late thanks to my late response.

“You’ve been thinking about something, I see you shaking your head and even hitting your head every now and then,” Jiyong explained, “it’s very distracting while I drive you know,” Jiyong continued, allowing me to take in what he had said as I looked outside the window finding ourselves in the middle of a cross-section.

“Are you crazy? Don’t stop here we can get into a car accident!!!” I exclaimed.

He sent me his determined look, “Tell me…you know I won’t move this car until you tell me what’s bothering you,” Jiyong explained.

I let out a frustrated sigh, looking around us helplessly, checking to see if there were any incoming cars, “don’t worry so much, it’s past midnight so there won’t be as much cars,” Jiyong reminded me with a reassuring smile.

“Now tell me what’s on your mind,” Jiyong tried to persuade me, unbuckling his seatbelt as he reached out for my hands.

I gazed at with him watery eyes, “I-I have some news…” I whispered, tried to hide my joy.

“Good or bad? Because if it’s bad let’s just wait until we get home,” Jiyong asked with a skeptical look.

I bit my lower lip innocently, “I think it’s good…” I informed him, causing Jiyong to raise his brow with interest.

“Then tell me…I’m here no matter what,” Jiyong breathed out with a smile.

“I-I’m pregnant…” I said with a wavering smile.

It took Jiyong a minute second to process what I had announced, his eyes soon turning into the size of saucers when a large smile was then plastered onto his face, “I-I’m going to be a father?” Jiyong said elated, flashing me his precious eyes while a tear of joy trickled down my face.

“Yes! We’re going to be parents, now please move the car before we get trampled over by another car,” I said still aware of our surroundings.

Jiyong who was still in shock as he kept on muttering the word ‘father’ to himself, turned back to the steering wheel with his mood up to the sky. I was relieved and glad to know he was more than happy with the news I had gotten earlier from my doctor, his shaking hands pressing the hand break down as he shifted gears.

“Time to bring my wife plus one home,” Jiyong said proudly, stepping on the gas pedal as the car zoomed forward.

“Now don’t act over the top and call your parents at this time, we’ll save the news for both our parents tomorrow alright?” I reminded, as we finally stayed clear to the cross-section and of any potential car accidents.

“B-but how can I? I’m going to call them the first thing once we get home,” Jiyong replied.

“I can’t believe you’re carrying our first baby-“

“JIYONG!!!” I screeched, the blinding headlights of an oncoming truck ahead of us speeding towards our car straight on.

“BOM!!!” Jiyong yelled closing my eyes shut as I waited for the impact to hit us.

It was like those timeless moments, when everything froze for a second, my eyes were shut tightly as I caressed my stomach as if it could protect our baby from such a fatal accident. Jiyong on the other hand, whom still had his seatbelt undone, had jumped to my side of the car in a split second as he hugged and wrapped his body over mine…his attempt of saving not only me but the baby I carried inside of me.

No amount of airbags could save us as the unbearable sound of metal clashing against metal filled my ears when I felt both cars collide, the warmth of Jiyong’s body stuck onto mine as I felt his breathing against my ear.

Bloodshed was the right word to describe that moment, both drivers severely injured as I lay there stuck onto my seat like a lifeless corpse. The once lively body of my husband clinging onto mine as the rushing sounds of paramedics roamed around the crime scene…it was brutal…the most painful memory I have and will ever have…as if losing the one I love wasn’t enough, but to lose the baby was another.

I failed to fulfill on what Jiyong had tried to save, he sacrificed his body and soul for the both of us, while I selfishly remained alive and breathing, a few injuries here and there but that would never compare to what Jiyong went through.

<<<<< End <<<<<

 

“Sometimes I plan on visiting that driver’s grave and blame him all the pain I’ve gone through,” I stated with a bitter smile.

“No words can describe how furious I was when the doctors had told me the reason why the truck was even on the wrong lane,” I said with fury, “the driver was drunk and driving! If it wasn’t for his carelessness Jiyong would still be alive today!” I exclaimed.

“I know it’s useless to blame the deceased, but my mother told me forgive the driver…my mother reasoned out with me that he paid for his faults enough and that Jiyong wouldn’t be proud of me if I continued to blame it all on the driver for Jiyong’s death,” I informed Chaerin whom listened to me intently.

“B-but I did lose him…and my baby that same night!” I croaked in tears, opening my eyes now as the painful memory came to an end.

“But Bom…he saved you, he saved you knowing that protecting you was more worth it then letting more casualties occur that night,” Chaerin replied, her hand rubbing my back in circles.

“Don’t give me that…I’m fed up of people giving me that excuse,” I shot back, “they think Jiyong saving me was heroic…but I find it selfish!” I cried in frustration.

“I bet thoughts of me suffering due to guilt never came to his mind,” I continued to blab.

“Don’t you understand Bom…imagine his guilt…imagine how he would have felt knowing that he had let you and your baby die…” Chaerin said, “He’s watching you from up there and he knows what you’re going through,” Chaerin explained.

“But I would rather be up there with him, living is useless without him,” I retorted, “do you know how hard it is for me to wake up every single day hoping that the same warmth I would wake up next to would be there but only to find it empty and cold?” I asked.

“Cold is just how I would explain my life…my apartment is lifeless…” I continued to explain, while Chaerin just kept quiet listening to every single word I said in detail.

“I wear this every single time I go out just for the sake of having a piece of him with me,” I informed her, looking down at the beanie as I traced my fingers along ‘Giyongchy.’

“I still find myself cooking for two though it’s been months,” I confessed, “I miss him so badly I find it hard to resist the urge of just taking myself,” I said truthfully.

Chaerin shook her head with disapproval, “taking your life would just mean everything Jiyong did would go to waste,” she said.

“Then how do you expect me to move on?” I whispered.

“They even took his dog Gaho away from just because they are afraid it would spark memories that I need to forget,” I said.

“Jiyong treated Gaho like his son, and to have that taken away from me as well is just stripping me of the remaining fragments and pieces of memories I have left of him,” I clarified.

“But tell me Bom…have you ever come across any ways that has made you at least feel a bit happier after the accident?” Chaerin questioned, jotting down some words onto her notepad.

“There’s this one thing…” I answered, casting my eyes down to the ground.

“And that is?” Chaerin initiated with an intrigued look.

“Dreams…or seemingly realistic dreams,” I explained.

Chaerin nodded her head, “so these dreams…are they related to what happened in the past?” she said.

I shook my head no, fiddling with my fingers nervously, “Dreams that continue on from that very night…like in my head the accident never happened and he’s still here with me right now,” I elaborated more.

“Does anyone else know of this?” Chaerin questioned.

“No…I wanted to keep this to myself since I’m sure they will just end up worrying about me more,” I answered, “they treat me like I’m some sort of baby and telling them that I have dreams like that will just make them worry more,” I continued.

“These dreams…do they occur occasionally or?” Chaerin asked, looking at me with such interest.

I my dry lips, fiddling with the beanie in my hands, “no…they continue where they take off each time I close my eyes and drift off to sleep,” I explained.

Chaerin smiled with awe, “so Jiyong’s still the same person you loved in your dreams?” she replied, taking a glance at the clock on her desk.

“Yes…even better actually, in my dreams I’m still pregnant,” I said with tears, “Jiyong treats me like a fragile butterfly but in the end he always proves that he loves me,” I informed her.

“Wow…Bom…” Chaerin said, placing her hands over mine, “thank you for opening up to me so much today,” she smiled gratefully.

“I can’t believe it myself,” I shrugged.

“Sadly our session is over, but I’m hoping that you will return here again next week same time?” Chaerin asked, walking towards her desk.

“Sure…this might just help get through this,” I said with a small smile.

“But um…Chaerin?” I called out, already standing up as I readied myself to leave.

“Yes?” Chaerin responded.

“What do you think of my dreams…do you think it’s bad for me?” I asked her with earnest eyes.

Chaerin sighed, “I wouldn’t say its bad for you, but I wouldn’t say it’s exactly good for you as well,” she started off.

“It’s good in the case that you get some joy out of it, but it’s also bad with the sense that you’ll just have a harder time getting over him,” Chaerin said in detail.

“But I don’t want to get over him…I just want to get through this difficult time,” I corrected her.

Chaerin smiled cautiously, “I understand, but I think your dreams are a way of Jiyong allowing you to sense his presence,” she smiled.

“He appears in your dreams not only because you want him to but because from above Jiyong never wants you to forget about him…move on? Yes he would want that for you but he would just want to provide you with some happiness in life…and in my opinion this is his way…by giving you such delightful dreams with him and what could have been,” Chaerin summarized perfectly.

I gave her a thankful look, “thank you so much…I’ll see you next week Chaerin,” I bid, slipping on the beanie yet again.

“Alright then, bye Bom~ Take Care~” Chaerin waved, as I walked back towards the door and out of the building after a surprisingly successful session with my new therapist.

Wow…they don’t call her a good a therapist for nothing, she deserved that title, and I could see how. She manages to somehow place herself in my shoes and see people’s problems from a different perspective. It would be an understatement to say I find her good, I have respect for Chaerin, and I think I might just have found a new person for me to confine in.

Humming to myself with a slight bit of better mood thanks to Chaerin’s words of Jiyong, I hopped back into my car and sped of straight back to my apartment to Pierre’s relief. This man was definitely true to his words and I’m thankful to that, who knew Jiyong had made a promise like this with him?

“I suppose your appointment went well mademoiselle?” Pierre greeted me as he opened the door.

“Yes…it went exceptionally well, how do you know that Pierre?” I asked, walking into the lobby.

Pierre bowed his head with a knowing look, “you have quite a sincere smile today mademoiselle,” he answered.

“Ah~” I acknowledged, waving him a small goodbye as I made my way back to my apartment.

Swinging my hand into view, I took a look at my watch as it read 3.28pm...a perfect time for me to catch some afternoon shut eye. I grinned to myself elated, knowing I looked forward to having a nap today.

Punching in the security code of the apartment, I stepped into the spacious space, stepping into my green slippers as I dragged my body with my puffy eyes looking at the all too familiar apartment I live in. This was my usual routine, along the way of entering the bedroom, I would stop and stare for a minute or so at the wedding portrait of Jiyong and I which hung on the wall.

It was an enchanting photo; Jiyong with his casual smile which could easily swoon any girl down to her pants while I sat there in my wedding dress looking the happiest I could ever. My fingers would trace the outline of his cheeks until it reached his lips when then I would usually switch back to reality and bring myself to my bed.

“I’ll meet you soon Ji…” I whispered to myself, not bothering to change clothes as I crawled beneath the sheets, throwing my head back onto the pillow.

It was like sleep came to me in a snap of an eye, as I felt myself getting drowsier with each second ticking by until I found myself asleep and entering the other world of my life.

 

 

 

 

 

“Babe?” his voice called, shaking me lightly from my sleep.

“Hmm,” I stirred in my sleep, stubbornly covering my head with the pillow.

Jiyong chuckled watching me, “you do know if you don’t wake up soon we’ll just end up late for our ultrasound appointment,” he informed me.

Luckily enough for him, knowing the baby was important I reluctantly opened up one eye despite the bright sunlight failing to make my life easier to wake up. With one eye slightly opened, I found Jiyong standing in front of me with a smirk plastered on his lips, still dawning his pair of boxers ONLY.

“Why aren’t you dress then?” I mumbled, feeling the sleep come back to me bit my bit.

“Wake up Bom!” Jiyong laughed, gently lifting my upper body up as he supported me to sit up straight.

Feeling a tad bit annoyed with such loud noises in the morning, I scrunched my face up with disapproval, “you liar…the appointment is tomorrow! Now let me go back to sleep!” I groaned, my senses slowly flooding back to me.

Jiyong chuckled, sitting down beside me as to quickly prevent me from going back to dreamland “no can do…I’ve cleared all my schedules today just to be with you and you expect me to let you sleep all day?” Jiyong complained.

I smiled grateful, “I never asked you to, but sleep is calling me desperately!” I exclaimed, wanting to reach the pillow so badly.

“Like I said Bom…no!” Jiyong said with his mind set, standing up abruptly as he faced my half-asleep face.

“What now? Are you going implode because of the sleepiness of your PREGNANT wife?” I asked sleepily.

“No, we’re having breakfast,” Jiyong answered with ease, and not much of a second thought or even hesitation in his voice.

“What makes you think I’ll follow you all the way to the kitchen?” I mocked, rubbing the back of my fists against my eyes.

“I don’t…” Jiyong replied, taking the lead by picking me up in his arms bridal style as he brought the both of us into the kitchen.

Not bothering to fight back due to my droopy eyes, I let him carry me all the way, besides that’s the least he could do with me having a baby grow inside of for 9 months.  Though I wasn’t that far out yet, I could tell being pregnant had its side effects with me being extra sensitive on every little thing and even pickier with food which was surprising since I am definitely an avid food lover.

“Let’s eat,” he said excited all by himself.

Giving it to him since he took the day off, I snapped myself out of my zombie like mood and widened my eyes for the food as I began munching on a piece of toast. The food he prepared weren’t that special, but the fact that he put in effort to make it was enough for me, gobbling down as much as I could with a better excuse of having to feed two mouths made everything a lot easier.

“So what’s the plan?” I asked, popping in a piece of the hash brown he had cooked into my mouth.

“I was planning we go out for a stroll in the park, it’s Spring and I think it would be great for us to get some fresh air,” Jiyong suggested, sipping on the glass of water he held.

“Sounds good to me, I’ll just take a shower quickly and we’ll head off,” I replied, finishing what’s left on my plate, swallowing everything down easily thanks to the glass of freshly squeezed orange juice specially prepared by my husband.

“And since I know how long you take to have showers, I already took mine,” Jiyong said proudly.

I furrowed my brows with a skeptical look, “but you’re still in your boxers,” I pointed out.

Jiyong laughed, looking down on himself, “yeah, all I have to do now is just get changed, nothing time consuming,” he shrugged nonchalantly.

“Good for you…good for you…” I said with sarcasm, pushing myself up from the table as I prepared to take a shower of my own.

“Wait! I think you’re forgetting something!” Jiyong exclaimed desperately when I had turned around towards the direction of our bedroom.

“What now?” I pouted.

Jiyong did not need any use of words, as he raised his index finger towards his lips, indicating that he wanted a kiss…no demanded for one.

“Are you trying to boss a pregnant woman around?” I said with threatening eyes, knowing using the pregnant card always worked on him.

This time it was Jiyong’s turn to pout, “Yes sir!” he gave in with a salute, while I marched away towards the bathroom.

A warm shower is just what I needed, stepping into the glass shower case and under the shower head as I let the warm water greet my skin. A sigh of relief rolled out of my mouth, the steam from the water fogging up the whole bathroom as I continued to wash myself with care, enjoying the feeling of the warm water relaxing my tensed muscles.

Scrubbing here and there, I soon found myself fully dressed with my wet strands of hair resting on the back of my shirt. Sniffing myself I felt content with the watermelon scent radiating off of me, as I fixed my towel back into its place before following the source of the sound of music…of course…the piano.

Jiyong had talented hands, hands with fingers that knew how to fill our whole apartment with such calm and beautiful melodies every single time. I found him extremely appealing at his point, how he looked so serious with music flowing out of his finger tips with each movement.

“Are you just going to stand there or join me like usual?” Jiyong laughed, continuing to play the classical melody.

“The usual of course,” I answered, my legs bringing me to the piano in no time as I found myself seated on the chair beside him.

“Just press this continuously like this,” Jiyong instructed, guiding my finger onto a sole key as he showed me the rhythm I had to play.

Some may find it offensive that he would find me so useless with only clicking on key throughout the whole piece, but I found it an honor to even play the piano with him as he took care of the rest his fingers clicking different keys here and there as we both swayed slowly along with the soothing piece.

“I can’t wait until our baby is born and old enough for you to teach him or her,” I complimented, as the song came to an end.

“Yeah, then you can easily advice them on how to repeatedly click on one key so elegantly,” Jiyong complimented back.

“I don’t know if you’re mocking me, but you’re making it up for the elegant part,” I replied truthfully, staring at him.

“I’m glad I did,” Jiyong said with a relieved smile, cupping my face with his right hand.

“You’re such an you know that?” I told him, “You always know how to make a girl melt into your arms,” I said bashfully.

Jiyong laughed at my statement, “but I’m only happy when I make this particular woman in front of me melt…” he said with a grin, taking advantage of the moment.

“You jerk…” I whined, feeling my face get hot and red.

“Your jerk,” Jiyong corrected, leaning down towards my face as he planted a soft kiss on my lips.

His hand supporting my neck as we molded our lips into each others, our surroundings completely zoned out as Jiyong proved that actions were way more meaningful than words…or are they equal?

Breaking off our kiss, Jiyong and I leaned our foreheads against one another, “I love you” we both said at the same time, before Jiyong closed in again connecting our lips yet again as then it was clear his previous plan to visit the park was definitely not going to come through.

 

 

 

 

 

Shooting up from my sleep, I found a trail of tears staining my cheeks as I woke up breathless and panting, the moments in my dream seeming too surreal as I looked towards the usually empty side of the bed…Jiyong’s side. This is how I live now…taking a bit of happiness from my dreams…that’s all that’s left for me to do.

Reaching out to touch his spot, I found it cold yet again, my tears now uncontrollably flowing down my face as I felt a sudden gush of coldness engulf my room…

“Maybe just maybe…you’re here right now,” I whispered, looking around the room, finding a butterfly on his usual beanie beside me as I lay back down on the pillow.

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So here it is~ I hope you guys didn't get too disappointed if It wasn't all that good...

Please comment below and tell me what you all think of this one-shot. 

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