I throw my car key after I reach my room. I grab some canned beer from refrigerator. I think I need drink little much tonight to stop this uneasy feeling. I don’t know if Eric hyung still same with Eric hyung that I’ve meet 4 years ago. He still loves Shin Hye Sung. I let out big sigh just to remember those name. Even after 4 years I can’t win against those name. Eric loves him so much. But I still can’t get it, why he must lying to him? Say that I’m his lover. Didn’t he know that I hurt even more. It means he never know how important those words to me?

I realize it was all my fault. I’ve never tell him how I feel. Ever since I knew Eric hyung back then when we just kid, I always follow him every where. Our Family so close after his family move to our district. I’m such a timid person, I can’t make a friend so easily but there is something with Eric hyung that make me can more open with him. Because of my shy personality, I’ve always got bullied and he’s the one who protecting me like a big brother. I adore him so much but there is something different since back then, I like Eric hyung, not just a friend but more than that and in very different way. My memories fly back to our childhood.

-      Flashback      -

 “Andy-ah...Eric-ah...stop playing your video game,take your lunch first.” My mom calling us

“Come on Andy, I’m hungry. Let’s go...” I’m only nodded shyly to Eric hyung.

“Omoni, did I ever tell you that I love your food? Your food is the best even my mom’s can’t compare with this.”

“Hahaha Aigoo... why you are so cute Eric-ah? Yes, you already said that. Even though i'm so happy to hear that eric-ah, don’t say like that in front of your mom okay. Your mom will be upset”

“Yes Ma’am”

“Andy-ah, don’t be picky...eat those carrot too. It’s good for your eyes.”

“But I don’t like the taste mom...can I throw it?”

“Aish this child. Don’t throw it, there is so many people around the world who suffered from hunger.”

“It’s okay omoni, I will eat them.” Then Eric hyung eat from my spoon. I can feel my face going red. Hey, it’s like we kiss, right?

“Did your parents calling you Eric-ah?” My dad asking. It has been 4 day he sleep over in my house. Eric’s hyung parents go back to Seoul to help his Grandpa’s business. They didn’t take Eric hyung with them because on weekend Eric hyung have basketball tournament. He is a great basketball player, I tell you.

“Nae aboji, they call me last night. They said that Seoul now in winter season.”

“Humm I really miss my homeland. I can’t go back any time like your parents because my boss never let me take a holiday for a long time kekeke.”

“Oh I almost forget. My parents sent his regards to you and omoni. They say thanks for take care of me.”

“Nah, it’s okay, we are family.” Suddenly I heard the phone from the living room ring loudly.

“Halo, Lee resident here. Yeah, Eric is here with my family. Are you sure...” Huh what happen with my mom’s voice? Seem she will burst of tears soon. Did Eric hyung parents who called right now?

“...How could I say it to him? Aigoo poor those young boy. How it can be happen? You want to talk with him...okay,I’ll call him. Eric-ah, come here son. Your grandpa want to talk with you.” Mom called Eric-hyung. Eric hyung run toward her. Mom pat his shoulder many times and stand beside him. Dad and I frowned, what happen actually? Dad come to mom, whisper something that I believe, ask same question like me. Mom drag dad away from the phone. He look like shocked when mom tell him something. His face turn pale while Eric on other side, grab the phone tightly for his dear life. His body shaking hard and he look like try to hold his tears. My mom and dad standing beside him and start to pat his shoulder again. I come to them to know what the h*ll is going on. Eric hyung suddenly run to guess room and I’m sure, it’s the first time I seeing him cried like that.

“Hyung...” I try to stop him but my mom’s voice stop me first.

“Let him crying Andy-ah. Don’t disturb him for a while. I know he need time to be alone.”

“What happen with him mom? Did his grandpa scolded him?”

“No Andy-ah...Eric parents have car accident this morning and both of them died...” I can’t hear my parents voice after that. I can’t believe it...Eric hyung must be can’t believe it too, more than me. I walk to his room and sit in outside since he already locked the room. From outside I can hear his sorrowful sobbing. I cry loudly, trying to share our sadness together.

The next day Eric’s hyung grandpa come to our house, he want to take Eric hyung back to Seoul. He hug him, cry and say sorry for many times, but Eric hyung only stare at him with blank face. I want to hug him tightly too but seem he didn’t allow me to do that. All I can do staring at his back when his grandpa take him to the Seoul. Suddenly I feel I will never see him anymore. Day by day I wait his news, ask my mom, did he calling. My mom only shook her head and pat my hair while say “poor that boy”.

Until I saw them in front of our house with his big smile as usual. I run to hug him.

“Aish…this kid, do you miss me so badly? What’s wrong with you? Don’t cry…look at your ugly face. Yah, swept your snot, it’s dirty. Aish this kid, I’m okay now. I’m sorry, you must be worried me so much.” He pat my back and I tried very hard to stop my tears.

“Ssshhh…it’s okay Andy-ah.” It should be my turn to protecting him not vice versa.

“Let’s come in hyung. My mom miss you too…”

“Mom…look at here, who come to our house?”

“What happen Andy-ah? Aigo aigo, you come back here , Eric-ah? How are you son, are you okay? I’m sorry can’t attend in your parents funeral.”

“I’m fine, thanks for worrying me. It’s okay omoni. I come here to say farewell properly.”

“What do you mean hyung?”

“I’ll move to Seoul with my grandpa after he finished with my school administration.”

“Hiks...so you gonna leave me again hyung? How if my friends bullying me again?”

“So you must learn to protect yourself. I can let you turn to spoiled brat. You must strong Andy-ah. Don’t cry again, I hate your crying face.”

“I want to stop it, but I can’t. I need you hyung...please stay with me here...I promise I will take care myself, but don’t leave me.”

“Sssst Andy-ah, my lovely dongsaeng, stop it..my heart really hurt seeing you like this. Hard for me to leave you, your omoni and aboji, our friends, but my grandpa need me now.”

“Mianhae hyung, I’m act just like spoiled brat, right? But promise me, you must spent your holiday here, okay?”

“Kekeke neomu kyeopta…just smile like that and I promise to come here every holiday”

-      End  Flashback      -

I believe that my love for Eric hyung will last forever. At that time I think I can’t confess to him casually because we both are men. Until 4 years ago, I found him stood in front of my house with a white face just like a sheet of paper, puffy eyes fill with sadness yet guilty. I really hate seeing him like that. Last time I saw those expression when he knew that his parents was died. Then I found out about Hyesung’s thing and what happen between them. I’m really angry, not only to Hyesung whose make Eric hyung like that but because I’m angry to myself. Now it’s too late for me to get his heart since he already give all his heart to somebody named Shin Hyesung. Take a long time for me to make him smile again, like his old time. No, I can’t let him hurt himself by loves Shi Hyesung once more. It’ll never happen, I’ll make sure of it.

Hyesung POV

What am I doing? Walk out from Minwoo cafe just because seeing him with the young men acted lovey dovey. I really don’t know why I’m reacting like that, I just can’t stand beside those loverbirds. Why I’m so mad just to know that Eric have a boyfriend. Yup A BOYFRIEND? Like Junjin said, I’ve never imagine that Eric can fall in love with a men... I mean as long as I know him, he is straight. But then the memories when he kiss me flash on my head. I could feel my cheeks burns up now.

“Could he, at that time, he kiss me because he loves me? Aniya…aniya…I can’t believe it. I believe it’s not like that. Okay, seem I must confront him about this matter before I lost my sanity.” I grab my phone and search Minwoo’s name on it.

***

“May I help you sir?” his secretary greet me in front of his office room

“Excuse me, Can I meet with Mr. Mun Jung Hyuk?”

“Did you make an appointment before Sir?”

“Ah no I don’t. But can I meet with him now. Tell him it’s really important.”

“Okay, can you wait a moment Sir, I’ll call him” she speaks with Eric, I guess, for a moment before turn back to me

“I’m sorry Sir, but seem Mr. Mun Jung Hyuk really busy right now. You can back tomorrow.” Okay, I’m sure he avoiding me now. I don’t care anymore about his secretary. I force to open his office door, but before I could speak, I feel at that moment my body froze on his own. At the time I see Eric kissing his boyfriend I really really mad. I feel i can killed someone now. i'm jealous. Suddenly I realize, it’s not Eric who loves me but me who love him.

Author’s Note

Once again, Mianhae for long waiting *bow deeply* Last week I’m just finish my national exam and start to recollecting my memories about this fic story line. Thanks for Flo eonnie and Gre eonnie who become my beta reader this time kkk and Flo eonnie, I know you want to hung me up because I end this chapter with cliff hanger /again/ kekeke *peace

I hope I can continue to update this fic every week so…yup hope you still wait for this fic.

Sorry for every grammar mistake and typos…

And you who always said that you dislike but still read my fic and criticize me, just Go To Hell…I don’t want a reader like you.