YOUNGJAE POV:

Daehyun has become quiet. I thought it would pass but it’s been three months. He speaks only when spoken to, and each time with fewer and fewer words. I wonder what’s going through his head.

He doesn’t smile.

He doesn’t laugh.

He sits there with a vacant look in his eyes, but sometimes he looks terrified, sometimes so tired, with everything.

He doesn’t complain when I buy him lunch, he doesn’t say a word if I ask him he’s okay.

Today he looks sorry.

He looks at me with guilt and self-hatred, but I don’t know why.

DAEHYUN POV:
I’m so tired. I’m so tired I can’t laugh, smile or speak. I feel like my lungs are made of rock, my limbs of metal, and my eyes of lead. I feel so heavy and beaten. Just being my self hurts today.

I look over at Youngjae who’s working on our project. He quietly finishes my part as well, matching his scripture with mine.

He knows me better than anyone else.

And I hate that.

Sometimes he looks at me with such love and care in his eyes and it destroys me. I feel disgusted and repelled.

I feel selfish.

I feel horrified that someone beautiful asYoungjae needs to rescue me, like a cat trapped in sewage, crying pitifully in muck and .

I feel dirty and broken. I feel useless.

YOUNGJAE POV:

I come back from my lunch meeting, a little late for class. The teacher simply nods and I hurriedly take my seat.

Daehyun’s not there.

I feel my heart drop and I scan the room, looking for him. I tap the girl in front of me.

“Where’s Youngjae?” I ask. She shrugs.

“Don’t know. He left at the end of lunch.”

She turns back to the board and I look over at the empty seat next to me.

Then I realize the look in his eyes.

The guilt.

The self hatred.

I stand up and sprint out of the room, slamming the door open, ignoring the stunned looks for my teacher and classmates.

I run up the stairs, all three flights. I know I’m shaking with fear, I can feel my legs tremble as I run. I feel vomit rising in my throat when I see Daehyun.

“D-daehyun-ah…” I choke out. He turns, feet balancing precariously on the roof top edge. Wind whips at his hair, his tear-stained face. His eyes are black.

“Daehyun-ah, come down,” I beg. I step closer to him and I see him flinch. It stabs me in the heart.

“I’m sorry Youngjae, I’m sorry,” he repeats brokenly, tears streaming down his face. My throat closes and I feel my rib cage grip my lungs.

“It’s okay… Don’t do this. We can talk about it okay?” I say as calmly as I can, even though I’m breaking inside. He shakes his head.

“No, it’s not okay. Because I love you. And I know you love me too,” he trembles. My heart is tearing at the seams.

“I love you, please don’t do this Daehyun. Please, please,” I cry. I’m holding on to him now. He wraps his arms around me and sobs into my neck, shaking violently. I his hair.

“I love you… Daehyun I’ve always loved you…”

He looks up at me.

“I… I love you too Youngjae. I love you…”

I try tugging him down from the ledge but he pulls back. Hard enough it almost sends him spiraling down. The wind picks up.

“I can’t. You shouldn’t love me. I’m so tired. Please let me die Youngjae,” he pleads. I look him straight in the eye.

“No. No you can’t die. What am I gonna do without you? What’s your brother gonna do?!” I reason. He shakes his head again, repeatedly as if he doesn’t wanna hear.

“You’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. You take care of him okay?” he says. I shake my head and grip him tightly in my arms. We’re both on the edge now.

“No, if you jump. I’m jumping too.”

He shakes his head against my chest.

“I’m sorry…”

He pushes me and falls back, into the thrashing wind. I cry out and wrap my arms around him. We fall. It feels like minutes rather than seconds.

“I told you,” I say. I smile.

I want to live Dae. But I can’t live without you.

He smiles and holds me tighter.

We hit the cement as screams erupt around us.