I thought I forgot you but I guess I didn’t
I thought I erased you but I suddenly remember you
I thought I forgot you but you make me struggle
I thought I erased you but I think of you again

-Big Star: Think

There. There you are. Laughing, as usual, with your fellow comrades, having the time of your life.

And here. Here I am, wasting my supposedly precious life away, watching you from the distance with a bitter smile plastered on my face.

And this is us right now. Disconnected, unfamiliar, precisely like strangers.

Where? Where are all the promises and sweet-talk you used to flatter me with?

It all started that day.

The day you talked to me, befriended me, and lifted me up across the sky of happiness from the deserted lone desert I had been living on for years.

Then you opened my eyes to the world of possibilities, chances, and choices—something I'd never had the privilege to have before.

You taught me how to smile, to laugh, and to open up.

Showed me how to have fun and care about nothing in the world but each other's presence.

Brought me even higher to the blissful heavens of love, to the point of no return.

We had tons of irreplaceable moments that I know, no matter how hard I try, will never leave the small section of my heart. The space shielded by my dark, cold and ignorant covers. The space that had been reserved for my parents; for the only thing I have of them: memories.

The space I thought was fully occupied. The space you somehow found a way to expand, with your hypocritical flirts, your blinding romantic ways, and your impeccable facade.

You made me deny my conscience, cross my own line, lose my way, and ignore my sense.

It's not that I've never wondered why you had so suddenly approached me and thought I was your definition of a mate, or a person you would notice to begin with, but I was afraid. That the truth will fail me, and tear my heart to pieces, so even though there were some suspicion here and there, I held on to your lies, and forced my conscience to believe in what you wanted me to, to never doubt you.

You were like a drug to me. I couldn't and wouldn't get enough of you, even though my mind keeps telling me to escape your poisonous trap.

You turned from my favorable one to a crush, first and only love, then to a deathly form of obsession.

I got anxious when you were not with me, jealous at the girls you talk to, and hate your friends that distracted you away from me.

I grew paranoid on every "goodbye"s you said, wondering and fearing for you to never say another "hello". That you will snap out of your daze and realize I'm not worth your time.

I complied with all your wishes and command, fearing that you will be mad or annoyed towards me at a slight mistake.

You had me, controlled and own me. Said everything was out of love and for our good. And I foolishly took the bait.

And somewhere down the line, what I feared became the reality.

The truth came to the surface without warning, and without anyone being able to hold it back nor suppress the crushing effect it had on me.

You walked out of my life with an ignorant and arrogant smile, not sparing a second to look back.

I watched you walk out of my life with not enough strength nor soul to scream, protest, or shed a tear.

I was shaken and traumatized. The next thing I know, I'm dysfunctional.

I can't sleep without having you as the last person my mind. I can't wake up without having you as the first person I think of. I can't spend a second without your voice echoing through my empty soul.

I waste the rest of my time imagining what we could have been like if that didn't happen, what we would be doing right now had things been different, and all the what ifs that are truly stupid.

I spend my time doing this. Looking out for you.

It's not that I've never tried to remove you from my life. It's plain impossible. You're everywhere. Anything I see pulls me back to the time we're together, because sadly, the things I know and understand now are mostly from you.

I don't even know what else to do, so I stood still. Fade out in the background, simply living.

Call me stupid, dumb, and idiotic, but even after everything, I will take the bullet for you.

Give up everything, for you and you only.

DONE AND DONE. SO SHORT IKNOW -.- but i sort of like the feel, you know. so deep. thinking of making a chaptered story, but not sure :/

Sub and comment to tell me what you think!