I’m not someone who loves just anyone that I see…

(Taeyeon’s POV)

            Your eyes closed shut; trying to hold back the tears from falling isn’t so easy after all. You cannot even do anything or say anything against him; afraid that he might just turn you away again. You blink the tears away and decided you’d just walk away for now; it would be the best for you for now. But as you think of this your heart beats for him and you automatically think, just one word from him or one touch and you’ll surely stop in your tracks and stay willingly beside him. But he doesn’t say that.

            “Go then. That’s what you’re good at. Go and blab all you want to your precious Minho,” you hear him say it again.

            What was wrong with spending some time with a close friend? Choi Minho has been more than a friend to you, he’s been like a brother to you in the past years that you’ve met him and he has never shown any signs of wanting to be intimate with you in anyway. If there was anything that Minho wanted, it was for you to finally start a real relationship with Kim Jonghyun, your boyfriend; if that’s even what you’d call him. You’ve asked Jonghyun if he was free and he turned you down saying that he wanted to sleep half of the day off and then spend the rest with his so called friends.

            Friends? You doubt that he’s been with any of them at all. Surely it was another one of his excuses to meet another woman. The faint lipstick stain on his collar and that familiar scent on his clothes signaled another night spent with his ex-girlfriend. It’s been happening for a while now and yet you ignored everything, doing your best to get closer to him; or much closer than you’d hoped for.

            “You really think of my relationship with Minho that way?” you asked softly.

            “What else would I think? You were with him the whole day!” he yelled at you, something that seems to have been his favorite thing to do whenever he’s around.

            “He was just trying to make me feel better, Jonghyun. He only spent a while with me and then I left to meet Tiffany,” you responded, though it seemed to you that saying anything to him was completely pointless

            “Making you feel better? Why? Or should I ask where?” he said sarcastically and you feel pain your head and in your heart. You want to slap him but you just couldn’t bring yourself to even hurt him.

            “You really think of me that way?” you smile and look down at your feet. It wasn’t the best idea to meet him here, you thought. This park was a special place for you and him. You first met him here and you even had your first date in this park yet here you are unable to shake the thoughts that this place might possibly the last time you’d be together as well.

            “You really think that I’m someone who can just love anyone in front of me? Among the many people in this world I could only see you. It’s just sad that it doesn’t seem be the same for you,” you smile bitterly.

            “What are you trying to say?” he asks. You don’t know if he’s trying to sound stupid or trying to sound innocent.

            You know how many times he’s been with Shin Sekyung. You’ve counted the nights you could’ve spent together, the hours you could’ve spent saving your relationship and the moments you wished he’d never left yet here he is like an innocent puppy. You used to love him so much for that, calling him as your little dino-puppy.

            “I don’t know what will happen after this, Jonghyun. I’ve pictured myself with you in the future and I had hoped you did the same but right now it’s pretty clear that you don’t,” you look down at your hand.

            “Don’t try to turn this one on me, Taeyeon. This is about you going out with Minho, not me,” he says with conviction. All at once your tears just dried up and you feel fatigue overcoming your mind. While your head continuously aches you stood up and faced him bravely.

            “You know what? Just forget it. Think whatever you want to think, you won’t believe me anyway. You won’t believe me and sure as hell you won’t admit going to Shin Sekyung as well,” you said bravely.

            “What?” he asks.

            “I know you’ve been going to her Jonghyun and I know that you’ve been with her today as well. Don’t worry. Although I don't know what will happen to me after this, I'm done hoping that you'd notice me again. So let's do ourselves a favor and stop all of this," you say bitterly.

            "What are you saying? Are you breaking up with me?" he asked, surprised you note.

            "Bye Jonghyun, happy second anniversary, have a happy life with Sekyung," you smile brightly before briskly walking away.

            He tried to stop you,begging you to stay, to give it another try. You were surprised by his actions but you resist his pleas. If you go back now it would be even harder to let go of him again. Like that old saying says, if you love someone, set him free. If he comes back, he's yours and if he doesn't then it wasn't meant to be. Sad as it is you have to live on and move on and just hope that he will come back to you one day.

            The night passes and you wake up with puffy eyes and a heavyheart. You ask yourself the questions you wished you knew the answers to and then you feel yourself weakening from the onslaught of memories that you've spent with Jonghyun. If it were true, you wish the distance you're trying to put between the two of you would make his feelings for you grow stronger. Half wishing it was true and half wishing you weren't just a hopeless romantic idiot waiting for a miracle to happen. Still, life must go on. You have to at least try and live a normal life.

            Ring ring ring

            "Yoboseyo," you answer your mobile phone.

            "Taengoo, are you all right?" asked Minho.

            "Neh, I'm fine Minho. I did it. We're over," you smile bitterly to yourself.

            "Yah, I told you to try and work it out with him. Kwenchanna? This might be really tough on you so please don’t lie," said Minho.

            "I'm fine. I have to go. Tiffany and I are going out today so I have to get ready soon. I'll talk to you next time, okay?" you answered before you hung up.

            You met with your best friend, Tiffany, at the usual cafe and you had lunch together. None of what happened the day before was mentioned, you knew Tiffany would understand your feelings about it. You've cried it ou to her over the phone last night and that was enough. That's why you and Tiffany have had this friendship for a long time, because you understand each other so well. Even when you were far apart back when she and her dad were in the States, you would always know if something was up with her or if something happened to you, she'd be the first to call you. It’s like you two are born from the same womb or if not you just happened to have that certain twin telepathy that neither of you can explain clearly.

            You’ve just finished shopping and were on your way back with Tiffany when you heard familiar voices. The next thing you know, you see Jonghyun and Sekyung coming out of the nearest restaurant. Jonghyun was expressionless and yet you see Sekyung with him. You suppress the urge to cry. Has it only been a few hours since you last saw him? Is this really what he wanted? Have you actually granted blessing to their relationship and just let yours fall out just like that? You looked at Tiffany for comfort but you could see that she was already fuming with anger. Just when you’ve decided you wanted to leave you catch Jonghyun looking at you, and before you know it he was already on his way to approach you. You panic, and without thinking you walk away briskly away from what would’ve happened. The last thing you hear was his and Tiffany’s voice before you collided against a car.

--- 

Even when your name becomes unfamiliar to me, my heart will remember all the memories…

(Jonghyun’s POV)

            “She’s stable at the moment and I’m glad to say that she’s out of her coma however, the clot that I’ve mentioned earlier may have been cause by the impact when she hit her head once she fell from the car. I’m sorry to say that it may cause some damage to Ms. Kim and as to what extent, we can only find out when she wakes up. It may be blindness but according to the data that we have there’s also a much higher possibility for amnesia,”

            Amnesia. Why must it be this way? Have I caused her too much harm that God has finally decided to rid her of so much pain? No, I can’t blame God for all of this. Whatever happened to Taeyeon happened for a reason and it’s up to me to take care of her.

            “What are you still doing here?” you hear Tiffany’s voice as she enters the room.

            “Hey, Tiffany,” you greet sullenly.

            “Don’t you ‘hey Tiffany’ me. You and Taeyeon are done right? You don’t need to be here and neither do you have the right to be here,” she snapped angrily at you.

            “I know what you feel and I understand why you’re saying that but please, don’t stop me from seeing Taeyeon. I want to be here with her,” that was the only thing you could say while looking at the girl you love.

            Yes, you love Taeyeon and you would scream it to the world if you had to. And yes, you admit to all the things you have done behind her back. Although you’ve screamed it out to yourself before, that what you’re doing is wrong you just couldn’t stop. You went on and met with Sekyung; not once but on a number of occasions that you can no longer count. You started forgetting important dates with Taeyeon and you’d rarely spend time with her. Spending time with her meant seeing her innocent face and it also meant feeling that guilt eat you up as she keeps on smiling, telling you how much she loves your voice when you sing her favorites songs or when you laugh at pointless stories that she tells you.

            You two used to be so happy. But the guilt has been eating you alive and before you knew it dates would turn into silent treatments, messages started to be ignored and the only time you’ll see her would also mean a chance for you to flare up and yell at her. It pained you to see how much pain you’re causing the woman you love and yet you can’t even break it off that easily with Sekyung. Before you knew it you’ve even come to a point where you’ve accused her and your own best friend of cheating. Thinking back on it, why would Minho and Taeyeon cheat on you? You knew perfectly well that Minho was secretly dating someone from Taeyeon’s group of friends and yet you continued your onslaught of accusations.

            On the day you were supposed to spend together with her you got a call from Sekyung. Pleasure with her or love with Taeyeon. Those were your choices, what you didn’t expect was that Lady Fate would suddenly take you to a turn and everything would suddenly come crushing down. You could still hear her voice, I’ve pictured myself with you in the future and I had hoped you did the same but right now it’s pretty clear that you don’t.

            ‘No Taengoo, I do. I don’t see anyone else in my future aside from you,’ you thought to yourself, trying to convince a voiceless and motionless Taeyeon in front of you.

            “She was going to ask you to go to the recording studio during your anniversary you know,” you hear a voice break into your trance.

            You’ve been with Taeyeon for the past three days and she hasn’t woken up yet. The doctors said it might just be her body trying to regain strength but they’ve assured you that she was no longer in a coma. It was harder than you thought. You could see her, you could touch her, but knowing she’d no longer respond to you or knowing that there is a possibility that she might no longer remember who you are, it destroyed you.

            You look to your side and you see Minho replacing the now wilted flowers on the bedside table. He brought Taeyeon sunflowers, one of her favorites. She has always loved flowers, all kinds of them and she’d keep on telling you that when you get your dream house together, she’d try to plant as many beautiful flowers as she can. Though she wasn’t necessarily good at it, you used to smile a lot when she mentioned it. The last time she tried showing you one of her new plants you just scowled and turned your back on her.

(General POV)

            “Hyung, I know you love her and I’m pretty sure you’re aware of what my relationship with her truly is. What I don’t understand is why you’re trying to make all of this difficult for you,” said Minho.

            “I already know what I want to do. I’ve left Sekyung and I was planning on getting back with her as soon as I can, I just didn’t expect this,” said Jonghyun.

            “She’s always trying her hardest for you, you know. I hope you can see that now,” said Minho.

            “I do. I just wish I could show her how sorry I am and how much I love her. I feel so pathetic,” Jonghyun sobs quietly into his hands.

            “Even when your name becomes unfamiliar to me, my heart will remember all the memories we have together. Even if we have to part painfully someday, let’s not think about that today because among the many people in this world I can only see you,” Minho suddenly spoke out.

            “What’s that?” Jonghyun asks.

            “She wrote it for you. She wrote a song and she wanted you to come with her and record it during your anniversary. She said you’d be proud of her for trying writing songs on her own. She said it was because you looked happiest during the times when you were writing the songs in our albums,” Minho explained.

            “I was always happy because she was there. Why couldn’t I see it before? I was happy, not because I was writing the songs, but because the person who inspires me to write my songs was in front of me during that time,” said Jonghyun.

            “You still have a chance, hyung. Don’t let it slip out. When she wakes up, blind or with amnesia, with whatever state she may be in, don’t let her go. She loved you like there’s no other person in the world, I hope you can do the same for her this time,” said Minho.

            Minho left right after that conversation, his words engrained deeply into Jonghyun’s mind. While he was being eaten by his conscience and guilt his beloved has been trying her best to get closer to him, trying to make him see how much love she was willing to give for someone who just left her for pleasure. Had he known he was so fortunate he never would’ve betrayed her in the first place, but that was the problem with humans, they never realize what they have and they only find out about what’s important once it has already left their hands.

            Whatever may happen now, Jonghyun decided he’d never leave her. Whatever it takes, he’ll do his best to show how much he loved Taeyeon.

            “Taeyeon, mianhe. You’re everything to me and although I don’t know what would happen after this I’ll take care of you. Just like a young child who has always been this way I will wait for you to come back to my arms and when the time comes I will warmly hug you and bring you closer to my heart. Saranghae,”