Kai’s POV
 

I feel guilty
My words are empty
No signs to give you
I don't have the time for you

-The Rasmus, Guilty

“….are you okay Kai? You keep messing up the steps which is very unlike you.” said Greg, my choreographer as he stopped the music for the fifth time in the last hour. I sighed and as I was going to request him to start playing the music again,he stopped me.  “Take today off Kai. You’ve been working hard. Go catch up on  some sleep.“ he said, patting my shoulders.

The truth is I’m not exhausted or even tired. I’m having this sick feeling in my stomach which does not seem to go away. I decided to call Sae Min. Sae Min,my best friend, could make any gloomy day better. She didn't pick up her phone. 'That’s weird.' I thought to myself. She always picks up my calls knowing I had a busy schedule and did not have the time to call often.

‘Must be really busy. She’ll call back later.’ I reassured myself. I went back to the dorm and tried to sleep. The premonition only intensified. I decided to call her again. It went to voicemail again. I got up and decided to go to her place. I took the spare key of her apartment that she had given me and put on a hoodie to hide my hair and face.

I reached her apartment and knocked. Getting no answer, I used the spare key to unlock her apartment. I hadn't seen her for so many months now. I was too busy with EXO. She had asked to see me many times but I would always tell her about our schedule. I hoped she wouldn't be too mad at me when she saw me. I took a long breath and entered the apartment.

Sae Min’s POV  

In another life
I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world

-Katy Perry, The one that got away

I heard the phone ring distantly but I didn't have the strength to answer it. I had been diagnosed with Leukemia on its 3^rd stage about a month and a half ago. The doctors told me with therapy there was only a slight chance that I would get better. So I choose to live as long as I could without any medicine or therapy involved. So there I was lying on my bed, hot and cold at the same time.

The blankets around me gave me no warmth against the bone chilling cold that I felt. I heard the front door open and that meant only one thing. Jongin was here. My parents were in America and Jongin was the only person who had a spare key to my apartment. I tried to sit up but the sudden movement caused black spots of appear. A few moments later, he found me lying on the bed and gasped. 

Jongin’s POV

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass and the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last, you're in ruins

-Green day, 21 guns

I entered the apartment to find it completely dark and lifeless. My mind told me she was not here but I just had to make sure. I entered her room to see her lying on the bed wrapped in blankets with only her pale face showing and her hair messily spread on the bed. I gasped to see her in this condition. I touched her cheek to find she was burning up with fever. 

Before I could do anything she started in a  raspy voice,” Jongin it’s almost time. Tell appa and eomma I love them so so much. You work hard and make me proud. Live your dream to be a dancer. Saranghae Jongin. Forever and a day more”. I could see her eyes closing and I fought the need to curl up and cry. I picked her up bridal style and rushed to the car.

I drove like a maniac to the hospital praying I would not be pulled over.  I rushed into the ER where the doctors took over. I was asked to wait outside. Memory after another passed through my mind. Skipping classes with her, going to have ice-creams in winter after sneaking out at night, celebrating after I got in SM, celebrating our graduation.. She was there through it all for me.  The day I was about to tell her that I loved her; she started dating that bastard who broke her heart. After that I never had enough courage to confess but I promised myself I would always be there to protect her.

I wasn't able to protect her. I was such a bad friend. It was partially my fault she was in such a bad state. I had promised uncle I would take care of his little princess since he was leaving for America. I never even took out time to call her regularly. The last time I had spoken to her was more than a month ago. Guilt consumed me as I sobbed. I promised myself I would take good care of her and call her every day after she was discharged.  

Third Person’s POV   

All is lost, there's no place for beginning
All that's left is an unhappy ending
Now what becomes of the brokenhearted
Who has love that's now departed

-Jimmy Ruffin, What becomes of the Brokenhearted

He sat there with red rimmed eyes and a broken soul. He never looked up even once. It would have seemed he was a statue if one did not notice the gentle rise and fall of his chest. His shoulders lay slumped forward as if he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. An aura of guilt and loss surrounded him. It seemed as if he had given up the fight and lost all hope even before the battle had started.

“Mr. Kim?” the doctor called. He immediately stood up and rushed forward. It was a surprise he had responded, he looked like he had sunk too deep in the loss he seemed to have felt. “Is she ok? Can I see her? What happened?” he asked without pausing for a breath. He waited for the doctor to answer while the latter remained silent. “Answer me! When can I take her home?” he was now yelling while shaking the doctor by his shoulder.

“I’m sorry we tried our best but the cancer had spread too far.” he monotoned. “Cancer?” he asked not sure if he heard right. “She had been diagnosed about a month and a half ago.” he answered. It seemed like those words ripped his heart. He slipped down on the floor, sobs wracking his entire being.  Everyone eyed him with pitiful glances; he didn't need their pity.

He needed his Sae Jin. The girl who he had loved for years. The girl who confessed to him a while ago. He needed only her. 

 Jongin’s POV  

Goodbye my lover,
Goodbye my friend,
You have been the one,
You have been the one for me

-James Blunt, Goodbye my lover

I entered the ward to slowly ease the white covers off her face. It killed me to see what the disease had done to her.  She looked so peaceful lying there in white I would have believed she was only sleeping if only she'd breathe. I wish she'd get upand say it all a big set up to fool me and everything would be okay again. However, I'd realised it would never be okay again. She’s gone. She’d taken my heart with her. I gently kissed her forehead. I took off my ring, the only thing I would always wear and put it on her slender fingers. 

“Watch over me from where ever you are and be happy always. I promise to work hard and make you proud. I promise to become a dancer and live ‘our’ dream. Words cannot express how sorry I am. I will never forget you and you’ll always have a special place in my heart. Saranghe Sae Min. Forever and a day more.” I eased the covers back and let the emptiness take over.

A\N: So yeah that's some Kai angst for you. 

Give everyone who is special to you some time from your busy schedule. Excuses will last forever, days won't.