It was not too early in the morning when Xiu Min opened his eyes and found Tao’s arms around his shoulder. Xiu Min stared at the sleeping boy’s face.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Xiu Min felt his heart beat faster than usual when he realized how handsome Tao was. It was the first time he saw Tao’s sleeping face and Xiu Min could say he fell to the peaceful face beside him. Hesitantly, Xiu Min stretched his hand out, touching Tao’s cheek.

“It’s so soft…” Xiu Min mumbled to himself.

“Mmm…”                                                                   

Suddenly Tao frowned and opened his eyes slowly before Xiu Min could pull his hand back. Realizing there was Xiu Min’s hand on his cheek, Tao looked at Xiu Min. “What? Is there something on my cheek?” he asked.

Xiu Min’s face turned red when his eyes met Tao’s. He hastily pulled his hand back from Tao’s cheek. “T-Tao… n-no! It’s just… I’m just…”

Tao raised his eyebrows looking at the blushing guy. “Your face is all red, are you sick?” he said as he got up. He placed his hand on Xiu Min’s cheek and stuck his forehead on Xiu Min’s to check the bun-cheeked boy’s temperature.

Xiu Min could tell his heart almost explode of Tao’s movement. He turned his gaze anywhere but Tao, not wanting Tao to see his redder face. “I-I’m okay!” he said.

Tao’s eyebrows furrowed as Xiu Min turned his gaze from him. Tao then touched Xiu Min’s with his fingers, bringing the older to look at him. “You seem weird…”

“I’m okay, Tao…” Xiu Min said. As Tao locked his gaze on him, Xiu Min couldn’t help but look shyly at the sharp eyes of Tao.

Tao didn’t do anything but look back at Xiu Min’s eyes. Suddenly he moved his face closer to Xiu Min’s.

Does Tao intend to kiss me?

Their faces were so close Xiu Min could feel Tao’s breath on his skin.

What should I do?

There was almost no distance between them. Tao closed his eyes, ready to kiss Xiu Min’s lips.

This can’t happen!

“Tao!”

Tao opened his eyes in surprise as Xiu Min suddenly pushed him away. Soon he found Xiu Min looked at him with an almost-cry face. “… sorry,” he mumbled and looked away.

Xiu Min shook his head slowly and got up from bed. “I’ll make some breakfast for us,” he said, walking towards the door.

“Let me help—“

“NO!”

Tao closed his mouth as Xiu Min yelled at him.

Xiu Min realized it was too rude to snap at Tao like that. “I’m sorry,” he said, “But please, stay here. I’ll make it by myself,”

Xiu Min rushed into the kitchen, preparing the breakfast with a heart full of chaos. He didn’t know since when his heart beat even faster when Tao was with him. He didn’t even know why. What’s wrong with me?

Meanwhile in Xiu Min’s room, Tao regretted what he had done to Xiu Min. He hit the wall, feeling like he will start to cry out of regret soon. “Things will never be the same between us…”

***

It was because of what happened this morning Xiu Min headed to Kris’ place. He wanted to make sure that the person he loved was Kris, not everyone else including Tao.

“Hey, Kris,” he said when Kris opened the door.

“Hmm,” Kris mumbled as an answer.

“Can I come in?”

Kris nodded half-heartedly, opening the door wider to let Xiu Min in.

They then sat on the sofa in the living room. No one wanted to open the conversation. Xiu Min felt so uncomfortable with the silence between them until finally he broke it. “Kris…”  he called the taller guy with his head down.

“Huh?”

“I’m your boyfriend, right?”

Kris looked hesitate before answering, “… yeah.”

“Do you still love me?”

“Wha—“

“I love you so much.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with—“

“Kiss me, Kris.”

Kris looked confused hearing his boyfriend’s words. It wasn’t Xiu Min to talk straightforward like this. And the boy in front of him looked at him with such a teary eyes that he didn’t know the reason why. “… why are you crying?”

“Just kiss me.”

“Why should I?”

Xiu Min didn’t want to explain what he was feeling. He pulled Kris closer to him, brushing his lips onto Kris’.

There’s no more rapid heartbeat. There’s no more butterflies fly in my stomach. There’s nothing at all.

Kris was too shocked to do any reaction. He was silent as a statue, letting Xiu Min his lower lips. Kris could feel Xiu Min kissed him with quivering lips. Xiu Min was never been like this before. There was something wrong.

Gently, Kris cupped Xiu Min’s cheeks with his hands, breaking the kiss. Xiu Min looked so pathetic just now, with a red face and a cheeks wet of tears. Xiu Min sobbed hardly, looking at Kris with weak eyes. “Something’s wrong in your head.”

Xiu Min cried even louder and rushed to hug Kris tightly. “I… I love you… so much…”

“I don’t get you, Xiu Min.”

“Let me… let me do this… let me hug you like this… just for now… I need you…”

Kris sighed. He let Xiu Min hugged him, crying on his chest.

Everything has changed I don’t even know why.

***

In a mean time, Lay went to meet Kris recklessly. The problem was that he didn’t know where Kris lived. He didn’t even know Kris’ phone number. What Lay could do was just waiting for Kris in front of the book store where he first met Kris, hoping Kris would come.

Unfortunately, the rain fell down as Lay waiting for Kris. It wasn’t good for Lay whose body was so fragile. But Lay was too stubborn to leave. He wanted to see Kris so bad he wouldn’t leave the place.

“Will you come here today…?” he whispered weakly.

***

Kris was with Xiu Min in his house all day. He didn’t have a heart to leave Xiu Min cried alone. They were sitting together in Kris’ living room. Kris hugged Xiu Min while the older cried on his chest until he fell asleep.

Kris Xiu Min’s hair as the bun-cheeked guy laid his head on Kris’ chest. “It’s been a while since the last I hugged you, right?” he mumbled.

Suddenly Xiu Min frowned. Tears streamed down his cheeks without waking up. Kris sighed, wiping the tears on Xiu Min’s cheeks.

“A nightmare, huh? You’re even crying while sleeping…”

All of a sudden, Kris remembered about Lay.

What is he doing now? Is he doing fine? Is he thinking about me right now? , I miss him so bad…

Kris stared at the rain outside. He wanted to go to see Lay, but how about Xiu Min? He was too weak to be left alone.

“I miss you…”

***

At the night, Kris walked Xiu Min home. It was still raining so they brought Kris’ black umbrella.

As they crossing the street in front the book store, Kris spotted someone he missed all the time. His eyes opened even wider. He ran into the one who sat down in front of the book store with pale face.

“LAY!” he squatted beside the weak Lay, pulling him into his embrace. “Lay, are you okay?! Talk to me, Lay!”

Lay opened his eyes slowly, looking up to find Kris’ worried face. He smiled weakly at the taller guy. “Kris… you’re here…”

“What are you doing here? Wait… don’t tell me you’re waiting for me!”

Lay chuckled weakly, giving Kris a victory sign with his fingers.

“Stupid!” Kris took off his jacket and put it on Lay’s body. He then piggybacked him. “I’ll take you to my house. Can you hold this umbrella?”

Lay nodded and held the umbrella.

Kris walked towards Xiu Min with Lay on his back. “Xiu Min, I’m sorry, but can you go home by yourself?”

Xiu Min stared at Kris. He didn’t have any idea what happened here. “U-Umm.” he mumbled as an answered and nodded.

Kris walked without looking back, leaving Xiu Min with his mixed feelings. It was still hurting Xiu Min when he saw how gentle Kris to Lay. But somehow he didn’t cry like he’d expected.

Clenching his fist, Xiu Min walked slowly under the downpour.

***

At his room, Tao had a cup of coffee, watching a TV. But his thought was on Xiu Min. He was afraid Xiu Min would hate him after what he’d done to him this morning. He didn’t want Xiu Min to leave him. It was okay even if he could only be Xiu Min’s friend. It was really okay as long as he could be by his side.

Tao couldn’t hold his guilty feeling anymore so he took his sweater and an umbrella, walking out his house to Xiu Min’s place. But what Tao could find just the empty house. Xiu Min wasn’t home yet.

Tao decided to wait until Xiu Min came back. He stood in front of the house. He didn’t care even if the rain would fall heavier. He would never leave this place until he met Xiu Min.

Luckily, Xiu Min came not long after Tao arrived. Tao felt his heart skipped a beat as he saw Xiu Min walked closer. But soon he realized there was something wrong with Xiu Min. His eyes looked empty as if he wasn’t there.

“Ah, Tao.” Xiu Min said as he found Tao in front of his gate.

“Xiu Min, I—“

As if he was still dazing, Xiu Min walked into his house without closing the gate. Tao blinked. He followed Xiu Min into his house quickly.

“Xiu Min…”

Tao was confused as Xiu Min didn’t say any word. The older just walked into his room and sat on the corner of it without changing his wet clothes.

Tao squatted beside Xiu Min, touching his arm hesitantly. “You’re soaking wet, Ge. You’d better go change your clothes or you’ll catch a cold.”

“I don’t care…” Xiu Min mumbled then added, “Nobody cares,”

“I do care.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my best friend.”

“Best friend would never try to kiss their best friend.”

Tao lost his words hearing Xiu Min’s phrase. “I-Its…”

“Why, Tao?”

“I… Xiu Min, forget it.”

“If you were me, could you forget about it?”

“It was an accident. I didn’t mean to kiss you.”

“Can I believe your words?”

“Xiu Min, listen. I’m so sorry for what I did to you. Just… let’s start over, okay?”

Xiu Min looked hesitate. He didn’t know what to do, but he couldn’t even imagine how his life without Tao by his side.

Tao stretched out his hands, holding Xiu Min’s. He looked at Xiu Min’s eyes deeply. “Xiu Min, please. I don’t want to lose you. You’re the only best friend I ever had.”

Xiu Min took a little time to look back at Tao’s eyes, looking for the truth in those sharp, black eyes before adding, “… promise me you will never, ever do something like that anymore?” he asked with small voice.

Tao held Xiu Min’s hands even tighter. “I promise.” he said truthfully.

“Pinky swear?” Xiu Min smiled as he showed his pinky.

A chuckle came through Tao’s lips. He tied his pinky around the elder’s. “Pinky swear.”