My girl

It has been a tough day in school today, and a deep sigh leaves your lips as you sit down next to your best friend at your last class for the day. Sulli smiles at you, since she can clearly see that you´re tired and sleepy. Her bubbly smile always makes you feel better. It has been a tough week, a week full of quizzes and tests, and you are basically doing your best to stay awake during your last hours at school before the weekend.

The two of you chat a bit as your other class mates starts to arrive. Laughter can be heard, and the conversation dies as your eyes move to the doorway. He is coming. He is the one you have had your eyes on for quite a while. Your eyes are glued to him as he moves through the room towards Sulli and you.

“You look happy today.” Sulli comments as he sits down in the seat in front of you. “Did someone confess to you or something?” She continues teasingly.

You are about to say that Sulli is just silly, and that he shouldn´t care about it, but the expression on his face makes you stop. He looks a bit embarrassed. Is there some truth in what sulli said?

He smirks. ”Well, it is obvious that I have a girl I like.” Your body gets all tense.

You laugh, trying to act like you don´t care, but your heart beat accelerates. Doki doki doki …. Oh? You always thought he didn´t care about girls, but now he suddenly has someone he likes… the tiny chance that that girl can be you makes you all awkward. To be honest, you have been wanting to date him for quite a while but you didn´t start to hang out until recently.

“Oh? I wonder who that is…?” Sulli smiles. “According to Krystal…”

“Krystal gossips a lot…” He laughs with a shrug of his shoulders.“This girl….she is so funny and sweet.” He continues dreamingly.

You can feel how your cheeks turn a bit red. However he is thinking of, must be a really nice girl. Your happiness suddenly fades a bit. It can´t be you. You feel bad, you don´t really want to hear about some other girl. You can´t compete with someone like that, in comparison, you are quite dull and boring.

“I walked her to the station and we talked a lot, we send text messages all the time…” He continues.

Eh? Your eyes widen and you feel how your heart slowly gets colder. You don´t have his number yet. The girl he is talking about isn´t you.

Your heart shatters.

This day was supposed to be a good day. It was Friday, and the weekend is waiting around the corner, but you can´t help but want to cry. Your two friends decided to go out eating together but you quickly came up with an excuse, you can´t be close to him when you are like this.

You start listening to music as you walk down the road aimlessly. You tend to do that when you need to think: listen to music and let your feet take you wherever they want. You end up sitting at a park bench, eyes staring straight ahead without really seeing anything.

“Are you ok?”

You flinch at the sudden voice and find yourself staring into a pair of dark daunting eyes. You unplug yourself from your ipod. A boy, around your age, stands there with his hands in his pockets: looking at you. His face is really familiar to you, and it takes some time for you to realize who he is.

“I´m fine.” You force a smile. “You´re… Tao right?”

You remember him faintly, as a silent boy clad in black that often wanders by himself. He transferred to your school a half year ago and a lot of people were thrilled about it. He is good looking, has the typical bad boy look such as dressing in black, piercings and those eyes and he was seemingly single. Their excitement faded when they realized he was quite antisocial, declined all the girls´ confessions and made no effort to get friends.

No one really knows him.

He nods silently, eyes never leaving you. You force another smile. You didn´t want anyone to see you like this, but you laugh a bit at yourself: you must look like a disaster to Tao. That must be the reason why he approached a complete stranger sitting on a bench at this hour. Just what you needed.

You´re pathetic. Crying over some guy that never looked your way in the first place.

“You know…” He starts almost hesitantly, eyes darting to the ground. “Being depressed doesn´t really suit you.”

Your eyes widen, and you turn to look at him. He offers you a weak hint of a smile, more of a tug of the corner of his lips, as he hands you a cup of warm coffee. You accept it breathlessly. He must have bought it for himself, but thought you´d need it more. He couldn´t have bought it for your sake, could he? And what about, being depressed doesn´t suit you, what does that mean?

“Uh, Thank you…” You tell him in a confused manner.

Tao nods his head simply, turns around and is about to leave like that. You stare at the steaming hot cup in your hands, then up at his retreating back, and then to the cup again in silence. You bite your lower lip in hesitation for a moment.

“Wait!”

Tao stops, and you can see how his shoulders tense up. The silence between you is tense, until you break it with an innocent suggestion.

“Why don´t we have coffee… together?” You suggests hesitantly, hating how pathetic you sound.

He turns to look at you over his shoulder, and his surprised expression makes you strangely warm inside.

The two of you ended up buying another cup of coffee, coffee latte, for Tao before sitting down at that same bench in the park again. The cold isn´t that bad when you hold the warm cup in your hand: absorbing the heat. Tao is quietly sitting by your side. You wonder why he didn´t decline your offer as you take your first sips of your coffee. Maybe he pities you. The warm, bitter, drink burns your tongue, but you don´t complain. You asked for this.

“I´m sorry if I kept you, if you had plans.” You break the silence, suddenly feeling guilty.

“No, it´s fine.” He is quick to tell you, dark eyes darting your way for a second.

He takes a sip of his warm drink, and his dark fringe hides his expression from your sight. He looks mysterious to you, dressed all in black, ears pierced, and that expression that you can´t really understand. He looks like the typical bad boy that you always see in dramas on TV. You wonder if he too, has a softer side to him. You bite your lip as you look into the distance. Him giving you coffee all of a sudden: isn´t that something different from that cold image? You should not judge him, not when it is you that acts strangely: asking a stranger that showed a bit of kindness to stay with you probably against his will.

“I must seem … terrible to you.” You murmur, not facing him.

He doesn´t say anything, but you can feel how his weight shifts as he moves on the bench as he tilts his head to look at you. Seconds pass, and you can feel how his eyes doesn´t move from you. You don´t dare to meet his gaze. Your knuckles turn white as you clench your cup of coffee in your hands, fearing that he is judging you right now.

“No.” He breaks the silence.

A breath you didn´t know you were holding leaves your lips. You meet his daunting eyes, and see your own reflection in them. A small hint of a smile can be seen on the corner of his pale lips. The smile fades quickly, and is replaced with a composed, neutral expression. It seems like he won´t explain his answer. You won´t force him. A small smile grows bigger on your lips.

“Thank you, really. You saved me tonight.”

Another silence spread between you, but it is not a bad one. It seems like you don’t need to fill the silence with unnecessary comments, being silent is enough. It feels nice. A deep content sigh leaves your lips. You can´t help but smile a bit to yourself. You don´t know how long the two of you just sat there before Tao breaks the silence.

“I will walk you home.” He says because he notices you have already finished your drink.

Tao silently followed you to your door, and made sure you got in and locked the door. You discretely watched him walk away through the window.

Strange.

Some days later, one Monday in school, you spot Tao sitting at his usual spot by himself eating his lunch. You decide to make a change in your school life for once and show that you appreciate what he did for you the other day.

Tao looks at you in surprise as you sit down across from him, but he doesn´t say anything. You start enjoying your lunch in silence as well. After some minutes you see your friends approaching, but they sit down at a different table once they spot Tao. You look at your friends with one raised brow.

“Sorry for scaring away your friends.” Tao murmurs when he follows your gaze.

“Nu-huh, they are silly for not sitting down over here…” You shrug as an irritated sigh leaves your lips. “Don´t let it bother you.”

Tao regards you for a while as you continue to eat, seemingly unaffected by your friends ´ betrayal. A different expression can be seen on his face for a moment, something like happiness, before his usual distant façade is up again. You smile at him anyway. You can´t understand why someone like him is always alone and feared, not when he can be so sweet.

The two of you eat in silence, but not an uncomfortable one. You share some thoughts and comments about the cafeteria food, the weather and about hobbies. You learn that even though Tao looks like a bad guy, he has a soft spot for cute things such as small animals and loves shopping.

You find yourself thinking that is really charming, and not scary as most people think.

On your way to the classroom you run into your two friends. Or rather, they walk up to you. The surprise makes you flinch, but they don´t apologize. Their serious expressions make you a bit wary and you know that they have come to discuss something serious.

“What´s with you and the panda kid lately?” Your male friend asks you without even greeting you.

It takes some moments for you to realize they are talking about Tao. Your stomach turns a bit cold at this, why would they care?

“Panda kid?” You repeat. They knew he liked pandas?

“Well, the boy you are ditching us for?” He explains, rolling his eyes.

You stare at him, your expression turns ugly.

“Seriously? You guys could have joined. Who I eat with doesn´t really concern you, does it?” You tell him sourly. “Tao is my friend.”

Okay, friend might be an exaggeration, but you are more than strangers now right? You think to yourself.

Sulli seems surprised over hearing this.“Your friend?” Sulli repeats hesitantly. “That guy has a reputation, you know?”

You stare at her blankly. You didn´t know she´d listen to rumors that much.

“He is dangerous!” She blurts out, wide-eyed, as she realize you are staring at her.

“You always judge people too quickly.” A sigh leaves your lips.

You prepare to go to your class and leave your friends behind. For a moment, you think your crush is about to take a hold of you, but he doesn´t. You give him a long suspicious stare before you murmur a “see you later” and heads to class. He and sulli whisper something, before the two of them heads off to class as well.

Something about the way Sulli and he acted today makes your feelings waver a bit. He suddenly doesn´t seem that good of a guy to you anymore.

Due to the fact that you are uncomfortable when talking to your two best friends, you started to hang out more with Tao on your breaks. He seemed surprised and distant at first, but the two of you warmed up to each other rather quickly. It seems that he is a guy that keeps his guard up, and won´t let just anyone get close. You don´t know why, but it seems as if he let´s you into his bubble recently.

The two of you sit on the floor in the school corridor, with cups of coffee in your hands, chatting. You have realized that Tao isn´t scary at all: he is really funny and cute. Adorable might be the correct word. Tao´s laughter echoes in the hallway, and you smile broadly at him as you think just how handsome he is when he smiles.

“Why did you walk up to a stranger, in the middle of the night… and offered her coffee?” You ask Tao suddenly.

Tao looks at you for a long time before he answers. “Actually, we first met on my second day here.” He starts, somehow avoiding the question. “So, I wouldn´t say we were strangers.”

You look at him and tilt your head to the right in confusion. “We did?”

He smiles, but there is a hint of disappointment there. Is he sad that you didn´t remember? “I was sitting behind the lockers in the hallway and...”

Your eyes widen. “…And I tripped over your legs and made a fool of myself. I remember now” You grin.

Tao smiles. Your eyes widen a bit. This is the first time you see him smile that broadly, and the sight makes you blush a bit. When smiling, Tao looks a lot younger and even a bit …cute. Those dark eyes seem to sparkle with excitement as he gazes at you. This is a lot different from the bad boy Tao you thought you knew. Your heart skips a beat and your lips twitch into a smile. A trembling laugh leaves you.

“I was so embarrassed so I just ran off…”You laugh at yourself. The truth though, is that you got a bit frightened when you met Tao´s daunting gaze back then. “Why were you sitting there though? On the floor?”

You make a hand gesture to the floor, where you are sitting at the moment. Tao takes a sip of his coffee, which lets you see his profile, sigh, before he turns to you again. There are traces of coffee left on those lips of his. You can´t help but notices it.

“I was hiding.”Your confused look must have urged him to explain.”People were so noisy during my first days here, I wanted to get away.”

“Hahaha.” You laugh at the memory of how all the girls went crazy over Tao back then.

He was the new, mysterious guy everyone wanted to be friends with. Well, until Tao one day told all of them to stop bothering him. That´s when one of the most popular girls at school, who got rejected by Tao, started spreading rumors about him. Making everyone think he was dangerous and creepy.

“A lot of guys would have killed to be you back then…” You ponder out loudly.

Tao doesn´t say anything, but you can see a hint of a grin on his lips.

“It´s not worth it.” He answers after a while. “I saw through what they wanted from me immediately, and I´m not interested in superficial friends…. or girlfriends.”

You listen silently. You suddenly wonder what kind of girl Tao´d like. Someone tough and cool like him? Someone sugary cute? Someone who is better than the most popular girl at this school… that´s not you. Eyes widen. Where did that come from?

Tao calls your name, when he notices that you are spacing out, and a blush cover your cheeks for a moment.

“Hahah sorry.” You scratch your head. “You are a really deep person, aren´t you?”

Tao looks at you seriously, before he shrugs, turning his attention to his coffee.

You can´t say you didn´t notice the tension between your friends and Tao. You´ve seen your former crush walk into Tao, and then blaming him for not watching where he was going. Very mature. Tao, however, didn’t mention it. He let himself get bullied and didn´t put up a fight or make a scene out of it.

You find yourself asking what made you like your firmer crush, because the person he is now is completely different. He is scary, and not attractive at all. He has become a bully, or, was he always one?

One day, when you just finished classes for the day, your classmate suddenly tells you to look out through the window. The sight in the school yard makes your eyes go wide. You rush down the stairs, dropping your school books on the way, as if the devil was right behind you.

Your friend is urging Tao to fight, and the two of them are surrounded by a circle of students that got there before you. It is a hard time for you to get through the circle of people, and the students almost pushes you to the ground. Elbowing your way through, you finally reach the two young men in the centre.

The moment you break through the crowd, you see how Tao leaps into the air, spins around and delivers a powerful kick to your friends shoulder. A surprised yelp leaves your lips. Your whole body freezes, you can´t move, until moments later. Your friend falls to his knees and Tao backs off.

“STOP!” You shout with all your might when your friend is about to charge at Tao.

Tao turns around to look at you over his shoulder. His eyes widen at the sight of you standing there. Your heart freezes over as you see his broken lip and bruised cheekbone.

“You are fighting?” You stutter in shock at him.

Tao looks at you with narrowed eyes, he seems shocked as well but for another reason. He is about to say something when the people surrounding you interrupts.

“That´s what I told you!” Your friend tells you, blood running through his fingers as he touches his bleeding forehead. “He is dangerous!”

You stare at him wide-eyed. “This is your fault too, you know?” You scold him. “You hit too, didn´t you?”

You give him a cold stare, turn to look at Tao with pain in your eyes before you turn around and walk away. You can´t take this. Tao reaches out for you wide-eyed, but people surround him and make it impossible to hear that he calls your name.

You bite your lip as you force yourself to walk away. All you want to do is tend to their wounds, but you can´t. Worry builds up in your stomach as you remember Tao´s broken lip.

“Wow look, that was so cool!” A girl shouts as you pass buy.

“Tao, is really strong…!” Another murmurs.

You started to avoid both of them from that moment, and you spent your school days alone. During this time, you noticed how popular Tao slowly is becoming. You wouldn´t be able to approach him even if you´d want to.

Sulli approached you, saying there is something important she needs to talk about and you were about to start talking over coffee, when a figure clad in all black walks into the building with eyes on you. Sulli´s eyes go wide as Tao stops at your table. He puts his hand down, making your cups of coffee wobble dangerously.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asks you, barely realizing Sulli is there.

You forget about her presence as well.

He looks like he could kill. Your eyes widen slowly, as you feel how your heart grows colder. You didn´t think he´d care. You swallow your saliva, before you try to explain. It is hard to stop your voice from wavering when those dark eyes stare at you.

“…I didn´t want to get in your way, now when everyone wants to be with you.” You start hesitantly, slightly afraid of his gaze. “You have… always been alone so I thought …new friends…” You are only making up excuses…

“They don´t matter.” Tao interrupts harshly.

You were facing the ground while talking, but upon hearing his voice you look at him again. He looks frustrated. The young man that usually won´t show a lot of feelings is looking like he wants to hit someone.

“Huh?” A surprised sound leaves your lips.

His eyes widen. “I rather be alone than hang out with people that didn´t give a damn about me before they knew what I could do.” He explains. “But you…!”

The presence both of you forgot appears again. Sulli is up on her legs, staring at Tao. She is frowning. “Wait, wait!” Sulli interrupts as if she doesn´t want Tao to continue.

Tao turns to stare at her, clearly disliking the way she interrupted him. You look at her with a confused look on your face. Why is she interrupting Tao when he clearly has something important to say? Sulli looks at you with wide, panicky eyes.

“That was a set up. We all planned to make you jealous!!” She blurts out.

“What are you…?” You don´t really understand.

“He really does like you!” She sighs. “He said he liked another girl to make you upset, so he´d know what you felt before he confessed.”

Tao stares at Sulli as you finally understand. He said he liked a girl, but that was a lie. You went through heartbreak and to give him up because of a lie. Sulli is trying to make everything right before it can go… wrong with Tao.

You boil with frustration. This was the important thing she wanted to talk about?

“That so stupid!” You breathe. “Why would you do that?”

“You were so dense! And nothing was going to happen if I didn´t intervene….”Is her defense.

Tao´s gaze is pitch black as he stares at nothing in particular. Sulli glares at you.

“You need to tell him you like him too!” She tells you, pulling you away from Tao.

Your heart turns ice cold. She clearly said that so Tao could hear it, to end whatever there is between the two of you. You stare blankly at the floor. You are more worried about what Tao would think about you after hearing this than happy over the fact that the guy you are supposed to still be in love with likes you. You don´t feel anything but dread and irritation now.

“I don´t like him.” You confess.

“What?” Sulli´s eyes go wide.

You look up at her as the realization hits you. “I think all I ever liked about him, was the person I thought he was.” You tell her slowly. “No, I´m not getting together with him.”

“Are you insane?”

You look at Sulli with pleading eyes. You don´t want to fight, but you are getting more and more frustrated with her. Tao saves you by grabbing your wrist, and pulling you away from her and down the corridor. You feel awful. He had to hear all that. But above that, you feel so angry and betrayed by your friends. If he was honest with his feelings instead of lying, the two of you would probably been dating right now. But that also means that you wouldn´t had gotten to know Tao.

Tao.

If you was dating your friend, you wouldn´t have fallen in love with Tao. Your chest turns ice cold, making you whole body freeze over. The only source of warmth is Tao´s hand on your wrist. What is going through his mind right now? A breath leaves your lips as he suddenly stops, pulls at your wrist, and traps you between himself and the lockers in the hallway.

“Tao?” Your voice trembles.

“Is what you said true?”

“…what?”

“You don´t… love him anymore?”

You meet Tao´s gaze. His dark eyes look hesitant, almost a bit afraid, as he looks at you straight in the eyes. Your eyes widen as well.

“I don´t love him…” You breathe.

Tao releases you with a deep sigh.

“Tao?”

An uncomfortable silence spread between you for a long moment. Tao seems to be struggling with what he should tell you. You can feel how nervousness is building up inside of you as you wait. There are several signs telling that Tao might actually like you. You won´t let yourself trust your instincts just yet though. Tao turns away from you and you think that he´s about to leave for a moment, when he finally says something.

“Back then, he said you were his. Like, you where his possession.” He tells you through gritted teeth.

Your eyes widen.

“He told me to keep my hands off what´s not mine.” Tao continues, dark eyes meeting yours for a moment. “But I…I´ve liked you since a long time.” He confesses, turning vulnerable.

Your eyes grow even wider.

He won´t look at you and you studies his profile silently. His eyelashes are very long and you can see a hint of red on his ears. He is blushing. Reality hits you like a punch: it is true. Tao likes you. The way his hands are trembling slightly is proof. You blush as well without any warning.

“When he talked like that about you, I just snapped.” He tells you. “I hit him. He asked for it.”

A long, shaky breath leaves his still red and swollen lips.

“I know it is too early, since you liked him just recently but…” He seems to have lost his ability to speak.

How long has he been watching you before you even cared to look his way?

You must have hurt Tao a great deal when you were chasing after your friend before, and even without noticing it. Your stomach turns a bit cold with guilt. Your anger has faded, and you only feels resent towards what your former crush did. A sigh leaves your lips.

You don´t say anything as you takes Tao´s hand in yours. His fingers are cold, and you can feel how he tenses up a bit at the sudden and unexpected touch. His hand feels big in yours, as you intertwine your fingers. You sit there, hand in hand, for a while before Tao finally dares to look your way again. You give him a warm smile.

“You know what they say about people with cold hands?” You smile at him. “That they got a warm and kind heart.”

Tao´s eyes widen a fraction.

“I thought… I scared you.” He confesses.

“You did.”You say. “I was scared you´d get hurt.”

You slowly reach out and touch his bruised cheek gently. Dark eyes look at you silently, and it seems as if he is holding his breath. He was fighting for your sake, got hurt for your sake.

“It is sudden, but I know I …have come to like you, Tao.”You tell him. “If you want too, we could… take it slow and see where it goes?”

You glance his way, and eyes widen as you see his expression. His eyes are wide as he looks at you in a very passionate manner. You have never seen a man look like that before: so happy and surprised. Tao grins to himself, as he leans in and gives you a soft kiss to your forehead. He flinches, as the kiss makes his irritated lips hurt. You forget your surprise and the butterflies in your stomach as you realize he is hurting. You laugh at him, pull him up, and take him to the nurse´s office.

Walking hand in hand, the two of you walks towards class. People are gossiping about you already but you don´t care.. You smile at him, squeeze his hand, as he tells you something funny. A pair of poisonous eyes stares at you from a distance, and upon realizing this, you freeze: feeling scared. Tao´s gaze turns cold as he stares at what made you uncomfortable all of a sudden.

“Don´t look at my girl like that.” Tao warns your former crush dangerously. “You lost your chance.”

Tao pulls you along with him through the hallway, walking passed him. Once reaching safety, you can´t help but laugh at Tao, and he chuckles shyly, scratching his head in embarrassment. It seemed like he really wanted to say that.

“Your girl, huh?” You tease.

Tao smiles as he realizes you are not mad about being called his. The young man moves in closer to you.

“Mine.” He murmurs, as he closes the distance between you.