The movie was nearly over and Seungho could sense the tireness of the day coming to get him, all the recordings and the runs to go to one place to another, the stress of people around him, touching his hair, telling what shirt looked better, the never-quiet rooms. He, somehow, liked the silence of his bedroom – the TV volume so down, just the images of some random couple fighting. Thanks God! He hated the annoying high pitchy voice of that actress. His legs slightly moved in the bed, his back was clued on the wall and his position was not very comfortable, specially because Mir was there, sleeping on his lap, his head over the small pillow on Seungho's thighs. He'd gone long time ago, even before Byunghee go back to his own room, maybe on the first five minutes of the movie. Seungho cursed in thoughts when seeing the maknae already sleeping when he begged to them to watch that movie which one Seungho was not interested, at all. 

The leader was going to wait for the end to take Cheolyong to his bed and then sleep in peace for the not many hours he still had. His fingers tangled on Mir's hair, a little caress to don't wake him up when Seungho had to get up and it continued until the credits began. Carefully, Seungho held the pillow up giving himself some space to move aside, his feets touching the ground and legs moving inchs and inchs, he finally got up and placed the pillow on the bed. Easy. The hard part was carrying Mir back to his room and Seungho made a little note in his mind to never accept watch movies before sleeping again. 

One hand on his back and the other on the back of his knees and counting to three, Seungho forced the body up to his. Another note, Mir was heavy. With firm steps, he started walking with the maknae on arms and managed to place him at his own bed in his own room without waking him once, well, almost... When he saw that damn snake in the cage, the small black eyes staring at him so hungrily, he stopped. Seungho hated that snake, in the front of the cameras, he was indifferent, but everybody knew snakes weren't his thing, specially when the pet could kill some cute annoying girl with a change of years, the flaky body all around her neck and face, yet nothing happened. Seungho would never forgive the animal. 

With a last stare at the snake after placing Cheolyong on his bed, he closed the door in completly silence. His ghost steps were so awkward and his eyes focused the darkness on the end of the hallway and then his foots weren't entering his room anymore, he knew what find there, the two figures sleeping close enough to the blanket be useless. They should be at their home, Changsun alone at his big house and Sanghyun quietly reading Mockingjay to finish that trilogy he talked about all the time. But, after the arrive in the dorm, Joon complained of pain and fever and the pills the hospital gave early weren't working, so he stayed at the dorm, to if something happened, at least someone would know or hear the little cries of his and help. He was sleeping in the living room floor because Byunghee or Cheolyong or even Seungho himself didn't want to change the places and let him sleep on anyone's bed. Not until...

“I'll sleep with you, Changsun, don't worry,” Cheondung said so softly and caring that Seungho stopped waking to his bedroom and glaced backwards. The visual had a cute smile, his cheeks flushed with the idea of taking care of a hyung. Hyung. The missing word in the sentence made him angry, the way the two friends treated each other so informal and without any respect made him so angry, he wanted to sit with Sanghyun  in some corner of the house particularly and tell for hours and hours how and why treating Changsun as a friend from years was so wrong while he still called Seungho as hyung or leader-nim or just not talking to him at all. Seungho always told s how important having manners was, but for the tallest boy, he wanted to say it was ok if he saw him as a friend, not a hyung, the same way he saw Joon.

And there they were, sleeping on the floor on two mattress, the moonlight coming from the window showed the older of them all over the place, legs open and arms up taking a little of Cheondung's space, the yellow blanket covering only his upper body. ‘See? You should've sleep in your house’ Seungho wanted to say to the younger. His lanky body curved in a ball, the messy hair on the pillow, but his face under the blue blanket. He knew Sanghyun was uncomfortable there. The fanciness and prince syndrome were completly against sleeping on the floor – actually, it was against almost everything. 

Seungho knelt holding his breathe then sighing because he felt alone and he didn't want to go back to his empty room without somebody to take care of him, without Sanghyun. He could fake a pain in the ribs and wake up the younger and ask if he wanted to sleep with him too, to watch him in the night, and he would get up right away because Seungho had a warm bed to offer and unlike Changsun, he would never sleep noticing that Cheondung had no space to be. Or he could simply say he wanted the boy by his side. 

But no. ‘Why?’ he'd ask right away, because for Sanghyun no one could or would make something good for him without wanting anything else in change. No one'd simply ask him to sit by his side, save him the best omelets in the breakfast when Mir was crazy to eat them, say how good looking he was with the millions of cardigans he had, give him a little gift with the early payment. 

“Why?” he asked, timid. His head down, the tiny ring shinning between the long skinny fingers, the tone so sweet and insegure. For a moment, Seungho lost his words. Because the smile he would make opening the present, because it matched the leader's neacklace, because a ring meant a lot and many others reasons, but his throat got dry and he just walked away back to the van. Next morning, he brought presents for every member of his band, to leave a message: there was no special reason. Lie. 

And later, he found a fluffly purple box on his bed. ‘They will look good when leader-nim wears them’, the hand writing perfect and Seunho grinned like a child on the Christmas morning opening the box quickly but carefully to don't ruin all the purple paper that he had sure Cheondung himself covered the box with, it was so perfect and not even a little flaw on the package. Sanghyun was a perfectionist. It was a pair of black earrings. He started to use them the next day, immediatly begging for a cordinona to open the little holes on his awkward earlobes. And it was kinda sad, Seungho did love the present, but the little itch on his nape tortured him for several hours thinking of Sanghyun just giving him the earrings because he felt in the need to gift the leader too. Seungho would accept a thanks or a hug, but for the younger, he had to give something because, not matter what, no one would make good to him without wanting anything in change. 

Again, if Sanghyun asked, Seungho wouldn't have a good reason to tell and he didn't want to walk away without saying anything. Slowly, his right hand grabbed the blanket to uncover the face of his dongsaeng revealing the closed eyes, flush cheeks and the pink heart-like lips. The delicated traces of his were beautiful, weren't they? The adorable only one double eyelid, the color of his mouth, the pallidness of his skin. Many said he looked an angel, but not Seungho. There was so much more inside the quiet boy, so much fear and worries and qualities and secrets that moved him as a human, not a boring angel. He'd say the word puzzle suited him better, by all the times he surprised his bandmates with acts or sentences, by knowing them so well and yet, no one knew him entirely. There was always something new to learn about Sanghyun, always to despise, to love. 

Without noticing, his fingertips were caressing the black hair provoking a lightly spam in Cheondung's body moving in the ball to show how welcomed the touch was. Then, he skirted the soft skin of his lips feeling a chill running his own spine, there was no turning back. Cheondung was opening his eyes lazily sensing the stare and in the state of sleep, he widened his black eyes looking scared when seeing his leader in front of him. But he was still sleeping somehow, he'd not remember Seungho having a small delight of his skin, the drunk eyes would trick him and by the morning, Seungho would be only a dream and it would be gone. The older was sure. 

“Sanghyun, come sleep with me...” it was a whisper in the dark of the moonlight and the boy looked around, but Seungho had his cheek on his hand and turned him back to his direction to stare at those small eyes, he liked the way they weren't completly open anymore and the odd shine, of course. He seemed so much more pale on the dim light and the dark of his hair and his eyes. Seungho delicatly passed his fingers on the forehead of the younger, placing the long fringe behind his ear – the hair needed a cut badly, sometimes it covered the eyes and the older couldn't see the traces of the rest of his inocence, it was slowly fading away, the ages going and going, he just wanted to stop that. Stop the boy of growing up, becoming independent to the point of not needing his hyungs anymore, not needing his leader anymore. Going back to the days Cheondung didn't know how move his body and didn't know the right lyrics of the songs, when he was scared of asking for Seungho's help and the older approaching him made he shiver. It was too late, it was already happening, the silence between them whenever they were alone, the bobble around Sanghyun that only himself was authorized to be inside. 

Cheondung moved on the mattress supporting his weight on his right elbow and lifting his upper body, a confused look and Seungho opened a smile, that special one, his lips pushed in a thin line, the cheeks lightly round, the kind of smile only his favourite dongsaeng provoked. “Why?” he gasped rubbing his face on his leader's hand like a kitty asking for attention, the action making Seungho burn inside and laugh with his nose, the state of wake/sleep of Cheondung pleased him, his elbow shaking not holding the body for too long, the blinks lasting several seconds as he was ready to close the eyes and back to his dreams. Seungho opened his lips to respond, but nothing came out, the voice was gone, there were so many reasons again and he couldn't say any of them. Just a small one. 

“I don't want to sleep alone, I want to sleep with you.”

A grin contaminated the younger face, torting his beautiful expression and for a moment, Seungho thought he wasn't sleeping, the little sparkle passing on his eyes, his sharky teets forming a white line. The way he didn't look away, just directly into Seungho's eyes, reading everything he could. No. He had to be sleepy, he was sleepy. Definitly sleepy. Cheondung wouldn't stare straight into someone's eyes, he was so educated to challenge anyone like that. Right?

Seungho felt his stomach arching, his heart so heavy inside his chest and the little shiver coming from the spine to the nape. His right hand grabbed Sanghyun's neck in a slightly move bringing him closer enough to the full flesh lips touch the forehead; at first, his lips just rubbed the flesh barely, the caressed guided the younger to close his eyes and free hand held the older's wrist. The long fingers that could hold anything. Then, Seungho closed his eyes too. The skin, however, was cold, his fingers were cold and his forehead, also his cheeks and he just noticed it now. And it burned, burned against his lips, but he didn't want to back away, never. His lips finally closed giving it a long and perfect kiss, perfect because there was no resistance, because he couldn't do that ever again, there were a million of reasons.

“Good night, Sanghyun,” he said against his forehead and stood quickly, too quickly, leaving no space for second thoughts and no looking back. His feets almost running to his empty room, the flesh where the long fingers were felt strange, his lips were itching badly and his body fell on the bed flat, the image of that drunk eyes in his mind, hunting him until the sleep come. And Seungho dreamed with them. He would anyway. 

He always dreamed with them.

With Sanghyun.