Dear Soojung,

I’ll bet you’re sitting in the dark, watching fanmade videos of SeStal right now, wondering why my name is put in front of yours. Like why can’t it be KrysHun or SooHun?

I’ll bet you’re sitting in your electric-blue metallic dress, a grin on your lips, breathing a sigh of relief because the filming’s over.

I’ll bet you’re having fun with the SM Town crew while I’m stuck here rehearsing from five-to-twelve.

I’ll bet you’re smiling right now while Sulli yells in the background, Victoria trying to calm her down. Congrats on winning your first triple crown.

I’ll bet you’re up awake, like me, thinking of ways to avoid me when we meet in Los Angeles.

I’ll bet you’re blushing right now because Jongin –Kai- just kissed you.

I’ll bet you’re in your wedding dress right now, looking beautiful and ready to get married.

Soojung, before you tear this away or burn this up, please hear me out. I have so much to say to you but every time I open my mouth, only silence fill the air.

Well, here goes, I’m hoping you’re still reading this, Jung-ah.

I’m not gay. Neither am I in a relationship with Luhan-ge. I am also emotionally stable and not depressed or suicidal. Contrary to all the rumors, I am not quitting SM Entertainment.

Soojung, all those aside, I just need tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you. I wish I could run to you and make things right again. I need you to know that every time I don’t, I almost do.

But I can’t. I can’t. I’m sorry.

            That’s all I can say: sorry.

Jung-ah, I bet you think I either hate you or moved on because every single time you try to start a conversation or reach out, you receive no reply. I bet you cussed me out in front of your band-mates and vowed never to text me again. (You still do. Faithfully, I might add. Week after week, I get your same texts. The same words but still, thank you for the effort, Jung.)

Soojung, has it ever crossed your mind that I can’t say hello to you and risk another goodbye?

 It’s been so long, hasn’t it?

Here’s the words I’ve never managed to say aloud;

I love you.

I know how little words mean when they’re too late. We’re a beautiful mess, aren’t we? Jung, if I had the choice, you’d still be mine. But in this life, he binds our choices. We only have one path to take. He told me if I didn’t do it, he’d ruin you and Jess. He said I melted the Ice-Princess. He didn’t want soft-sweet Soojung. He wanted the ice-cold Krystal.

I’m sorry, Jung. I really am. I should’ve told you earlier but I was afraid. You are perfect, beautiful and so talented. You didn’t need some nobody from a failed rookie band pulling you down. Jung-ah, I’m really sorry.

I love you, always have, and always will. I never stopped loving you.

(I bet you’re cursing me for sending this five minutes before your big moment. I hope you don’t think of me when you’re walking down the aisle with Jongin. He’s a great guy – much better than me.)

I wish nothing but the best for both of you,
Keep smiling, Jung Soojung.

Love always,

Oh Sehun. 

__________

(i was supposed to write a long one-shot for sestal but after a while, it got really horrible and cheesy so i just took one part of it. so yeah. c:)