Chapter 3/3

It is funny how once you realize that you like someone, that specific person seem to occupy your field of vision anytime of the day.                                                                                                  

Youngjae has a habit of looking down at the ground while he walks. He had lost count of the amount of times his mother had smacked him in the head, scolding him to look up at the people. She often lectured him about how relatives or acquaintances would view her as a bad mother if her son didn’t manage to greet them if they walked by. Youngjae would then like to point out that they lived in Seoul; their relatives lived too far away to be randomly walking down the streets in the middle of Seoul. As for acquaintances, he doubted that he left a big enough impression on someone for them to actually bother. Sometimes, when he thought it would work to his advantage he would accuse his mother of not knowing how lucky she was to have a son like him.

After all, he didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, didn’t party, had good grades and liked to stay at home…

Of course she would with narrowed eyes like to point out that he wasn’t cute in any way. But Youngjae always waved it off, declaring that the argument as invalid. Though as a stubborn woman, his mother only ever admitted defeat when he brought the topic into genetics.

Well, Youngjae did not look at the ground because he was afraid to meet other people’s eyes, he did it simply because he wanted to know or to be sure where he settled his feet. Once his mind was set on a specific destination, he did not bother to register anything else from his surroundings.

It’s funny though, how things can change…

Youngjae had just passed the stand that sold the area’s best ‘Teokbokki’ when he suddenly stopped in his tracks. His peripheral vision had caught a blurry image of dark brown hair, and how that had been enough for Youngjae to register that Jung Daehyun was standing by the subway entrance was way beyond him.

It took every ounce of determination in him to not raise his head and look at Daehyun properly. Youngjae clenched his fists. Was liking someone supposed to be like this? No, it can’t be. Youngjae refused to believe that his heartbeat, his pulse, his thermostat and his freaking state of mind could be so easily affected by the mere presence of the other. It just can’t be.

Eventually, he picked up his steps again. Of course he could have turned around and gone to another station. But Youngjae refused to; if he had to avoid Daehyun in order to carry on with his life then that would mean that he was in too deep. That he had fallen…and fallen hard.

-------------------------------------------------------

“What’s this? You are just going to ignore me?” Youngjae’s mind raced as he felt the warmth from Daehyun’s hand round his arm. “Stop it,” Daehyun said, unsure if he had meant it as a command or not. Though it passed his lips sounding more like a plea.

Youngjae took a deep breath then met Daehyun’s eyes. He felt dizzy and wanted nothing more than to shake off Daehyun’s touch but at the same time just couldn’t bring himself to do it nor could he tell the other to let go.

He felt pathetic.

‘I like him this much?’

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” he said and tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible.

“I already apologized, what more do you want me to do?” Daehyun’s grip round Youngjae’s arm tightened causing Youngjae to swallow thickly and turn his head away. He didn’t want Daehyun to see any sign of his emotional turmoil, in case his eyes decided to betray him. Daehyun raised his other hand, in which he held a bag from the ‘Tous les Jours’ franchise. “Red bean bread, your favorite.” He said and gestured for Youngjae to take it, however Youngjae just stared at the small plastic bag and remained motionless. “I know I was wrong,” Daehyun started softly; “I was a coward and betrayed your friendship. I’m sorry.” He pulled lightly at Youngjae’s arm, wanting the other to look at him. “I want us to be friends again, so…just this once, forgive me. Uhm?” Daehyun let go of Youngjae’s arm and pressed the bag containing the bread in his hand.

Youngjae realized then that it was pointless for him to resist. His fingers curled round the bag, accepting it. “Thank you,” he said absentmindedly.

‘I forgive you.’

Despite the pain he had felt and despite Daehyun’s barely adequate apologies, Youngjae found himself unable resist him. He became aware that he would forgive Daehyun today and any other day, for any other mistake that he might make in the future. He wondered if this was how life was, do we all give in so easily to the people we like?

Maybe…

…after all, we can all make mistakes and we can all disappoint our dear ones.

Or maybe…

this was how hard he had fallen…

The brilliant smile that Daehyun gave Youngjae, only made his heart feel heavier.

Because he knew was being pulled further and further into Daehyun’s orbit.

He was trapped.

Daehyun cheerfully threw his arm over Youngjae’s shoulders, “So friends?” his eyes had that spark that Youngjae had always unconsciously admired.

He felt how the knot in his stomach tightened.

‘Friends…would I be able to handle that?’

If Youngjae’s feelings for Daehyun had been platonic, affections for a friend only, then yes: they could be friends...best friends even.

Therefore…

“No,” he said and took Daehyun’s arm off his shoulders. He stepped away, and took a few steps down the stairs. Youngjae then turned around to look straight into Daehyun’s confused eyes and said with determination: “I don’t think we should be friends, let’s keep a distance from now on.”

Daehyun’s dark orbs shifted from confusion to frustration. “Yah, Yoo Youngjae…“

“You and I are so different anyway,” Youngjae shrugged and tried to sound as composed as possible. “Popular Jung Daehyun, should be friends with other popular kids, right?  The world would then make more sense to everyone.” He swallowed thickly and continued: “besides, I don’t want to be your friend. I thought we could be, but I guess that once I got to know you…I…I simply don’t want to have anything to do with you.”

‘I want a sign, a sign to the exit of your grasp.’

Daehyun growled, “Yoo Youngjae, this once…I will take this as an eye for an eye and overlook what you just said, this once—“

“I’m not the type who takes revenge on people,” Youngjae interrupted. “I meant what I said.”

“Then you are lying. I never took you for a liar; did I hurt you that bad?” Daehyun had an unreadable look on his face.

Youngjae’s fists clenched hard. “Why would I lie to you?” he wished in his heart of hearts that Daehyun did not notice the tremble in his voice.

Daehyun’s lips formed a thin line. “You said you valued our friendship.”

“Well, all things lose their values sooner or later.” Youngjae said coldly, and hoped they were finished. It was starting to turn into an unbearable conversation and he felt like he might throw up any second from then on.

They stood and looked at each other for a long time. People that walked passed then threw them an odd look before they proceeded further down to the trains.

Eventually, Daehyun looked away and grumbled: “Fine.” He took a few steps down, so that they were standing side by side, “Remember, I’m not going to apologize to you anymore. This is really the end of our friendship,” he said in a tone that was coated with a layer of cold ice.

Youngjae tried to catch his breath as his insides turned. He closed his eyes and gathered himself quickly, “was there a friendship to begin with?”

Daehyun shook his head in disbelief. “Whatever,” he said tiredly before he continued down the stairs.

Youngjae stood frozen on the same spot for a very long time.

---------------------------------------------------------

In school it was as if nothing had changed. Well, except for the ache in Youngjae’s heart every time he glanced at Busan Wonbin, nothing had changed. They bumped into each other occasionally in school and on the subway, but neither would utter a word.

Youngjae developed the bad habit of stealing glances at Daehyun. He allowed himself long gazes at the other; sometimes he would even spoil himself and let his mind wonder off.

It is funny how once you realize that you like someone, that specific person seem to occupy your every thought.                                                                                                                                   

Days went by like that and it was fine as long as no one knew.

As long as no one noticed…especially Daehyun.

---------------------------------------------------------

Youngjae was sitting by the dining table when his mother let a white flashy bag slide across the table towards him.

“What’s this?” he asked as he eyed it suspiciously.

“A smartphone, from your lovely parents,” she beamed. “As a reward for placing first, we are proud of you.”

Youngjae blinked at his mother. He had indeed placed first in school for the mid-term exams, but the thought of a reward had never crossed his mind. Not to mention something as expensive as a phone. He carefully took it out of the bag and examined the box. Youngjae often saw people playing with their phones on the subway; true, he had always wanted one but never asked for it since he did not see it as a necessity.

“Your father said that kids at your age should have a smartphone,” Youngjae’s mom continued as she roamed around in the kitchen. “You should have seen him talking to the salesman,” she cleared and made an attempt to imitate her husband’s low tone: “I want one that has everything, BUT I don’t want to spoil my son too much,” she chuckled to herself.

Youngjae opened the box and pulled out a Samsung Galaxy Ace, he looked up when he felt his mother’s hand on his cheek. “I know it’s not the latest model, or as flashy as the phones other kids at your school have but—“

“Mom, it’s perfect,” Youngjae took his mother’s hand in his and hoped that his smile was reassuring enough. “Thank you,” he said happily.

“You’re welcome, dear.” She returned softly as her other hand ran through his short hair and ruffled it. “And it’s good to see you smile again; I was worried for a while.”

“I’m sorry,” he immediately said, and mentally scolded himself for making her worry.

She raised her eyebrows at him. “No snarky reply? Something must be very wrong,” she teased. But then she seated herself on the chair in front of him and looked at him gently, “You know that you can tell me everything, right?”

“I’m fine mom,” it almost sounded true even in Youngjae’s ears. Almost.

“Is it about Daehyun?” she asked carefully. “You haven’t made up yet?”

Youngjae’s grip round his new phone tightened. “No, we haven’t.” he purposely left out the part that it was what he wanted.

She let out a sigh, “Well, I don’t know what you are fighting over and I don’t think that I should interfere. Though, I’m sure you will be able to sort this out, you are after all, both good and mature young men, aren’t you?” Youngjae remained silent as his mother got up from her seat. “Daehyun’s a very bright and charming kid, I rather like him,” she said before she continued to work on the day’s dinner.

Youngjae smiled sadly to himself.

‘Me too.’

----------------------------------------------------------

The subway was more packed with people than usual. Youngjae who managed to sneak in effectively got one of the last seats, he sat and observed as people pushed through each other to find a good spot to stand on.

His view was suddenly blocked by a figure, a figure clad in an identical school uniform as him. Youngjae looked up and found to his surprise that Daehyun was standing before him, holding on to the handle.

Their eyes met for a brief second before they both looked away. Youngjae cleared his throat and Daehyun coughed awkwardly. Youngjae then decided to close his eyes and just pretend to sleep for the whole ride home; he knew that if he had his eyes opened he wouldn’t be able to keep them away from the handsome boy in front of him.

A familiar ringtone started to play out of nowhere; it wasn’t until after the fourth ring did Youngjae realize that it was his own phone that was ringing. He nearly jumped up from his seat as he tried to pull the device out of his pocket. Silent curses passed his lips as his fingers fumbled over the small screen.

Youngjae pressed the phone to his ear, “Hello?” he whispered for some odd reason.

“Youngjae? Youngjae-ah, are you there!?” his mother yelled through the phone as she didn’t hear him clear enough.

 Youngjae grimaced at her tone and out of reflex moved the device inches away from his ear. “Mom, I’m here,” he answered, though barely any louder than his previous whisper.

“Youngjae-ah, I forgot to buy tofu, buy two packages on your way home would you!?”

He could hear someone chuckle at him, but he was too busy trying to lower the volume to see who it was. Though when he looked up, he thought he saw Daehyun smiling amusedly at him before the other hastily turned away.

No, it must have been an illusion.

Youngjae, hurriedly promised his mother that he would pass by the grocery store and then with great effort tried to push the phone into his pocket again.

“You finally got a phone?” Daehyun’s Busan accent reached Youngjae’s ears, causing him to look up at the other with widened eyes. It surprised him immensely that the other had spoken to him.

Youngjae swallowed a non-existent lump down his throat as he realized just how much he missed Daehyun’s voice. Especially when it was directed to him.

“Yeah,” was all he found himself able to say.

Neither said anything else after that…

-------------------------------------------------

Once they arrived, Youngjae made sure to get off the train as quickly as possible. He bumped into a lady in the process and made sure he made an adequate apology before he continued on to his exit.

“Youngjae-ah!” someone…no, he knew exactly who it was that screamed his name.

Youngjae cursed silently under his breath.

‘Should I turn around? Should I pretend that I didn’t hear him? What does he want? Why…why can’t he just…’

For the first time in Youngjae’s 18 years old life did he wish to be invisible…only for a moment…one moment would be enough…

“Youngjae-ah,” Daehyun stood a few feet behind him. “You dropped this,” he said and waited for the other to face him.

Youngjae spun around and saw a familiar square-like object in Daehyun’s raised hand. He absentmindedly fumbled in his pocket and noticed that his phone was gone.

“It was on your seat, must have fallen out from your pocket.” Daehyun gestured for Youngjae to take it.

“Thanks,” he finally said and reached for it with an uncertain hand.

They stood and looked at each other awkwardly after that.

Daehyun opened his mouth, as if he was about to say something, but then he closed it again and looked away.

In the end, with a firm grip round his phone, Youngjae simply turned his back at Daehyun and ran up the stairs as he desperately willed his heart to calm down.

----------------------------------------------------------------

It was late and Youngjae had just returned to his room from a shower when he noticed that his phone was glowing.

He picked it up.

                                 I still think that you lied to me.

                                           - Daehyun

Youngjae sat down on his bed and stared at the text. He then threw his phone beside him in frustration. “Trust the Busan boy to steal your number as he returns you phone,” he muttered bitterly to himself.

‘Why…why was he doing this?’

It glew again.

                               To be all honest, I don’t know why I’m texting you.

                                I’m so confused, and it’s entirely YOUR fault.

Youngjae was about to read it for the fifth time when a new message arrived:

                               I did say that our friendship was over, didn’t I?

                               And since you still want to ignore me, I guess I should stop this…

When the screen turned black, he waited. He wasn’t sure if it would light up again…but he still waited.

                               I miss you.

Youngjae threw his phone aside again and buried his face into the palms of his hands. Wasn’t this too much? All he wanted was to put a distance between them, to make sure that he wouldn’t fall any deeper for Jung Daehyun. Why was it so hard?

‘Why is he making it so hard for me to forget that I like him?’

Youngjae turned off his phone.

----------------------------------------------------

He looked at his phone for what it felt like the hundredth time today. He never answered any of the texts yet he always seemed to wonder if Daehyun would text him.

Like a lost puppy, he waited for his phone to glow.

‘I’m going insane.’

Youngjae was at breaking point when his fingers moved across the screen and hastily typed:

                         Where are you? I need to talk to you.

                                -  Youngjae

He pressed the ‘send’ button before he could change his mind. Then he waited…again…

                          Still in school

Came the short reply, and seconds later Youngjae was rushing through the front door on his way to school.

-----------------------------------------------

Daehyun was sitting by his desk when Youngjae entered the classroom.

“Why are you still in school?” Youngjae asked as he went to sit on the desk in front of Daehyun.

He grinned, “Guess.”

“I’m sure there are better places for you to entertain yourself in while your brother has his girlfriend over.” The words left his mouth surprisingly easy, but then again it has always been easy to talk to Daehyun. He missed it…a lot.

Daehyun shrugged his shoulders. “You wanted to talk?”

Youngjae looked right into Daehyun’s dark and intense orbs. “Stop it. Stop texting me. I meant it. “He paused to take a deep breath, “I really meant it when I said that I don’t want us to be friends.”

Daehyun’s eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Shouldn’t I be the one to say ‘stop it’? Yah, Yoo Youngjae, you were the one who encouraged me to be myself and then you go and tell me that—“

“I like you.”

It took a moment for Daehyun to fully process what Youngjae had just said. His eyes widened in astonishment when the meaning of the words finally hit him.

“W-what?” he asked, just in case he had it heard wrong.

Youngjae struggled with his words. “I…like you. Not as a friend…but…I really really like you.” He felt the sadness wash over him. “That’s why I don’t want us to be friends. I don’t want…I can’t be any closer to you. You are already driving crazy.” he then smiled bitterly to himself. “And I’m sure that you now don’t want to be close to me either.”

Daehyun stared at Youngjae in complete loss. He suddenly felt even more confused.

“So please, out of pity or out of generosity, just stay away from me.” With those words, Youngjae rose from his seat and made his way to the door. He didn’t wait for a reply of any kind nor did he throw a last glance at Daehyun.

His steps echoed through the empty corridors as they left a bewildered boy behind them.

--------------------------------------------------

Youngjae stayed at home from school for almost a whole week. He couldn’t bring himself to get up and go to a place where he knew he would be facing the boy he just confessed to. How would Daehyun be looking at him, he wondered as the music travelled through his headphones.

In disgust?

Maybe

It must feel weird, to be confessed to by another boy…but then again, Daehyun was rather handsome, maybe he was used to it.

It must feel weird to be confessed to by your friend…yeah, because then…everything changes.

--------------------------------------------------

The door to his room suddenly flew opened, making him jump up from his bed.

“What would the teachers say when they find out that their number 1 student is skipping school?” Jung Daehyun entered the room like he had done countless of times before. He dropped his schoolbag to the floor, closed the door behind him and leaned back against it.

Youngjae straightened himself up and threw his headphones to the other side of the bed. “What are you doing here?” he asked bewildered.

Daehyun shrugged, “To see you,” he answered simply.

Youngjae shook his head unbelievingly and swiftly threw his feet over the side of the bed. It took two strides, for him to be standing before the Busan boy with narrowed eyes.

“Do you hate me?” he spat. “Do you have every intention to hurt me? Why are you doing this?”

He felt tired; he didn’t want to be doing this anymore. Why couldn’t Jung Daehyun just leave him alone?

Daehyun made a face that clearly showed his disapproval. “Yah, don’t jump on me like that. Shouldn’t you at least listen to me first?”

Youngjae stared at the boy in front of him, the boy he had admitted that he was falling helplessly for.

‘What can I do? What more can I do…’

He finally sighed in defeat and ran a hand through his hair, “Fine. What do you want?”

Daehyun suddenly felt nervous, the confidence he had when he entered the room seemed to have died a horrible death. He stood by the door and shifted his weight absentmindedly from one foot to the other. “You…you like me, right?”

Youngjae’s eyes widened in disbelief, “You came here to ask me that?” he grunted and shook his head. “Are you here to make fun of me?” he made an attempt to reach for the door knob with every intention to shove Daehyun out of his room. But the other boy gently grabbed his wrist.

“Why won’t you listen to me?” Daehyun said impatiently. “Just hear me out, okay?” he added and tilted his head to one side. Daehyun let go of Youngjae when he was sure that the other had calmed down.

Youngjae swallowed a lump down his throat and tried not to mourn over the loss of Daehyun touch.

“You like me more than a friend, right?” Youngjae did not bother to answer but kept his gaze on the floor. His cheeks burned, but he did his best to ignore it. Daehyun then cleared his throat and continued. “So…maybe we should give a try.” Youngjae’s head snapped up, not sure if he had heard the other boy correctly.

“W-what?” he stammered.

Daehyun reached for Youngjae’s hand and held it gently. “Maybe we should give it a try,” he repeated, “You know…us.”

Youngjae pulled back his hand and stared at Daehyun in disbelief, “Are you crazy?” he looked away and fumbled a few steps back. “You must be. You are crazy…”

Daehyun took a step forward and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Then you must also be crazy. You can’t be a very sane person, if you like someone who is crazy.”

“Stop it.” Youngjae pleaded, “Don’t do this to me.”

“I’m only asking you a question; don’t make it sound like I’m torturing you physically,” Daehyun said and took another step forward.

‘Then why does it feel like I’m being tortured?’

“Then why?” Youngjae asked, his voice trembled, “Why do you want to be with me?”

This time it was Daehyun’s turn to stare at Youngjae in bewilderment. “Are you stupid?” he spat as his infamous Busan temper started to show. “From now on you should be called ‘the dummy’ instead of ‘the brain’. Aish, how can you even ask me that...” he muttered. “Argh, such an idiot!” Daehyun ran a hand through his hair and ruffled it slightly in frustration. “Because we have something in common,” he said as an answer to Youngjae, “we both like people who are crazy.”

Youngjae slowly met Daehyun’s eyes, his confusion must have been evident; because seconds later Daehyun growled and the distance between them closed.

Daehyun held Youngjae’s face between his hands and leaned in until their lips met.

Yoo Youngjae had his first kiss with Jung Daehyun.

Jung Daehyun did not have his first kiss with Yoo Youngjae, but it was the first kiss he had been reluctant to end.

Daehyun slowly pulled away from Youngjae’s soft lips and they looked at each other shyly.

“I like you,” Daehyun said, still holding Youngjae in his hands. “You dummy, get it now?”

Warmth spread through Youngjae’s whole body, his heart felt as if it was going to burst. Then he found himself smiling happily at one Jung Daehyun. “I do,” he whispered, which earned him a genuine smile from the other.

However, Youngjae’s smile soon fell and was replaced by a frown, “Did you just call me dumb?” he asked, glaring slightly at the boy barely three inches away from him.

Daehyun chuckled heartily, “Nice to meet you, Youngjae babo”  he said affectionately and leaned in again.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi, that was the end of my first DaeJae story! ^^

I checked the status today and found that it has 30 subscribers! o_O

Thank you so much for commenting and suscribing to my story. You have no idea how encouraging that is and how grateful I am to you.

I know that my writing skills are lacking, not to mention the language.

English is not my native language, so I'm trying my best to improve it! ^^
 

Edit: There is a sequel to this called 'I want to see you again' if you would be interested :)

Thank you once again for all the support :D

Ivy