I lost a friend today. Please keep him in your prayers, along with his family. May he rest in peace.

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It’s been two years.

Yet I’m still here, watching Daehyun.

I’m so tired now, I feel so aged and heavy.

My wings are still folded and crumpled, no matter how much I tug and pull, they’re bound together, strapped to the earth.

I see Daehyun walk in, it’s another rough day, always a rough day. I watch him pour himself a drink, then another, then another. I call his name, knowing he can’t hear.

Let me go now Daehyun.

Be happy so I can go.

He stares at the photo in his wallet, edges ripping and tearing, a barely visible photo of him and I, locked in a perpetual kiss.

As always, he brushes his fingers over the faded paper.

“I’m sorry.”

“I miss you.”

Every time it shackles me to the ground, my ankles turn into lead.

Something is different today.

I watch him push back his chair, determination and irrationality in his eyes, a mixture of something much too precarious.

I follow him into the washroom and watch in horror as he pulls out a blade, pressing its silver edge against the greenish veins of his wrist.

I scream his name, over and over again, my throat turning raw, blood at the back of my throat.

I see him smile as he plunges it into the depths of his flesh, again and again, darkness pooling and flowing and flowing.

He collapses onto the floor, his blood blooming into swollen poppies on his shirt. I reach out in desperation, my fingers dissipating like smoke as I try to brush his faded cheek.

He’s smiling.

I shake my head, I shake my head as I hear his heart beat thud softly, slower and slower.

I meet his eyes.

He can see me now, on the brink of death. He sees me and his smile grows wider, his brown eyes illuminated against his paleness.

“Y-youngjae…” he says, voice barely above a whisper. I shake my head. I hope I’m not crying. I hope my voice doesn’t shake.

Don’t do this. Get up. Get help.

He shakes his head, smiling still.

“No… No, this is the only way Youngjae.”

His words make me feel so heavy. So heavy.

Please. Please Daehyun. I love you. I love you, please, don’t.

He sees me beg, the tears now rolling down my eyes, landing and disappearing on the porcelain tiles.

“You don’t love me. I made you die. It’s my fault… It’s my fault… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Youngjae.”

His voice is fading now, he’s becoming clearer and clearer to me by the second.

I didn’t die because of you. I died because I wasn’t careful. It’s not your fault. You need to live. You need to live and be happy so I can go. I’m hurting Daehyun. It hurts.

His eyes seem to focus now.

“Don’t hurt Youngjae…” he whispered, voice breaking.

If you hurt, I hurt more. Daehyun get help. Please.

I see his eyes waver, hear his heart beat thud a little louder.

“I love you. I love you Youngjae.”

I smile, because I love him too.

I know Daehyun. I’ll always love you. You come to me when you’re ready okay? You have to live until you’re old and wrinkly okay? Then when you see me next, we'll both be really happy.  Promise?

I hold back my tears as I watch him nod.
His heartbeat is stronger, he squints as though he can’t see me anymore.

“I promise…”

I’m gonna go now Daehyun. Thank you for loving me. I love you.

He can’t see me anymore but I see him mouth the words back to me, a hand grabbing his phone, dialing 911.

I hear a snap, see my wings unravel behind me. I smile as I lift off into the air, slowly, floating more than flying. I feel like a feather.

Down below I see the ambulance with its flashing lights, see the paramedics rush into the house, I know he’ll be okay now.

I smile.

I’ll see you later Daehyun.