It hurt. It hurt like a mother.

I opened my tightly-squeezed-shut eyes. The truck. The impact. The sirens. It all came back to me.

I noticed the weight over me.

Luhan.

Jagged pieces of glass were dug through his jacket. His flawless face was smudged with burns and cuts. I felt my heart stop. A chill ran through me. Had he flung himself at me when he realized we were going to hit? He’d do this for me while all I’ve ever done is to order him around. He’d give his life for me.

“Luhan.” I heard myself saying.

Nothing.

“Luhan!” I yelled louder. “Lu—“

“Jaesung—“

“Jaesung-ah...” His voice was growing weak.

“Yes?” My voice shook.

“Baby, don’t cry.” He reached up and brushed my tear-streaked cheek. “Just remember, you don’t need to force yourself in those high heels. I’ll love you no matter what.”

“Luhann—“ My voice cracked.

“We’ll meet again and I’d fall for you again.” Luhan smiled weakly. “Promise me you’ll do the same.”

“P-promise.” I was sobbing so hard it was difficult to form words.

The grandfather clock in the centre of the city struck midnight.

“Happy birthday Jaesung.” Luhan muttered.

“Lu—“ My whole world fell apart as he went limp in my arms.

“LUHAN!”

---end of flashback----

A tear slipped down my cheek as the candle flame burned into my eyes.

It was my fault. I killed him. If only I had thought for him, considered his feelings.

Leaving the food untouched on the dining table, I made my way to his room. His familiar scent floated all around me. Everything was still the same, as if he were still alive. There was a photo of us together on the bookshelf. I its surface before turning its back to me. I didn’t think I could look at it much longer.

Laying myself down on his soft bed, I pulled the blankets around me enveloping myself with Luhan’s scent. I don’t want to go home today. I want to sleep with him, here.

I felt a lump under the pillow. Blindly, I reached for it in the dark. It was hard and smooth. At a closer look, it was also black and shiny. Fingers trembling, I slowly lifted the lid.

The gem glistened in the moonlight. It was beautiful. I put it on. It fit perfectly.

He’d brought this for me.

Luhan.

I want him back.

Death. You took him from me. I’ll never forgive you. I’ll find you and get Luhan back. Wait for me.

Getting up, I walked to the bathroom where Luhan kept his shaving cream. Beside the small bottle, was a small package wrapped in plastic. I pulled out a piece. The tip glowed dangerously but it gave me a sense of comfort. Smiling, I touched it to my wrist.

A blood red pearl seeped from my skin. It felt good. It felt deserving.

I pushed harder. More fluid poured out and stained the tiles rose red. It felt as if I was letting all my sins and guilt out and it felt good. I can finally be released from this despicable me.

Feeling a bit dazed, I made my way back to the bed and lied down. I hugged the blankets tight. I felt warm liquid flowing up my arm. I didn’t mind. I welcomed the warmth. It may be my last.

-------xoxoxoxox----------

I look down to see my wrist healed the flesh mended flawlessly.

Another thing, I’m floating. Simply hovering in thin air as if there is no gravity.

Where am I? I thought as I tried to clear my mind.

All I see is darkness and empty space. Everything is bright, yet all I can see is black dimensions stretching in to the distance. Like an endless abyss, it engulfed me.

During this imprisonment, my memories slowly fogged up. Bit by bit, they disappeared entirely.

M-my name...is Jaesung.

After what seemed like an eternity, I spot a shining star in the distance. Captivated by its light, I find myself floating closer and closer towards it.

It was a crystal ball. I look into it. I saw nothing. Not even my own reflection. As if I didn’t exist.

I reach out, daring to touch it.

Another bright light flashes and a memory triggers.

The truck. The siren.

A face.

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