“Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great.”
― Roger de Bussy-Rabutin
There is love in holding
and there is love in letting go
We stop holding
We let go of anything
But why are we still here?
I had kept telling myself from beginning that I could bear any consequencies from this affair. I know more than anybody that this feeling could become bigger and bigger in every second we’re together yet I would be the one who ended up getting ditched away in the end. I’ve been in such a denial all this long. Refusing to admit that deep inside it’s impossible he would be truly falling in love with me and leave his wife.
How cruel I am...
That red string of destiny. Who am I to come between? I don’t have any strength left to scratch even on it’s surface. They look perfect together by looking from a close distance like this and it pains me more than I could handle. Meeting him like this looked like I haven’t meet him for years. It’s just yesterday, why I feel this longing already?
“I think we haven’t introduced each other officially. I am Im Yoona” her words startled me. I hope she didn’t notice I was spacing out while looking at her husband.
I take her hand with smile “Lee Sungmin”. She’s way prettier by seeing closer like this. Moreover with her angelic smile and the way she wear her clothes femininely. No wonder he loves her that much.
“I saw you at soccer match”
“He come to cheer me!! And Nuna, why don’t take another table?” Minho interrupted. I silently thank him for that.
She gaps then pulls Minho’s left ear “What did you say?”
“Ach...Ach... Nuna, we’re on date here. You do your own business with Hyukjae hyung! We want to eat with peace” he protested.
She looks at me for a second then teases him back “Date? What so sweet of you, my Minho?”
“Yoon, he’s right. Let’s get another table” Hyukjae finally speak up.
She pouts at him “But their orders haven’t arrive yet. Why don’t we sit here for a while? I want to know Sungmin-shi more” she pulls her husband’s arm and forces him to sat accross with us.
“When did you two first meet?” she looks at me while attachs her elbows on the table and holds her chin. I try very hard to hold my sane.
“We met at valentine day. He broke up with his lover and I ate his chocolate before he dumped it” Minho interrupted again.
“Hey, I didn’t ask you!” she scowled at him.
She looks at me again “So he comes to your life and grows attaching you like a leech?”
“Nuna, that’s rude!!” Minho pouts but she only laughs “Hahaha... Sorry. I am kidding. You know Nuna love you, right?”
“Too much make me want to throw up” he answered back jokingly made the latter pretendly hit him on his head.
“Yoon, let’s get another table and call for order, okay? I am hungry” He stood up and pulled her wife’s hand. He didn’t share even a glance to us from beginning. I wonder if meeting me like this makes him so much uncomfortable?
“Okay... okay!! Have a good time!!” she said while waving a hand to us.
Soon after, a servant comes with our order “Your beef bimbimbab, Sir”
“Um... can you get it wrapped? We decide we will eat it at home”
“Minho, it’s okay. We can eat here” I prevent him. At a time like this, he still think of me before himself.
“It’s okay, Minho. I am hungry after all” I smile to assure him. He nods with sigh “Want to change your seat?”
He glances a bit toward that couple direction then shrugs “Just because....Um... nothing. I am just thinking you will be uncomfortable seating there”
I chuckle lightly to him. He must be thinking I can see them lovey dovey in this seat since their table in front of my sight “Minho. I am okay. Really”
Love is about caring
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection
And I believe I am here to protect you
We are eating bimbimbap in silence. It’s delicious honestly. But the mood around us isn’t helping at all. His eyes only focus on his own bowl. I know he is trying to be strong. He doesn’t want to show his weak side in front of them. While me to throw some silly jokes to lift up the atmosphere isn’t the best option either.
“Hyung, I want to go to a toilet for a moment” I stand up. He glances at me and nod. “Once you finish, I will send you home” I said to him with smile.
I walk to the toilet in minutes and I find Hyukjae Hyung already standing in front of a standing closet. It’s not a coincidence that I meet him. I purposely go here to talk privately only between two of us. I stand in front of a standing closet beside him.
“Hm” he responses without looking at me.
“When you go to Germany with Yoona Nuna?”
“Once all documents that necessary are ready. Why ask?”
I shrug “Just want to know. If it’s soon, then there will be a goodbye party, isn’t it?”
He scoffs “Just that? I thought there’s another reason” he said as he finished then zipped up his pant. From his tone, I know he’s angry. We know each other for years, I know his voice will sound colder and lower whenever he feel pissed up about something he doesn’t want to tell.
He turns around and walks toward a wastafel to wash his hand. “I love him” I said then I see him frozen after that.
“I said I love him and I will protect him” I watch his back. There’s a long pause between us for seconds.
He chuckles “You don’t have to tell about it to me. And what do you know about loving? Rainbow romance?”. He smiles but not with his eyes.
I watch him go to a hand dryer machine “Sungmin’s hyung is amazing person. I fell for him at the first sight. I will make sure he won’t be hurt again” I said to him. I know I am like a flushing oil to a fire but he has to know that Sungmin hyung is not a person he can use all he wants then dumps him when he is bored.
His expression is changed as he turns around to face me. He scoffs “Huh? What did he say to you? Are you telling me you want to speak this up to Yoona?”
I scoff back “Is it what you’re worrying about? No. He didn’t say anything except he said he loved you on the day he rejected me”
“Then what do you want?”
I stare at him without blinking “I just want you to know that he has me now”
And I don’t expect a hard punch landed on me.
5 minutes ago......
If only I can stay to that place I can’t reach
Even if I live for a day, it’s all right
I didn’t expect at all she would sit in front of me. I think her curiosity is going overboard. If she know how much I want to be as far as I can from her right now. How much I envy her.
I look up at her and I notice something different from her. Her angelic smile is vanished instead she is kinda inspecting at me in silent. I feel uncomfortable.
“You’re so pretty, Sungmin. I like your face”
I am stunned for a second. I take a glance at their table but no Hyukjae in there “Ye...yes?”
. She chuckles “I am complimenting you. If I have that cute pretty face, I will use it wisely”
What’s that suppose to mean? Why I think she implies another meaning? “Um..., You’re so beautiful too, Yoona. You husband must be lucky”
She laughes and shakes her head “No. I am the one who’s lucky to get a husband like him. I know you think as same as me...”
She chuckles again “Never mind. What do you think about us?”
I gulp before saying anything. What’s she trying to tell me? I am wondering “You both look perfect together. Best things must be happened for both...of you”
“Really? We haven’t blessed to have a child yet. But we’re planning to have one this year. I heard many times that a child would be like a glue that can tighten husband-wife relationship”
I try to smile “That...That’s good”
She smiles wide at me and take my hand “Thanks. By the way I am wondering. Why do you pretend not knowing my husband. You two are classmate!”
I am startled with the sudden touch “Oh. About...about that. I didn’t have a chance to tell you” I try to pull back my hand but her hold strenghtened.
“Ah Yes!! I kept chatting with Minho and I blamed him for always interrupting me hahaha” she laughes.
“We’re happy.... and I will do anything to make it last forever.” she said calmly.
Why do you tell me this? I hold the urge to ask very hard. I have