“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA! It’s Bigbang TOP!” I heard my colleague squealed in front of the television. I chuckled as I finish typing on the laptop.

“Jee Rin ah, look at this man. His eyes, Ommo. I’m going to faint.” She exclaimed.

“Yah, stop exaggerating and finish up your work.” I said dropping down the subject.

“Why would you always be like this when it comes to TOP? He’s so handsome and hot! Can't you see? I swear there’s no woman who can resist him…. Except you.. And anti fans of course.” She eyed me as I rolled my eyes.

“He’s nothing special. Get back to work!” I said urging her. She pouted and stomped to her table, leaving the television in front of me still .

I take a glance at the television, watching TOP laughed as Seung Ri cracked a joke. Tears start to well up in my eyes. I blinked it off and sighed softly as I continue with my works.

 

 

“You’ve worked hard. Kamsahamnida.” My supervisor said to us as we’re leaving. I bowed and smiled back.

“Jee Rin ah, let’s get some drink?” One of my colleague start to pull my hand, trying to drag me with them but I pulled off her grasp.

“Mianhae, I have to get home now. Really tired. Next time, okay?” I said smiling as I make an 'okay' sign with my right hand.

“Aish you’re no fun!” She said pouting.

“Yah, let’s just leave her alone. She’s boring anyway.” Another one spat.

“Mwoya?!” I glared at her playfully.

 

 

After we bid goodbye, we went our separate ways. My house isn’t that far from my office place and I usually will take a cab back home but somehow tonight, I feel like walking home.

After walking for about 15 minutes, I finally reached at my place. My house was a bit dark and quiet since it was a bit further from other houses. I opened the front gate and went straight to the door. I was about to punch in the code when I heard some noise behind me. I quickly turn around.

“Jee Rin ah.” He called out with that voice of his that could make me melt. Just like two years ago. But not now. At least that's what I thought.

“Seunghyun oppa.” I said softly as I gaze at the face that I missed so much.

“What are you doing here? Please leave.” I said coldly, acting tough and was about to punch in the code again when he abruptly spun me.

“Do you hate me that much?” He asked slowly with that hurt expression on his face. I could smell the strong liquor in his breath. I looked away.

“Please let go.” I said slowly.

“Look at me.”

“Let go!” I shrugged my hand roughly of his grasp.

“Leave.” I said again.

“Why are you doing this to me? I’m having a hard time! Can’t you understand? Don’t you love me even a bit?” He raised his voice at me.

“I have never love you from the start.” I felt the urge to cry as I spat those words out.

‘I love you so much Seunghyun. That will never change.’

Seunghyun smirked. “You’re too much… Seriously too much.”

“Oppa, you’re drunk. You’re not in your right mind. So please just leave.” I said again, not wanting to see him any longer.

“I AM NOT!” He punch the wall behind me. I jolted a bit. His hand was still on the wall so his face and mine are so close. He glared at me in my eyes. I can see his eyes were filled with anger.

“Suit yourself. I’m going in.” I said expressionless and turned to the front door. He pulled me back and pinned me on the wall. He blocked me with both of his hands near my shoulder.

“What are you doing?” I start to raise my voice. At first I was going to play cool. I wanted to show him that I don’t have anything for him anymore. I wanted to show that I had moved on. I wanted to show that I am not hurting by my acts. But now, I don’t think I can still hold in my tears.

He looked at me in my eyes and his gazes turned soft.

“Oppa.. Leave.. Jebal.” I said finally letting the tears fall.

“Why do you have to hurt yourself like this?” His voice was so slow as if he was whispering to me.

“I’d moved on. We’re not like two years ago anymore. Everything changed!” I’m getting emotional. He just keep staring into my eyes. I know he’s drunk. He’s not his usual self tonight. He must have drank a lot since he’s not that easy to get drunk on alcohol.

He’s hurting. So do I. There’s nothing I can do about that. I’m doing all of this for him.

“If you’re not going to leave, then I will.” I said blinking away my tears and stared at him with hatred. I pushed his hands away and start to walk to the gate. He was fast enough to spin me around and he kissed me on my lips when I faced him as he secured me with both of his hand on my face, cupping tightly. I struggled to pull away from the kiss and push his hands.

He’s drunk but he’s still a man. I tried as hard as I can to push his hands off my face. His kiss was rough. I cried and tried to gather all my energy to push him once again and succeeded.

I slapped him hard on his cheek as I wiped my lips with another hand. I breathed heavily. He touched his cheek. Still not facing me. I quickly went to the front door and punched in the code. I pushed the door and was about to close it when Seunghyun pushed from outside.

He slipped inside my house and closed the door behind him. He stared at me coldly.

“What are you doing?!” I was shocked to see him this brave. Yes, he’s drunk. His face was expressionless.

“Leave.” I opened the door behind him and pushed him out but he didn’t even budge. I pushed him again and that’s when he wrapped his hands around me.

I struggled once again in his embrace.

“I had enough. Stop pushing me away.” His husky voice was flat.

‘I have to push you away or I can’t even let you go after this.’

I cried again. I’m tired with all of these. I really wish I could turn back time. I really wish we haven't meet each other. I really wish that I have stayed as his fan till the end. Or I really wish everything’s happening to me right now is just a nightmare so I can wake up quickly and saw Seunghyun beside me, calming me down. Like always.

We stayed in that position for a while. I missed his cologne, I missed his hugs, I missed everything about him so much. I felt Seunghyun was leaning on me more and more and that’s when I realized that he’s fast asleep.

I pulled out from his embrace and help him to lie on the sofa nearby. Luckily we were near with the sofa or else I have to just let him lie on the floor. I looked at his sleeping face. Those dark circles under his eyes. It tear me apart to see him in a mess like this.

I slowly reached for my bag and pulled out my phone. After for a few seconds, a voice could be heard.

“Ji Yong oppa, it’s me…. Seunghyun oppa is at my house. He’s drunk.” I said slowly.

“I’m heading over.”

After a few minutes, I heard a door bell. I opened up the door to see the other four bigbang members standing in front of me. I moved away so that they can go to Seunghyun.

“Noona, did you guys fight again?” Seungri asked. I nodded and look away. Seriously not in the mood to talk to anyone.

“Don’t be so harsh on him.” Tae Yang said gritting his teeth. They hate me all along. I knew that. Ever since Seunghyun and I broke up, they start to hate me. They saw that Seunghyun is hurting. But me? How about me? No one knew. I don’t even have someone to talk to. I’m all alone facing everything.

“Jinjja….. I’m quite disappointed with you.” Dae Sung said slowly looking at Seunghyun. I know he’s saying that at me.

“Pick him up before he’s awake.” I said coldly and passed by Ji Yong to my room. He grabbed my wrist. I looked at him emotionless.

“He loved you so much. He’s having a hard time since you guys broke up! He always laughed it off in front of us, in talk shows, when performing… but we all know that he’s hurting!” Ji Yong yelled at me while the other just look at me.

“Then what about ME?! Do you think I’m fine with all of these?!” I yelled back at him. They were shock. I’ve never been like this in front of them. I’ve always act cool and happy. But not tonight. I’ve held in a lot. Tears start to well up in my eyes and are threatening to fall anytime soon.

“I loved him too! But what can I do about that?! We can’t be together! Can’t. Never be together..” That’s it. I cried again as I fall down to the floor. I cried loudly, hitting my chest, in front of them for the first time. We’ve been close all these time but they’ve never seen me cry. I cried out loud. Releasing everything.

I told them about the thing two years ago as I cried.

 

*Flashback*

 

“Yoboseyo?” I answered the call.

“Is this Jee Rin? I’m Yang Hyun Seuk from YG. Do you have some time to come over?”

“AH yes. I’m free now. I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” I said before hanging up.

 

“Jee Rin ssi,” The sajangnim start to say after he poured me some coffee.

“Yes?”

“I know about you and Seunghyun are dating..” He paused. I looked at him waiting for him to continue.

“I don’t think that’s a good thing. You know, I’m quite sure that you also don’t want to keep the relationship as a secret. People are already starts to find out. I’m afraid that this will affect his work. The reporters are trying to push him down. With all of scandals and those.” I closed my eyes as I breathed in slowly. I smile at him faintly. I know this day would come.

“I loved him so much. And I know he feels the same way for me too. I don’t think I can let him go. I--”

“He had done a lot to reach this point and be who he is now. You know better of course. You're Bigbang's biggest fan afterall. And love doesn’t mean that you guys need to date. You can always love him from afar. Please think for him a bit.”

I was taken aback. So he’s saying, if I continue to date Seunghyun, everything he bulit up till now will be a waste?

“And if we reveal the relationship to public, I’m sure you’re not safe. This is also for your safety. There’s a lot of sasaeng fans out there.”

I’m lost for words.

“So it will be better if you break up with him and have some distance with each other..” He said like it was so easy for me. Why won’t the other fans understand? I mean, if they love Seunghyun so much, they will probably let their idol have a normal love life.... But they’re sasaeng anyways. I might get beaten up and threaten to be killed. But I don’t mind.

What I care the most is Seunghyun’s career. We all know that he had worked hard for today.

I let out a faint smile. I didn't expect more from our relationship. He's and idol while I am his lucky fan and somehow became his chingu and then... Lover.

 “I understand….. And I agreed with you. Maybe that’s the best for us anyway. But please, promise me one thing.”

YG sajangnim looked at me, telling me to continue.

“If Seunghyun fall for another girl after this, don’t do this again. Might as well reveal the relationship. Because I don’t want that girl to feel what I feel right now. And I don’t want Seunghyun to be hurt twice.”

I stand up and bowed slightly before excusing myself. Leaving YG and the coffee untouched.

 

*End of flashback*

 

I sobbed on the floor hugging on my knees. They were all shock. Guess YG sajangnim hasn’t tell them anything until now.

“Noona, I don’t know… I have no idea about this.” Seungri reached for my shoulder as he squat beside me.

Taeyang looked at Daesung and he shooked his head. Ji Yong messed his hair.

“So that’s why you broke up with him? Just like that? Without even telling him about this? Telling us?” Ji Yong asked. His eyes were on Seunghyun who was sleeping soundly.

“Oppa, I can’t. It’s too hard.” I said standing up as I wipe my tears.

“So please don’t tell Seunghyun oppa about this.”

Ji Yong groaned.

“Please bring him back. Sorry to bother you guys.” I said to them and turn to walk to my bedroom.

Passing by Seungri, he looked at me with worried eyes. “Noona..” He called out.

“I’m good.” I said and let out a faint smile.

 

 

I woke up the next day with puffy eyes. I get ready for work.

“Jee Rin ah, what happened? You look so weak.” My colleague asked as she shook me.

“Ya ya yah. I’m good.” I said smiling faintly, telling another lies.

“By the way, there is Bigbang again in the talk show today! It is live! The recording is nearby so do you wanna come along with me?” She asked with puppy eyes.

“Aniya. You just go by yourself. I have lots of work to do.” I said switching on my computer.

“Aish. You’re no fun.” She muttered.

“Hey I can hear that.”

 

At last, she didn’t go because our supervisor was giving us more work today. So my colleague just switched on the TV to watch Bigbang.

I tried hard focusing on my work but failed. I found myself staring at the television, looking at Seunghyun’s tired face. I sighed as I continue with my works.

“So for the last question, TOP ssi, do you have someone you’re currently have interest in with?” the MC asked Seunghyun. I glanced at the television.

“Yes I do.” He said without hesitating, making the studio gasped and murmurs could be heard.

“Wow. Is she an artist too?”

“Aniyo. She’s just a normal person who talks a lot. She smiles a lot too and work her best in everything she does.” He said smiling faintly at the MC.

“Wow daebak! So who is she? How did you know her? Can you tell us everything from the start? This is hot news!” The MC said while fanning himself with his hand.

“She’s my ex. We’ve broke up two years ago. But she’s still my girlfriend to me.” Seunghyun said. I gasped.

‘What the hell he thinks he’s doing?!’

 

“Whooa! Big news!” The studio is in chaos. “So you’re saying that you've dated her secretly?”

“Yes. I met her a few times during concerts and fan meetings. I just love the way she'll look at me when I performed on stage. She told me she's my biggest fan. Later on, we’ve been friends. She's understand me, other members and my career too... At some point, I fall in love with her before I knew it. I don't really want to date a fan, but she's an exception. So when one day I asked her to date me, she said yes. But it wasn’t long when she asked for a break up. Because she thought that the fans wouldn’t approve of us. I hurt a lot.” Seunghyun said looking at the MC.

The studio started to slow down and focused on him.

“Is he trying to ruin his career?” I said out loud. And did Ji Yong told him everything? I shouldn’t have said anything to them last night. All these while, he always thought that I asked for a break up because he’s busy.

“Mwoya? Since when did you have interest in him, Jee Ri ah?” My colleague asked as she stared at the television.

I coughed and focused back on the television.

“I just knew it recently too. She did it for my career. So right now, I’m asking for all of VIPs… Please approve of us. Oppa loves that girl a lot.” He said bowing at the camera. The other four members also bowed slightly. Looks like they’ve prepared for this all along.

“What the..” I stand up from my seat.

“She’s the one for TOP hyung. Please approve of them.” Seungri suddenly said.

“Ommo. What is this. This is so new and fresh! So VIPs, would you approve of them?” The MC asked the fans in the studio jokingly. The camera then zoomed in through the crowd and there were some of them that cried.

“He’s so sweet!” One of them squealed.

“Ne~” Some of them said in unison.

“Please be happy oppa!” Another one yelled.

“Ommo! Who’s that lucky girl!” My colleague squealed. She turned to look at me.

“Yah, why are you so shocked?” She asked. My eyes were fixed on the television.

“This gonna be the headline on tomorrow’s newspaper.” The MC said to Bigbang and they just smile.

I went to the pantry to make myself some hot chocolate. That’s what I always do when I get some shock.

 

After for about thirty minutes, I was still at the pantry. Enjoying the hot chocolate while looking outside the window. Just then I heard squealing from the front. I shrugged it off. Maybe my colleagues are fangirling again. Just then I heard a knock and I turned behind.

“Oppa..” My eyes widen in shock. I looked at Seunghyun standing in front of me while a few of my colleagues following him from behind, still squealing.

“Hot chocolate? I must have shock you a lot.” He said in his husky voice and chuckled. The people standing behind him are getting many. And all of my officemates behind him were holding their handphones up.

I put my drink on the table. My eyes were still on him. He came nearer to me and I don’t know what to do. He stopped just in front of me.

“I love you a lot. I have never stop loving you since the day you walked away.” His eyes were fixed on mine while his hand intertwined with mine. The people in front of the pantry squealed loudly.

“The fans approved of us. So…. Would you come back to me?” His gaze was soft and warm. He flashed a sweet smile. I was still in shock.

“Say yes!” My officemates shouted from outside.

I couldn’t say anything. I just look at his cheeky smile.

“I’ll wait for you.” Seunghyun pulled me in his embrace.

“Kyaaaaaaaa!” The office was really in chaos by then.

 

“I’ll protect you. So don’t worry about anything else. I love you.” He whispered to me.

I finally let out a smile. Just recovered from my shock. I respond to his hug and pull him closer by his waist.

Loud applause could be heard by then.

“I love you too.” I said softly.

 

 

 

---

[AUTHOR'S NOTE]

 

Hey guys!

I know this .___. Sorry.

My first onshot. I'm not good in this. Lol

Thanks for reading! Drop down your comment.

Bye!

xxJunkaynaxx