As I stand in the chamber off of the sanctuary I remember the last time I was standing here, in this same room. Not much has changed since five years ago. Only the dress. As I make my way down the aisle everyone looks at me, much like last time. Only this time for a very different reason.

Flashback

My nerves were strung tight with excitement and joy. Today was the day I marry the man who started out as my ultimate bias and turned into my friend, confidant, and lover. I’m going to become Mrs. Choi SeungHyun. As I got ready with my girls I wish my mom was alive to see this, but I know she was in my heart and would be happy for me. The wedding party walked down the aisle looking amazing in the black dresses and white suites. Soon it was my turn to walk down the aisle with my dad, butterflies were fluttering like crazy. The doors opened and I looked up and I saw him standing there with the pastor next to him and smile and a look of awe on his face. The butterflies immediately disappeared when I looked at him. I slowly made my way towards him and when my hand was transferred from my dad’s to his, the warmth enveloped me.

I won’t through the ceremony in a haze, only speaking verbally when prompted. The entire time I looked at SeungHyun and we spoke through our eyes. Soon I heard, “You may now kiss the bride.” He looked at me cradled my head in his hands. “I love you” I wasn’t given the chance to respond because he captured my lips and kissed me deeply, his tongue the seam of lips asking for entrance. I let him in and melted into his body as my arms went around his neck. I didn’t notice when one of his hands left my face until I was dipped. We broke the kiss gasping for air and laughing. Everyone was cheering. We made our way back up the aisle and celebrated our union with our friends and family. I dance with my husband and the other guys from Big Bang who were his groomsmen. It was a great night.

End Flashback.

We were happy together. We had a son a year later and his “uncles” spoil him rotten. Today they stood with me as my son and I walked down the aisle towards the casket that held the most amazing, caring, and loving man in my life.

“Mommy, why won’t Daddy wake up?” I couldn’t answer him as tears chocked me. You see he had gone out to get me something for the morning sickness that I have been having. He didn’t even make it to the store. He was run over by driver who had fallen asleep at the wheel. After hitting my love the car careened off the road and hit a brick wall and ended up wrapped around a light pole. No one made it out of that accident alive.

JiYong, DaeSung, YoungBae, and SeungRi are all feeling this loss as much as I am. When I collapsed JiYong pulled me into his arms and we cried together.

How do you tell your four year old son that Daddy will never wake up? His daughter will never be able to dance with her Father at her wedding.

I know in my head that these two will have their “uncles” as they go through life, but who will I have to hold me at night when the pain becomes unbearable? This trip to the chapel is tearing my heart.

Don't hate me please. I was always going to end it this way. I cried while writting this last part.

Ironicly I posted this on T.O.P.'s birthday. That wasn't intentional, I promise.

Please Comment and let me know what you thought.

Gamsahabnida