What is human nature? That is the question I’ve been asking myself for the past few years. Humans have been separated from their natural instincts for so long that I’m not quite sure if human nature even exists anymore. In a day where we live now, the definition of human nature would most probably be something completely different to what it was before we became ‘humane’. Humans have strayed away from their natural habitats for so long now. Artificial shelter, food and drinks.

I would even go as far as to say humans have also developed artificial instincts which have now become the new definition of ‘human nature’.

“Taeyeon. Are you alright in there?” a voice suddenly interrupted my thoughts. I turned around to see my mother standing at the door with a concerned expression.

“Yes I’m fine. I’ll be down in a moment.” I replied back half-heartedly. Could this world that I live in become any more complex? The expression of my mother expresses concern but deep down inside I knew there was anything but concern for my own well-being. I was nothing more than an object to her as I am to most others around me. I am an object that is used in order to achieve some sort of gain for one’s greed. I am here to supress their greed slightly; nothing more than an antacid for greed.

Now was not the time to be thinking about trivial things. For now I had to fulfil my role as a tool to satisfy my family’s greed. I slowly put on my mask with every breath I took and completely erased my true self. Objects are not meant to have feelings or thoughts and neither was I. By the time I reached the door I was just a lifeless shell with nothing but a fake mask on.

From below I could hear them conversing happily with one another. I guess I wasn’t the only one with a mask in this family. Maybe it runs in the family. Having artificial masks appear at one’s own will and deceive everyone around. It would be a great gift if it wasn’t exploited so much. Laughing, smiling, complimenting. Those were the features included with my mask. My lips were plastered into a small smile as I walked down the stairs towards the area in which I was needed, or wanted. I’m not quite sure which one it is anymore.

“Good afternoon, my dear Taeyeon.” I was greeted by an overly excited male. I was glad my mask was able to hide my disgust. I knew this male. I wish I didn’t though. Regrettably, he was someone who I would know for the rest of my days.

“Good afternoon Leeteuk-shi” I answered back formally with a fake smile. Just talking to him burned my tongue. I wanted to just ignore him and walk back to my own sanctuary in my room if it was not for the chains binding me down; the chains of family responsibility. I was an object chained to their owners. Padlocked, digitally locked and sealed tight. Greed. Greed was the source of these restraints.

“I see you’ve decided to finally join us. Good, good.” My ‘father’ nodded in approval. He was ticked off with my late appearance but I didn’t care. If I was going to be tied down I should at least try and make it harder for my owner to keep hold of me. I then took my seat beside Leeteuk and shifted as far as I could away from him without raising any suspicion. He was the one who was going to take over the restraints. I hated it. I would rather remain under my current owner then be passed onto him. That by itself should be proof of how much I was against the change in my owners.

“We were just discussing our last marriage details. I thought it would be appropriate if you were to join us.” The despicable male beside me smiled. I don’t know why but I had this gift of seeing under masks. This male had one of the most common masks out there in the world. The ‘nice guy’ mask. Below was a lust filled and psychotic beast. I’ve seen him take his mask off during formal events. He thinks I don’t see it but I do. Disgusting.

“Thank you for your concern.” I answered back as I smiled again. I wanted to rip my vocal chords out for even talking to him let alone smile. But then again the smile was not mine. It was my mask’s. Everything was my mask. I relied so heavily on it. It was an essential need in my life. It was also an essential in almost everyone else’s if not everyone’s life.

Is that what one of human’s nature is? Is it to develop a mask and erase one’s true identity completely? We all pretend to be someone else. Someone better, prettier, nicer. Behind that mask evil, dirt and grime starts to develop due to the lack of a soul. The lack of one’s true self.

“So everything is set then.” The woman across the seat from mine suddenly exclaimed loudly. The ‘bubbly’ mask was plastered onto her. Below that was a jealous wretch. Jealous of my owner’s wealth. Jealous of everything we had more than her. She was going to use me to change that. I would not allow that. Even if I do not approve of my owners I do not approve of jealous wretches.

“Are you fine with all this?” Leeteuk asked me again. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? It’s suffocating when he keeps his ‘nice guy’ mask on. It means I need to strengthen my mask even more in order to deceive him.

“Yes of course. I can’t wait.” I gave a sincere sounding laugh. I definitely needed to punish myself after this. It was disgusting giving this beast the joy of hearing laughter.

“Our families will be united by your marriage. We only have you to thank for that.” The wretch smiled to me. I smiled back and just nodded, not bothering to utter any other words.

“Congratulations Taeyeon. My brother is very lucky to have the honour of marrying you.” Another female voice joined in. I knew whose voice that belonged to. It always caused my mask to chip away slightly every time I heard her. It was instincts.

“Thanks Tiffany. I guess that means I’ll be your sister in law.” I chuckled. I don’t know how long I could stand this. My tongue was burning with lies. Lies, hatred and more lies. I looked up to the female who had just congratulated me to see that she had a sincere smile. I knew she also had a mask on. It was a mask of protection. She did not wish to expose her true self in fear of being punished. It was a mask that was used for protection rather than greed. A very rare mask indeed.

“Can’t wait.” She answered back. This time her voice faltered. It did not surprise me. My mask was just about to slip off if it wasn’t for the chains bound to me, forcing me to keep my mask in place. How I wish that I could just rip of everyone’s mask and show everyone their true selves. The lust driven beast, the jealous wretched and the two greedy owners were my main targets. My mask and Tiffany’s mask were also something I wanted to rid of. I wanted to show my true self. I did not wish to marry Leeteuk. I did not wish to be a tool nor did I want to be chained down like a criminal. I wanted to rid Tiffany’s mask to show everyone her true feelings. To show everyone her relation with me.

“Wish you a hundred years of happiness.” Tiffany smiled again as she held her hand out to me. I couldn’t take it. I knew that what was left of my mask would break away if I were to make contact with her. Her words have chipped away more than enough.

Why did it have to be like this? When did human nature change for the worse? Had it always been this way? Why were we not free to express our true selves but instead develop disguises? It doesn’t make any sense.

You do not see animals in the animal kingdom develop these complex ideas. You don’t see spiders trying to be butterflies. Nor do you see elephants trying to me mice. And yet humans are trying their hardest to be something they’re not. Humans are the lowest in the intelligence chain in my opinion. We do not understand our own species. We do not understand anything. We just want. The only thing that separates a human from an animal is greed.

“Excuse me. I have a few urgent issues I need to attend to… for the upcoming wedding.” I uttered hesitantly as I avoided the young female’s gaze. I bowed down to everyone in the room and excused myself to my sanctuary, my room. This was the only place in which I could breathe freely without an obstruction on my face. I could truly be who I was here. No one could see what was under the mask. No one would ever, except for one.

Tiffany. The sister of my new owner-to-be. Such a small world this is. She would be the only one to see what was under my mask. She already had as I have seen hers. The barriers of identity were broken down when we were around each other. It was refreshing to see one’s real identity. But right now I wish I hadn’t.

Tiffany and I had a relation which was hidden to all onlookers. It was only kept between us underneath our masks. It would never be revealed. Not now, not ever. It pained me to think that but it was true. What happened between us would be something that would be forgotten in the near future. Never to be mentioned, taboo for the rest of eternity. It was not fair.

“Taeyeon, I’m coming in.” That voice interrupted my thoughts again. I instinctively forged my fake identity again and turned to the door. There stood the one who saw beneath the mask, the daughter of that beast, the cause of all my heartache.

“I told them I was helping you out with the details.” She continued to explain her reasons for being here. I just nodded shortly and turned my back towards her. She had taken off her fake mask but I still had mine on. I refused to take it off. It would only cause more trouble to put it back on again.

“Taeyeon… I… I don’t know what to say.” She chuckled slightly. She was truly one of the worst people in the world. She was only rubbing salt into my wounds as she spoke. Everything she said would only cause me more pain.

“You’re marrying my brother… How exciting.” Her voice was unstable. I couldn’t take this anymore. I had to keep what was remaining of my fake identity.

“I’ve finished my businesses with the wedding planners. If you don’t mind… sister… I would like to take a break.” I said harshly. Each word just burned my tongue even more. I don’t think I will even have a tongue after all this abuse I’ve been giving it.

“I see… Well…” She paused. I did not wait for her to finish. I stood up and walked over to my bed where I roughly threw the comforters off before hopping in. As I was about to pull them above my head again, a hand stopped me.

“Wait. I know… I just… We can’t do anything about it.” She said hurriedly. Although to anyone else’s ears it would not make any sense, to me it made perfect sense.

“I know. Just forget it. Like you said, we can’t do anything.” I answered back spitefully before yanking the comforters from her hands and turning my back towards her. She did not move as I could not hear footsteps. Instead the side of my bed shifted with a sudden added weight.

“They’ve gone out to celebrate. You can stop pretending. I’m the only one here.” She sighed quietly. At least there was some relief that came with her words, but I refused to give up. It takes a lot of effort to maintain a perfectly malfunctioning identity. I wasn’t going to destroy it now because of her.

“What does it matter if you’re the only one here? Now if you don’t mind, I need to sleep. I need to be well rested for the upcoming wedding between me and your brother.” I smirked at my words. I applauded myself for creating such a difficult identity. The mask of concealment. The one true mask that was the most fragile of them all. It hid behind so many emotions and feelings that if not maintained properly, would break within an instant.

“You know it was an all an act out there right? Just as much as your smiles were an act for him.” Tiffany sighed silently. An act. Everything was an act. Such great actors these two families are.

“What if it wasn’t? Tiffany what happened between us is over. In three months I will marry your brother and we will become sister-in-laws. There is nothing more to it.” I answered back bluntly. I then shifted myself further away from her as I covered half of my head with the comforter. I heard a small chuckle come from the side of the bed before the weight was lifted off.

“Do you know how much those words hurt right now Taeyeon? For you to become my sister-in-law is like allowing… I don’t even know if I can describe the feeling properly. It would be like selling my soul to the devil. It’s like having my insides be torn out from me whilst I just sit and watch. I would rather those situations happen then accept you to become my sister-in-law.” I heard her teeth grit at the last three words. Her mask was completely wiped off. Her true selfish side was revealed to me in all its glory.

“And by hearing those words come from you… it just causes everything to be completely unbearable. When you said you couldn’t wait for the wedding… when you said you needed to rest for the upcoming wedding… It hurts Taeyeon… I don’t know how much longer I can bear it.” She continued with a strained voice. I could feel the object concealing my true identity slowly peel away as she continued. I buried my face deeper into the pillow in order to keep it on. I worked too hard to keep it on. I won’t let all that effort go to waste.

“Well then you won’t have to hear it from me again if you stopped seeing me. You would not have to see what I do or hear what I say. Was that not what we agreed on?” I responded. It was tiring. It was tiring to hold back the emotions and words that I wanted to express. I was glad I was on the bed or else I would have probably faltered from the exhaustion.

“Do you really think I would give up that easily?” Was the response I was given. I stiffened. I could feel another attempt to peel my mask off coming. I knew it was going to happen. It always does.

“Do you really think I would give up on the one I love that easily?” she repeated. That was the end of it. The fragile mask was shattered into pieces. Why did she always do this to me? She left me bare and open with just a few key words.

“After all that I said to you and did to you, you still believe I would just sit and watch as my brother takes you away--”

“Stop it” I interrupted her before she continued. I gripped onto the pillow and dug my head deeper into it, trying to drown out the world and maybe suffocate myself to the next.

“Just… Stop…” I pleaded. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was left defenceless without my necessity, without my mask. She would continue attacking me until it was impossible to create another mask. It was tiring dealing with this. I’ve had enough.

“Please… Don’t do this to me” I pleaded again. My pillow started to feel damp around my eyes. This wasn’t supposed to happen. My mask should have prevented me from showing emotions. Before I could even try to render up another one, two strong hands gripped onto my shoulders and pulled me into an embrace. This was the final blow. I couldn’t take it.

“I’m not trying to hurt you… That’s the last thing I would do. I just don’t want to give you up, especially to my brother. You don’t understand the things I would do in order to take my brother’s place, to be the one with you during that ceremony, to be the one putting the ring on your finger, to be the one who looked after you for the rest of your life.” Her grips around me tightened. Please let go. I had three months before the wedding. I had been working to erase everything but she was just stirring everything up again.

“I would do anything to take his place.” She whispered desperately into my ear. I could sense lies. There were lies.

“Anything but try…” I uttered. She said she would do anything and yet she has not even tried. It was a lie. All a lie.

“Taeyeon what do y--”

“You would do anything but try to take his place. You only smiled and nodded when you heard the arrangements of our wedding. You encouraged your brother to take me around to know him better. You helped the wedding planners plan this whole arrangement… and you congratulated me for marrying your brother.” My voice was drifting off. Why didn’t she leave me already? Leave me to my own thoughts. Just leave already.

“I… Our family…” She hesitated. She was taken off guard. I had hit a sensitive nerve. This was my chance. I pulled away harshly from her embrace and wiped away the lone tears. During that time I used all I had to create one temporary mask. The cruellest one of all.

“Just leave Tiffany. Nothing can be done. I got to meet your family, just like you promised, I’ll be a part of your family now, just as you always wanted and I will carry your family name of Hwang, just as you always wished.” My voice was cold and harsh. This was one of the most powerful masks I have put on but I knew it wouldn’t last long. I had to end this quickly before it disappears again.

“Taeyeon… Please don’t do this to me. It hurts enough as it is. The only reason I have kept my sanity is because I still believe that there is still something between us. I will try to end this madness. I will claim you as rightfully mine, so please just wait for me. That is all I ask.” Her voice was weakening with each word she said and so was my façade. Just one last push. One last lie.

“Well you should stop believing in such lies. There is nothing between us anymore. I belong to your brother. I will be just a mere sister-in-law to you. That is all there is to it. I will not wait for you as I do not wish to.” I removed myself from the bed and walked to the door of my room. I opened it and waited.

“Now if you please, I do not wish to risk any mishaps during my wedding. I need my rest. Maybe we could discuss a few wedding details later if you wish.” I motioned towards the door with my hand and waited. I did not dare to look up. I was too concentrated in keeping up this act that any distractions would cause me to fall.

“Taeyeon. I will fix all this. I swear I will. Don’t give me those lies. I know you do not wish to marry him. Don’t act like you do.” Tiffany came up to me and stood before me. I kept my head lowered to cover my expression from her. My mask was only strong enough to mask my thoughts and voice but not my expression. I couldn’t risk everything going to waste now.

“Acting is part of human nature Tiffany. You do not truly know when someone acts or not. For all you know, I could have been acting with you. Those things we did might have been all an act. Have you ever considered that?” I questioned back. I wanted to take my words back. Those memories, those moments, they were never acts. Those were the only memories of me truly being myself. I didn’t have to act or hide anything. It was the only thing that I cherished throughout my life.

“Acting is part of human nature… I guess I’ve never really thought about that.” Tiffany fell silent. It was uncomfortable. She was rethinking the moments we had together. She was starting to doubt those moments. The silence was proof.

I take it back. I take back everything I said today. Everything I said was a lie. Please don’t believe me. Don’t believe my lies.

“Well then… I guess you can consider all I did as an act then. Those memories will be nothing more than a theatre piece. Something to watch whenever you’re bored. I have to say, your acting was pristine Taeyeon. I had believed you throughout those times. I guess I’m just a fool who is overly attached to characters in movies. It’s time I packed up the discs and moved on, don’t you think?” She chuckled lowly. A painful ache ripped through my chest. I gripped onto the door for support as I bent over to suppress the pain. I felt a hand immediately on my shoulder. It was warm. The familiar warmth that I desired so many times. It made the pain in my chest to intensify. To ease the pain I quickly pushed the hand away from me.

“I recommend you do. Now please, I am very tired now.” I gripped onto the door tightly. Please just leave now. Save me the pain. Save both of us the pain.

“I see. I shall pack my discs then. In a time where everything can just be stored to a computer, I think I should rid of these useless discs then. I never liked fake discs.” Tiffany’s voice was bitter. I knew I had achieved my goal. I had cut the tie between me and her. The relationship between us was nothing more acquaintances if not complete strangers.

“Rest well Taeyeon. I shall see you at the ceremony.” She bid me farewell before she walked right past me. As she was a safe distance away from the door, my grip on the door loosened as I fell to my knees. The last pieces of my mask broke as I was left bare again. I let my emotions run freely. My chest ripped in an unbearable pain as my body began to slowly shut down.

We’re all just spiders pretending to be butterflies. We try to grow wings and enjoy the surrounding flowers, but the truth is that we are anything but butterflies. We are venomous ugly creatures who prey on their surroundings. It would only take a miracle for a spider to become a butterfly. Until that miracle comes, we can just pretend to be butterflies. Deceive those around us as best we could in hopes that maybe, we shall be butterflies.

______________________________________________________________

True to her word, I did not see Tiffany since that day. Today was the day that I would be passed on to another owner. It would be the day which marks the end of me. Taeyeon no longer exists anymore. I was just a mechanical being, doing what humans do best. Lie.

I was being pushed left and right as everyone was hurrying to get me ready. They had just figured that I had lost a lot of weight and therefore, the wedding dress was too loose. They were panicking, desperately trying to adjust it in time. I didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore. Why should it?

“Honestly Taeyeon. Most would generally gain weight, that’s why we left some extra room just in case but instead you’ve lost weight. That dress would be slipping off you as you walk down the aisle.” My mother scolded me. Since my last encounter with Tiffany, I refused to eat. I see no point. I was just a shell. No longer human. I didn’t need those humanly needs anymore.

“Those dark circles and depressing face of yours is hard to deal with even for the best make-up artists. Today’s your wedding day. Why do you act like this is a funeral?” she continued. Maybe because it was. It was my funeral. The end of Kim Taeyeon. I should grieve for the loss of someone close to me. My mother was continuing on about something that I did not pay attention to. Since that day my body was shutting down. It was at 99% completion. The moment I would be given to that man would be when my shut down would be complete.

I looked up into the full length in front of me. My mother was yelling at me through my ear but I paid no attention to her. Instead I just stared at myself. My dress was loose around my waist and chest. My arms were frail and my collar bone was distinct. What caught my attention most of all was my face. I had lost most of my cheeks and my eyes were dull. Although the make-up artists tried their best, I still didn’t look like a bride. I was a carcass. The remains of what once was Kim Taeyeon.

I had learnt one thing from all this though. I learnt how to make the perfect mask. It would not be removed. I could never be removed. The mask of perfection. It deceives all those around me that I start to feel as though I have fallen into its trap as well. I started to accept that the mask was me. It was who I am.

“The groom is here. He needs to talk with you Mrs Kim.” An urgent voice interrupted my mother’s voice from the door. She shot me a cold glare before she hurried to the messenger. I knew what that glare meant.

‘Don’t mess this up’

I sighed heavily and walked over to the chair. My body felt weak. I was tired. The dizziness from my head only amplified with each passing second no matter how many painkillers I took.

The stylists were done with trying their best to fix my dress. The maids started piling through the door as everyone was excitedly waiting. It was time. Shut down was almost complete. Just a few moments away. My senses were now dulled. Everything was done mechanically. I didn’t have any conscious of what I was doing anymore.

My body just moved by itself as if controlled with a remote. I stood up and took my place in the line of bridesmaids as my father came through the door. He had a wide grin plastered on his face as he took my side. I glanced at everyone around me. Each of them had perfect grins.

To put on a mask and erase one’s true self is truly human nature. It just came naturally to everyone. Sickening.

Everything was starting now. The line slowly started proceeding as my father pulled me along. I turned off all my senses. Shut down was almost there. Just a little longer. The last percentage was always the longest. I did not notice anything besides the floor. Was the floor always this interesting? I was then interrupted when my father squeezed my arm.

‘Smile’

I conjured up all the energy I had to plaster a fake grin. I was so used to this now that I could make it look genuine. Funny how many things I gained from this experience. My father then stopped walking as he stared ahead. He seemed to have a dissatisfied expression. It was to be expected. He never liked the Hwangs. To give his only greed depressant away to the Hwangs was something he wasn’t too fond of.

I let go of his arm and walked to the front of the crowd. I felt so weak. I didn’t know how much longer until I shut down but I knew it was almost there. So close.

“We gather here today to celebrate…”

The receptionist started. I did not hear anything past the word celebrate. I for one was not there to celebrate. I was there to mourn. Mourn the death of Kim Taeyeon. I continued to stare down at the interesting floor. I didn’t want to look up to see his face. It was something that disgusted me to the point that I would have rather been brought up in a dump with the smell of waste around me.

The reception continued. My dress was starting to slip from my body from the lack of flesh to hold it up and my feet were burning from the painful heels. How much longer would I have to endure this? The dizziness from my head was starting to accumulate again. The floor was now unstable. I had to hold on. Hold on for a little longer or I would never be forgiven for this after.

I then felt something nudge me from the side. I knew what it was.

“I do.” I pronounced with eased practice. I had asked a favour from my maid earlier to nudge me when to say the line. I didn’t want to listen to the vows. No one ever reads the terms and conditions anyway. Even with practice, those two words burned my tongue. It was unbearable.

“I do.” A lower voice suddenly pronounced. There it was. The deal was sealed.  I was no longer my father’s property. My mask was no glued on forever. Rest in peace Kim Taeyeon. It was nice while it lasted. My hand was taken up as the cold metal ring was placed onto my finger. I regrettably took up the other matching ring and hurriedly put it on my new owner’s hands. There was no need for the slow dramatic motion.

“You may now kiss the bride.” The receptionist continued. Now came the part I dreaded. The last signature of the deal. I felt a finger run along my jaw and push my chin up. Shut down complete. Everything started to close down. My legs were the first to give way. My knees buckled as I began to topple forward into my new owner’s arms. My arms then started to lose their energy before my vision started to blur. The shutdown was complete. My eyes slowly closed as I was engulfed in complete darkness.

____________________________________________________________

The darkness was comforting. I could be whoever I wanted. I could freely be the spider I always was without being judged. No one could see me bare. No one could hear me speak my thoughts. It was a haven to get in touch with our true inner human nature. I did not wish to leave this haven. No worries about what my owner wants, no worries about what I am to do, and most importantly, no worries about Tiffany.

Tiffany. The girl I met at a family outing. The girl who I had grown so attached to.

I felt my chest begin to throb again. This wasn’t right. I was in my own haven now. I should not be experiencing anything. I shouldn’t. I couldn’t.

But I did…

Memories of Tiffany began to flow back into my head again, causing a headache to grow.

Tiffany was the girl who invited me to leave the family outing when we first met. She was the one who showed me a side of the world I never knew. She was the one who made me believe that not everyone holds a mask over their faces. Tiffany Hwang was the one who peeled my mask off and allowed me to breathe.

“Tiffany…” I uttered into the silent darkness.

She was the only true butterfly I knew among the venomous spiders. Tiffany Hwang was the only one who managed to make me willingly take off my mask without a care in the world. But why did it have to be this way? Why did her brother have to show an interest in me?

Because of his interest in me, plans were set out to fulfil his desires and thus, cause everything that I desired to be completely washed away. Why? Why was I denied of my happiness?

“Tiffany…” I could feel tears slowly fall from my eyes as the darkness seemed menacing. It was no longer comforting. It was lonely. I wished for those arms to wrap around me once more. The warmth and security of those arms were the only things I longed for.

My headache started to grow as my body became weaker. I thought I had shut down already. No one could turn me back on. No one. They couldn’t…

Not unless…

“Taeyeon… Taeyeon-ah, please wake up. Please.” A soft melodic voice started to fill the darkness. The dark was taunting me. It could not leave me alone to my haven but instead it taunted me with the voice of the one I longed for.

“Taeyeon… I tried. I promised you that I would try and I fulfilled that promise. Just please keep your end of the deal. Don’t leave just yet.” The voice continued as faint sobs could be heard. It surely wasn’t my sobs and it surely wasn’t my voice. Stop it. Stop taunting me. I’ve suffered enough.

In desperation to lock out any noise, I curled my body up as tight as possible and closed my eyes. Just let me stay in my haven. Just let me stay.

I slowly opened my eyes to no longer see darkness. I could see a ceiling. I could see objects. I could see light. Someone had turned my systems back on again. No one could have achieved that. No one except for perhaps…

“Tiffany?” I tried my luck and voiced out the name of the one I desire. As my vision came back, I could see I was back in the world. In the world where I had wanted to escape from. I didn’t want to be here. Take me back. Shut me down, throw me away. I no longer had hope in this world. I belonged to that lust filled beast now. I did not have any purpose to live any longer.

A loud beeping noise began to pick up the pace. The rate in which it beeped began to grow as I began to panic. Why was the world so cruel as to continue my torture.

“Taeyeon… Taeyeon calm down. Calm down, you’re going to hurt yourself again.” An urgent voice filled my ears as I was engulfed by two powerful arms. I buried my head into the embrace and shook my head as tears continued to fall.

“Take me back. I don’t want to be here. Please just take me back.” I pleaded into the unknown person. I gripped onto their clothes with all the small amount of energy I had. I didn’t care if I exposed myself to others anymore. I wanted to return to that dark place. The darkness was comforting.

“Taeyeon. Shush. Everything’s alright now. I will not allow you to go back to that place. Just calm down and I will explain everything to you.” The voice continued to soothe me. The voice was oddly familiar. It immediately relaxed me as I began to notice the warmth that was radiating off their body. There was only one person who had this warmth. But it couldn’t be… could it?

“Tiffany?” I voiced out quietly as I began to pull back from the embrace. I noticed that the person was wearing a tuxedo which had lowered my hopes immediately… but as I looked up, I saw something that I would never forget.

“Yes Taeyeon?” The person in front of me smiled reassuringly. It wasn’t just any person. It was the one I had desired, the one I had given up on, the one whom I had pushed away. Tiffany Hwang was sitting in front of me with a frail but sincere smile. It did not make sense. Why was she wearing a tux? Why was she here next to me, comforting me?

I looked down at her hand to see a ring on her finger. Beside that hand I saw my own which had a matching pair. It did not make sense.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight Taeyeon… Why didn’t you take care of yourself properly?” She lifted up her hand and pressed it against my fragile face. The familiar warmth began filling my cheek. I slowly began to make sense of things that were happening around me. I stared up at her to see a pair of sincere eyes meet my own confused ones.

“What… What are you doing here?” I started to panic again as the events of the day I pushed her away started to fill my mind again. The beeping noise beside me also started to beep faster. It wasn’t helping me calm down at all.

“Take deep breaths Taeyeon. You’re in no position to cause stress on yourself again.” Tiffany quickly retreated away from me with a panicked expression as if to give me space. She continued to stare at me from afar as I began to calm down.

“Please don’t do anything rash. I’ll explain everything if you allow me to.” She continued warily. I continued to stare at her. She seemed worried. I turned my attention to myself and examined myself. My wrists and arms were fragile from the lack of food I had over the past few months but something that was more noticeable were the needles coming from my arms. I stared at them as if they would disappear anytime soon but they did not. I lifted my hand up in an attempt to take them out but a hand stopped me. I looked at the hand and followed its arm back up to Tiffany’s face. She quickly retreated her hand and backed away from me again.

“I’m sorry. But I wouldn’t do that. You’re really fragile at the moment. Don’t do anything that would harm you.” She said sheepishly as she scratched her cheek awkwardly. I remembered the many times I had seen that habit of hers and it caused me to furrow my eyebrows.

“What are you doing here?” I repeated in a calmer tone. I could feel the mask automatically form back onto my face again. My cold hard mask.

“You fainted right before the reception ended. I caught you and took you to the hospital as soon as I could. You were unconscious for a while due to the lack of food and sleep…” She explained to me slowly as if I were a five year old child. I had expected for my body to shut down from the punishment I had been given it, but I really did not expect to be taken to the hospital when it happened. I remember that it was time for the final seal, the seal of a kiss, before I shut down. I had fallen onto the one in front of me, yet Tiffany tells me that she caught me. I was quite sure she was not part of the crowd as I walked down the aisle.

“Stop lying to me Tiffany. You weren’t there at the reception.” I uttered out unconsciously. A low chuckle came from the girl beside me. I looked at her with accusing eyes but she remained calm with a sheepish smile on her face.

“You never once looked up from the floor during the reception, did you?” She questioned me. I never did, but I don’t understand how that tied in with anything.

“Why does it matter?” I questioned back harshly. Tiffany just responded with a smile and looked down onto the floor bashfully. I did not understand any of her actions during that moment.

“Remember three months ago… you said that I never tried to take my brother’s place?” Tiffany continued to ask me. I was getting annoyed with these questions. Why did she have to bring me back from my haven?

“Stop with the questions Tiffany. You and I have nothing between us anymore. We established that long ago. The reception is over and I am part of the Hwang’s family now…” My voice trailed off unsteadily. I still couldn’t accept the fact. Leeteuk now had rightful ownership of me. I looked down at the ring on my finger. This was sheer proof of that.

“Yes you are part of the Hwang family… but answer this Taeyeon. Why is it that I have a matching ring to the one on your finger now?” Tiffany lifted up her hand and showed me the ring I had noticed earlier. It seemed to match perfectly with the one that was on me. How could that be?

“Coincidence. Tiffany just stop playing these games. You and I are officially sister-in-laws” I cut her short with a blunt response. Tiffany just responded with a slight chuckle.

“I will repeat this again Taeyeon. I would do anything to take my brother’s place. I would flip the world inside out if I had to.” Tiffany pronounced confidently. Those words always kept their effect. The mask chipped again. She was so inconsiderate towards the time and effort that was put into these masks.

“But you didn’t try. You never did.” I stopped her again as I fiddled with the ring on my finger. It was the new chain that would keep me bound to my new owner. A sign of my lost freedom.

“I know. I didn’t try then. But you convinced me Taeyeon. I followed your words and tried. I tried my hardest to keep what was mine. I was determined to keep what was mine. I never really liked losing to my brother.” Tiffany took a step closer to me and lowered herself to me. Our faces were only a few inches apart as she continued to stare into my eyes.

“Well it didn’t work. You tried a little too late.” I stopped her again and turned my head to the side to avoid her gaze. This time, her hand followed me and pulled my chin back to face her. Before I could even react, she pressed her lips onto mine forcibly. This was wrong. I was married to her brother. This wasn’t allowed. But why… Why did I respond back to her? When I realised what I had done, I gathered up my sanity and pulled away harshly and covered my mouth with my hand as I shot her a deadly glare.

“What are you…?” Before I could even finish she pulled my hand away and connected her lips with mine again, this time with more urgency. I did not respond this time. I couldn’t. It would cause harm for both her and me in the future. This had to stop now.

“You don’t get it do you?” She whispered to me suddenly when she pulled her lips from mine. She leaned over my body and pressed her arms to the wall behind me, trapping me in my place. She then leaned her head into my ear and let out a sigh.

“I told you I would try. And I did. I told my parents about you and I. I confronted them upfront and demanded for my property to be returned to me. It was a rough start. I was forbidden to see you for two months, but I continued to try. I couldn’t allow my brother to take you. I couldn’t allow anyone to.” She whispered into my ear slowly. I wanted to push her off but my arms were too weak. If any of our parents were to walk in now it would mark the end of both of us.

“Don’t you get it Taeyeon? I was the one that caught you and brought you here. I am the one who put that ring on you. You were the one who put the ring on me. I tried Taeyeon, and I succeeded.” She continued to whisper into my ear. I didn’t want to believe it. She was luring me into a false sense of hope.

“Stop lying… Just stop it.” I begged as I reached my hand up to her collar and gripped it. My hands were shaking as I shook my head. I refused to be trapped into a false sense of hope. I refuse to.

“I won’t. You thought you married my brother. I cannot allow you to think that. You belong to me now as I belong to you. I will not tolerate you thinking about being married to another man.” She slammed her fist against the wall behind me as she growled into my ear. I shook my head furiously as tears started falling again.

“It’s all a lie. Everyone is wearing a mask. Everyone is lying. It’s human nature.” I continued to sob. Human nature was to deceive others. It was to lure others. It was used against others.

“I don’t care if you did not wish for this. You have to allow me to be selfish. You are mine and mine alone. Leeteuk is no longer allowed to touch you. Only I am. I was the one who took your hand during the reception. It was me. Taeyeon please, look up from the floor and see that it was me.” Tiffany’s voice pleaded. My hands slowly dropped down from her collar. My mask was now something of the distant past. I had fallen for it. If this was a trap, then I would gladly be trapped. I believed her. I wanted what she said to be true. I had to be. Life had to be fair in one way or another.

“Taeyeon Hwang. You carry my family name, not my brother’s. The ring placed on your finger entitles that you belong to me. Just look up and see the truth for yourself. The sooner you do, the sooner we can start.” Tiffany pulled from my ear and hovered over me. My eyes were glued to her neck. I wasn’t ready to face her yet, but I had to.

Slowly, I traced her neck up to her jaw. She was waiting for me for she did not move. I continued to look up slowly. Past her lips, her cheeks, her nose, until finally I reached her eyes. I could not detect a mask. I could not detect lies.

Her eyes were sincere and hopeful as I continued to stare into them. All of my past worries were slowly slipping away as I was drawn into her eyes.

“You’re not lying?” I asked quietly. It was a childish question but right now I couldn’t function properly. The eyes I was staring into turned into crescents as she shook her head.

“It’s the truth. I took my brother’s place. I convinced my parents. Your parents still seem a bit surprise though.” She smiled sincerely. I continued to stare. I was sure she wasn’t lying, but I wasn’t completely sure. As if she knew what I was thinking, Tiffany reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a document. On the document it had Tiffany’s signature and mine.

It was a legal document to show that we were legally bound to each other through marriage.

“Does this prove it?” She questioned me. I didn’t need a piece of paper to prove it. Her eyes were enough. I can’t describe what I was feeling right now. The past few months’ worries seemed unimportant. They now no longer applied. I was no longer forced to go against my will. I was no longer an object. Although I was still bound by the ring on my finger, I was glad of it. I wanted to be bound to my owner. I was more than happy to be bound to Tiffany.

I smiled a genuine smile. It was foreign to me. It had been so long since I had smiled because I wanted to. Tiffany responded by smiling back at me. She moved slightly forward and kissed the top of my crown gently.

What is human nature? There were no masks between Tiffany and I. There were no secrets between either of us. So what is human nature to us?

The mask that hid the true meaning of human nature had been broken. I would begin to explore what the true meaning meant now that all obstructions were discarded. I would explore what it is to be truly human with the one who I am bound to.

As Tiffany placed more kisses along the bridge of my nose, I lifted my chin up so that her next would land on my lips. As it did, I began to see what human nature truly was.

To fall in love, to feel insecure, to fight for one’s desires. These were just the beginning of the long list that was to come. If the world learnt how to rid themselves of human nature’s mask, they would truly see the beauty of what it is like to be human.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A/N

 

It's a cliche storyline but meh. The storyline wasn't important in this hence why it was in first person ^^

It's been a while since I've written anything so yeah... dodgey stuff here and there >\

Anywho~ My readers have been sending me messeges and inboxes about my absense. If you did not know already, I was planning on quitting asianfanfics.

I have to say that I have not returned to it yet. This was just a oneshot that i wrote to apologize to my readers.

Please read my blog here

http://www.asianfanfics.com/blog/view/320692

It's the message about my thoughts on leaving.

Please do read.

 

 

 

Note that with the new comments features and improvements to AFF, I probably will come back one day, but I'm still not quite sure when