“Why?”

“Please.”

“Why do you want to go back?”

“I must. He’s hurting really bad.”

Siwon looked up at the pink clouds above him. He not sure if God is up there amongst the clouds but that’s what everyone assumes so he will not chance it.

“Why?” The voice asks again. Siwon has no doubt it’s God talking to him, because he is washed over by a wave of warmth and calm despite feeling nothing in this realm of nothingness he is confined to for the past how long.

“I promised him that I will be by his side to hold his hand every single moment he needs me to.”

“But you did not. Not always.”

Siwon lowers his head in shame. “It’s true. The times I’ve been away from him has increased without my realizing it.”

“Have you seen the tears he shed for you during those times?”

“Y-yes.” Siwon admitted reluctantly. He’s well aware of the times his maknae had cried alone in his room, all his hyungs made it a point to remind him because, like him, they love him too.

“Then why now? Is this a futile attempt to make yourself feel better?”

“Please let me go back to his side.” Siwon pleads again. “I don’t care about how I feel, but I want to be by his side now. He needs me.”

“He’s already used to you away from him. He will survive it this time.”

“No! He needs me!”

“We’ll see.”

“Wh-what?! No! Don’t leave, please! Wait! Wait!”

@

Left alone again in this empty void, Siwon is thankful that he can hear his beloved’s voice carried to him by the winds. Sometimes soft, sometimes loud, but always saturated with tears. His heart had broken into a million pieces over and over again, how he wants to hold him and tell him that everything is going to be okay.

“Won ~” Kyuhyun calls out to him softly.

“Yes, baby?” Siwon answered even though Kyuhyun couldn’t possibly hear him.

“The doctor said again today….that you are not going to ever wake up.” Kyuhyun murmured in a broken voice. “Why is he so cruel?”

Another crack appears on Siwon’s fragile heart. “No….” He whispers sadly.

“You know what, Won?” Kyuhyun’s voice asks again.

“No, what, babe?”

“I do not believe that quack for one moment. You will wake up. You will come back to me. You are going to proof to that quack that he is wrong.”

Siwon lowered his head in a moment of intense grief. He dare not answer, he has no answer at all. Lost in his own thoughts, he was made suddenly aware of how silent his surroundings are.

“Kyu? Baby?” His head snapped up, he listened hard but he can’t hear a sound. Panicking, he stood up and began running towards the highest pinnacle he could see. “Kyu?! Talk to me, babe! I can’t hear you! Please, babe!”

Huffing with exertions, he climbed and slipped in his hurry to get to the top. Loose rocks clattered down the side of the dry rocks loudly as he pulled himself up with agonizing slowness, his muscles straining painfully.

At last he could hear Kyuhyun’s voice again. He’s singing a song. Encouraged, Siwon forged on till he reached the plateau at last. Falling onto his back completely exhausted, he listened with a tender smile on his face as the beautiful voice sang about lost love and hope. Comforting warmth enveloped his aching body and him gently like an invisible hand. Gradually, Siwon fell asleep to the singing voice.

@

“What is this place?” Siwon chose to ask the next time ‘God’ decides to talk to him again.

“This is known as ‘Nothing’.”

“Nothing?” Siwon mutters uncomprehendingly. “How can nothing be a place? Nothing is nothingness, it shouldn’t have an existence.” He argues.

“Nothing is not nothingness. You are here, you are in nothing but you are something.”

“I don’t understand. Am I alive or dead? This limbo frustrates me.”

“You are not dead yet. But you are nothing till you revive.”

“So I am here because I am not awake?”

“Yes.”

“That means I have the chance to wake up?” Realization hits Siwon and he glowed with hope.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?! What do you mean?!” Siwon’s face paled.

“You are nothing till you are something to someone.”

“I don’t understand.” Siwon’s face fell.

“Think about it.”

@

Siwon sat on the highest plateau to ponder. His arms are wrapped around his knees held close to his chest. Kyuhyun is telling him about his day and he listens with half an ear.

“And that’s how my day went.” Kyuhyun’s voice concludes. “How was your day, Won? I’m sure you must be feeling frustrated not being able to tweet. You always were obsessed with tweeting for the ELFs.”

Siwon’s head snapped up on hearing the crack in Kyuhyun’s voice. Suddenly Siwon found himself sitting in a torrent of rain as Kyuhyun sobbed and apologized for losing his composure again.

“No, baby, please don’t cry.” Siwon pleaded hoarsely, his own tears falling too.

“It’s just…..you were always there for me, for the ELFs and now ~” Kyuhyun wept.

“Baby ~” Siwon’s tears are falling too now.

“It must be me. God is punishing me by losing you.” Kyuhyun cried heartbrokenly. “For taking you …committing this sin…..I-I…..”

“No, baby, you are perfect! God wouldn’t punish you.” Siwon disagrees fervently.

@

“Why are you doing this?” Siwon demanded angrily at the clouds the next time they spoke.

“I did nothing.” A calm reply came back to him.

“Why are you punishing us like this? What did we do wrong?”

“I am not punishing you.”

Siwon’s knees suddenly weakened and he kneeled heavily onto the rocky ground in despair. Dropping his head into his hands, he broke into helpless tears. “Why? Why are you doing this to us? Why?”

“I will never punish you. But I do need to teach you, even if it meant you cannot understand it in the beginning.”

“Why…..why….” Siwon continued to whimper. He could no longer hear the voice of reason, his heart hurts too much to care.

@

“Won~”

Every nerve in Siwon’s body tingled with ill premonition. There is weariness in Kyuhyun’s voice but more than ever, there is a trace of defeat.

“I’m so ~ tired.” Kyuhyun’s articulation is weak, it got weaker at the last word. But Siwon heard him as if it was as loud as a clap of thunder.

“No, baby! No, you can’t ~” Siwon pleaded aloud.

“I give up ~” Kyuhyun cuts in, his voice wet with tears.

“NO!” Siwon roared in desperation. His voice echoed hollowly through the empty space he is currently trapped in.

Nothing answered him, not even a whisper of wind.

“Baby?” Siwon whimpered feeling fear brought on by the eerie silence.

“Won ~”

“Yes, baby?”

“Do you love me?” Kyuhyun sighed.

“Yes! Yes! I love you, baby! I do! I really do!” Siwon begged.

“Sometimes I can’t be really sure if you loved me.” Kyuhyun’s voice carried a trace of wistfulness.  “Every single thing in your life is important to you. I am too, aren’t I?”

“Yes! Yes!”

“Then…..why do I feel like I am not?”

Siwon’s jaw dropped and his mouth fell open in a silent scream. His heart hurts, a lot.

“But I know you loved me, and I am no less important….but it was so easy to tell me to wait. I waited, Wonnie, I really did.” Kyuhyun began weeping again.

“I know you did, baby. I know you did.” Siwon’s tears are falling too. A pang of guilt stabbed his heart rendering him breathless.

“But….it’s not enough, is it? It’s never enough.” Kyuhyun mutters. “I still hoped, and prayed, that you will remember me some time, that you will give up everything just to be with me. But….you can’t.”

Siwon’s breathing hitched.

“And now, even though you are lying here, I am still unable to get your attention.”

Siwon could hear the anguish in his lover’s voice.

“No, baby, you have my attention….I am listening to you right now ~”

“I can never have you to myself.” There is now a trace of mockery in Kyuhyun’s voice and frankly, Siwon is shocked.

“Good bye, Won.”

“What?! No! Baby, don’t leave me! Don’t leave me! I love you! I love you!”

Despite Siwon’s frantic screaming, only silence answered him and after a long while he stopped, finally accepting the truth that Kyuhyun has left him behind.

@

“Are you crying?”

“Leave me be. I don’t want to talk to you.” Siwon mumbled dejectedly with his forehead resting on his knees as he sat holding his legs folded against him.

“You are sad.”

Silence.

“Why?”

Siwon’s head snapped up. He is suddenly feeling anger, unjustified anger. He needs to lash out at someone, anyone. Present company seems like a perfect choice.

“WHY?! WHY?! HOW COULD YOU ASK ME WHY?!” He yelled with his head raised up to the clouds.

“I am stuck here and my lover left me out of disappointment!” Siwon raged. “And you ask me why?”

“Are you sure?”

“W-what?” Siwon is stupefied.

“Are you sure that’s the reason?”

Siwon fell silent. His mind is whirling and his heart is hurting. He can’t think straight.

“You have no faith, my child.”

“I have no faith?” Siwon repeats unsurely in a harsh whisper.

“You have no faith in me, you have no faith in the world, you have no faith in the one you chose to love.”

The confused young man sat repeating the words yet nothing touched him.

“Listen.”

“Siwon? Siwon, if you can hear us.”

“Hae?”

“If you can hear us, please come back.” Hyukjae said next.

“Wh-what’s wrong?” Siwon asks, his body suddenly starting to shake.

“It’s…it’s Kyu…..he…..he…..” Donghae starts to stutter then starts to cry.

“Kyu? What happened to Kyu? What?!”

“Kyu overdosed on sleeping pills last night. He is in a coma now, the doctors can’t wake him.” Hyukjae said hesitantly.

Siwon’s eyes bulged in shock and his mouth fell open. Icy coldness is spreading throughout his whole body paralyzing him.

“Please come back, Siwon. He needs you.” Donghae adds tearfully.

That spurred Siwon into action instantly. He cried and begged but the voice remained silent. Frustration bubbled within him and he began to rant and yelled but the pink clouds remained still.

“What do I have to do to move you? Tell me! TELL ME! PLEASE! I need to go back! He needs me!”

“Please! Please! Please…” Siwon fell onto his knees holding his head between his elbows howling. He felt trapped like a helplessly caged animal. This is a new feeling for him and he doesn’t like it.

“Look over there.” The voice told him quietly.

Raising his head once again, he looked ahead of himself.

“There.”

A solitary being is sitting on a small hillock, arms holding his legs tightly to his thin chest, all curled up like a forsaken child. Siwon narrowed his eyes squinting at the faraway figure.

“Kyu?”

As the sun shifts and throws its rays onto the lonesome one, Siwon recognized the mop of caramel curls and the pale skin. With that realization Siwon began to run. He ran like he never ran before, the ground is fraught with loose pebbles and sand, slipping his every step. But his heart flew ahead of him, he could almost see his arms thrown around his lover again.

“KYU! KYU!”

At first Kyuhyun did not move. Gradually as Siwon nears and his voice reached him, the boy unraveled his slender arms and sat up straighter to peer around.

“Siwon?”

“KYU!”

Kyuhyun stood up from where he is crouching to face the running figure gradually approaching him. Stunned, he continued to stare as Siwon finally came to a stop before him and bends double wheezing from the exertion.

“Won ~” Kyuhyun called out tentatively at the man resting his hands on his bent knees gulping for air.

Siwon is eager to have his arms around his young lover again but he is still very winded. To his surprise, Kyuhyun threw himself on the ground before him and wrap those familiar soft arms around his neck tenderly, pulling each other into a tight embrace.

“Won! Wonnie! Wonnie!” Kyuhyun cried pulling the older man tighter and tighter against him. Siwon fell to his knees too and they embraced so tightly they were squeezing air out of each other’s lungs.

“Kyu, my baby kyu….” Siwon cried too.

“I missed you so much!” Kyuhyun whispers urgently.

“I miss you too, baby.” Siwon replied.

“I missed your voice.” Kyuhyun mutters.

“I don’t ~” Siwon adds but was cut off when Kyuhyun pushes himself apart to stare at him.

“You don’t?” Kyuhyun glared heartbroken.

“What I was trying to say is, I don’t because I can hear you every single minute you were by my side.”

“You can hear me?” Kyuhyun is flabbergasted as he stared uncomprehendingly at Siwon’s beaming face.

“I can hear every word you said, and the songs you sang to me.” Siwon replied, his dimples getting deeper. Then he remembered the last time Kyuhyun spoke to him.

“Baby, please don’t leave me? I am a bad lover. I neglected you and I demanded that you allow everything else to take precedence.

“I never meant for things to be this way. You are the most precious to me, I shouldn’t have pushed you aside.”

“What are you saying, Wonnie? I did not say I am going to leave you ~” Kyuhyun is shocked.

“B-but…you said goodbye….” Siwon pouts. Kyuhyun giggled as he leaned in and peck those pouting lips.

“I wasn’t saying goodbye goodbye, I was just saying goodbye because I had to leave!” Kyuhyun chuckles at the scowling man. “A really good idea struck me when I was talking to you and I wanted to go home quickly to try it out!”

“What was the good idea?” Siwon asks curiously.

“If you can’t come to me, I shall go to you!” Kyuhyun declared with pride.

“What?!” Siwon is feeling totally lost now.

A familiar mischievous glint appears in Kyuhyun’s brown orbs. “I took two bottles of sleeping pills. The way I figured it, if I can get myself to your level of unconsciousness I will be able to see you again.”

Siwon’s heart pounded abruptly. His face paled and mouth dried as he perspires. His eyes large and bulging stared hard at the boy before him.

“YOU WHAT?!” He bellowed. Kyuhyun was startled so badly he jumped visibly. “How could you toy with your life like that?”

Kyuhyun whimpered as he shrunk away in the presence of a very angry and upset Siwon.

“What happens if you went too far and died instead!” Siwon’s tears threaten to fall at the frightening thought of losing his beloved. “How could you do this to me!”

Initially mesmerized by Siwon’s tears, Kyuhyun’s own tears soon made an appearance too. He cried so hard his whole body began to shudder. “B-but I wanted to see you again…..I missed you so much!” He wept with fervor.

Siwon’s heart broke at the sight of the distraught boy hugging himself tightly as if against some serious threat. The loneliness and sorrow portrayed by him is just plain heartbreaking. Without another word Siwon pulled the small body into his embrace and held him tight against his warm core. Try as he may to curb his own tears, he allowed the boy to weep out his own sorrow.

@

“Hey baby?”

“….”

After the crying stopped, Kyuhyun refuses to leave Siwon’s arms. Resting his aching head on his lover’s strong shoulder, he drifts in and out of consciousness.

And so they sat without exchanging another word for a long time, instead letting their bodies to react naturally.

“Baby, are you asleep?” Siwon whispers softly into Kyuhyun’s ear.

“Yes.”

“Baby, you have to go back. I don’t want you stuck here in a limbo too.”

Kyuhyun pushes himself off the delicious warmth. “You don’t want me here?” He pouts cutely.

“Of course I do, baby.” Siwon frowns. “But I want you alive and well and healthy even more.”

“But if I leave I won’t be able to see you.” Kyuhyun murmurs sadly, lowering his eyes to look at his fingers.

There is nothing Siwon wants more than have the man he adores next to him, even if they are trapped in this nothingness for eternity. But he cannot be so selfish; he needs to let Kyuhyun go, let him return to life again.

“No, baby, you have to live on for us.” Siwon insists. The dejected look on Kyuhyun’s face is unsettling him and he is tempted to take back his words. He had to bite down on his lips hard to stop himself.

“Baby ~” Siwon tries again but Kyuhyun is refusing to look at him now, silently fuming at his lover.

Instead Siwon got onto his feet and look at up. “God? Are you there?”

Kyuhyun’s head snapped up as he directs a look of incredibility at Siwon as if the man has gone mad.

“Yes, I am.” A disembodied echoing voice replied making the boy jump.

“You have to help me send Kyuhyun back.”

“Why?”

“He doesn’t belong here. You cannot keep him here.” Siwon replied reasonably.

“He chose to come here. He chose to join you here. It’s not my will.”

“You cannot keep him here!” Siwon argues hotly now as he glared at the pink clouds.

“You hurt him again.” Came the dry reply. Siwon looked down in a hurry to catch the tears rolling down Kyuhyun’s cheeks. In an act of defiance, Kyuhyun lowered his head quickly and swiped away his tears angrily with the back of his hand.

“No! You have to let Kyuhyun go!” Siwon argues. “Keep me here forever if you must!”

“Won ~” Kyuhyun seems to finally grasp the situation. Scrambling onto his feet in a hurry he wrapped his arms around Siwon and look up too at the clouds. “NO! LET US BOTH GO!”

“Kyu ~” Siwon is pleasantly surprised by the determination Kyuhyun is showing.

“LET US GO!” Kyuhyun demands again.

“Why?”

Again Siwon is stumped by the question but apparently Kyuhyun is not.

“Because we are deeply in love and no one can keep us separated! Stop being naive!”

Siwon blinked in extreme surprise now. Unlike himself, Kyuhyun is displaying an exceptional level of resoluteness.

“How can you be so sure he loves you like you do him? He is never around when you need him.” The voice challenged.

He’s right. Siwon agrees quietly.

“He loves me! He doesn’t have to be around every second to convince me of that! It is what he does when he is by my side that matters.”

Both the voice and Siwon is rendered speechless.

“You still there?” It is Kyuhyun’s turn to challenge.

“….”

“LET US BOTH GO!”

“Choi Siwon?” The voice calls out shaking with mirth.

“Yes?”

“It has been proven that you are something to someone.”

Siwon stared.

“Even if you had not been desirable.” The voice laughs.

“Hey, no dissing my boyfriend!” Kyuhyun warns hotly.

“It’s time for the both of you to leave.”

@

“HYUNG! Siwon and Kyuhyun are regaining consciousness now!”

THE END