My eyes were glued, zoning out onto the computer screen.  I do not know for how long but my mind does its usual thinking process and I could only continually stare at those words.


UNREQUITED:  means “unanswered” or “unrewarded”. 


I would think of many things during the spare few minutes I would have.  Yet my subconscious self brought me to an image of you working you’re a** off.  So young but so determined and there’s nothing else I want to do better but be a bothersome-had-just-sprouted-pillar in your life.


Jung Soojung, would you give me the time of day amidst the busy lives we have now?


I heave out a deep sigh and wander my eyes past the monitor and on my phone.


If only I can tell you the many things that go inside my head like our day to day casual conversation.  You, you and oh yeah, you. 


Opening up my inbox, there’s a lot of messages in it with one thing in common (your name).


People know of it.  The public even made up a name to ship us.  Although I laugh as if it’s a good joke but I like it.  Each hug and smile we would share for fan service I would treasure even if they were as good as something like a virtual reward.  At least it'd get me into thinking that you were somehow mine. 


Could I pretend and say straightforwardly that I like you?  I started typing in those letters into a message. 


“. . . . . .”




What am I thinking???  Without clicking on “send” I gripped tight of the phone and muffled my voiced agony against the pillows.  Any girl would get scared off with such a bold confession!  You might not even believe it!



*SIGH*



However, truly and honestly I do mean those words.  But words put on the limits and they fall so short of every ounce of feeling I have for you.


You do know you tend to be weird, right?  There’s more to you than a pretty smile.  So many idiosyncrasies that are just so… so you.  And also your weird taste for ideal type of men. 


I mean what do they have?


Sure, they may be smart, talented, has so much to offer than me and may have the capability to offer you a house or two.  


Tch!  You should really pick them wisely.


But . . .  Even if I am not as smart as your ideal type, not as talented, don’t have much to offer like building a house for you I would try my better than my best to make you happy more than he ever could. 


So just be mine, neh?


God, I sound pathetic.  It was as if I was practicing my confession to you over and over again until I can make it perfect.


However, if given the question on whether I would confess knowing the consequences.


My answer would be...



I would undoubtedly do it...


Again.  Say it in front of you (not through my make believe thoughts) with a dorkish smile on my face, reddened ears, fidgeting hands and stuttering words.  Professing my feelings for the girl whom I did not come to like through the imaginations I make up about her.  But just how she is, flaws and all. 


So until I could gather up the courage and strength to do that, can I love you freely from afar?



*Message alert tone*


Aish!  Why am I over thinking again?!?


Unlocking the screen I scanned the message with both raised eyebrows and then went on texting you back and forth.  Something is unusually weird so I tried to see if we were on the same page.  I went searching for our conversation.




ME:  “I like you”

YOU:  “You sure?”


*Faints*



AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Yep, it's a frustrated, fainting Amber in her own world.

My brain is making up things due to excessive loneliness and boredom.  XD