Sleepless Nights

 

 

There were nights, when Minho would dream about Taemin and him together. When he would dream about their relationship, about their closeness, about the warmth their bodies used to share.

 

He would dream about that sweet smile that used to brighten his days, about that soft voice that used to call his name, used to moan against his ear, used to whisper love-words that made his heart flutter, his breath fasten, his body shake with a never-ending attraction and pleasure.

He would dream about the happiness they used to feel when with one another, about the way he felt complete when with the youngest.

 

Then, the dreams would turn out into the worst nightmare he had ever had. The memory of that still confusing day when their paths were driven apart.

 

~/~/~

 

“Minho?” Taemin called from the living room, when Minho opened the front door, coming back from work.

“Ne, Taeminnie?” he answered back, while slipping out of his shoes and heading towards the room his lover was.

 

Taemin appeared seated on the couch, hair pulled back into a messy bun, wearing a black tank-top and black skinny jeans.

His facial expression was so serious, seemed so worried, Minho couldn't help but feel his heart being tightened by a sudden concern. He hated seeing his always so smiling boyfriend with such a dark look deforming his angelical face.

 

“What happened?” he asked aware that something was off.

 

He dropped his bag on the floor and sat by his boyfriend's side, comforting hand on the youngster's shoulder.

 

“Why so serious? Did that guy at the college threatened you again?”

 

But no mattered what he asked, Taemin kept silent, his gaze directed to the wooden floor, as if he was avoiding the elder's eyes, that he knew were able to read through him as if he was an open book.

 

“Tae...” Minho tried again. “say something.”

“I'm gonna leave hyung.” were the youngster's only words. “I'm going to live abroad...”

“What?” Minho asked confused.

 

Taemin would leave? Why? Wasn't he happy with him?

 

“My group and I signed a contract with a foreign company.” Taemin said with indifference.

 

Minho didn't know whether he should happy for his boyfriend who was going to take his dream to the next level – he knew how much Taemin loved dancing – or sad because the younger man hadn't told him anything, and what was worst, he had signed that contract without even telling him.

 

“When...are you going?” he asked, voice strangely deep.

“The flight is within two hours.” Taemin answered flatly, eyes still staring at the floor.

“When are you coming back?”

“I'm not.”

 

Silence. Taemin had to be joking.

 

“Where are you going to?”

“It doesn't matter.”

 

Minho's heart sank. It didn't matter? Was Taemin kidding him? They'd been together for four years and he dared tell him it didn't matter where he was going to live now?

 

“It does matter Taemin.” he replied, getting a little annoyed. “Your my boyfriend-”

“Not anymore.” the youngest cut him off.

 

Minho gasped. 'Not anymore'?

 

“What do-, what do you mean?”

“Exactly what you understood.”

“Tae...”

“I'm leaving. I won't be going with that relationship anymore.” Taemin replied getting up from the couch.

“Why?” Minho asked, having a hard time going along with the news.

“Because I don't want to.”

“What are you-”

“I can't stay here anymore.” Taemin cut him off again, finally looking into the elder's eyes. “I can't be with you anymore.”

 

It was as if Minho's world was being shattered. Taemin wasn't serious, was he? It was a joke, wasn't it?

 

Sighing, the youngest broke the eye-contact and turned around, but before he could take any step away from Minho, the elder grabbed his wrist and rose from the couch placing his tall frame right before him.

 

“Why?”

 

Taemin's eyes didn't meet his, instead they kept staring at the strong chest before him.

 

“I asked why, Taemin?” Minho was having a hard time trying to control the emotions that were rising on him.

 

He refused to believe that nonsense.

 

“Don't you love me?”

 

But once again, Taemin kept silent and tried to push Minho to the side. However, the elder was stronger and just stood still, trying as he could, catch a glimpse of the youngster's eyes.

 

“Don't you?”

 

His voice was now full of hurt, as he tried to pull an answer out of his boyfriend's mouth.

 

“Look at me.” he ordered. “Tell me you don't, and I'll let you go.”

 

As demanded, Taemin looked up, but before he could say anything, his mouth was shut up by Minho's trembling lips, in just one more desperate attempt of bringing the sweet Taemin back.

An attempt, that seemed successful, when Taemin responded to the kiss, but revealed itself to be just a failure, when the youngest pulled back, breath unsteady, whispering he couldn't do it anymore and that he didn't want to pretend feeling a love which wasn't meant to be.

 

As Minho stood dumbfounded, Taemin managed to avoid the man's body, and headed towards a suite-case that was put beside the couch, that Minho hadn't noticed until then.

 

Taemin took it, and wheeled it towards the front door, slipping inside his shoes.

 

“Taemin...”

 

Though, the youngest didn't reply, and just opened the door.

 

“I love you...” Minho confessed, eyes filled with tears. “please tell me-”

 

The door shut closed.

 

~/~/~

 

During those same nights, Minho would wake up, cheeks wet from the tears, breathing heavily. He still didn't understand what happened that day. He couldn't get why his lover left without much explanations, and couldn't help thinking he had done something wrong.

 

The memories he shared with Taemin, where now the only bond that they had, the only thing he could hold onto to keep that feeling alive. Even though, he ignored why he wanted so.

Even less, how that damned love kept itself so strong after two years without the younger man by his side.

He didn't get why he kept on dreaming about him. Why he kept on thinking about him.

 

He had tried so many times to go through it. He had tried so many times to find someone that could take the dancer's place in his heart.

 

Men. Women.

 

It didn't matter as long as they gave him the infamous illusion of having gone through his heart-brokenness.

 

But it was useless.

 

Nothing he felt towards them – if he ever felt something – could be compared to that torturing feeling.

It was as if he was prisoner of that nonsensical love and couldn't manage to find a way to escape from it.

 

The news he so often watched on the TV, didn't help either.

 

Taemin and his crew winning a competition. Taemin and his crew, signing another contract. Taemin and his crew having a performance. Taemin and his crew making an Asian Tour. Taemin doing publicity. Taemin dancing in a talk-show.

 

Taemin. Taemin. Taemin. Taemin.

 

With no doubt, his ex-boyfriend had gained a lot of popularity those twenty-four past months. Everyone knew who Lee Taemin was. The dance prodigy.

 

When Minho watched him on TV, he appeared to be really happy, smiling. Exactly how he remembered him, exactly how he met him for the first time at his cousin's dance studio seven years before.

Because of his cousin, who was in the same group as Taemin, he knew the youngest was living in Japan now, even though he spent the most of his time traveling because of his schedule.

 

Sometimes, Minho wondered if his ex-lover ever thought about him. If he was even aware of what of a destruction he had let behind him when he was gone with his selfishness.

 

Selfish.

 

That was exactly what he saw the younger man to be. Selfish.

He was angered, he hated him for that. For lying to him, for being gone with such harsh words and indifferent goodbye. However, he knew that that hatred was nothing compared to his love and couldn't come up with the determination to get rid of it.

Even if he wanted to, he couldn't really hate him.

He had tried. He swore he had, but he just couldn't. He was unable to. Sometimes, he would swear that love was slowly turning into an obsession and it scared him.

 

Suddenly a phone's ringing startled him, and brushing the sleep and the tears from his eyes, he sat on the bed checking the hour on the digital alarm on the nightstand, it marked twelve past thirty pm. Who was crazy enough to call someone this late? He wasn't sleeping as always, but it didn't mean he wanted to talk at this hour.

 

He took his mobile phone and checked who was his disturber. The bright screen showed 'unknown number'. Sighing he took the call and put the device against his ear.

 

“Yeoboseyo?” he said.

 

A silence replied.

 

“Yeoboseyo?!” Minho insisted already annoyed.

 

Silence.

 

“Listen, if this is a hoax-”

“Minho?” An oh-so-familiar voice asked.

 

The man stopped on his spot, breath being caught in his throat.

 

“Hyung...it's me-”

“Why are you calling?”

 

Minho didn't know where he found the strength to ask that, even more, with such a cold tone.

 

Maybe he could hate him after all.

 

“Sorry...I just-” a sigh. “I shouldn't-” a cough. “Sorry.”

“No! Don't hang up.” Minho said hurriedly. “What- what do you want?”

 

No, he couldn't hate him.

 

“Could we talk?”

 

He heard a sniffle.

 

“Are you crying?” Minho asked, he couldn't help but feel concerned.

“May I come?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks.”

 

Not even two minutes after they hung up, the door bell rang.

Minho rushed to his bedroom door, through the hallway and only stopped in front of the front door, heart beating fast.

 

He put a hand on the door's handle.

 

Took a deep breath.

 

And opened the door to reveal that skinny frame he had for so long, longed for.

 

His porcelain face was looking at him with glassy eyes, and Minho just knew the object of his love had been crying for a pretty long time.

 

“What happened?” he asked, trying as he could control the trembling of his voice.

 

Taemin swallowed thickly. He had so many times imagined that moment. What he would say, how he would say it, but at that moment his head had gone blank. He regretted being gone. He regretted having hurt Minho and wished the man didn't hate him for that. Even though, unconsciously he knew Minho never would.

 

“I'm s- sorry hyung.” he managed to say, tears already flowing down his cheeks. “I miss you so much.”

 

Minho's heart fluttered.

 

Maybe...just maybe, that night was the last one of his sleepless nights after all.

 

__________________________________

Hi! 

So? Boring right? Sorry, I thought it would be interesting, but just ended up with a long speech about Minho and his broken heart. OTL. I have the impression that it's lacking something but I can't find what and it's seriously annoying me -_-" (I thought at first I should add some ty-making-up but...well I just didn't feel like putting it in there since it is so...well angsty and all T_T). Well, but if you want (do tell me if it's the case) I can go and try to write a sequel with...well their making-up =P (just have to find the inspiration to do so xD)

Anyways, your opinions are very welcomed and would help me improve ^^ 

Thanks all of you who subscribed <3

Comments anyone?? (hehe. It feels as if I'm begging - eh?! Ain't I?)

With love, 

Soo <3