I can't imagine how strong you are. I'm not strong, hyung, not like you are. Maybe I don't cry in front of everyone all the time, but you're always there when I do, you're always there with a smile and a hug and a quiet tell me about it and sometimes I wonder who does that for you? Then I remember how strong you are and how you never seem to break, never seem to have trouble breathing, how you are the strong one in the group.
 

Everyone relies on you, you know. We don't even know it, but we count on your smiles to get through the week. If you suddenly stopped smiling, stopped all of your laughs and warm hugs and clasps of the hand, we would all be lost.

I don't know sometimes, hyung.
 

I wonder how much you keep buried inside you. Have you ever felt like quitting? You show us all your good emotions and maybe a little bit of the bad, like when you get angry and your eyes flash and you look even more alive than usual, but we never see - I never see - when you're hurting. You take up all your hurt and you bottle it up, you practice it away, you cover it up with smiles and careful expressions until I'm afraid even you don't know where it is.
 

Or maybe I'm thinking too much.
 

Is it that hard to believe that you're happy? Honestly, if anyone could be secure in this world, I would place all my money on you. You're well-adjusted. Kind. Dependable. Strong - you're so strong. I don't know anymore. I don't know you at all.

I don't know you, and I do know you.
 

I know your little mannerisms, the way your eyes get just the slightest bit wider when someone challenges you. I know the way your lips look after you've been biting them out of nerves (the only nervous habit of yours that I can really identify with confidence). I know what you look like when we've gotten three hours of sleep and when we've gotten ten hours of sleep, I know the look in your eyes after we finish a concert and when we start another one, I can recognize the anticipation and the joy.
 

I can see the wistfulness on occasion; I can see when you miss your family. (I drop hints about heading down to Kona Beans on those occasions, do you notice?)
 

I know so much about you, hyung. The important, the trivial (but still important to me). I know how you rarely raise your voice. I know how you raise your eyebrows questioningly. I know how your eyes close and your throat moves when we enjoy wine together late at night.
 

I do know you, hyung. I know so much about you. (I know things about the other members too, but nowhere near to how much I know you.)
 

I could write a paper on you, Lee Sungmin. I could write a novel about every one of your endearing little actions and reactions, what it's like being your roommate, how you treat me.
 

I know so much, hyung. The only thing I don't know is when I fell in love with you.