this is so late I completely forgot about it until my bb reminded me. somebody just shoot me now ._____. but 11 subs?! WHAT EVEN I LOVE YOU GUISE.<3

okay so present tense is in the present, past tense is in the past, I hope you get that. warning, this isn't edited at all so if there happen to be any typos and/or grammar mistakes, feel free to tell me and I'll correct them right away! Thank you~ I'll rant later.

There’s some things that aren’t right, that can’t be seen, and can’t be heard.

                There’s somebody standing right behind him, waiting for him to turn around and notice them, but he doesn’t. Both of them just stand there, hoping that somebody would eventually gather up enough nerve to say that they care. That somebody would just go and admit it.

                Neither do.

                They keep standing there, swallowing their tears. One is hoping that the other won’t turn around and notice him about to cry, while the other is hoping that the first won’t walk up and twist him around.

                They both have so much at stake, but they can’t do anything about it. It’s now or never, now or never.

                Two choices, one makes the move, the other enforces it.

                It’s now or never.

~

When he got the news that PARAN was disbanding, Jaeseop did everything he could not to break down. He forced himself to stay sane and not bury his own grave, just continuously do something.

                What made it worse was the money that his parents spent allowing him to achieve his dreams – they’d preferred him to grow up and go off to some amazing college – but he’d have to find some way to break the news to them.

                Jaeseop remembered it as a few years back, he was studying in NH’s vacant practice room. There was supposed to be an entrance exam in…in…good Lord, he didn’t even know when the entrance exam was, how on earth was he going to pass the damn test?!

                “I can’t do this!” he growled, flinging his Physics textbook about forty feet across the room. There was a loud echo, but then it fell silent.

                He threw his head back, closing his eyes against the wall. The lights were beginning to flicker on and off like it usually did at night. Maybe that was why nobody used it.

                Subconsciously, Jaeseop reached over for the water bottle next to his backpack, taking a chug of it down before realizing to himself that yes, this wretched cramming was still better than suffocating himself being an artist.

                “School is stupid, life is stupid, I hate it, but I’m stupid, too,” he rolled his eyes. Plucking off a piece of lint from his gray v-neck, Jaeseop went back to scribbling down random crap on his notebook that was supposed to be coming out from that thing that he just tossed.

                From in the room, being seated directly across from the door, he could hear some people chattering. There was a loud, high-pitched scream that sounded identical to Kevin Woo’s, but the studying boy just blinked his eyes and ignored it.

                “Oh, Kevin, the light’s on in this room,” an unfamiliar voice spoke out.

                Jaeseop’s head lifted up and he stared at the opening way, a little shocked at the flimsy voice. He recognized it, yes, but it wasn’t like it’d ever been directed to him before.

                “Yeah, oh, hyung’s in that room,” Kevin seemed to answer. “You shouldn’t go in there, he’s really busy.”

                “Hyung? Which hyung?”

                The boy sitting in the room held in his breath, hoping that nobody would come in. It wasn’t that he didn’t want company, it was that he couldn’t have company.

                “Oh, you know Jaeseop hyung? From PARAN? He’s studying in there.”

                “…Studying? But doesn’t – OW! What the was that for –“

                “Shh!” Kevin hissed, and Jaeseop stood up right away. The notebook that was placed on his lap fell with a thud onto the floor, but nobody really payed attention to it.

                “He doesn’t know it yet, and the CEO says that he’s really focused on his grades these days. They want him to – crap, I shouldn’t be saying this right now.” There was a little pause, and Kevin finally finished. “Let’s go back to my dorm, okay, hyung? I’m pretty sure Eli left to go out with Dongho and Hoon.”

                Jaeseop stayed put in his upright position as the footsteps clattered away. His eyes widened suspiciously, slowly scanning around the room.

                First of all, what were they talking about? With him involved, especially? They said something, about the CEO, about his grades. Something.

                But then, another realization struck him.

                Who on earth was Hoon?

When Kiseop finally arrived back to his dorm, he was yawning and half dead. After explaining Jaeseop’s situation to him, Kevin had forced him to watch reruns of old, sappy dramas that he insisted Eli would never watch with him.

                The lights in the hallways were nearly all off, but Kiseop managed to stumble into his room without much hardships. He liked it particularly because he was the only one that had his own room, so everything made it a bit easier.

                Kevin was rooming with Eli, a more than obvious fact, and when Hoon had come, he was immediately taken in by Soohyun, who insisted that he needed more hands to take care of the overbearing maknae. In reality, everybody knew that the leader just had a tiny with the newest member’s…well, more or less, his everything.

                When Kiseop shut the door and was enveloped in black, his mind somehow floated back to the old practice room with the scary lights that nobody had ever gone in. He’d passed it multiple times on his way to the dorms, but it was the first he’d ever questioned anybody about it.

                Though today, he finally figured that there was a person in there. And not just any person, Kim Jaeseop. Their one missing piece puzzle for six weeks, since Xander and Kibum left, the one that holds the other half of Kiseop’s soul –

                Boy, that escalated quickly, Kiseop thought with wide eyes, covering his entire body with his blanket to avoid embarrassment that wasn’t even there.

“Wait, what?!” Jaeseop screeched, his hands tight on the textbook and notebook he was holding. He examined the CEO more carefully, just to make sure the man wasn’t joking. “You – that’s why you let me stay here, of course, I shouldn’t have been that stupid!”

                “No, no,” the man countered. “I would’ve let you stayed here anyway, you need a quiet place to study and it’s the best repayment I’ve got for you. It’s just…you still do have a contract with us.”

                “But my parents,” the younger boy insisted. “They want me to go to college. You don’t know how happy they were when PARAN was done, no matter how stupid that sounds.”

                The CEO thought for a second, taking in a deep breath, then blowing it out. “Talk to him, okay?” he said softly. “For now, though, your things have been moved out of your old dorm and into U-KISS’s.”

                Jaeseop felt something tug at his heart when he heard the name of the group, the group that he would be in, in a very short amount of time. “I don’t…I still don’t know…”

                “You can think about it later, okay? Just go to your new dorm now.”

“AGHHHH WHAT THE WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING –“

                “Shh!” Jaeseop hissed, clamping his hand over the older boy’s mouth. “Be quiet! You’re going to wake everybody up!”

                Kiseop breathed as hard as he could, widening his eyes to realize that the lamp beside his mattress was . It slightly reflected the familiar boy’s face, and he let out a sigh of relief before biting down at the palm that was keeping him from speaking.

                “Ow!”

                “Sorry,” the older boy nonchalantly answered, yawning and turning the other way. “Just go to sleep.”

                Jaeseop scrunched up his nose, more confused than ever. “What?!”

                “I knew you were coming,” Kiseop waved his hand. No, he didn’t, but Lee Kiseop was much too cool to freak out about something all night.

                “…So you knew? That I was going to be the new member?” Jaeseop asked, and it suddenly dawned on him – that that was what Kiseop and Kevin were discussing outside of the worthless practice room.

                “All of us did,” Kiseop answered, resorting to turning the other way to look Jaeseop in the eye. “You didn’t?”

                “No, obviously not. And I don’t even know if I’m going to,” the younger boy shrugged.

                “What?!” Kiseop sat up right away, lifting his body so that it was facing Jaeseop. “What do you mean you’re not joining us? You have to!”

                “Not if I pass my entrance exam for college, I’m not.” Jaeseop sighed a bit, running a tired hand through his hair. “I talked it over with my parents. They want me to choose my education over being an idol, so if I manage to pass my entrance exam, I have to give this up to go study.”

                Kiseop tilted his head a bit, trying to remember everything Kevin had informed him on this newly made friend. “You’re trying to get into Seoul Academic University, aren’t you?”

                Slowly, Jaeseop nodded.

                “…You do realize the entrance exam for that was today, right?”

And that’s how their night (or morning, really, since it was 2:17 AM when Jaeseop came storming into Kiseop’s bedroom) wounded up with the younger boy whining curses to who-knows-what, and his hyung just laying there slowly patting his back, telling him that school was stupid anyways, and that wasn’t what Jaeseop needed to hear because that was what he already knew.

“When did you two get so close?” Kevin asked, widening his eyes as he watched Kiseop drag Jaeseop out of their room by hand the next morning. “And HYUNG! YOU CAME!”

                “I didn’t have a choice,” Jaeseop grumbled back, forcing Kiseop to stop and falling to the ground. “I didn’t have a freaking choice.”

                He’s upset, Kiseop mouthed to Eli, who was sitting beneath Kevin and having that “Uh, what’s going on?” look plastered all over his face.

                “Well, I’m happy they’re close, because Kiseop was starting to get lonely anyways – OW!” Soohyun winced when Hoon hit him with the coffee mug.

                “I was not starting to get lonely!” Kiseop huffed. “I had Dongho –“

                “Hyung,” Jaeseop interrupted, shaking the hand that was connected to Kiseop’s. “I’m thirsty.”

                Yeah, from screaming LIFE all night, the older boy rolled his eyes, letting go of Jaeseop’s hand to walk over to the kitchen and get some water.

                “So,” Soohyun snidely asked, leaning over to look at Kiseop when the visual had come to get some water, “you share a room with Jaeseop now, don’t you?”

                “Uh, duh.”

                “Isn’t he a nice person?”

                Having a flashback of Jaeseop cursing at the vase, Kiseop raised his eyebrows and shook his head. “He has a very dirty mouth, actually.”

                And of course, the amazing leader had to take that the wrong way.

“You didn’t.”

                Jaeseop looked up from his textbook, laying his glasses and pencil down simultaneously. Kevin was hanging over the chair that was directly across from him at the dining table.

                “I didn’t want?”

                “You didn’t!” The younger boy shrieked, a huge smile on his face and his feet jumping up and down.

                “I didn’t want?” Jaeseop repeated, confused to no end. This was even worse than what he was trying to do right now – and he didn’t even know why he was doing it because, for one thing, he wasn’t going to make it into the college his parents wanted him to go to.

                “You didn’t –“

                “You better tell me what I did before I shove this down your throat.”

                Kevin sideglanced at the apple, then scoffed. “You hooked up with Kiseop hyung last night, didn’t you? When you guys came?”

                Jaeseop felt his heart stop, the apple falling onto the ground beside the foot of the chair. “W-who on earth told you that?!”

                “Dongho,” Kevin shrugged. “Who was told by Soohyun. Who was told by Kiseop.”

“YAH! HYUNG!” Jaeseop screamed when Kiseop arrived home, the keys jiggling in his hands.

“What, what?” The older boy asked, placing his jacket on a hook before kicking his shoes off. “Are you hungry again?”

                Jaeseop rolled his eyes, running forward to grab his hyung’s arms and pull him into their bedroom. When the door was locked, he started talking.

                “What on earth did you tell Soohyun this morning?!”

                “What do you mean?” Kiseop asked, his eyebrows furrowing as he fell onto the mattress. His -tight skinny jeans were too…well, -tight, and he wanted Jaeseop to rush through whatever he was saying so he could pull the damn things off.

                “That –“

                “Oh!” Kiseop shouted, getting a sudden epiphany. He ran past Jaeseop to the corner of the bedroom, pulling out the laptop. “I was going to tell you this, when I went out, I saw these girls. They were talking about school and America, and I found this site for you!”

                Jaeseop’s plan to yell at Kiseop backfired a bit when he walked over to glance at the screen. “…Columbia?”

                “Yeah! You said you took the American SAT’s already, right? You just have to take a few more tests, and you can send in your grade!” Kiseop smiled again, that cute little I-don’t-care-if-we-just-met-I’m-forever-yours smile.

                Biting his lip, Jaeseop looked over the site a bit before nodding back at Kiseop’s overly-happy face.

                Maybe hooking up with Kiseop wouldn’t be so bad after all.

A FEW WEEKS AND/OR MONTHS LATEEEEEER.

“I DID IT!” Jaeseop screamed when he read over the letter. The manager smiled at him knowingly, nodding.

                “You did it, AJ.” The man scratched the back of his head, glancing over at the doorway that led to Jaeseop’s room, the one that he shared with Kiseop. “You did it.”

                “I’m going to tell Kiseop,” Jaeseop grinned sheepishly, pulling out his cell phone on the spot. His hyung had gone out to buy some kimchi rice for him because it was his favorite, and Kiseop always did anything he could to make him happy.

                “Of course you are,” the manager smiled because he knew, even if the rest of the members are inside the same house as Jaeseop, the rapper still only went to Kiseop first.

                Jaeseop just snorted then pulled out his phone, watching as the older man walked away. Kiseop, being his third speed dial after voicemail and ‘UMMA<3”, wasn’t too hard to contact.

                “Seoppie?”

                A big smile on his phone, Jaeseop nodded, although he knew that Kiseop couldn’t see him. “I did it, hyung! I did it!”

                “Did what? Don’t tell me you figured out how to buy your own food!” Kiseop mock-gasped, causing the younger boy to roll his eyes.

                “We both know you want to buy my food for me, alright? But that aside, I DID IT! I GOT INTO COLUMBIA!”

                There was an evident shriek over the phone, a few vivid “sorry, Ahjumma!”, “MIANHAEEEE!!!!!”, and “Well, you too.” until Kiseop’s usual voice came back.

                “I can’t believe it! No, wait, I can! Of course you would’ve made it in, you’re amazing! Okay, I’ll bring back a few more plates of food – no wait, never mind, the lady there’s pissed at me, long story, I’ll tell you later – so I’ll just be back soon, okay?”

                “Okay!” Jaeseop chirped, and for some reason, he was more excited to see Kiseop come back than he was to go to Columbia.

Kiseop felt his smile falter as he read the letter addressed to his dongsaeng.

                Columbia University. In New York. In America.

                He knew it when he showed the site to Jaeseop, he knew very well where the location of Columbia University was, he knew that it was across the ocean from South Korea, he knew. It was just…he just couldn’t…

                In his mind, he didn’t think that he would be able to become this close to Jaeseop in this little span of time. He didn’t think that he’d miss him this much, he didn’t think of it at all. It was simple, his little brother sort of boy wanted to live the dream of going to this prestigious university, and he let it happen.

                But as he looked from the letter to Jaeseop gulping down his kimchi rice, Kiseop couldn’t help but want to cry. Cry and beg for him not to go. To stay here forever, together, in South Korea.

                “…Is something wrong, hyung?” Jaeseop asked curiously when he saw the look on Kiseop’s face.               

                “What? Me? Wrong? Nothing, nothing, it’s nothing – there’s nothing. I’m fine.”

                “It’s pretty obvious that you’re not.” Jaeseop breathed in a bit, pushing his plate a little forward before sitting up on his chair. “What’s going on? Did somebody else accidentally ruffle your precious hair? Or – no – let me get this! A grain of rice was spilled on your pants. Am I right?”

                And for the first time, Kiseop didn’t find it funny.

                He allowed the paper to fall from his hands and he just stood up, pushing his seat in and walking back into the room.

                “HYUNG? KISEOP?” Jaeseop called back, more confused than ever.

                Sighing, he abandoned his food and skipped back to the room. There was a little nagging thing in the back of his brain telling him exactly why Kiseop was this upset.

                Without knocking on the door, Jaeseop opened it and walked in, closing it slowly behind him.

                “Hyung?” He asked softly. “Hyung.”

                Kiseop was just laying aimlessly on their mattress-bed, poking holes into the air. “…What.”

                “You’re said, aren’t you?”

                “Well I’m glad it was obvious to you,” Kiseop blurted out. He regretted it a minute later, but shook the thought away. Even if he had lied about it, Jaeseop could figure it out.

                “Hyung,” Jaeseop whined, keeping himself from laughing. He walked over to the mattress and sat at the foot of it, shaking Kiseop’s ankle. “Hyung.”

                Kiseop didn’t answer, he only moved his eyeballs a bit to look at Jaeseop expectantly.

                “You don’t think I’d actually leave you, do you?”

                It took a minute for the reply to sink in before the older boy sat up, staring wide-eyed at Jaeseop. “What?!”

                “If I was leaving, I’d be bawling my eyes out right now.” Jaeseop gave him that grin, that cat-like grin that only Kiseop would love to death. “I’m not leaving you just yet.”

                The older boy could only shake his head, asking, “And why’s that?”

                “…I still have a lot of things I want to do with you.”  

And a year later, they did all those things. Whatever they wanted to do together. Everything. They let it out of their systems, though they never did confess.

                They didn’t have to. They were perfect enough without having to, anybody could see that, blind or not….but it took them a year.

                It took them a year to figure out that everything was still void in their relationship, and the both of them knew why without having to speak a word.

                Jaeseop, AJ, whatever anybody wanted to call him, had to leave sometime. He had to fulfill the destiny Kiseop brought upon him, he couldn’t just let it go. Both of them knew that, and that’s where it leads us to today.

~

The woman over the speaker announces the flight, and the first man clears his throat. He’d already said good bye to everybody else, all except one.

                He knew why the latter hadn’t said anything to him. It was too dangerous, something might accidentally slip.

                But he knows, it’s now or never.

                The voice repeats itself, asking all the people taking the flight to aboard now before it’s too late. He hears faint traces of his old friends screaming at him to go, to hurry up and not miss his flight.

                However, he does not take a step.

                It’s now, or never.

                In his mind he begs, he hopes that something will happen. A tear will be dropped, or a push will be shoved. Something. He needs a sign, and quickly, too.

                He hears somebody scream, “AJ, hurry up!” and another “JAESEOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING STANDING THERE?!” but he does not bother to budge. He refuses to move from his position.

                He keeps standing there, as if his feet are glued to the ground. Then, he hears it. The lowest squeak, but he hears it.

                “Go,” the voice whispers, and a footstep nears him. The crowd surrounding them are too busy worrying about their own flight to pay heed to the two men.

                “Go?” He doesn’t know why, but his voice is cracking all of a sudden.

                He knows, they both know, it’s now or never.

                “Not now, not never,” the soothing voice repeats. “Later.”

                “We tried later,” he says, surprised at how unstable his voice was in comparison to the other’s.

                “Five months. Come back, Seoppie, stronger than before. When you can say “I love you” fluently in three languages.”

                “But…I already can,” he tries, though he knows what the reply is going to be.

“Later.”

                “But…” AJ falters a bit, telling himself not to turn around. “There isn’t a later in love…there’s only now or never.”

                “I think we’ve already established this fact,” Kiseop says. He grabs onto the latter’s shoulders, forcing him to face his direction. “Our love? It’s different.”  

                “Different?” There’s a slight question within the question, though both disregard the fact.

                “Different.”

                “So later?”

                “Later. Not now, not ever. Later.”

                AJ feels his hand clench tighter onto the suitcase handle, his sight focusing on the people behind Kiseop. The ones that were once yelling now stood silent, the ones silent now looked worried.

                “I’ll come back,” he tells the older, his tone meek and somewhat still scared.

                “I know,” Kiseop nods, assuring him. It’s a silent promise telling each other that nothing…different will happen, they’d still be together but somehow not together, the only people standing between them was nobody. The only thing standing between them an ocean.

                “B-bye…” AJ leans in for a hug, but Kiseop backs away, a half-smile-half-tattered-grin hanging on his lips.

                “Later,” he repeats, taking a careful step back. “Ok, Seoppie? Later.”

                AJ just smiles and nods, not caring that now his tears were just overflowing through the brim of his eyes. Kiseop’s figure starts fading a bit, going back, and back, and back, his hands stuffed into his pockets.

                When he blinks, he feels the salty water drip down and hit his hands. By the time Jaeseop opens his eyes, nobody’s in front of him and he’s elevated thousands of feet into the air.

                “Later,” he says for the millionth time in that one second, looking down through the window of the plane.

                Even the largest buildings look like tiny ants but somehow, just somehow, he knows that Kiseop is down there somehow waiting.

                It wasn’t now, and it wasn’t never.

                It’s later.

look at me avoiding my titles.

um, basically, they never did confess to each other, and they won't until J-seoppie comes back from Columbia.

another oneshot when he comes back? YES only if you guys want :3

ASLKHCHDFKA AND DID YOU GUISE SEE THE PICS K-SEOPPIE PUT UP ON TWITTER WITH J-SEOPPIE? I was like LKASHDKJCAD 2SEOP OVERLOAD.

random vinseop and jaeseop and elvin and soohoon in there because I ship them too okay. and if you'd like, check out my elvin oneshot :DD

ps. asdfghjkl Kim fcking Jaeseop, I miss you to death over here in CA, okay?! bb, do good in school<3 I love you ^^