https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5r8ZgbQUNA

Primary Ft. E-Sens - Poison

Haebin slowly sank into her tub full with warm water. There was a stinging sensation coming from her wrists, so she relaxed them. She closed her eyes and gave a bitter smile. A salty tear snuck out of her eye and rolled down her cheek. She took a deep breath and even more tears came down her eyes.

“Is this really what I want?” she asked herself. “Is this really okay?” She started thinking about those questions. She began thinking about the future, the past, and the present. Thinking that this was okay, she began relaxing her muscles. Her body sank in the warm water. Her neck relaxed and her head lowered. She calmed her heartbeat so she could fall asleep. Her blood continued to spread around the warm water. The color of the water soon turned into a crimson red. Slowly, she drifted into a sleep with no end.

The next morning, Haebin was found by her parents. They called the police and the police came to take her away. Her parents cried as they watched their daughter get taken away. Her younger siblings cried nonstop. The police asked the parents questions. Sympathy was what the police felt by watching the family. One of the police went into her room, and inspected it. He looked at every corner and tiny space to find if Haebin left a letter or something. Since he couldn’t find anything, he left the room. After her death, everyone slowly started living their life as if she has never been born.

One day, after ten years, an old friend of Haebin came into her room and looked around. Tears formed in his eyes as he remembered all of the times they spent together in her room. Laughing as if nothing was wrong, talking about the latest news, and when she comforted him whenever he broke up with his girlfriend. He missed her dearly. Her parents lived well. Their expression would darken a bit at the topic of her, but other than that, they were healthy and energetic.

“You can’t always live in the past. You have to get back on your feet, and sometimes, let the past go,” they’ll tell him.

He looked around the room and spotted something under the dresser. He bent down and took it out. He found a notebook, a really old notebook. The pages were already yellow and wrinkly. It looked like just any ordinary notebook, but if it was, then why was it hidden? He opened the cover and saw the date 20 years ago. It was dated long before they became friends. Curious, he began reading the notebook.

“This is my first time writing in something like this, so it’s going to be weird. I read online that writing in a notebook would help a lot with stress. I really do hope this works. I’ve been so tired. My headaches are getting worse, and I can’t do anything about it…”

The beginning of the diary wasn’t bad. It was just about her day and it didn’t show much of anything. He turned to the next page, where the next date was, and started reading again. This time, it was a lot less, but it showed her annoyance. He continued reading her diary. Slowly, he noticed a change. Her writing became more angry and sad. There would be tear stains on the pages, indicating that she cried while writing in the notebook. Then, her writing changed again. It became more sad than angry. It started talking about how hopeless this world really is. How nothing would change if she was gone. It clearly showed that she was at her limit. She was being pushed to a cliff she never wanted to be on.

He sobbed at every hopeless entry she wrote. She was suffering so much, and yet, she looked so happy. She was always smiling and laughing as if she didn’t know any pain. She was just an innocent little girl. He read the last entry and a thousand arrows stabbed his heart. The entry was short and simple, but it somehow held all her pain.

“Nothing is going to change if I’m gone. They’re probably just going to be sad to know that they can’t rely on me anymore. I’m done with all of this. I don’t want to live anymore. I’m tired.”

Tears wouldn’t stop coming down his cheeks. One after another, they continue to fall. For five years, she had been suffering. She was all alone and afraid with no one to protect her. She was probably the most innocent girl he had ever met. She knew nothing much about the world. She didn’t seem to know about adulthood, but she knew. She knew all too well, and she couldn’t stand it. Her mind was still too young. She was being pushed to the adult world when she was only a kid. She already had the responsibilities of an adult because her parents didn’t want the responsibilities. So they pushed her to taking their responsibilities since she was the oldest child. Without feeling an ounce of guilt, they made her the mother of the house.

Entry after entry, he could see that her words became more and more depressed and hopeless. Her thoughts of living in this world were completely gone. She had no desire to continue living anymore. The pressure being pushed onto her was too much for her to handle.

Her diary ended on the day she died.

“Everything’s hopeless. Nothing’s going to change. They’ll probably be so happy when I’m gone. That way, they won’t have to feed another mouth. They’ll probably make the next oldest child their adult because I’m gone. They will never learn, even if it takes all of their children’s lives. Everything will still stay the same. This family will go nowhere. I don’t need people to pretend they understand me. They don’t know what I have been through, what I am feeling, or how much pain I have been gaining from this family. Is this even a family? It doesn’t feel like it. It does not matter anyway. I am finally going to be free from all of this misery. Finally, I can see the light once again.”

He sobbed for his friend. His friend, he thought was fine, is now gone in a flash. If only he had helped her, she would have still been alive. She would have smiled with all her heart, laughed with all her might, and became free in another way.

He closed her diary and hugged it against his chest. He held it tight, and imagined how she looked like, how her smile was like, and her laughter. He misses her truly. He cried as he held tightly on the last thing from his close friend. He went to sleep on her bed from all the crying, ready to wake up the next day without her around.

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I hope you guys know why she did what she did... I mean, she has been through the same stressful and tiring thing over and over again for 10 years. I'm not sure depressed people actually write in a journal and write like this, but I am writing this from experience. This is how I handle stress. Write. I handle stress by writing. It really does help. So if you know people who are depressed or if you are stressed, just take out a piece of paper and start writing out what you are stressed or depressed about. Just pour out everything you have been holding inside onto that piece of paper and I am sure you will be able to be less stressful. I am not saying that this works for everyone though. And once you are done writing, keep it so you can read it 1, 2, 5, 10, or 20 years from now. If you look back at it, you might laugh at your bad grammar (I do that XP) Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this extremely short story even though the girl died. Bye~