If all that you ever believed in were nothing but lies, would you still continue to delude yourself with such, or accept the fact and move on? If you knew something was wrong, would you merely not choose to mind it, or burrow into the truth?

If the veracity is killing you, what is there left?

“Heebin…” a voice calls affectionately somewhere in the room, and I feel something warm grasping my hand. The same voice lets out a sniff and I open my eyes, only very slightly, I warrant it is almost impossible to see whether I disclosed them or not. There is my best friend, Bunhong—whom I immediately remember had just betrayed me. Who called a team of medical specialists to take me away when in fact I am absolutely fine. I feel a sharp pang of anger towards her, yet my body is too weak to do anything as of now except to breathe steadily. A thousand thoughts whirl in a massive pool in my mind, collecting memories that are not yet segregated; differentiated from which is real and which isn’t. I find my eyes getting unbearably heavy again, and as I try to think of a single thought, nothing happens. When I try to pick one out of that pool it would drag along with it a long tail of thoughts, chaos in its wake that I choose to let it go. Somewhere within me I don’t want—no, abhor what truth might be in store for me.

I slip into slumber again.

Like I have always done for the past few years of my existence, I dream.

And it’s not a nightmare this time.

I am walking across this all-white room. Though you could say it’s a little glum here, since everywhere, you could see people wearing white lying on their respective beds, chest not rising as if they’re dead, for me this is peaceful. Really peaceful. Just when I think that I am the only living person here I see someone standing not so far away from where I am. He’s in the same white gown as the males here are wearing. He has blonde hair tinged with several thin streaks of colors across where his forehead should be, and I almost hear the cracking inside my chest at the sight. I try to recall the name, but I fail. There’s only one word, one noun, one object of disgust that is etched in my mind, giving me a very sore feeling yet somehow I like it very much.

Here is the person you love, Heebin.

Part of my brain says. Funny, because I don’t berate it and accept it openly.

I don’t know if I make a sound or he senses me, but he turns his head. As soon as we meet gazes the world narrows down, and I feel as if the world has been reduced to only two people. Without my knowledge my legs start to move; no, not away, but rather towards him. I stride to him with this possibly idiotic grin on my face, and when I’m a foot away I remember his name.

“Zelo,” I say, affectionately, breathlessly. The urge to throw my arms around his neck is very overpowering but I find a way to pin that force down and just stand before there with both of my hands covering my mouth and tears start sliding down my face in an uncontrollable waterfall.

Like he’d always had, he just stares at me, probably bewildered by my odd nature.

“You don’t know how much I…” I hic, and finally, I couldn’t take it no longer; I grab his arm and slowly, slowly, take these timid steps towards him till his chest is against mine, and I lean my forehead on his shoulder and sob there. “Zelo, I-I-I haven’t b-been very honest with you,” I sob. “I missed you. So much, okay? And I forgot to tell you—“ the three magic words almost slip out of my mouth but my hiccough is thwarting it. I expect him to comfort me this time, even just in his vague way, but disappointment takes over when I feel his body tense. He’s just tolerating me now.

When he’s too overpowered by something known as what I was just fearing, he pulls out and holds me by the shoulders. “I…I’m sorry?” he recoils a few paces backward and looks at me like I’m a total stranger—which I may be, to him, right now.

“But Zelo—“ my heart is pounding. “This is just a dream, right? You’ve got to be kidding,”

He scowls, not of anger, but of puzzlement. “I’m sorry, miss—“

“—Heebin, Zelo. Heebin. Ahn Heebin. Don’t you remember me?”

A slight sense of recognition flashes across his face, I am very certain of it, but it’s gone instantly as fast as it came. He puts on the same wondering expression a second ago and changes the topic, “I’m not Zelo, uh…Heebin-ssi; Zelo is not my name. You must have mistaken me for some other person,”

“But you are,” he should remember me. He must remember me! “You’re Zelo,”

He shakes his head and tries to laugh, maybe to ease up a little, which never helps. “I’m not Zelo. My name’s Jun