He was surrounded by people and yet he felt so lost, so alone.

This was not how things were meant to be. And yet they were.

How did everything turn out this way?

How could he be constantly surrounded by those he called brothers and yet... not be able to talk to any of them.

In the beginning... he could. They all could. If anything was bothering them or if they were struggling, they would talk to each other... help each other out. But now? No... he couldn't talk to anyone now.

He didn't really know why he was here. Why he was doing this. Why he was even alive at times.

Life was hard, he knew that but... he never thought he would have to face it alone.

He thought he would always have someone there to fall back on. Someone there to give him strength. To lift him up when he was beginning to fall. To stick him back together with glue when he was falling apart.

But he now found himself alone. Surrounded by people who loved him and cared about him... but so very very alone.

He hid behind a constant façade. Unable to utter those two words that he so badly needed to say...

Help me...

Help me, please.

Somebody, help me...

I can't do this alone...

So many times he had gone to one of the others... hands nervously clasped together, his eyes begging, as he sought them out, to help him work through his thoughts... his feelings, you could say... mouth beginning to open to spill out his heart only for the words to get stuck in his throat.

Don't.

They can't help you.

They don't have time to help you.

They have enough on their plates without you unloading on them.

You are not what they need right now.

So smile.

Smile and pretend that everything is all right.

You owe it to them.

And so he would. He would smile. He would smile and joke around. He would smile, joke around and pretend like he wasn't breaking apart from the inside.

When in reality... he felt like he was sinking in quicksand. Only now...

There was no-one to throw him that lifeline of a rope.

"No matter how difficult and hard something is, I'll always be positive and smile like an idiot" - Park Chanyeol.