“Just look at her. I bet she stores twinkies in her locker to eat between classes.”

“Ugh, it’s disgusting. She takes up the whole hall!”

The group of girls weren’t the least bit discreet about their comments as they walked by, eyeing me with looks of disapproval. I held my books closer to my chest, wishing I could just disappear. Thankfully my locker was only a few steps away. I opened it in a hurry to hide my head inside. However, when I stared to the back of the locker, a picture of an ugly pig created me. I tore the picture off and crumpled it into a ball.

A group of boys a little ways down the hall began laughing and making pig sounds. Tears stung at my eyes and I quickly switched out my books, slamming my locker shut.

“Oh, the swine is angry,” one of the boys laughed.

“I hear fat, wild pigs can be dangerous when they’re angry. We better run for our lives!” another laughed sarcastically.

“What are you talking about? It takes her an hour to move five steps!”

The group of boys broke into laughter again, leaving me standing there feeling more worthless than dirt. I looked at my reflection in one of the classroom door windows. My body was so much larger than it had been just two short years ago, before the accident. The crash was my fault. If I’d just obeyed my umma instead of shouting at her, she wouldn’t have lost control, and I wouldn’t have lost the only parent I had left.

After the accident, I turned to food for comfort. It didn’t take away the pain, so I just ate more and more. I shut myself off from my friends and my grades began to slip. Now it was a struggle just to pass a quiz, or walk down the hall without being called the most vicious of names.

“Move,” someone pushed by me, knocking the books out of my hands. I bent down to pick them up and someone pushed me over, cackling with their friends.

“I just want to die,” I mumbled, grabbing my books and pushing myself back up. The world spun and darkness faded in and out. A week ago I’d promised myself that I’d stop eating, and that’s exactly what I did. I hadn’t had a bite to eat in five days, and my body was growing weaker by the day. But I couldn’t bring myself to eat. What would my mother think if she saw me like this?

Once I’d gotten my bearings, I hurried to my next class. It was trigonometry, the class everyone hated but I loved. People said it was really hard, and I couldn’t deny that. However, it posed as a challenge and helped keep my mind off of my current situation. Plus, Bang Yongguk sat in front of me in that class.

Bang Yongguk was a very smart, quiet boy. He didn’t volunteer much in class, but I knew he was bright. Every time he got a test or quiz back, I’d peak over his shoulder and see nothing below a 95. He amazed me, not only with his brains, but with his deep voice and soft heart as well. One day I was walking home, getting harassed as usual. A group of boys even went as far as throwing their lunch leftovers at me. Then that deep voice rang out and he sent them away. When I thanked him he only gave a half smile, then hurried off down the sidewalk.

“Moon Hee Chan!”

I jerked to attention when my teacher called my name. “Ye- Yes Seonsaengnim?

“I asked if you would please do the problem on the board,” he looked at me sternly.

“Oh, yes!” I hopped out of my seat. Suddenly the world started to spin. Voices, lights… everything faded in and out. I felt like I was falling and everything turned sideways. Then the world went black.

--------------------

I woke up to see a white ceiling above me, and feel a soft bed beneath me. The room was silent and I sighed at the peacefulness. However, my head throbbed in pain.

“Ugh,” I groaned, putting a hand to my forehead.

“How are you feeling?” The school nurse appeared above me with a concerned look.

“My head hurts,” I remarked, blinking hard.

“That’s because you passed out. It’s a miracle that one of the boys reacted fast enough to catch you, or you could’ve gotten a pretty nasty concussion.”

“Someone caught me?” I asked, shocked that anyone would even try to hold me up. “They must’ve been pretty strong.”

“Hee Chan,” the nurse looked at me worriedly. “You’re very weak from lack of nutrition. It doesn’t take an expert to see that you haven’t been eating. The question is why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” I shrugged. “I’m fat and ugly. I don’t want to be this way anymore.”

“You’re not ugly sweetheart. And this is just a phase. Teenagers grow in width, then in height. You’ll slender out.” She didn’t sound convincing.  

“Can I be alone right now?”

The nurse sighed, “I actually have to go down to the office real quick. Eat these crackers,” she handed me a pack of cheese crackers. “If anything happens, the boy who caught you is sitting in my office. He insisted on staying until he knew you were okay.”

The nurse left me wondering who the heck was sitting out there concerned about my health. Nobody even cared about me. Why would they bother waiting to know if I was okay?

“Hello?” I called softly. The nurse had left the door to my room open, and I hoped the person could hear me if I shouted loud enough. “Hello?!”

The door creaked open and a tall figure stood in the doorway. I recognized his fragrant cologne and my heart began to race. Yongguk walked over and stood next to my bed.

“H-hey,” I looked up at him.

“How are you feeling?”

That deep voice made my heart almost stop completely.

“I- I’m okay.”

“If you didn’t want to do the problem, you could’ve just asked me to do it,” he cracked a smile. I’d never seen him smile before, but it was one of the cutest things I’d ever seen.

“I actually knew that one too!” I laughed.

“So, why did you do that?”

“I couldn’t help fainting,” I said, confused as to what he didn’t get. “It just happened.”

“No, I mean why did you go so long without eating?”

“Ah- I- Do you stalk me?”

“It doesn’t take a stalker to know you’ve been starving yourself,” he shook his head. “But it does to know why. Is it because of the crash?”

No one had ever said anything to me about the accident since it happened. Of course everyone knew about it because it was on the news and everything, but they were afraid to say anything. Either that or they just didn’t care.

“My mother would be so upset if she saw me like this,” I replied, choking up a bit. “The accident- my mother’s death- it was all my fault. And now I’m disrespecting her wishes. She wanted me to grow up to be beautiful. Instead I turned myself into this.

“Who says you have to be skinny to be beautiful?”

“Um, everyone.”

“Not everyone,” he shook his head. “Not me. And the people who do think that don’t appreciate real beauty.”

“You’re just saying that because you feel sorry for me,” I stared at the wall.

“I’m saying it because it’s true.” He took my hand and I almost melted. “I’ve stood by watching people hurt you for too long.”

“You helped me once,” I reminded him.

“Once out of how many times? I should’ve stood up for you all the other times.”

“It’s just teasing. I can deal with it.”

 “They only do it because they’re jealous of you, do you know that?”

I was starting to get worried. Maybe this kid wasn’t as smart as I thought he was…

“Do you even know what you’re saying?” I scoffed. “Why would anyone be jealous of me?”

“Because you are one of the strongest people in this school, and you have a heart bigger than any of theirs.”

How could a guy I barely knew be this nice?

“My mother always used to tell me something,” he continued. “She would say, “It’s not the size of the body that matters, but the size of the heart.”

Tears stung at the corners of my eyes and I turned away so he wouldn’t see.

“I’m sorry I didn’t protect you before,” he turned me back to face him. “But I promise you now, that I’ll do everything I can to keep that big, beautiful heart of yours whole. You just worry about your health.” He handed me the crackers which I’d tossed onto the table next to me.

“But I can’t eat or I’ll stay fat,” I pushed them away.

“You have to eat,” he opened the package and offered me a cracker. “It’s just a matter of proportion and balance. I’ll help you if you want! My mom’s a physician and knows the proper diets for different situations. We can do it together!”

I shook my head, my eyes glossing over. “Why are you helping me like this?”

“I can’t stand seeing you get hurt anymore,” he answered, brushing my bangs out of my face. “Now, as your new weight loss director, I command you to eat these crackers!”

“Okay director-nim,” I giggled, taking a bite of the cheese cracker.