Junhong wakes up wrapped in a thin white sheet, hair plastered to his sweaty forehead. His eyelids droop and his limbs feel too heavy to move. In a state of half-awareness, he looks around the familiar room. Large balls of cotton hang from strings above his bed like his own little clouds. Pictures are taped over most of the walling, ranging from ones of the other patients to random scenery and items. On the stand next to his bed is an old alarm clock, a tag held on by a string dangling to the side, a note scrawled onto it that he can't quite recall at the moment. Aside from that, there's only two jars of buttons. They're both filled to the top and Junhong thinks he should ask the nurse for a new one. Instead, he closes his eyes and drifts back to sleep. 

 

 

 

When he comes to again, he's lying on his stomach, face pressed against his bandaged hand. He hears someone to his left and turns to see one of the nurses, Jieun, staring back at him. She's sitting in the chair that's usually off in the corner, a tray of food in her lap.

 

 

 

"Hey, sweetie. You've been sleeping for a while. Aren't you hungry?"

 

 

 

Junhong pushes up onto his palms, wincing in pain at the pressure it put on his cuts. Using his good hand, he maneuvers himself so his back is against the head of the bed. "Thanks," he says, taking the tray and setting it on his lap. After a few bites of food and sips of water, he realizes he's a lot hungrier and thirstier than he thought and decides to let Jieun talk while he eats. She prattles on about various things, how the new flowers in the garden are blooming, what's being served for dinner tonight. Junhong isn't really listening, but he likes the company.

 

 

 

"You know," she says, "Yongguk is really worried about you."

 

 

 

The food Junhong ate turns to cement in his stomach and he stares down at his hands. "When can I see him again?"

 

 

 

"Well," she begins, and the boy knows that that is never a good start to an answer.

 

 

 

"They think I'm too unstable to be around people, don't they?" He turns to face Jieun, watery eyes large and round.

 

 

 

She bites her lip in response and averts her gaze. "It's not just that."

 

 

 

"What else then?"

 

 

 

"Well, it's Yongguk."

 

 

 

"He...doesn't want to see me?" The mere thought felt like a ton of bricks was being held threateningly over his head, ready to crush him at any moment.

 

 

 

"No, no, sweetie! That's not it!" Junhong exhaled and felt tears spill over his eyes in relief. "You see," Jieun continued, "after you were..sedated.."

 

 

 

"After I was sedated what?"

 

 

 

"Black.."

 

 

 

Junhong's eyes widened at the name. Black, Yongguk's other personality. The angry one. The scary one. Never with him, but he's heard stories. "W-what happened?"

 

 

 

"He was upset," Jieun sighs, smoothing her uniform out. "He wanted to see you, to make sure you were okay, and when they wouldn't let him.."

 

 

 

"When can I see him then?" Junhong asks, feeling as if his throat would close up at any moment.

 

 

 

"I think, if I put in a good word for the both of you, it shouldn't be long." Jieun stands and removes the tray of empty dishes from the bed. "Oh." She stops at the door. "I got that book you wanted. I'll bring it in a minute, alright?" Junhong nods before he's left alone.

 

 

 

Jieun does return with the book, but he's not in the mood to read it and opts to stare at the ceiling instead. He closes his eyes and visions of his outburst start to play in his head without permission. He remembers how one of the nurses came over with his medicine, prompting him to take it, how he ignored her and walked away. He feels his hand throbbing at the memory of punching the mirror, shards of glass cutting into his fingers. He thought he may have ruined having mirrors for the other patients, but that didn't stop his tirade. Everything he could get his hands on he threw, screaming all the while. He wonders if the others will be scared of him now. But, even if they are, it was worth it. It was really worth it. 

 

 

 

 

 

It takes Jieun some convincing to get the two 'ticking time bombs' together again, but two days later they are happily wrapped in each other's arms, Junhong's face buried in the crook of the older boy's neck.

 

 

 

"I missed you." And he really, really did miss him. The minutes seemed to tick by slower, hours seemed like days. He'd never thought someone could have so much impact on him. Whenever his mom was watching some sappy romance, he always scoffed at the lead characters for being so head over heels in love, making themselves so weak and vulnerable and needy. But that's just how he felt since he'd first met Yongguk. He remembers that day perfectly clear. He'd just been admitted to the hospital. He was scared, alone, lost. And, somehow, Yongguk had managed to chase all of those feelings away, with his hello, his outstretched hand, kind words and eyes. 

 

 

 

"I missed you more," Yongguk said, interrupting the younger's thoughts.

 

 

 

"I missed you most," Junhong countered, earning himself a chuckle and nearly melting at the sound.

 

 

 

"Is that a new book?" Yongguk asks, picking up a copy of The Giving Tree as he releases Junhong and sits on the bed, scooting backward until he was against the wall.

 

 

 

Junhong pouts momentarily at the loss of contact before being beckoned to the bed. He obliges, feeling the comfort of embracement once again. "It was a book my mom used to read me when I was young. I thought the tree was really stupid, giving away all that she had just to make someone happy. When my mom..when the accident happened..that's when I truly came to appreciate the story. My mom..she really did everything to make me happy."

 

 

 

Yongguk rubbed comforting circles on the back of Junhong's hand and opened up the book.

 

 

 

"Once, there was a tree...

 

and she loved a little boy.

 

And every day the boy would come

 

and he would gather her leaves

 

and make them intro crowns and play king of the forest.

 

He would climb up her trunk

 

and swing from her branches

 

and eat apples

 

and they would play hide-and-go-seek.

 

And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade.

 

And the boy loved the tree...

 

very much. 

 

And the tree was happy."

 

 

 

Junhong rested his head on Yongguk's shoulder and listened in silence as he watched each page flip by.

 

 

 

"But time went by

 

and the boy grew older.

 

And the tree was often alone.

 

Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said,

 

'Come, Boy, 

 

come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy.'

 

'I am too big to climb and play,' said the boy. 'I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money.

 

Can you give me some money?'

 

'I’m sorry,' said the tree, 'but I have no money. I have only leaves and apples. 

 

Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in city. Then you will have money and you’ll be happy.'

 

And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away.

 

And the tree was happy."

 

 

Yongguk felt the wetness of tears on his shoulder, but continued reading.

 

 

"But the boy stayed away for a long time…and the tree was sad.

 

And then one day the boy came back, 

 

and the tree shook with joy, 

 

and she said, 'Come, Boy,

 

climb up my trunk and swing from my branches be happy.'

 

'I am too busy to climb trees,' said the boy. 

 

'I want a house to keep me warm,' he said.

 

'I and want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house. 

 

Can you give me a house?'

 

'I have no house,' said the tree, 'but you may cut off my branches and build a house. 

 

Then you will be happy.'

 

And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house. 

 

And the tree was happy.

 

 

But the boy stayed away for a long time.

 

And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak.

 

'Come, Boy,' she whispered, 'Come and play.'

 

'I am too old and sad to play,' said the boy. 'I want a boat that will take me away from here. 

 

Can you give me a boat?'

 

'Cut down my trunk and make a boat,' said the tree. 

 

'Then you can sail away and be happy.'

 

And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away.

 

And the tree was happy…

 

but not really.

 

 

And after a long time the boy came back again.

 

'I am sorry, Boy,' said the tree, 'but I have nothing left to give you– 

 

My apples are gone.'

 

'My teeth are too weak for apples,' said the boy.

 

'My branches are gone,' said the tree. 'You cannot swing on them–'

 

'I am too old to swing on branches,' said the boy.

 

'My trunk is gone,' said the tree. 'You cannot climb–'

 

'I am too tired to climb,' said the boy.

 

'I am sorry,' sighed the tree. 'I wish that I could give you something…

 

but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry…'

 

'I don’t need very much now,' said the boy,

 

'just a quiet place to sit and rest. 

 

I am very tired.'

 

'Well,' said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, 

 

'well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. 

 

Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest,'

 

And the boy did.

 

And the tree was happy.

 

 

The end."

 

 

By this time, Junhong is already sobbing and Yongguk pushes the book away and wraps his arms around the boy's slender frame, pulling him into a bear hug. "Shh, it's okay."

 

 

"It's not okay. My mom.."

 

 

"Your mom knew how much you loved her. It's okay."

 

 

"How? How would she know?"

 

 

"Parents just know. It's okay."

 

 

"It was my fault. She died because of me."

 

 

"She died protecting you. She wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It's not your fault, baby."

 

 

The word sort of just slips out and Yongguk hopes Junhong doesn't catch it, hopes he doesn't pull away, mortified at the implications of the pet name he was just given. Of course, he does catch it, but instead of the reaction Yongguk feared, it just makes him cry more, tears of happiness mixed in with tears of sadness and regret.

 

 

After Junhong finally quiets, Yongguks speaks again. "What happened the other day? You were so close to getting out."

 

 

Junhong mumbles something against his hyung's chest and has to turn his head to be heard correctly. "I was too close to getting out."

 

 

"What?"

 

 

"I was going to lose you."

 

 

"What?"

 

 

"If I'd gotten out then I wouldn't be able to see you anymore, talk to you and be around you. The reason for me doing all that was you." 

 

 

Junhong feels arms tighten around him momentarily before a hand is underneath his chin, forcing him to look up and meet those deep, brown eyes he'd fallen in love with.

 

 

"That's such a stupid reason, Jello." Any sting Junhong feels from the words immediately dissipate as lips press against his forehead. He thinks the moment is perfect. Well, almost. He leans up and places a sweet kiss on Yongguk's mouth before pulling back with pink cheeks. 

 

 

"Yeah," he says, "A really perfect, stupid reason."